Me and my GF go LDR in two months! DIfferent continents!! How is it possible?!!!

[Taucher]

Hello everyone,

 

I have been seeing a Colombian girl for the last 5 months; she lives near me in London. She tried to extend her visa but was not able to (long story) and so now she is now due to go back to Colombia in November.

 

We have been going out for five months, we met six months ago; she is a firend of a friend and has lived in London for 2 years. We have a fantastic relationship; sex is fantastic, we get on so well on every level and I am falling harder for her, and now she has to leave. She wont talk about it because it makes her upset and tearful.

 

She says she is going to come back to London next September (2011) to do a Masters degree and I am due to go to Colombia in April (2011) to visit for a couple of weeks. So, in ten months, I will see her once, for 2 weeks. And that is if she DOES come back next September.

 

How do you maintain an LDR over two continents and with a 6 hour time difference? I am honestly not convinced it can be done.

 

How do you deal with the feeling of not being able to touch them? Wont this relationship ultimately fizzle out? I don't want her to go.

 

And this seems to me like a perfect situation to create jealousy and mistrust. Neither of us are particularly jealus or anything, but being so far away? She has told me she is convinced I will get an English girlfriend when she is gone. And all the photos our friends will put of us

on Facebook on nights out and that is bound to cause uneasy feelings.

 

Seriously, how am I going to cope with this? How did I let this happen? Why did I fall for a Colombian? I KNEW she'd leave me.

 

Any advice?

 

T

 

Any advice?

[Pyro]

It can be done.

 

FTR I am in the US and my fiancee is in Australia. That is a 14 hour time difference.

 

Since we have been together I have only seen her five weeks total.

 

The key is to use what you have and that is communication. If not already invest in a webcam and sign up for skype (it is free and is much better than a high phone bill;) )

 

I have all the trust in the world in my fiancee and that is how I prevent myself from being insecure about not being with her.

 

The lack of being physical definitely sucks but again with the communication we have been able to keep the spark going.

 

Its definitely not my first choice to be in a LDR but it is only temporary. We are in the process of the fiance visa and one day soon we will be together forever.

 

In the end you need patience, trust, and communication. If you have these three then you will be fine. Just remember that your time apart is only temporary.

[chelle21689]

I know a couple that was long distance for I think a little over a year. She lived in China and he lived here in Ohio.

 

He would stay there for a couple months once a year...and she would come and stay here once a year too for a month or so.

 

They're engaged now, she lives here. She hates it though, so they're going to move back when he's done with school. He's from China and he has family there so he's pretty lucky.

[folieadeux]

Hi Taucher, it can be done if you both want it. Definitely voice your concerns if the pair of you are serious about giving this a go.

 

Falling for this girl isn’t something you purposely “let happen”. That’s the beauty of life; we have no control over who we’re going to love and when and where it’s going to happen. It just does.

 

I wouldn’t take her leaving personally either. She isn’t leaving YOU…she’s leaving due to circumstances beyond either of your control (visa issues, etc). In a perfect world, I’m sure she would like nothing more than to stay with you in the UK. For me personally, I rather try than live with the regret of what could have been.

 

Best of luck on working through this!

[VeveCakes]

If you have all the time in the world it can be done, but if you have a job, hobbies, or like going out with your friends...it's not looking good.

 

I've done it twice, failed both times because I work full time and horseback competitively which takes up a lot of my free time. That with the time difference made it nearly impossible to maintain the connection we needed.

 

Just keep posting here for advice and good luck.

[carvidep]

If you have all the time in the world it can be done, but if you have a job, hobbies, or like going out with your friends...it's not looking good.

 

That is not necessarily true. It would be intensely difficult if you had a schedule like the one that VeveCakes had, I agree.

 

But my SO and I both have hobbies, friends, and jobs, and we still make time to talk every day, including skype sessions, e-mails, texts, and the occasional phone call.

 

That constant communication is what keeps our relationship and our trust so solid. Even with 7 hours between us.

 

It's also important to continue working, participating in your hobbies, and going out with your friends, because sitting around and waiting by the phone or the computer, or simply dwelling on the fact that your SO isn't right by your side will drive you nuts.

 

If you're both worried about the other posting photos of themselves in comprimising situations with people of the opposite gender, then all you guys have to do is avoid those situations. Plain and simple. That doesn't mean you have to stop going out and partying. It just means you should do it responsibly.

 

You already have a game plan set for your next visits so that will help you out a lot.

[Taucher]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Nice to know I'm not alone here! I am in love with this girl and instead of it being all great, like it should be, I keep thinking about her leaving. My own worst enemy.

 

 

 

If you're both worried about the other posting photos of themselves in comprimising situations with people of the opposite gender, then all you guys have to do is avoid those situations. Plain and simple. That doesn't mean you have to stop going out and partying. It just means you should do it responsibly.

 

Not compromising situations as such, just photos of us living our lives half a world away, without each other. She has lots of male Colombian friends who have started

 

I am all Skyped up. I am planning on even writing old fashioned letters sometimes, for the personal touch.

 

But I DO have issues with trust anyway. And it's going to be a bumby ride I think.

 

Thanks once again.

[xinchao123]

Taucher, I'm afraid you will both fail to make it, even if you really want to. I'm just saying. That's what happened to me.

 

When we were together, we used to cry a lot. We made plans, working on when we are going to see each other, we planned it very carefully and in details. We even swore ! Guess what she's been away for just over 1 month and said goodbye to me 3 days ago LOL.

You know what she told me ? "I'll always keep you in my heart, my love for you will never die. There were times when I need you so bad and you weren't there, and I'm hurt a lot. I don't want to be miserable any more. So i want us to be 'Close friends' ".

 

I was broken down for 3 hours.

 

I don't know what your girl is like, maybe she is stronger than my ex. I really hope you two can bear this together. But always be prepared so you are not so shocked....My love was 2 years 3 months old btw.....

[electricity]

Taucher, I'm afraid you will both fail to make it, even if you really want to. I'm just saying. That's what happened to me.

 

You don't know that for sure. Yes, long distance is hard. Yes, many people aren't able to make it work. However on the flip side, many people can, as everyone else who's posted here has shown. Your relationship couldn't handle the distance, for whatever reason. Maybe his can.

 

The way I see it is, why worry now? You're already in this situation. You already care deeply for her. Just enjoy the time you have left, and when she does move, see how YOUR relationship handles the distance. Use the communication tools at your disposal, and try to make it work for YOU. We can all give you tips on how to alleviate the loneliness and jealousy and whatnot, but ultimately, the two of you are going to have to figure out if you can handle it.

 

If it doesn't work, at least you know you've tried, and you'll always have the memories of the experience. When I moved to another continent, my boyfriend and I agreed we'd try it out and if it didn't work for us, there would be no hard feelings, no regret/resentment, whatever the reason. We accepted that the distance was going to make things hard, but agreed we'd always talk freely about how we were feeling and would do our best to make this easy on each other.

Edited September 17, 2010 by electricity

[lala82]

Hi Taucher:

 

I lived a similar situation. I am Colombian and my ex bf is English. I lived for more than 3 years in London and I was in relationship for 3 years as well. Now, I am in Colombia and still thinking if I should back to London or go somewhere else.

 

I had a LDR with my ex bf. However, my distance was longer. He is in Saudi Arabia and I am in Colombia. It is nine hours difference. He, came to Colombia to visit me and meet my parents 3 months ago. Unfortunately, we are not together anymore. We had lot of arguments online and he was quite insecure about our relationship.

 

Six hours difference between the UK and Colombia is nothing. I speak almost every day with my friends in London. You can use skype and msn. Also, they are some call cards from $5 and have plenty of minutes to call to Colombia. So, you can call her frequently. The idea to come to Colombia is good, it is a good opportunity to meet her family and visit her. Tickets could be quite expensive, but the cost of living is not expensive.

 

Try to avoid silly arguments online such as jealousy and other insecurities. You must to trust each other if you really want that the relationship will work. Unfortunately, my ex bf was quite jealousy and did not trust me.

 

Anyway, good luck with your Colombian girl and keep positive, even if the circumstances are difficult for both of you.

[AnnPod]

My bf and me have 7 hours of time difference and are on 2 different continents as well. Like you and your girlfriend, we had a couple of months together before we had to be LDR.

 

We have been like that quite some time (about 2 years), but it will end soon.

 

It is tough to be in a relationship like that, and yes, jealousy IS an issue, loneliness, insecurity, and people who simply don't understand why you are even doing this.

 

In all this time I discovered that the best thing you can do is to pull yourself together, and not let yourself go and go crazy for jealousy, anger, fear, or depression. Stay positive and keep yourself busy. And yes, no matter how busy you are, there must be always time for writing emails and skyping. And if it's just a quick note saying '<3'. Try to talk daily, even when it's just short. Have a 'date' once a week where you talk as long you can stay awake - no work, no friends, no hobby, nothing. Forget about stupid Facebook, it just causes misunderstandings. If it hurts you too much to see each other on pics with different ppl, if you tend to 'sneak' after someone (I think both is pretty normal), just don't be friends on FB. It's saving you from a lot of trouble. If you really respect each other, you will not about her life from what she tells you and not from the pics where she is tagged.

 

With all the time difference, everything takes a lot of planning, also for visiting. You should see her country, meet her friends and family. Be prepared for some issues with different mentalities.

 

We had very messy and sad times, and we had the craziest and most beautiful times as well. We started learning each other's languages and explored each other's cultures, and being from 2 different cultures has rather attracted us to each other than it has caused issues. After all I would say our relationship got stronger, and both of us as well. It is true that you for real carry the ones you love in your heart, no matter where you are or how little time you meet.

 

Time will prove for both of you if you can do it, but I would say is worth the try. You will work things out, if you really want to

 

Good luck, and enjoy the time you have left together.