I really wish i can believe her, but deep inside I know its a lie...

[p0w3r]

I don't think you mentioned the flirting before, but I really don't see how helping a drunk girl is flirting. The bottom line is that you are both immature.

 

I was the one helping the drunk girl. I wasn't trying to flirt. But she still got mad at me and acted all angry towards me.

 

I think you need to consider you own behavior so you don't make the same mistakes again.

 

-You keep bringing up how she doesn't have much relationship experience and implying you have more experience as if this gives you the upper hand. It really doesn't matter. Some people date only a little but make a great partner when they meet the right person and some people have multiple immature relationships. This girl is immature, but so are you.

 

-If you have a problem, you need to present it clearly and discuss it. You seem to have switched between letting it drop and screaming at her. You cannot force anyone to do what you want them to do. What you can do is bring up an issue, geniunely listen to their side, and suggest solutions. Things might not work out and you often need to be willing to bend. Saying "I don't feel comfortable with you napping in some other guy's bed no matter where he is. Would you agree to not do that again?" is a reasonable. Screaming at her "It is him or me!"

is not reasonable.

 

I have told her calmly a few times:" if you want to hang out with him, then thats fine, but then can you please don't let me see come to visit you when you want to hang out with him and leave me out of everything? But are you going to see him everyday? If you are(because you live so close), then its going to be an issue in our relationship. Do you like him? If you do, you can just dump me."

 

That is a very clear message to her that I think her hanging out with him is a problem.

 

 

-If a problem starts on IM, Facebook or texting call the person.

 

-Don't hang up or just dissapear from IM conversations. It is rude.

 

-If something is important to someone else and you lose it or damage it, it doesn't matter whether or not you think it was valueable. You screwed up.

 

 

An enemy? Your whole mindset is warped. This isn't war.

 

so what tone should I be talking to her in? friendly? or just like serious and like a stranger

 

This will only lead to drama. It would be one thing if she cheated on you, but really you have both acted badly.

 

 

she did cheat on me. or if you dont agree with that, well you can at least see she hugely disrespected me. I acted bad but it was in a completely different fashion. She cheated on me with A GUY, while the bad things I did were much more in the ways of making her wait, getting angry. THings that were nowhere as disrespectful as her hanging out with this guy and sleeping on his bed.

 

 

 

Yes, if she will go for it. That doesn't mean running out on her if she wants to talk.

 

Try to end things reasonably well.

 

so I should act friendly and end this on a happynote?

 

do we discuss whos fault etc etc and that kind of stuff in the meeting or not?

 

seeing as I dumped her on facebook, what should the meeting involve?

[that girl]

I have told her calmly a few times:" if you want to hang out with him, then thats fine, but then can you please don't let me see come to visit you when you want to hang out with him and leave me out of everything? But are you going to see him everyday? If you are(because you live so close), then its going to be an issue in our relationship. Do you like him? If you do, you can just dump me."

This really isn't that clear because these kinds of things need to be a discussion and you never had one. It seems to me like you tend to pepper her with questions and ultimatiums all at once rather than trying to negotiate clear boundries that work for both parties.

 

It doesn't really matter for this case because things are over.

 

she did cheat on me. or if you dont agree with that, well you can at least see she hugely disrespected me.

As far as I know she didn't sleep with anyone else or even kiss anyone else. Therefore, she didn't cheat.

 

I'm the lone dissenter on the sleeping in someone's bed thing. He wasn't in the bed and when I was in college I remember people napping in someone else's apartment. I do think you had the right to say "I am not okay with this and I don't want you to do it again." But really the relationship was too far gone at this point.

 

so what tone should I be talking to her in? friendly? or just like serious and like a stranger

Serious but not unkind. You can't pretend you don't know her and you don't want to remain friends.

 

do we discuss whos fault etc etc and that kind of stuff in the meeting or not?

This fault thing has been discussed a bunch of times already and everyone has pretty much said you can't expect to meet with her and have her take responsibility for everything that went wrong. Even when it is 100% one person's fault, rarely does someone accept blame like that. More importantly, she has plenty of ammo aganist you here.

 

You just need to tie up any loose ends. Agree that you are no longer together, handle the scarf, etc.

[ConflictedGuy27]

allow me to post for you, OP... I think I see a pattern.

 

so I should stay off facebook? what do you mean by that?

 

wait, she just added me as a friend today, should I be happy or sad about that?

 

my cereal this morning reminded me of her, so I had the following FB chat session with her... was this the right thing to do????

 

what do you mean I'm drama? please explain??????

 

what do you mean about [insert blatantly obvious point that requires ZERO explanation]? please explain?????????????

 

[insert the most irrelevant & totally immature behavior possible here] see how mature I am?!!!?!?!?????!!

 

vfhknbdgjnnkbxfgfzfbmobnnjfsxxx...!!!!!!!

 

see your campus psych. counselor, dude. they may have what you really need - no joke...

[p0w3r]

allow me to post for you, OP... I think I see a pattern.

 

so I should stay off facebook? what do you mean by that?

 

wait, she just added me as a friend today, should I be happy or sad about that?

 

my cereal this morning reminded me of her, so I had the following FB chat session with her... was this the right thing to do????

 

what do you mean I'm drama? please explain??????

 

what do you mean about [insert blatantly obvious point that requires ZERO explanation]? please explain?????????????

 

[insert the most irrelevant & totally immature behavior possible here] see how mature I am?!!!?!?!?????!!

 

vfhknbdgjnnkbxfgfzfbmobnnjfsxxx...!!!!!!!

 

see your campus psych. counselor, dude. they may have what you really need - no joke...

 

LOL. dude, i just want to be sure about things. I think I know the answer to a lot of those questions, but it never hurts to ask and get a different opinion right?

 

Plus this is my first relationship so I just don't want to misinterpret things due to inexperience and make mistakes beginners make,

[Angel1111]

allow me to post for you, OP... I think I see a pattern.

 

so I should stay off facebook? what do you mean by that?

 

wait, she just added me as a friend today, should I be happy or sad about that?

 

my cereal this morning reminded me of her, so I had the following FB chat session with her... was this the right thing to do????

 

what do you mean I'm drama? please explain??????

 

what do you mean about [insert blatantly obvious point that requires ZERO explanation]? please explain?????????????

 

[insert the most irrelevant & totally immature behavior possible here] see how mature I am?!!!?!?!?????!!

 

vfhknbdgjnnkbxfgfzfbmobnnjfsxxx...!!!!!!!

 

see your campus psych. counselor, dude. they may have what you really need - no joke...

 

:lmao:. OMG...I'm truly LOL!!!

 

Sorry, p0w3r, we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you...

[p0w3r]

:lmao:. OMG...I'm truly LOL!!!

 

Sorry, p0w3r, we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you...

 

haha. all good, I dont mind. I'm the one here looking for advice. So I thought I might as well just presume all my knowledge is wrong and see the veterans here giving me their views on everything. No loss in asking

 

I welcome criticism. Although I have to say I'm not a retard. I just simply want to compare everyone else's ideas and opinions to mine.

 

E.g. If I didn't ask whether I should do a I revenge affair, I probably would have gone and done one. Now I realise that is so pointless and immature.

 

haha, it is what it is. I'm just turning in all my IQ for any good advice I can get. I know I sound like a retard, but I want the answers.

Edited September 17, 2010 by p0w3r

[Angel1111]

What are you pursuing as a degree? Engineering?

Edited September 17, 2010 by Angel1111

[p0w3r]

What are you pursuing as a degree? Engineering?

 

Whats that got to do with anything?

 

I am pursuing a degree in Computer Science if you really wanted to know.

[ConflictedGuy27]

thought of you the other night, OP, lol!

 

a girl I'm seeing and I were walking @night and I put my scarf around her. I told her to hang onto it.

 

right then I laughed out loud a bit.

she's like "and what's so funny?" while smiling at me.

 

me: "a guy I know told me this story about a scarf he lost... hehe."

her: "so u think I'll lose it?"

me: "I'll take my chances. ;)"

 

thanks for the ammo, OP.

hope your situation's improving.

[Angel1111]

Whats that got to do with anything?

 

I am pursuing a degree in Computer Science if you really wanted to know.

 

Because a lot of engineers are excessively overly analytical, and that could also apply to computer guys and accountants. You're very, very much a micro-manager and seem to find it difficult to see the 'big picture'. I'm not saying that this is always a bad thing - because it's not - but in this situation, it's truly biting you in the behind.

[p0w3r]

Because a lot of engineers are excessively overly analytical, and that could also apply to computer guys and accountants. You're very, very much a micro-manager and seem to find it difficult to see the 'big picture'. I'm not saying that this is always a bad thing - because it's not - but in this situation, it's truly biting you in the behind.

 

How so? How is it biting in me in the behind ?

 

What should I be doing instead then?

[p0w3r]

thought of you the other night, OP, lol!

 

a girl I'm seeing and I were walking @night and I put my scarf around her. I told her to hang onto it.

 

right then I laughed out loud a bit.

she's like "and what's so funny?" while smiling at me.

 

me: "a guy I know told me this story about a scarf he lost... hehe."

her: "so u think I'll lose it?"

me: "I'll take my chances. ;)"

 

thanks for the ammo, OP.

hope your situation's improving.

 

thanks. it has improved a bit. I am a bit more "over it" now.

 

lol

 

but i hope you don't think about my scenario too much. it could affect u in a negative way.

[ConflictedGuy27]

thanks. it has improved but i hope you don't think about my scenario too much. it could affect u in a negative way.

 

you realize you're making Angel1111's point re: micro managing/over analyzing, right. lol.

 

I wasn't trying to think about you on a date, lol. the spontaneity of the moment caused me to recall your situation, that's all.

 

quit being such a worry wart kiddo. lol.

[p0w3r]

you realize you're making Angel1111's point re: micro managing/over analyzing, right. lol.

 

I wasn't trying to think about you on a date, lol. the spontaneity of the moment caused me to recall your situation, that's all.

 

quit being such a worry wart kiddo. lol.

 

lol I know that was just the spotaneity of it. lol.

 

but hey serious question: I feel like she's been trying to **** the blame on me. So in order to make her feel less guilty. I really feel like I want to write a blame letter and tell her how much she ruined my life and how much of a b!tch she was during our relationship, and how she was a F1cking user who took advantage of me.

 

Should I?

 

(btw she is a drama queen if that helps (so she could either feel bad or she could get a sense of self-satisfaction)

[ConflictedGuy27]

lol I know that was just the spotaneity of it. lol.

 

but hey serious question: I feel like she's been trying to **** the blame on me. So in order to make her feel less guilty. I really feel like I want to write a blame letter and tell her how much she ruined my life and how much of a b!tch she was during our relationship, and how she was a F1cking user who took advantage of me.

 

Should I?

 

(btw she is a drama queen if that helps (so she could either feel bad or she could get a sense of self-satisfaction)

 

writing and delivering such a letter would make you more of a drama queen than her... c'mon, dude. don't do that, okay?

 

I know you like detail so I'll elaborate, on the off chance that you'll listen and save yourself some unnecessary grief...

 

drama = acting/behaving in a way designed to cause some reaction in another person; usually motivated by silly emotions, including spite, regret, anger, etc...

 

you know you're being dramatic when you "pick up" a situation that, by all means is over and done with, just to take a shot at changing how the situation ended. (I.e. I don't think she really felt "bad enough" for making me feel X, therefore, let me write her some lame ass letter...)

 

what you need to BE is indifferent towards the whole situation. google the definition of that word - indifference - and model it until you actually do feel that way.

 

leave it all behind you (all of it...), stop caring, stop acknowledging, stop feeding the situation & move on.

 

waay better days are AHEAD of you; so just let go.

[ReadyforLove]

I can't believe I spent 30 minutes of my life reading this entire thread.

 

OP are you a Scorpio? I ask this in all seriousness because you sound extremely vengeful. I don't understand why you can't just dump her and move on with your life. You are basking in the drama and you sound extremely immature and annoying (which might explain why she choose not to spend time with you when she was "sick")

 

P.S. Facebook is NOT life. Who cares who deleted the other person as their child or who changed their status to "single". It's JUST FACEBOOK BIG DEAL! Look at the bigger picture, you and your girlfriend are immature and not right for each other. There's my 2 cents.

[jblair]

LOL. dude, i just want to be sure about things. I think I know the answer to a lot of those questions, but it never hurts to ask and get a different opinion right?

 

Plus this is my first relationship so I just don't want to misinterpret things due to inexperience and make mistakes beginners make,

 

Hey Power. I took the time to read the thread. You have spent a number of days on the computer exercising some youthful demons instead of doing anything to help yourself. You've sought advice - it's just that you sound like a guy who has dowsed himself with gasoline and wants to know if he should strike a match or flick his bic lighter. It is has been like watching a train wreck.

 

This girl might be immature, thoughtless, self-involved, whatever. The thing is you could have handled everything better. Everything. Staying off the computer and isolating your mind so you could process and actually search your own feelings and intuition would have allowed for better thinking and decisions.

 

That said, I've made a lot of mistakes, particularly when I was college age. This makes me retro or old-fashioned, but the internet and cell phones are the deebil's workshop of OCD, paranoia, and misunderstanding. Manage as much of your relationship as you can in person. Don't write letters. Don't send dramatic emails. If you are going to make mistakes, do it talking on the phone or in person. The other party can't then refer to your texts, emails, or letters and allow them to over-represent the balance of a relationship as being so many lines from an overwrought, misguided set of written sentences.

 

You will struggle with impulse and over-analyzing for some time to come. Perhaps the best thing you can do is to learn to meditate and also to learn to be a contrarian. Relationships and dating prove to be counter-intuitive at times. Let your mind fill more with peace and less with angst.

Edited September 21, 2010 by jblair

[mixwell]

To the OP.. I followed your post up to 6 pages before commenting so there is probably some I have missed.. Let me break it down here..

 

When you're in a relationship it is not okay for your girlfriend to go to another guy's residence and fall asleep on his bed.

 

It is not okay for her to have you come over and then ask you to leave while she stays @ his residence.. I don't give a crap about the in depth conversation... You need to realize actions speak A LOT louder than words and if any chick I was with did this I would drop her like a hot coal in my hand..

 

I understand your argument and intricate WHAT IFS but it's crap.. I was with my ex for 7 years and we broke up when I was 21 and I came on LS and go A LOT of excellent advice (this was circa 2004) but I didn't follow it because I thought "ohh she's different they don't know how she is" but they were right..

 

Bottom line is I moved away, my ex started seeing someone and said this and that and make BS excuses on how she was hurt and we couldn't be together when in reality she slowly broke away from me and kept me in the background to comfort her emotions..

 

I GUARANTEE if you read this in 5 years you will see how we're all right on point with advice not just from age but from an outside perspective.. That's what you get when you post a scenario is an unemotional, logical reply to which you cannot see because you're emotionally attached..

 

You've let yourself become a bltch and let this chick disrespect you by even being okay with her going to a guy's house wit her and him only which is a HUGE red flag right there.. The fact that she slept in his bed and claims he didn't is BS... She will say whatever you want to hear and being the weak minded person you have your emotions try to rationalize her words and not her physical actions.. One day you will look back on this and realize how much of an idiot you were for not just dropping her on the spot.. You said you've been with her for approx 5 mths ? That is a joke, that isn't anywhere near a long term relationship dude get real..

 

I know that I am typing this and myself and other posters advice is going to go in 1 ear and out the other until you see it for yourself but I can't blame you, I was given great advice by family, LS posters etc but I just "had to see for myself" because no one supposedly REALLY knew the situation which is an excuse to fulfill my own ignorance..

 

Again I didn't go through the last 1/2 of this thread so if thinks are diff I'm sorry but you need to drop this chick, move on and work on improving yourself because of certain variables she has crossed the line but you keep making exceptions of "oh well he was kinda a friend etc" NO !! Your true friends you shouldn't be able to count on more than a 1 hand and if you can then they are your "to the end" friends so don't use the term friends to loose..

 

Most people on here (including me) are older than you and have been through experiences like and we DO know what we're saying but you're young and most likely stubborn and I doubt you will listen to our advice because in the end we don't know ALL the details but with your explanations you've given us a logical topic to post our opinions on but I know you won't listen..

 

I'm sure in 4-5 mths after (if you get away from this chick) and look @ it from an outside perspective you will be like "dang all those people were right" but until then you will do what you want to get your own answers and you will deal with drama, bs , heartbreak etc until you can break away from your emotions and look at the situation logically.

 

To close..... One thing I would HIGHLY suggest is "actions speak louder than words" and this goes with dating or calling a chick who doesn't call back etc, actions freaking speak louder than words.. I wish I could grab you by the shirt collar and slap you back and forth until you understood what we're saying but this is something you will have to experience on your own..

 

You will become stronger after going through this and I know it sucks now but you will be able to look back on it and pickup some good advice..

[mixwell]

OP, bookmark this thread, come back 10 years later and you'll have a good laugh

 

Jesus Christ you don't know how right you are on this !! I posted a similar but not as pathetic and excuse making thread over something more serious back in 2004 about a chick i was with for 7 years from teen to early 20s and I look back and think damn if I listened to the advice given to me back then I would have been goldden.. The sad thing is that this numb skull won't realize this until he is over this and moved on and then from a 3rd party perspective think "Damn these people were spot on" The sad thing is that he has only been with this chick 5 months which is pathetic.. I'm on page 7 and reading so who knows what is coming up but I am posting prematurely

[mixwell]

Jesus Christ I thought by page 13 after skimming you'd have come up with a resolution but nope..

 

This chick has you by your pathetic little 4 year testicles and you're squirming like a fish.. I am just going to be rude and blunt here and I'm sure nothing will sink in because you're thick skulled..

 

Delete Facebook and get the hell off the computer.. It should have take 13+ pages or replies for you to get the picture.. I'm glad @ 27 I deleted FB and myspace because it's full of BS and drama and at my age I figured everyone I really cared about and talked to, I talk to normally on regular basis.. you should have manned up, dumped your slut g/f and moved on..

 

hell if i had a cute young ignorant 19 yr old id be "friends" too to get her close.. this of this, this guy most likely plowed the hell outta her and inserted his meat stick inside of her while you were being a chump making excuses and you getting played by her and feeding into her BS and reading into her excuses.. You really think this guy only sees her as a friend ? by her telling you to come over and "check out the scene" is a front for you to be comfortable while she is F**king this guy plain and simple... I was sympathetic for you in the first few pages but I wish you'd actually get home from school and hear her moaning from an orgasm from getting plowed by your "friend" and maybe then you will wake up..

 

Is that what it is going to take ? Serious.. get a f**king clue man and listen to what we're saying.. Grow the f**k up and move one, stop over analyzing this, I'm sure this chick is pretty much over your relationship and hanging out with this new guy when she is bored, scared or just wants to get a pen15 inside of her but here you are many posts later like a chump trying to rationalize with the situation... WAKE UP !!!

 

You know what man, I am being straight up rude and offensive to hopefully get it into your thick skull and I was treated the same way on a more sensitive topic after posting many what if threads and someone finally rudely posted out what could be the obvious, maybe that's what you need I don't know ???

 

God is soo pathetic how she can do something so simple like a status, comment on fagbook and you take it, run with it and get all worked up about it.. Really shows who is REALLY in control.. Hey just think while you spent the time posting on here this "friend" was most likely shooting his load in your chick's mouth.. "Oh but she isn't going to be sexual active until she is married" ? Do you really believe that ? Cuz if you do you're an idiot..

 

Stop reading her words as the truth and learn to look @ her actions.. I really don't know what to tell you at this point, it appears you're oblivious to anyones advice and I really don't know why this thread continues. Many posters have given you solid advice from page 1 but you STILL just don't get it...

 

There are a lot of more in depth threads on here and I have no clue how urs hit 13 pages.. Bottom line..

 

MAKE THE BREAKUP FINAL, DON'T CONTACT HER AND MOVE THE F**K ON, GET OVER IT AND STOP BEING IMMATURE ... I really hope this sets in but I doubt it because she will say something tomorrow and you will be like "o wait guys but she did this, said that etc.."

 

Bottom line is your ex is into someone else, getting plowed by him and she is loving it while you sit back like a chump on the back burner grasping for air..

 

 

GET A F**KING CLUE !!! I'm sorry for being blunt but after 13 pages of this it appears you stilll "don't get it"

[p0w3r]

hey guys. some developments have happened since we broke up

 

i know this is a old thread, but after posting a new thread i realised that its probably best if i wrote it here as it would provide the correct context.

 

what happened was. she came to my house (without any warning or telling me beforehand..to grab her scarf back.)

 

but as u all know i had lost the scarf ages ago and just used the excuse of "my dad confiscated it and is not giving it back" to delay the issue to till when i would tell her i lost it.

 

but she came to my house yesterday and decided to ask for the scarf from my dad directly.

 

here is what happened.

-she had a really valuable scarf. and i lost it. i didnt tell her and just made excuses to delay the issue.

 

-but we had broke up 3 weeks ago. before i had gotten around to telling her about the loss of the scarf

 

-i made another excuse to delay the return of the scarf to her. my mindset was, I had sacrificed so much for her during our relationship. if i told her immediately after we broke up that i had lost the scarf. then afterwards whenever she thinks of me she would only think that im the evil person who lost her prized possession and not of all the good things i had done for her (like driving to her house at 4am just because she was sick and lonely). She ruined and completely shattered our relationship by her actions, now if i had told her i lost it then she'd think im the villain. i wanted her to realise what a good and caring boyfriend i was to her and so i decided to tell her i lost it maybe a couple of weeks later after the breakup.

 

-i told her in the breakup talk that i would return it before last weekend. now i had zero contact with her since the breakup. so i wanted to tell her about the loss of the scarf but thought maybe if i bump into her on campus i'd tell her.

 

-but yesterday she randomly came to my house with 2 of her friends (I am friends with them too) to ask for the scarf, without informing me beforehand that she was coming.

 

-she came up to my house and decided to talk to my father about the scarf as the excuse i made before was that my father took the scarf away from me and went overseas for a business trip. so she thought if i cant get the scarf back from my father, she as a stranger could demand her scarf back from my father more easily as my father would give back her scarf if she asked my father for it directly

 

-i was really shocked at her visit to my house. i thought she should have at least given me a warning before she came and given me enough time to prepare for her visit and at least have the courtesy of letting me know beforehand when she was coming. i had no idea she was coming until our mutual friend who drove her to my house texted me 15 mins before she was arrive at my house that they were coming. i had to rush back to my house to meet them at such a short notice.

 

-so when they came..i went up to our mutual friend (the driver) what was exactly happening? whats the situation with her and this visit right now? etc etc. while i was asking her this she went up to my door and started talking to my father. my father actually has no idea about the scarf because i had never told him about this. so i panicked and immediately told her to stop talking to my dad and come talk to me about the scarf as im the one who should be responsible for the scarf.

 

-so me and her went around the corner and had a talk about what was happening with the scarf.in the talk she got angry, in fact very angry at me for me breaking my promise of returning the scarf to her before the weekend. she shouted to me for not replying to her txts ( I indeed didnt reply to her directly, but i met up with her best friend and told her my reply about the scarf and asked her best friend to pass the message on to her). she also shouted to me for "its been all this time and u still cant return my scarf..?!!!!!!!!!! i want my scarf back!!!!!! u said u would give it to me before the weekend!!!"

 

-while she got angry at me...i got angry too. i know im wrong. no doubt about that. but all these thoughts just suddenly rushed to my mind about how nice of a bf i was to her and how much i had cared for her and how much effort i spent on her and the fact that she never showed anywhere near as much care for me and never sacrificed anything for me while i did all the things i did for her without receiving anything back. i thought of how much i just kept on giving and givng to her and never got anything from her..and now shes going all angry at me just about a scarf?!!!! i thought...if all the things i did for u and how nice and caring of a bf and how much i sacrifced for u i was when i was ur bf doesnt even beat out a scarf...then wat a ***n B1t ch you are!!!!!!!!!!!

 

-so i got angry at her too...i was like...you should have handle this thing the proper way and be mature and at least have the courtesay of telling me before hand that you are coming to my house!!! why are you acting like a little maniac and just barging here into my house!!!!!! could u have acted mature and discussed this with me in words before you took all these actions without any kind of warning or talk beforehand?!!!!!!! you didn't even give me enough time to prepare for any of this!!!!!! you just come to my house randomly and i have to rush back to my house and you expect me to do what you want me to do instantly like this???!!!!!!!! you are not gonna get what you want done whenever you want!!!

 

-she was still angry and replied...well i been waiting for 2 months to get my scarf back!! i told u when we were still together that i would come to ur house to get it myself if u cant get it back!!! i said...well ok yes thats true!!! i agreed to u coming to my house to get the scarf back from my father if i cant get it back! i never opposed the idea!!! but at least inform me or give me a warning beforehand that u are coming so i at least know!!!!!

 

-she kept on getting angrier and angrier but i calmed down a little and talked to her calmly.

 

-the conversation ended with: she shouted..:"i want my scarf back now!"...and i got angry again and said.."ok can you at least give me until the end of this week and ill get it back to u?!!!" she shouted."well can i trust u?? u said all this time u would get it back and u still havent gotten it back after so many promises!!! can i trust u this time then???!!!" I shouted back:"well i dont care if u trust me or not!!! i told u what i plan to do and if u trust me ...good!! if u dont?!!!! fine then i dont care!!!!......its ur decision if u trust me or not!!!"

 

-then she just shouted.."f uk this!!!!! lets leave!!!!!!" I shouted.."well if u want to get things done u should do things in a proper and mature way and not just randomly barge into my house without any warning or a bit of courtesy!!!!!!!" and then she shouted.."so do you think u are mature?!!!!!!!" and then i just laughed and said..."well at least i dont get called a 12 year old (she always get teased by her friends because she looks really young).

and then she seemed to be really ticked off by that comment and just fumed but didnt say anything back.

 

i have a few questions I'd like to ask you guys.

 

What mistakes did I make in the above encounter? what did I do/say wrong? was i wrong in being angry at her? was i supposedly to act like a ultra-nice criminal who should just been very nice to her and just absorb the anger she threw out at me? or was i correct in being angry at her?

 

what are the consequences of me having been angry at her in that conversation. (i want to leave a impression in her of how much a good guy i am and how she is missing in destroying the relationship. i dont want her to think i am a d!c and deserved what she did to me)

[Angel1111]

You were doing great up until the point where you told her that you'd get the scarf back to her in a week. WTH? I mean, seriously, why didin't you just tell her that you lost the scarf and freakin' be done with it? Or why didn't you just call her a week ago and tell her that before this situation happened, instead of waiting to 'bump into her' at school? You just keep perpetuating this lie and, I know you can't see this, but it keeps coming back to bite you in the butt. You talk about trust while you standing there bald-faced lying to her. That is so ridiculous I can't even comprehend it. What were you thinking???

 

You need to pick up the phone right now and tell her that you lost the scarf.

[BS76]

What should I do and say in future situations like this?

 

Is this relationship over? She wants to hang out with the other guy more than she wants to be with me? Is this correct?

 

THanks in advance.

 

 

I'm calling it now, she's banging the other dude.

 

 

For the guys out there reading this, you don't judge women by their words, just judge them on their actions. All of her actions at best indicate she's not very bright and not the least bit considerate of the OP's feelings. At worst she's having sex with the other guy, which based on my experience is highly likely.

Edited October 5, 2010 by BS76