I really wish i can believe her, but deep inside I know its a lie...

[that girl]

I don't buy FOR A SECOND the alone thing.

It seems like there were other people in the flat who would be able to answer that.

 

Something about this question sends up a lot of red flags for me. She says she's sick but he never mentions whether or not she actually looked ill. He's convinced she's trying to get rid of him, but if that was the case, why would she even tell him where she was? It doesn't seem like he would have know, yet she told him in advance. I wonder if she asked him to leave because she's sitting there feeling crappy and all he's doing is quizzing her about her day.

[p0w3r]

To ThatGirl and all other concerned posters:

 

I would like a make a few things a bit more clear so your judgements can be better informed.

 

-She was in the room with him all day, just them 2 alone inthe apartment, in his room/on his bed(most likely). So this would have been about 10 or 11am to 6.30pm (when I got there). The other flatmate came home at 7pm. So they were alone until I got there. So the other flatmates were not part of this incident at all, apart from the fact that I found it rude/bad to yell at her when the other flatmate got home. By the time I got angry they were home so I didn't yell at her.

 

- I'm not sure how much this matters: that guy was an old friend of mine. We are barely friends anymore as we've drifted apart but are on good terms. But the thing is my gf met him through me and they became good friends.

I know he is a good guy and wouldn't make wrong advances towards her. I always thought they are just good friends and I can leave them to it as I believe she only went to hang out with him because I couldnt be there and she was lonely and they are just good friends and thats it. I chose to trust her on this and did not want to become really controlling.

 

 

 

-in any way, I think it might be better to dump. How should I handle this ? Be angry at her and accuse her of all the wrong doings she's done and tell her to f*&k off? Or be friendly and politely say its time to call it quits.

 

Deep inside me I want to get back at her, as in doing bad things to her like doing with other girls what she did to me etc. I know this would make me as bad as her, but then if someone punched u in the face would you just smile and walk away? Wouldn't you punch him back and then teach him a lesson?

[p0w3r]

Seems kinda harsh, but you spoke your mind. I don't think you need to pursue this any further.

 

I didn't want to talk about it on facebook. But she initiated the conversation and when I didn't talk to her politely as usual she questioned me why i am angry again. Hence the whole conversation unfolded. I don't think facebook is a proper setting to leave a relationship.

 

I plan on having one more face to face talk with her and call it off.

 

I think I might get angry during it though. Could be an ugly ending. Should I avoid being angry in this?

[that girl]

I always thought they are just good friends and I can leave them to it as I believe she only went to hang out with him because I couldnt be there and she was lonely and they are just good friends and thats it. I chose to trust her on this and did not want to become really controlling.

 

So in your heart of hearts you don't think anything happened.....

 

Deep inside me I want to get back at her, as in doing bad things to her like doing with other girls what she did to me etc.

Yet you still want revenge because you feel disrespected, despite the fact that you have never before told her you felt uncomfortable with her hanging out with this guy.

 

I know this would make me as bad as her, but then if someone punched u in the face would you just smile and walk away? Wouldn't you punch him back and then teach him a lesson?

You are worse than her. She told you that you should probably go, you broke up with her on Facebook.

 

I think you need to learn some lessons about boundries and paranoia. You didn't like her hanging out with him, but you never said anything until eventually you exploded at her. You are afraid to compliment her because you are worried that somehow she will have the upper hand.

 

She is going to look back at you as the lunatic she dated in college.

[p0w3r]

So in your heart of hearts you don't think anything happened.....

 

 

Yet you still want revenge because you feel disrespected, despite the fact that you have never before told her you felt uncomfortable with her hanging out with this guy.

 

 

You are worse than her. She told you that you should probably go, you broke up with her on Facebook.

 

I think you need to learn some lessons about boundries and paranoia. You didn't like her hanging out with him, but you never said anything until eventually you exploded at her. You are afraid to compliment her because you are worried that somehow she will have the upper hand.

 

She is going to look back at you as the lunatic she dated in college.

 

I'd like to say a few things.

 

This isn't the first time we argued about him. We've argued about this at least twice before. In fact we argued about this 3 months ago when they were hanging out together all day at college. She said that she was just studying together with him and I took her word for it and did not pursue anythign else. Two weeks ago we argued about this as well. I went to her place in the evening that time and the fight started off with her mentioning shes been over at his place the whole day. I instantly thought of "why you tell me to come then??! she said she was over because she was being scared alone and I said....so is this gonna happen everyday?? because i cannot be here with u 247 and so u gonna be at his place every second im not here??!! isnt this gonna be a problem!?? She said she just went over to play PSP games and eat free dinner with him and 2 other guys(they all friends) and I wasn't convinced. I clearly shouted to her: "its either him or me!! u choose one!! if u choose him then ill make myself disappear instantly!! ur choice!!"

 

I think I made myself clear enough through this.

 

Opinion?

[that girl]

Arguing about it is bringing it up, but you never really handled it.

 

If you trust the guy and you somewhat trust your girlfriend, why is this a big deal? Is it that you don't really trust them or is it an ego thing (she shouldn't be doing this)?

 

I clearly shouted to her: "its either him or me!! u choose one!! if u choose him then ill make myself disappear instantly!! ur choice!!"

 

And how did this end?

[naya1]

i think u guys got it wrong w/ the facebook thing..he didnt post it on her wall or his wall. facebook has a chat feature, they had a conversation there. its private only between him and his gf.

[Sphere]

She would rather spend her free time with this "friend". She tells you to leave so she can be with him, instead of you , her supposed BF. She is too sick to be alone, but isn't too sick to spend all day playing around at his place? She only wants to be with you , "to go to dinner"? What other things does she do with him, that you aren't aware of? She "took a nap", on his bed? Dude, with all due respect, You are coming off as a doormat.

 

Yep, I would have said "yeah you do that, see you around, tiger", deleted her number, deleted her phone number and gone out for a nice drink of beer or sixteen.

 

She is having sex with this man and she is lying, get rid of her, she isn't worth the hassle and dude for christ sake, man up!

[Angel1111]

I didn't want to talk about it on facebook. But she initiated the conversation and when I didn't talk to her politely as usual she questioned me why i am angry again. Hence the whole conversation unfolded. I don't think facebook is a proper setting to leave a relationship.

 

I plan on having one more face to face talk with her and call it off.

 

I think I might get angry during it though. Could be an ugly ending. Should I avoid being angry in this?

 

Anger sends the message that you're out of control. Instead be very calm and collected when you tell her that you don't think things are working out. If you ultimately decide to stay with her, the two of you need to sit down and talk about the 'new rules' that will apply from this day forward. Either way, don't get angry. If you feel yourself going there because she's giving stupid answers or excuses, don't let yourself get sucked into a ridiculous conversation. Just very calmly tell her, 'I have nothing more to say to you about this. It's over between us,' and then walk away. If she follows after you, don't respond, just keep walking. If she continues to follow you, stop, calmly put your hands on her shoulders, turn her facing the opposite direction, and then walk away again. She might get the hint.

Edited September 14, 2010 by Angel1111

[p0w3r]

You posted this on Facebook? What is wrong with you?

 

You dump someone in person.

 

Frankly, you sound like an immature bully to me.

 

She slept in his bed while he was elsewhere in the flat and other flatmates were home. Why is that such a big deal? It isn't like she is spending the night or cuddling with him.

 

I would think this was really sketchy if she was a 25 year old, but for a college student it isn't that strange. Add on top of that she is apparently uncomfortable being alone and it makes sense.

 

you seem to be criticising me alot. thats fine, thats what this forum is all about, constructive criticism. but next time please tell me what do do.

 

She slept there while they were alone. No other flatmates came home until after I got there. As I had posted on the facebook chatlog, she claims she didn't do anything "cheating" with him as he wasn't sleeping while she slept. I could give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't cuddle or make out with him, but do you think sleeping there in the first place in acceptable enough? She could have gone home and slept, but she brought up the "scared to be home" excuse. I could have told her to get the F*(k out of that guys room and go back to her own, but I didn't want to be a control demon. I thought it was bad she did that, but I didn't tell her to f)(k off.

 

What REALLY REALLY got to me was her telling me to go home and her keeping on staying there when i went to visit her.

 

As other posters have pointed out, not comfortable with being home alone isn't good enough of an excuse. I don't like being home alone, does that mean I'm going to go to some chick's house and sleep there for the whole day?

 

Ideas?

 

Since the argument on facebook today, I know for a fact that she went over to his house again tonight. One of the things they did was play PSP together. I know this because everytime they play PSP she'd post Facebook statuses about the PSP games and "battles" they've had. I know this lasted probably til 11pm.

 

Do you think its tolerable that she is over at his place at 11pm? (even though we had an argument but I dont think thats an good enough reason)

 

Deep inside me I am really bothered by this. But I know its best for me not to care and just end it.

[p0w3r]

I agree about the FB part, but not the sleeping in some guy's bed. And, for the record: I don't buy FOR A SECOND the alone thing. Sleeping in one guy's bed is just stupid and asking for it. You sleep in the living room on the sofa of some other person's flat if you are lonely--even then, though, I still find that to be disrespectful.

 

This is what exactly I think too. To make things clear to everyone, we had an argument before about her going to his place before, and I clearly stated (although in an serious tone) that this is gonna be a problem in the relationship if she keeps on going over to his place as they live so close together. She replied by saying..no I dont have to go to his place all the time when Im lonely. I have other friends to hang out. and I can just go hang out with them and not hang out with him all the time". I was doubtful of what she said, but I gave her time to see how she would act. As it turns out she's hanged out with no other friends except that guy since I said that to her. (she hanged out with me as well of course but Im her boyfriend and I can't be there 247)

 

I got mad at her and what not, but I know I made my views clear. I even went as far as to say to her in a loud voice.."choose him or me".

 

Frankly, the whole time she asked him to leave was borderline skank. If that happened to me, I'd drop her so fast, without question. It sounds like your relationship is progressively deteriorating, and this is obviously bothering you.

 

To the OP: Consider if the roles were reversed. Let's say you were acting like she was. Sleeping in some chick's bed when/if you were ill. Having her come over and then telling her to leave so you and this one chick could finish your 'PSP' game. Don't you think she'd be mad? You have every right to be pissed off. She's disrespecting you.

 

I know it's difficult to make a decision in terms of ending a relationship, but, from what I've read, it sounds like it is in your COMPLETE and TOTAL interest to end this NOW before she makes a sadistic habit out of using you. If you decide to stay with her, then you got to make it clear that this is unacceptable because she'll continue to do things like this if you do not call her out on it.

 

Is it worth to call her out and explain to her about what I think and what I want?

 

I want to just tell her "just STFU skank and if u dont stop doing this its over". But a lot of posters have said to just leave it and walk away.

[counterman]

I haven't experienced anything like this, but maybe something similar on a smaller scale. What I will say is, if the situations were reversed, would she be cool with it? Say you were sleeping over a girl friend's house... hanging around her apartment... playing games with her, etc. Would she?

 

My ex didn't want me to hang around any other girls but she wanted to hang around other guys. On several occasions, she blew me off for these guys.

 

From what I gathered, her conduct doesn't seem very... appropriate anyways. Her excuses seem faceless and, IMO, a bit immature. I mean, to finish a PSP game? Please. Maybe that's what some people do. I don't know.

 

One question to ask yourself, is this relationship really worth recovering? Obviously, it is is affecting you quite a bit. I don't think she feels the same way about it. I would say end it and move on. However, maybe if you really REALLY want to try something, just have a one-on-one with her and get all your thoughts and feelings out, EVERYTHING out and she how she responds. If you feel the need to break-up with her, do it.

[p0w3r]

i think u guys got it wrong w/ the facebook thing..he didnt post it on her wall or his wall. facebook has a chat feature, they had a conversation there. its private only between him and his gf.

 

yes you are right.

 

Even then I didn't talk to her until she talked to me. I was just gonna ignore her with one word replies and said..."go hang out with the other guy".

 

I've asked her to meet me in person tomorrow and we'll talk whatever things we need to talk through. She'll probably say the same things she said on facebook but in person: "tell me what u want me to do and I'll do it and make u happy" "i choose u over him" "dont leave please" etc etc

 

I dont get how she cant let me go if she has another guy like that in her life.

[p0w3r]

I haven't experienced anything like this, but maybe something similar on a smaller scale. What I will say is, if the situations were reversed, would she be cool with it? Say you were sleeping over a girl friend's house... hanging around her apartment... playing games with her, etc. Would she?

 

My ex didn't want me to hang around any other girls but she wanted to hang around other guys. On several occasions, she blew me off for these guys.

 

From what I gathered, her conduct doesn't seem very... appropriate anyways. Her excuses seem faceless and, IMO, a bit immature. I mean, to finish a PSP game? Please. Maybe that's what some people do. I don't know.

 

One question to ask yourself, is this relationship really worth recovering? Obviously, it is is affecting you quite a bit. I don't think she feels the same way about it. I would say end it and move on. However, maybe if you really REALLY want to try something, just have a one-on-one with her and get all your thoughts and feelings out, EVERYTHING out and she how she responds. If you feel the need to break-up with her, do it.

 

Thanks for ur advice.

 

I've thought about telling her exactly what I think and what I want from her. But I also thought that if her heart is already gone to that guy, whats the point of dragging her body back into this relationship while her heart is not there anymore. I can see she doesn't want to break up, but I'm inclined to think thats not necessarily because she stil loves me. I dont know why, she keeps on saying doesnt want to lose me. However what she has done is gonna make her lose me no matter what she says.

 

I really see that "gotta finish off PSP game" excuse as just an excuse to stay at his house. she could have said "gotta finish off watching movie on his laptop" and it wouldnt have made a difference. She just wanted to be there with him and not go home. PSP was just an excuse.

 

Do you think thats good enough behavior? Maybe i am being too controlling, but I cant be okay with that.

 

Shes gonna say she want me to stay. But her actions have proved to me what she really thinks.

[p0w3r]

Like I said before:

 

 

 

I think you're both responsible for this mess you've made. Anyone who thinks I'm being overly harsh should seriously go back and read the previous thread I referred to. There's no question that the GF is behaving inappropriately in the story told in this thread - but if you look at the rest of the info we have on this relationship it's clear that the OP has helped create an unhealthy dynamic.

 

You're both immature and it's probably better off if you do let this one go. If you do decide to give it another chance, OP, I hope you'll be willing to also take a careful look at your own behavior, because it takes two people to screw something up like this.

 

What did I do wrong? Sure, there was some issues here and there and maybe during the process I didn't create a positive vibe, but at least I never hurt her or didn't do anything negative to her as she had done to me here. Sometimes I didn't want to hang out with her when she wanted to hang out with me, but I still was nice and acted like how a boyfriend ought to treat his girlfriend, and not did things like "go home im gonna stay at this guys house".(e.g. once me and my guy mates planned to go coffee and i was with her, I could have told her to go away and ill go meet my mates, but i took her along with me even though I didnt plan on bringing her there.)

 

So you see what Im saying? Maybe I didn't act like the most intimate boyfriend, but even IF our feelings towards each other were nothing more than just plain normal friends with a BF/GF title, I dont think what she did was acceptable at all.!!! Sometimes I didn't want to hang out with her 247 so I either made excuses to say im busy when i didnt want to be with her or I just went and hanged out with her. I never hanged out with her and ditched her when other things came up while im with her.

Edited September 14, 2010 by p0w3r

[p0w3r]

Like I said before:

 

 

 

I think you're both responsible for this mess you've made. Anyone who thinks I'm being overly harsh should seriously go back and read the previous thread I referred to. There's no question that the GF is behaving inappropriately in the story told in this thread - but if you look at the rest of the info we have on this relationship it's clear that the OP has helped create an unhealthy dynamic.

 

You're both immature and it's probably better off if you do let this one go. If you do decide to give it another chance, OP, I hope you'll be willing to also take a careful look at your own behavior, because it takes two people to screw something up like this.

 

ok, if u say its also my fault. What steps do u think I should do from now on? leave her? or try to find and correct faults from myself and try to make this work.

[flying]

What did I do wrong? Sure, there was some issues here and there and maybe during the process I didn't create a positive vibe, but at least I never hurt her or didn't do anything negative to her as she had done to me here. Sometimes I didn't want to hang out with her when she wanted to hang out with me, but I still was nice and acted like how a boyfriend ought to treat his girlfriend, and not did things like "go home im gonna stay at this guys house".(e.g. once me and my guy mates planned to go coffee and i was with her, I could have told her to go away and ill go meet my mates, but i took her along with me even though I didnt plan on bringing her there.)

 

So you see what Im saying? Maybe I didn't act like the most intimate boyfriend, but even IF our feelings towards each other were nothing more than just plain normal friends with a BF/GF title, I dont think what she did was acceptable at all.!!! Sometimes I didn't want to hang out with her 247 so I either made excuses to say im busy when i didnt want to be with her or I just went and hanged out with her. I never hanged out with her and ditched her when other things came up while im with her.

 

OK, look, I want to be clear that I think her behavior with this guy is NOT acceptable. I don't know what her game is, but it's clearly not something that you should have to put up with.

 

But, since you're the one here for advice, not her, I'm trying to talk to you about what you can do in relationships, going forward. I don't know whether this one is salvageable, or not - I don't know that we really have enough information. But even you said in your previous thread that you think there's a 1% chance of it being long-term. So, maybe it's time to cut bait on this one.

 

Anyway, when it comes to what it seems that you've contributed to the unhealthy dynamic, this is the kind of thing I'm talking about:

 

I normally never have complimented her much about anything appearance wise before ..so looking back..ive barely said ANYTHING like the things i said above to her, ever.(one of the reasons being-- i heard from a friend that too many compliments to her about how hot she is and how pretty she is will make the gf "full of themselves" and "put them on a pedestal" )...........so does this rapid barrage of compliments from to my gf, especially in a scenario in the event that i had described above......suddenly have put her and raised her onto a (high) pedestal?? Now shes gonna think Im a total sucker for her good looks and sexy body and now views me differently(lost respect for me and looking more down on me)?? Will this make her think "oh hes sooo falling for me and my awesome looks...now i dont even have to put that much effort into this relationship now hes totally sucked into me and addicted to my looks (and now he will do everything i say and i want him to do)?? Will she think Im trying to suck up to her and "trying to kiss her ass" and now she thinks she can be as manipulative as she wants and look at me with a different view?

Im more looking for answers regarding ...the effects of my sudden barrage of compliments to her as ive described in bed and how she would receive it and (changes in the way she) view me and things as a consequence of that. To be dead to the point I'm just scared my compliments would have shown my weakness and total affection for her in front of her and she would take advantage of me now she would view me differently.

I'm scared of her getting the upper hand. I admit it. Kinda insecure on my part, but its a fact and I'll admit to the fact. Im not perfect I know.

I think I could manage this breakup, but to be honest I don't want to be the one that was the victim of this and forced to leave. I'd rather leave because I did something bad and not SHE did something bad.

All of these quotes point to the same thing: your primary concern in the relationship is that you get to have the upper hand. Whatever went down in that guy's room, she is clearly willing to fight you for that upper hand - and frankly, I don't think it's a battle worth fighting. Instead, I DO think that it's important for you to acknowledge, at least to yourself, that you helped to create a struggle for power in the relationship, and that that didn't really promote ANYONE's happiness in the end. Do you see what I'm saying?

 

I'm just trying to get you to see that maybe your approach to the relationship wasn't so healthy to begin with. Worrying about whether complimenting someone in bed will lead to her manipulating you? Worrying about who's got the upper hand? Worrying about who gets to do the "bad" thing that prompts the end of the relationship??

 

That's just immature, OP. I really think it's worth thinking about.

Edited September 14, 2010 by flying

[p0w3r]

OK, look, I want to be clear that I think her behavior with this guy is NOT acceptable. I don't know what her game is, but it's clearly not something that you should have to put up with.

 

is there any point in talking to her about this? Or just keep it to myself and not talk to her about it?

 

But, since you're the one here for advice, not her, I'm trying to talk to you about what you can do in relationships, going forward. I don't know whether this one is salvageable, or not - I don't know that we really have enough information. But even you said in your previous thread that you think there's a 1% chance of it being long-term. So, maybe it's time to cut bait on this one.

 

 

 

Anyway, when it comes to what it seems that you've contributed to the unhealthy dynamic, this is the kind of thing I'm talking about:

 

All of these quotes point to the same thing: your primary concern in the relationship is that you get to have the upper hand. Whatever went down in that guy's room, she is clearly willing to fight you for that upper hand - and frankly, I don't think it's a battle worth fighting. Instead, I DO think that it's important for you to acknowledge, at least to yourself, that you helped to create a struggle for power in the relationship, and that that didn't really promote ANYONE's happiness in the end. Do you see what I'm saying?

 

I'm just trying to get you to see that maybe your approach to the relationship wasn't so healthy to begin with. Worrying about whether complimenting someone in bed will lead to her manipulating you? Worrying about who's got the upper hand? Worrying about who gets to do the "bad" thing that prompts the end of the relationship??

 

That's just immature, OP. I really think it's worth thinking about.

 

Well, you may think thats immature. I can tell you that she is the kind of girl who wants guys fighting for her (and her attention) all the time. A few times I joked to her things like "whoa theres so many guys who like u and im gonna beat them up if they try to steal my gf away from me", she always laughed with a sense of personal-satisfaction. For example once I said to her: "one of my friends has feelings for u now and is jealous of me that i have u as my gf"..she replied.."hahahah oh so u r gonna fight with him for me huh huh?" One the outside i joked "hahaha yea yea i gotta show him whos the boss and who can have u" r but I realised this girl is an attention seeker who sees guys fighting for her even though she has a bf. I mean why would she see this "guys fighting all over the place for her" so satisfying? I understand all girls would like this kind of stuff, but she just seemed to have an attitude of like "im the man u guys better bow down to me".

 

She asked me out in the first place and thats how we got together. I didn't know her that well but I thought even though I didnt like her that much something could be developed as you can't see love without spending time and making some effort together. But as I've got to know her more and more, (and we have quite a few mutual friends as we hanged out in a group before as 5 or 6 friends(everyones since split up due to drama from her part(she was the only girl inthe group so)). those friends have told me she loves being the "man of the relationship" and loves "dominating" the other partner. you may think this is a joke, but one of those mutual friends and I both knew that she means this as much more than a joke. Even she has expressed this herself. She has said on more than one occasion while we (group of 3 or 4) were discussing this topic and she said she loves being the "master" (as opposed to the "slave") etc etc and loves abusing people to her wishes. I found this very unattractive. As a joke this is fine, everyone jokes around about stuff like that, but I and those friends knew she meant it and enjoyed it. Once she twisted her ankle and I didn't go help her and later went to apologise..more( because i wanted to be nice to her and and felt bad me as a bf didnt help her out while she needed help badly). I explained "dont be mad ,etc etc" while i was standing up and she was sitting on the couch and then she she suddenly said."kneel down and explain urself! how can u apologise while standing up!" and said to her friend sitting next to her:"hey hey didn't I just sound exactly like a queen/master(cant remember exact term)?!!! mwahahaha.""

 

I pretended to smile and just did what she told me to(I was neva gonna kneel down for to her tho so I rejected that just squatted down) because I was there to apologise and make her happy and not to fight with her. But I thought.."what a fu@#king b!tch".. I bascially just saw it as a one-off incident because it might have been just because she was really mad at me for ignoring her when other people rushed to help. I didn't dump her or anything but I began to see her differently and in a way she lost her appeal to me. I saw her differently ever since. It was such a bitchy move, but I thought this woud just be a one-off.

 

 

 

So all those posts u quoted, was just me making sure that it was clear that I wasn't gonna be some sorta "slave" that she could use whenever she wanted. I was her boyfriend, and that meant I would be nice and caring to her. I wasn't gonna go out of my way to satisfy ALL her demands. I had my own life and things I felt I needed to do. I mean, I wasn't gonna sacrifice class so I could go hang out with her and fail my paper right? I wasn't gonna let her take control of me.

 

I'm not in a abusive relationship or anything, but I realised what her mindset was about. She stopped those kind of things after I stopped taking them jokinly, like once she saw a hot girl in a restaurant.. and she was like :"im gonna dump u for that chick if she would get with me." I didnt know if she was serious or not, and i know she would actually never do something like that, but I didnt like her saying that kind of stuff even if she was joking around. so I got mad and was like"wtfff ?!!!!! u gonna dump me huh??!!! do u really love making those kind of jokes all the time?!?!!!"

 

I think these "jokes" (if they are jokes) are way over the top.

 

Admittedly I've said similar things to her,like "if u dont stop going to the internet cafe Im gonna dump u". she used to say the word "*****" alot (because she never swore before until she learnt these swear words this year coming to college) and I said.." keep on saying the ***** word all the time and I'll dump u" I could have said it smoother, like. :"honey stop going to the internet cafe please or something", but yea, I gave her her own medicine of "dumping threats" and let her know what it feels like. she wasn't too happy about it either..mumbling.."oh you are sad". I didn't care because I didn't appreciate what she was saying and took it to her.

 

 

 

 

I was gonna dump her 2 months ago. I got angry at her and told her what a b!tch she was being and walked off and decided to never talk to her again. She got one of our friends beaten up by 5 guys, and she became enemies with one of our other friends (and made me choose between having him or her in my life). But she really wanted to continue the relationship (she locked herself in her house for one week and got drunk) and sent me txts like:"oh why are you so sad to me""I miss u" and her friend texted me saying do u know how much stress u've caused her u made her cry u made her depressed etc etc.

 

But I don't think I'll be as nice this time. Only thing is I wanted to get back at her and let her know what it feels like if I decided to be evil and do the same things to her.

Edited September 14, 2010 by p0w3r

[flying]

is there any point in talking to her about this? Or just keep it to myself and not talk to her about it?

 

OK, and I mean this totally sincerely - after reading your post just up above: NO. I don't think there's any point, this is totally unhealthy. She acts like a jerk to you, and in response you act like a jerk to her, and then she acts like even more of a jerk to you... So why would you talk to her about it?

 

My sense is that the only thing you want to get out of any talking about this is the chance to walk away on your own terms, when you feel powerful.

 

I'm not saying she's not responsible for her own crap. What she did was crappy, and yes, it sounds like you had good reasons for being unhappy with her.

 

I'm saying just stop playing these games. You don't like how she's treating you? Leave. Don't wait until you can prove to her that you could have left anytime you want. Don't torture yourself with the thoughts of how she's manipulated you or wanted to "wear the pants" or whatever.

 

1. Relationship not working for you?

2. Thinking your GF is a fvc!ng b!tch?

3. Worrying excessively about who's the "master" and who's the "slave"?

4. Actually considering trying to make her jealous by hanging out with other girls and ignoring her?

 

Okay then! Time to go.

 

Seriously, just leave. That is the strong thing to do, if that's what you're worrying about most. Making the decision that something isn't right for you is STRONG.

[p0w3r]

OK, and I mean this totally sincerely - after reading your post just up above: NO. I don't think there's any point, this is totally unhealthy. She acts like a jerk to you, and in response you act like a jerk to her, and then she acts like even more of a jerk to you... So why would you talk to her about it?

 

My sense is that the only thing you want to get out of any talking about this is the chance to walk away on your own terms, when you feel powerful.

 

I'm not saying she's not responsible for her own crap. What she did was crappy, and yes, it sounds like you had good reasons for being unhappy with her.

 

I'm saying just stop playing these games. You don't like how she's treating you? Leave. Don't wait until you can prove to her that you could have left anytime you want. Don't torture yourself with the thoughts of how she's manipulated you or wanted to "wear the pants" or whatever.

 

1. Relationship not working for you?

2. Thinking your GF is a fvc!ng b!tch?

3. Worrying excessively about who's the "master" and who's the "slave"?

4. Actually considering trying to make her jealous by hanging out with other girls and ignoring her?

 

Okay then! Time to go.

 

Seriously, just leave. That is the strong thing to do, if that's what you're worrying about most. Making the decision that something isn't right for you is STRONG.

 

First of all I just want to say I have told thoes stories 100% truthful to my memory. didnt exaggerate or make it sound im the victim in any fashion or manner.

 

I think I loved her too much to have let go before. Looking back I should have known better and left when I first realised things weren't gonna work out. I knew I was not okay with what she was doing, but she always kept on saying she wanted me and stuff and wants to hang out together with me everyday and I thought she still liked me to be her boyfriend.

 

I told myself if I loved her I was willing to suffer to make this work. Even though I wasn't happy I felt I loved her too much to let her go. If she still showed interest then I would too.

 

 

I think I never thought about it until I typed everything down here on LS and really analysed it.

 

Im gonna dump her.

 

ONly thing is, when I do leave this I'm gonna keep on thinking how badly and how much of a jerk she was to me when I was so nice to her and didn't do anything to hurt her. I think the only way I can fix that is by doing the same things back to her. And then leave?

[GorillaTheater]

Im gonna dump her.

 

ONly thing is, when I do leave this I'm gonna keep on thinking how badly and how much of a jerk she was to me when I was so nice to her and didn't do anything to hurt her. I think the only way I can fix that is by doing the same things back to her. And then leave?

 

No, you don't "do the same things back to her". There's. No. F*cking. Point.

 

Just do what I and others have told you to do: "This isn't working for me anymore. Name a good time to exchange our stuff." That's it. No speeches. No attempts to "educate" her. No revenge crap. Okay?

[p0w3r]

No, you don't "do the same things back to her". There's. No. F*cking. Point.

 

Just do what I and others have told you to do: "This isn't working for me anymore. Name a good time to exchange our stuff." That's it. No speeches. No attempts to "educate" her. No revenge crap. Okay?

 

Why? I'll only leave with a broken heart if I knew she took advantage of me so much, like all that I've described.

 

why no point? would she get what she deserved? and I'll be happy?

 

Btw I hope you've read everything i've written so you can see where I am coming from and to give u better judgment.

Edited September 14, 2010 by p0w3r

[flying]

First of all I just want to say I have told thoes stories 100% truthful to my memory. didnt exaggerate or make it sound im the victim in any fashion or manner.

 

I'm not doubting you, truly.

 

I think I never thought about it until I typed everything down here on LS and really analysed it.

 

Yes, sometimes just writing it all out is really what helps most.

 

ONly thing is, when I do leave this I'm gonna keep on thinking how badly and how much of a jerk she was to me when I was so nice to her and didn't do anything to hurt her. I think the only way I can fix that is by doing the same things back to her. And then leave?

 

NO.

 

The only way you can fix that is by walking away.

 

You're still way too caught up in trying to gain the upper hand. Trust me when I say that if you dump her and just walk away with your dignity intact, you will come out on top. Don't waste your time by treating someone badly just to make yourself feel better. It lessens you as a person.

[GorillaTheater]

Why? I'll only leave with a broken heart if I knew she took advantage of me so much, like all that I've described.

 

Btw I hope you've read everything i've written so you can see where I am coming from and to give u better judgment.

 

So what the hell do you think is going to happen? Are you going to feel better for engaging in the same crappy behavior she put you through? I'll tell you straight up that that's immaturity talking. The only thing you have that's yours and can never be taken away is your integrity. But we can give our integrity away all too easily. And for what? For her? That's selling yourself out pretty cheaply, man.

 

You think she's going to go "Oh snap! He's treating me crappy because I treated him crappy! I'm going to change my ways!" Don't flatter yourself. She's her own teacher, not you. Either she learns the lesson or she doesn't and either way, it's not your problem.

 

On some level, you seem to love all of this drama. This thread is filled with it. If that's true, maybe you SHOULD stay with her. You'll get your fill, that's for damn sure.

 

But my advice would be to break free. Cleanly, and with no drama. Your choice.

[phineas]

I get the feeling op just wants to run back to his boyz & brag to them how he taught dat ho who dissed him a lesson.

 

Build up his cred.