I really wish i can believe her, but deep inside I know its a lie...

[p0w3r]

NO.

 

The only way you can fix that is by walking away.

 

You're still way too caught up in trying to gain the upper hand. Trust me when I say that if you dump her and just walk away with your dignity intact, you will come out on top. Don't waste your time by treating someone badly just to make yourself feel better. It lessens you as a person.

 

The question is, is my dignity still intact right now?

 

Now that I've written down what had been happening over the last few months, I realise I had given her many chances to turn her behavior around. But she still kept on acting like a total jerk. I mean obviously she wasn't a total jerk everyday, but being nice one day and being a jerk the next day is totally not cool with me, and I'm sure many of you would feel the same.

 

I want to make sure that I wasn't the one that caused this, so I'm gonna write some of the "mistakes" I did:

 

-I always made her wait, I was very not punctual. I would say I get there at 6 but I would get there at 7. Obviously I wasn't late every single time but she got angry quite a few times when I made her wait for 2 or 3 hours. I thought this wasn't that much of an issue because she could always do something while she waited for me and many times she had other people to keep her company while she waited for me.

 

-I didn't always initiate contact and meetings with her. She was always the one that kept on texting me to have convos and asking me to meet up with her. I wanted to have space in our relationship but she wanted to hang out together everyday and she was very active in texting and asking me to go see her. I'd reply to her texts pretty late when I wasnt interested in hanging out and normally only "replied" instead of actively texting her and such.

 

I don't think this justifies any of the jerk-ish behavior she had done to me though. But I could be wrong. Ideas?

 

 

In any way the relationship is over. But in many relationships the guy is always the d!7k and ruins the girl. Why should I let her off so cheaply and just be okay with her walking all over me before?

[Chrome Barracuda]

What do you get by talking to her about her crazy azz ways.

 

NOTHING

 

Just end it and be done with her, why do you need to have the last word or the upper hand. You knows and she knows you know.

 

So with that being said,. i would cancel the meeting, tell her the truth and tell her it's over come get your crap and go NC.

 

There's no reason for you to be analyzing what went wrong, just put this behind you, go through the motions and move on.

 

Focus on yourself!

[p0w3r]

I get the feeling op just wants to run back to his boyz & brag to them how he taught dat ho who dissed him a lesson.

 

Build up his cred.

 

Wrong.

 

I wouldn't brag bout this.

 

I would only do this for myself. I feel right now shes done so much bad things to me and I'll just be okay with it?

 

Those people I could brag to about are no longer in the group. She had already split the group apart. She is a drama queen and we all agreed on that many months ago.

 

Everyone knows she is very immature and "retarded'. She got angry and cried once because all the boys made fun of her favorite popstar and called him "gay". I was part of that but everyone saw it as a joke as we dont really care about that popstar she adores so much. She wanted everyone to apologise to her about that.

 

So everyone already knows what kind of crazy drama queen she is. No need for me to go brag what I've done to her.

Edited September 14, 2010 by p0w3r

[Angel1111]

No, you don't "do the same things back to her". There's. No. F*cking. Point.

 

Just do what I and others have told you to do: "This isn't working for me anymore. Name a good time to exchange our stuff." That's it. No speeches. No attempts to "educate" her. No revenge crap. Okay?

 

Exactly. Revenge is just childish, and trying to educate someone or get them to understand is totally pointless. If they don't already get it, they ain't gonna. This kind of thing can keep you engaged in the drama way longer than you should be. Exit stage left.

[Angel1111]

She got angry and cried once because all the boys made fun of her favorite popstar and called him "gay". I was part of that but everyone saw it as a joke as we dont really care about that popstar she adores so much. She wanted everyone to apologise to her about that.

 

I'm a huge fan of Dan Fogelberg and have been for years (God rest his beautiful soul). In my early 20's, I had a guy friend who just loved to make fun of Dan - calling him Fingleberg, gay, retarded, etc. It used to crack me up.

 

This girl just needs to grow up. Here are some immediate lessons that I can foresee in her near future:

 

Lesson 1: don't sleep in other guys' beds when you have a bf

Lesson 2: don't invite bf over to guy's place and then tell him to leave

Lesson 3: bf will break up with you when you act like an idiot

Lesson 4: move on because you lost the guy

 

To quote Mad-Eye Moody: "End of story. Goodbye. The end."

[p0w3r]

What do you get by talking to her about her crazy azz ways.

 

NOTHING

 

Just end it and be done with her, why do you need to have the last word or the upper hand. You knows and she knows you know.

 

So with that being said,. i would cancel the meeting, tell her the truth and tell her it's over come get your crap and go NC.

 

There's no reason for you to be analyzing what went wrong, just put this behind you, go through the motions and move on.

 

Focus on yourself!

 

I have a feeling she doesn't know what she is doing is wrong. She is very immature and has not been in a proper relationship before. She lasted 2 or 3 weeks with her ex at the beginning of this year. I think she thinks that its okay to be hanging out with other guys and go to their place the whole time as long as you are not kissing/making out etc. I think she thinks its okay to hang out all the time because they are just good friends and she wants his company.

 

Obviously this is NOT acceptable to me whatsoever AT ALL, but I think maybe she thinks its okay to do this and she's not trying to cheat on me.

 

I have stated to her its either that guy or me. today she said to me she will choose me. how should I view this?

 

Either way, I'm gonna dump her. But should I tell her what she has done is totally wrong? Or just walk away and not bother explanation anything to her.?

[p0w3r]

Exactly. Revenge is just childish, and trying to educate someone or get them to understand is totally pointless. If they don't already get it, they ain't gonna. This kind of thing can keep you engaged in the drama way longer than you should be. Exit stage left.

 

so you are saying that she should have always known what she did was wrong without anybody needing to tell it to her?

[phineas]

She knows what she is doing is wrong & she doesn't care because she is 19 & hot & there is no shortage of men who will put up with her crap.

 

You are wasting time & energy & your breath giving her a piece of your mind.

 

The simple fact that you are all worked up about this shows she has you by the balls.

 

If you go all ape-sheet on her then she will know she owned you & that you were more invested in her than she is in you.

 

Just walk away. she wants the drama, she wants to see you all worked up over her.

 

why give her what she wants?

[Chrome Barracuda]

AGAIN!

 

YOU CAN NOT NEGOTIATE WITH CRAZY BITCHES!!! DONT WASTE YOUR TIME!

 

Whatever she's saying to you is a lie, SHE KNOWS right from wrong. why do you want to teach her a lesson?

 

WTF is wrong with you to not see the blatant obvious disrespect and leave her alone! your gonna be here a month from now crying about the same dumb chick who's hurting you, man up dude!

[flying]

-I always made her wait, I was very not punctual. I would say I get there at 6 but I would get there at 7. Obviously I wasn't late every single time but she got angry quite a few times when I made her wait for 2 or 3 hours. I thought this wasn't that much of an issue because she could always do something while she waited for me and many times she had other people to keep her company while she waited for me.

 

-I didn't always initiate contact and meetings with her. She was always the one that kept on texting me to have convos and asking me to meet up with her. I wanted to have space in our relationship but she wanted to hang out together everyday and she was very active in texting and asking me to go see her. I'd reply to her texts pretty late when I wasnt interested in hanging out and normally only "replied" instead of actively texting her and such.

 

I don't think this justifies any of the jerk-ish behavior she had done to me though. But I could be wrong. Ideas?

 

OK, actually, both of these are pretty rude. Keeping someone waiting for an hour or more is a blatant passive-aggressive power play. I get that you wanted to have space, that's cool - but the fact that you didn't initiate and delayed before responding is also classic passive-aggressive stuff.

 

This doesn't actually surprise me, though - like I said before, your entire relationship has been one big power struggle, and I suspect these passive-aggressive strategies on your part were your way of asserting yourself.

 

What worries me is that you think this is normal. It's not going to just be this girl, unless you start seeing it for what it is.

 

For example. I don't see what this

 

But in many relationships the guy is always the d!7k and ruins the girl.

has to do with this

 

Why should I let her off so cheaply and just be okay with her walking all over me before?

...er, so you're saying that because guys are supposed to be the jerks, you want to be the jerk? Will that make you feel more masculine or something? Come on, dude, cut that out.

 

None of this negates the fact that she did some messed-up things.

 

But seriously, as Gorilla said, you seem to be drawn to the drama. If you keep adding to it, it will never go away. Decide if that's what you really want.

 

Everyone's telling you to just walk away. It's pretty much unanimous, which is a rarity here on LS. So, consider that very seriously.

Edited September 14, 2010 by flying

[Angel1111]

so you are saying that she should have always known what she did was wrong without anybody needing to tell it to her?

 

These are very basic things - sleeping at a guy's place and telling her bf to leave, ok? If she's so immature that she has to be told that this kind of behavior is unacceptable, then the leap to maturity is just too far.

 

What I'm saying is that, yes, she should know what she did and if she doesn't know, then she's too clueless and immature to be in a relationship with you or anyone else. She needs to grow up and sometimes people only grwo up by learning things the hard way.

 

If you feel the need to explain it to her, then go for it. But if I were you, I'd be more inclined to present it in terms of how you feel about it. In other words, something like, "I'm very concerned that you would treat me in such a way and I think we need to just end it at this point." This lets her know what exactly it is you're not happy about without you having to educate her on the matter.

Edited September 14, 2010 by Angel1111

[that girl]

She slept there while they were alone. No other flatmates came home until after I got there. As I had posted on the facebook chatlog, she claims she didn't do anything "cheating" with him as he wasn't sleeping while she slept. I could give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't cuddle or make out with him,

The question really is do you believe her?

 

but do you think sleeping there in the first place in acceptable enough?

When I was in college I knew people who would occassionally take random naps at other people's places. That is why it doesn't strike me as that odd.

 

I could have told her to get the F*(k out of that guys room and go back to her own, but I didn't want to be a control demon. I thought it was bad she did that, but I didn't tell her to f)(k off.

This is psycho and controlling. You don't deserve a pat on the back for not being crazy, particularly when you snap and go off on her later.

 

Since the argument on facebook today, I know for a fact that she went over to his house again tonight.

Ummm, didn't you break up with her?

 

Do you think its tolerable that she is over at his place at 11pm? (even though we had an argument but I dont think thats an good enough reason)

In college, yes. I used to have visitors that late regularly.

 

I always made her wait, I was very not punctual. I would say I get there at 6 but I would get there at 7. Obviously I wasn't late every single time but she got angry quite a few times when I made her wait for 2 or 3 hours. I thought this wasn't that much of an issue because she could always do something while she waited for me and many times she had other people to keep her company while she waited for me.

You keep saying how she isn't mature and doesn't have much experience, but this is really selfish and a sign of someone who hasn't grown up yet.

 

You are way too worried about pride and she lets you get away with too much.

 

While I don't think her behavior is out of line in terms of college life, there was a mature way to handle things. That way is to talk things out, express your needs, be open to compromise and either come up with a solution that works for both of you or break up.

 

What really gets me here is you don't think she is cheating. You are worried that you are being disrespected. Yet you don't show much respect for her. As far as I can tell, you weren't concerned about her being sick. You have made her wait hours for you. Rather than discussing the issue you have with this guy, you scream at her that she has to choose between you and him. This is emotionally abusive.

 

I don't think this girl is perfect, but she hasn't done anything to you.

 

You should end things because you two just don't communicate well together. You need to stop thinking about revenge because you are part of the problem.

[MyNameIsJane]

You're mad about trivial bull****. I'd be mad she "took a nap" at this guys house, "went to his house" when she was "sick".

 

Agreed.... Do we think you were right for being angry? I don't think you were angry enough - this whole tip-toeing around your feelings and not showing your anger is annoying! Then when you actually did show how annoyed you were... it was over the whole her telling you to go home bit....

 

Which I agree is bull****.... she shouldn't have done that - but you are failing to see the disrespect in her even being there.

 

Does she live alone? If so, how is she scared to be at home? Last time I checked, when I get sick, I'm not suddenly scared to be in my apartment by myself.

 

But just say she is, for the sake of this stupid argument... why didn't she take a nap on his couch? My boyfriend would probably be annoyed when he found out I was even at another guys house all day, and I wouldn't have gotten a chance to tell him to "go home" because he would have walked out himself if I told him I slept in the guys bed! So disrespectful!

 

Ugh. I'm super annoyed at both of you. Her for treating you that way and you for letting her

 

EDIT: I posted this without reading any of the further posts/updates really, so I think I missed a lot.

Edited September 15, 2010 by MyNameIsJane

[p0w3r]

Agreed.... Do we think you were right for being angry? I don't think you were angry enough - this whole tip-toeing around your feelings and not showing your anger is annoying! Then when you actually did show how annoyed you were... it was over the whole her telling you to go home bit....

 

Which I agree is bull****.... she shouldn't have done that - but you are failing to see the disrespect in her even being there.

 

Does she live alone? If so, how is she scared to be at home? Last time I checked, when I get sick, I'm not suddenly scared to be in my apartment by myself.

 

But just say she is, for the sake of this stupid argument... why didn't she take a nap on his couch? My boyfriend would probably be annoyed when he found out I was even at another guys house all day, and I wouldn't have gotten a chance to tell him to "go home" because he would have walked out himself if I told him I slept in the guys bed! So disrespectful!

 

Ugh. I'm super annoyed at both of you. Her for treating you that way and you for letting her

 

EDIT: I posted this without reading any of the further posts/updates really, so I think I missed a lot.

 

I was unhappy with her hanging around that guy so much and going to his place so much, but I just thought of it as them just friends.

 

So you say I shouldhave laid down the rules before?

 

Is there no point in laying down the boundaries now?

[p0w3r]

It seems like there were other people in the flat who would be able to answer that.

 

Something about this question sends up a lot of red flags for me. She says she's sick but he never mentions whether or not she actually looked ill. He's convinced she's trying to get rid of him, but if that was the case, why would she even tell him where she was? It doesn't seem like he would have know, yet she told him in advance. I wonder if she asked him to leave because she's sitting there feeling crappy and all he's doing is quizzing her about her day.

 

No!. Regarding your last line, no I did nt just sit there and quiz her. I quizzed her for about 2 or 3 minutes or 5 minutes maximum and that was it. We talked about other random stuff like how well she felt and parents etc etc.

 

When I got there she looked fully well. She said she got better and recovered after the nap. I took her word for it and thought wagging class wasn't a big deal. But what i was really uncomfortable with was that she chose to go to his place. that was part of the build up to me getting angry at her later on.

[dispatch3d]

I have a feeling she doesn't know what she is doing is wrong. She is very immature and has not been in a proper relationship before. She lasted 2 or 3 weeks with her ex at the beginning of this year. I think she thinks that its okay to be hanging out with other guys and go to their place the whole time as long as you are not kissing/making out etc. I think she thinks its okay to hang out all the time because they are just good friends and she wants his company.

 

Obviously this is NOT acceptable to me whatsoever AT ALL, but I think maybe she thinks its okay to do this and she's not trying to cheat on me.

 

I have stated to her its either that guy or me. today she said to me she will choose me. how should I view this?

 

Either way, I'm gonna dump her. But should I tell her what she has done is totally wrong? Or just walk away and not bother explanation anything to her.?

 

either that guy or you.

 

IS THAT ACTUALLY YOUR PROBLEM?

 

Lol the fact its him doesn't ****ing matter. If you managed to break up there friendship it would be ANOTHER GUY. The problem here has nothing to do with the guy, it has everything to do with her. She's ridiculous. She skips class telling you she's sick (when she isn't), tells you to come over after she's "slept in his bed", tells you to leave because she just wants to hang out with the other guy, and not only are you cool with this, when she looks "well" you believe the reason to be because of that nap, and that she went to his house because she was scared of being alone, and she sucked his dick because she was worried she'd die from hunger. You get my point .

 

BREAKUP. STOP DANCING AROUND ****.

[p0w3r]

im gonna post one more post in this thread before i go end the relationship once and for all.

 

theres been a small update that could be helpful: after that facebook fight, her facebook status has been:

 

"lying to your secrets and problems, describing you as a low-level citizen doing unmentionable things, what do you want me to do you mr awesome?

 

and her second status was

 

"what do you want me to do you mr awesome?

 

wat do I need to learn from this? if anything?

[flying]

im gonna post one more post in this thread before i go end the relationship once and for all.

 

theres been a small update that could be helpful: after that facebook fight, her facebook status has been:

 

"lying to your secrets and problems, describing you as a low-level citizen doing unmentionable things, what do you want me to do you mr awesome?

 

and her second status was

 

"what do you want me to do you mr awesome?

 

wat do I need to learn from this? if anything?

 

I haven't the foggiest idea, because I don't know what a word of that means.

[p0w3r]

I haven't the foggiest idea, because I don't know what a word of that means.

 

i dont have the best idea either, and im not gonna go ask her to explain it.

 

but to my understanding shes saying something like: "you are lying to yourself and being too paranoid, i was described by you as a slutty bi!ch that did all sorts of dirty deeds, you are so "such a cool boyfriend"..wat the hell do u want from me?"

[flying]

i dont have the best idea either, and im not gonna go ask her to explain it.

 

but to my understanding shes saying something like: "you are lying to yourself and being too paranoid, i was described by you as a slutty bi!ch that did all sorts of dirty deeds, you are so "such a cool boyfriend"..wat the hell do u want from me?"

 

Yikes. Well, I don't think it changes anything, except to further confirm this relationship is too much drama. Stay strong.

[p0w3r]

it seems that she thinks whatever she did was okay and acceptable as a girlfriend/ normal person. should I educate on that what she did was totally not what she thinks as being okay and cool with anyone including me and then dump her?

 

because i feel if I just dumped her straightaway with no explanation, she will end up thinking she's the one thats the innocent victim of all this and I'm the bad guy that dumped her at my own pleasure for no particular reason? I think she will think I'm the unreasonable one and overreacted and dumped her while none of this dumping was her fault?

 

I want to dump her and let her know that SHE WAS THE ONE THAT BROKE UP THE RELATIONSHIP AND WHY.

 

i mean at least she has to know that shes the guilty one right? i cant have her thinking im the bad guy and too overracting about everything. i want her to have the guilt and let her feel shes the f$@@king bitC.h

 

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?

[p0w3r]

Yikes. Well, I don't think it changes anything, except to further confirm this relationship is too much drama. Stay strong.

 

i feel like going into this drama with her and kicking her ass in this drama that she created herself.

 

or should i totally ignore this drama shes stirring?

[loverofloveandstuff]

i feel like going into this drama with her and kicking her ass in this drama that she created herself.

 

or should i totally ignore this drama shes stirring?

 

Lol, what?

 

Just breakup with her. I wouldn't worry about her thinking that you're in the wrong. Obviously express to her exactly how you feel when you breakup with her. If she doesn't get it, who cares. That's the reason why you won't be in a relationship with her.

[flying]

Listen - power, do you really think that if you explain things to her in somehow just exactly the right way that she's going to turn around and decide you were right after all and she's very sorry?

 

I know that would be the desired outcome here. I know you want her to acknowledge how she screwed up.

 

But that is not what's going to happen, I'm afraid - I just do not see this person you've described to us admitting to wrongdoing and apologizing.

 

You're welcome to explain why you want out, of course. I don't see any reason not to say you're tired of her ***** if you want to. BUT - just understand that it won't matter what you say right now - in all likelihood she's still going to cast you as the bad guy. You're going to dump her, she's going to be upset, and she seems like the type of person who, when upset, blames other people. That's why you're breaking up with her, after all, right??

 

Perhaps, in a month or a year or a few years or longer, she'll mature a bit and start to get it. By then, you likely won't care anymore.

 

But I'm just trying to tell you - the best thing you can do for yourself is say your piece and let it go. Silence is very powerful. If what you want is for her to be hurt, then trust me: She will be. But you can't control anything else.

[Cracker Jack]

it seems that she thinks whatever she did was okay and acceptable as a girlfriend/ normal person. should I educate on that what she did was totally not what she thinks as being okay and cool with anyone including me and then dump her?

 

because i feel if I just dumped her straightaway with no explanation, she will end up thinking she's the one thats the innocent victim of all this and I'm the bad guy that dumped her at my own pleasure for no particular reason? I think she will think I'm the unreasonable one and overreacted and dumped her while none of this dumping was her fault?

 

I want to dump her and let her know that SHE WAS THE ONE THAT BROKE UP THE RELATIONSHIP AND WHY.

 

i mean at least she has to know that shes the guilty one right? i cant have her thinking im the bad guy and too overracting about everything. i want her to have the guilt and let her feel shes the f$@@king bitC.h

 

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?

 

Honestly, man, I think you should just dump her without rubbing it in her face in the process. I know you want to let her know how annoyed you are, and let her know she's the reason for it all, but what difference would it make in the very end? Perhaps it would help her improve for future relationships, but would that really be relevant to how you feel?

 

I say just dump her without letting her know she messed up the relationship. It'll be better that way.