SO is cheating

[UofLCards]

Ok. I'm new here as you can see but I was referred to this site by someone that has used this site for advice many of times and the told me that I should come here and let my story be heard. I hope you guys can understand my situation as this is a very tough thing to talk about. Any help or advice you can give me is GREATLY appreciated.

 

Now to my situation.

 

Brief background:

 

Me: 27 yrs old

GF: 27 yrs old

Been together for 9 yrs this November. Not married.

3 kids: 1 girl (7) 2 boys (4 and 2).

 

Ok first off I want to get it out in the open that I know that us having 3 kids together and not being married may be looked down on to some people. Some people have different opinions on that lifestyle and I am aware of this. Believe me, I didnt plan it to be this way it's just the way it turned out. We have planned marriage MANY of times to only fight afterwards and cancelling the whole thing. This is both of our faults.

 

Ok. To the real reason I am seeking advice.

 

It all started back last August when I started to suspect that my SO was cheating. She was hiding her phone at night. Deleting all her textes off her phone all the time. She was never home when I was home. I work 2nd shift at a Printing Company and when I would get off work she would stay gone most of the night until she thought I had went to sleep. Then during the day she would leave early and say she was going over to a friends house. This went on and on for awhile. Like I said I suspected cheating from her then but didnt have any true evidence to back it up so I just tried to believe her because I love her.

 

Now fast forward to January 2010. Im sitting at home watching TV on the weekend. Our kids are in the bed asleep its a little after midnight. I get a call on the phone. I answer and it's my SO's OM. He tells me that he wants to get it out in the open and let me know everything that has been going on. He tells me that my SO has been cheating on me with him for about 6 months. Which I already suspected for awhile now anyways. He tells me that he loves her but he cant go on with it. He tells me that he has asked her over and over to leave me but he said she tells me that she wont. He goes on to tell me that he told her that he was gonna call me and let me know that whole story about the cheating. He told me that he loves her and told her that the only way that their relationship would continue is if she left me for him. We had words, some that were not very nice but hey, I was upset at this man. He was cheating with my SO knowing that she had another man which she has 3 kids with.

 

Now lets fast forward.

 

Time goes by. After me and my SO had a long talk about the OM she came clean and told me that she did in fact cheat and that she was very sorry. She told me that she felt that she was missing something in our relationship. She said that I was not showing her the attention that she wanted and that he showed her that attention. That was the reason she cheated and continued to cheat. She told me that she would not have anything to do with this OM AT ALL! I decide to trust her and hope for the best.

 

Time goes by.

 

I come home from work and open the door to our house. Take off my shoes and walk in the kitchen and guess who's standing in my kitchen? The OM! I about flipped out! Lucky I held my cool, (thank god!) and didnt filp out on him. My first thought was "Where's my kids and my SO?" He told me that he needed to talk to me. Let's go outside. So I walk out the front door and we stand on the front porch. I ask him where my kids' are and he says they are asleep. He looks at me and tells me "Do you want to settle this now or later?" Im shocked, heart is beating 100 miles an hour. Still trying to be calm, thinking about my kids and what the outcome would be if I just leveled this guy right on my front porch. I look at him and say "What are you talking about"? He tells me that he is willing to do whatever it takes to have my SO. He will do whatever it takes. He loves her. At the time my SO walks around from the side of the house. He sees us standing there and the look on her face was unforgetable. She says what is going on? How did you get here she says to the OM. Anyways, to make a long story short her story was that she was in the back taking out the trash while I was at work. She left the door unlocked and she said he just walked inside without her knowing while she was in the back taking out the trash. Kinda fishy but hey. She tells me then that she hasnt been talking or seeing him at all and that he has been stalking her and wont stop texting and trying to get in contact with her.

 

Fast forward 3 days later.

 

I come in from work and see her phone lying on the counter. I picked it up and looked at her textes. I went to her outbox and inbox and come to find out she had been texting the OM the whole day while I was at work. This after she told me that she was not trying to contact him at all and he was the one that was the only one trying to contact her not her trying to contact him. I left that night and went over to my mother's house where the kids were staying the night.

 

Now fast forward to tonight. I know that my SO is still in contact with this OM. Even though she wont admit it I know that she is. She deletes all her messages off her phone. She is always acting suspicous when I'm around her. She still goes out and stays out some nights until very late at night. Im to the point where I just am sick of the lies, the cheating, the heartache. Everything. I want to leave and move on but I love her. I really do. I dont want our kids to have a broken family. I wanted us to get married and have a happy family together. But I know that she will never change. She likes to party way too much. She goes out to bars almost every night and has been even before the cheating. I dont know how many other guys there have maybe been. Thing is, I dont want our kids to be subject to all her party atmosphere ways without me around. When she goes out to party Im the one who stays home with our kids. And if I have to work my mother watches them. Actually, my mom watches our kids more than my SO since she is hungover from the night before most of the time. If I leave I dont want her taking my kids away from me. I love my kids with all my heart. They are the reason I get up and go to work everyday. For them.

 

Basically I just need some advice. I dont want to have to worry about OM that my SO might bring home with her from a bar that are no good for my kids to be around. I dont want my kids to have to live with someone or be around someone like that. And I know that if I leave my kids will be subject to those type of men all the time. It's sad to say but I have been told that I really have no chance in getting custody of my kids even though my SO is the way she is. I know that my kids would be better suited living with me if I did decide to leave but I dont think I would gain custody. Would I have a chance?

 

Im looking for any advice you can give me on my situation. I have many more details I can give but didnt want to make this too awful long. If you have any questions as to more details just ask. Im looking for any advice, so any advice you can give is helpful. Im lost and need help. Thanks.

[HopelessinDTW]

U of L: Very common story. Your first move is to boot her out of the house. If she wants to be with the OM, then she needs to do it away from you and the kids. You do the 180...read about it. Basically, no contact with her unless it is specifically about the kids. let her live her fantasy life with the OM, and you have to live for yourself and the kids. My feeling is that she will not snap out of this, since she has repeatedly lied to you. Unfortunately, this is what happens when a woman goes into LALA land...she will lie even though you both know the truth. Fact is she never has and never will give up the OM until reality hits her square in the face. That reality is what I have told you to do. I don't really know the legal rights you have as a BF/GF, but you may also want to speak to a lawyer. This is going to be very tough for you and the kids, but there are many people here in the same situation you are. Listen to their advice...even though it may be contrary to what you are feeling right now. Also, you are still very young at 27. You have a whole lot of life ahead of you...so you don;t need to be with someone that is a habitual lier and cheater. Your only concern right now has to be for YOU and the KIDS, nothing else. Good luck, and keep on posting...

[tank]

u of L, you have a couple of choices, go see a lawyer and file for custody right away. You will need to gather as much evidence as you can so that you can prove all of this.

 

Another option would be much harder for you, and if it doesnt work, well you will have to act fast with the lawyer. Make an offer to her that you will stay in the home, you will have shared custody of the kids, spell out her visitation in black and white including times, holidays and christmas etc.

 

You have the support network it sounds like to make this work. Use her own guilt against her to get her to sign the document. You will have to be strong, not get angry and propose that she takes the time to see what she truley wants out of life.

 

Tell her you dont agree, that you want your family to stay together but you understand she needs something else, so you are willing to wait for her to figure out what she wants.

 

If you get her to sign the separation agreement, make sure it says the amount of child support she will have to pay, if you want to make it look even better give 3 months without any child support payments. Just make sure you have a start date to pay and the amount. You can get a Separation agreement online. Make sure everything is spelled out including division of assets (furniture, vehicles etc.). The key is to make her think you are being fair, you truley want this to work out and you understand she needs to make this decision. If she signs it, take it to your lawyer right away. You my man will have custodial care, she will get visitation and you wont have to worry quite as much.

 

If she doesnt agree to it, stay calm, tell her you understand. Call your lawyer as soon as you can and get the ball rolling. Fathers do get custody these days. The children need to stay in the home they know, they need as much stability as they can have. You mom is a great support network. It will strengthen the case for you to have custodial rights. Her actions will go against her.

 

Read my posts, I have 4, I used her guilt to get that paperwork signed, i have held out hope for a positive outcome, but it didnt happen. At least i have my kids, and they have a strong supportive parent who is looking out for them.

 

Best of luck and i look forward to seeing how you make out.

[collegemommy]

Tank is pretty spot on.

 

The fathers DO get custody these days. The court systems are figuring out that not all mother's are decent and in their own children's best interest.

 

My fiance has two kids from a previous relationship. We've had joint custody with primary residency for two years now. Due to some molestation allegations, the mother has a no contact order against her. She can't see or talk to the kids and hasn't in over a month. Of course, the allegations came up AFTER the kids moved in with us. We got custody just because she too wanted to party. My fiance pretty much guilted her in to letting the kids live with us. She let it happen with minimal drama.

 

Anyway, the point is, don't feel so discouraged. Courts are looking to put children in the best situation possible. They won't take away your GF's rights as a mother but they could award you with residency - meaning they would live with you full time.

 

Definitely start talking with a lawyer... while they do award custody to dads, it's not always easy.

 

Good luck!! I hope it all works out for you!

[UofLCards]

Thanks for the responses. I appreciate it very much.

 

I want to share some more information that I didnt get to include in my first post. Just last night right after I posted this my GF called me from jail, collect. She told me she got locked up on for an AI. She was telling someone in the background that she was done and that it was over. I kept asking her who she was talking to and she wouldnt tell me, she just said some loser. I have a feeling that she was talking to the OM. That they got locked up together. Well, she got out of jail this morning. I just got off work (2nd shift) and she is back on the prowl. Out running around do god knows what. This is not her first time being locked up. She has been locked up 3 times in the past year and a half. One for a DUI, and two AI's. Since she has no job I will now be paying up the you know what for another fine to get her outta this one. I told my mom on the phone today that I think I'm completely done with her. I love her but this is TOO much. She is in all honesty an alcoholic. She is also a pill junkie. I didnt get to include this in my first post but she takes methadones for a pain pill addiction. If a judge ruled her custody of our kids in her situation I would probably lose it. And that's an understatement!!!

 

 

Also, we live in a government assisted house. It really helps in our situation since she will not work and Im the only one that foots all the bills here. Honestly I dont know for sure who the houses' name is in but I pretty sure I would have no rights there to actually kick her out even though I pay every bill since its government assisted and she might be the Head of Household. I have told my mother that I think I just want to move back into my parents house for awhile until I can get on my feet and be able to get my own apt or house.

 

Also, since I work 2nd shift my parents really have our kids most of the time. My daughter gets picked up from school by my mother everyday since Im already at work when my daughter gets out of school. My GF could walk to pick her up from school since she doenst have a job since we live so close to her school but she doesnt feel the need for it. Basically my mom is our kids primary care giver since Im at work all day during the day until late at night. My GF doesnt want to watch the kids or doesnt give the effort to want to watch them because shes either too hungover from the night before or she is just too tired from the partying.

 

tank, I know for a fact that she would have no part in that kind of thing. She will not sign a paper telling her that she will have to pay child support and agree to it and sign it. I know that. Also, if I want to file for custody how do I go about gathering this evidence to prove her lifestyle as unfit?

 

Im want to get out of this mess but Im scared for my kids. Im scared my kids will have to live in a situation that is not fit for them to live. My GF is not a fit mother. I think she knows that I (with my mother's assistance) can take much better care of our kids than she could. She just wont admit it. Sometimes I get the feeling that she might just sign the kids over to me because she has told me that if I am going to leave her that she wants me to sign a paper stating that I will give her money to support her. She didnt mention anything about the kids.

 

I just dont want to be stuck paying child support to someone that is a nonstop party girl and not be able to know if my kids are ok when I'm not around. I'm new to this and cant get much advice about this situation from my mother because she has been married to my dad for over 30 yrs. She has never been through this so she doesnt have the advice to give me concerning this matter.

 

Given the information I have given you would I stand a chance to get custody of my kids if I filed for custody? Again, any advice you can HELPS ME GREATLY!! Thanks again!

[UofLCards]

I am thinking about leaving her this weekend and moving into my parents house. Should I wait and try to gather some evidence for my custody case or should I just get out now? Thanks in advance for the advice!

[tank]

I am sorry you are going through this.

 

You need to collect evidence of her affair, of her criminal ways, and what she does with her time. Have a friend or family member follow her with a camera. Get a voice activated recorder. If she has a cell bill, is it in her name or yours? if its in yours then get the records from the supplier. It might cost some money but it is worth it. Spy tech has a plugin that you can put on your home phone and it will activate a mini recorder so that everytime the phone is answered in your home it will record. You will just need a phone outlet she cant see.

 

The reason you need all this evidence is you are probably deamed as common law married by the gov. so you could be held liable for Spousal support. If you can prove the affair, that should get you off the hook for the support.

 

As for child support, you need to have her deamed as unfit. Her criminal record and drug addiction (as long as it is documented) should be enough to get you custody as long as your crimal record is clean etc. You have the support network with your mom. All of this will show the courts that you have a good stable environment for the kids to stay in.

 

If your mom is providing most of the parenting during the day, is it safe to assume that this is done at her house? If it is then the kids will be comfortable there. That is a big bonus for you if you dont stay in the spousal home. Will your parents have enough room for you and the kids? Will the kids get a room or will they share or someone has to sleep on the couch? All important details to show that the children would have adequate accomodations.

 

Before you move out, make sure you get a temporary custody order through the courts. If not, she can go and pick the kids up at school etc.

 

Where I am, we go to the courthouse, fill out the forms and they have a duty council lawyer there to help with the filing. Use her criminal activity and her drug addiction as reasons for the temporary order. Then let the judge decide final custody when you go through the proceedings. Do not move out until you have done this. If you do, you might lose the kids as you are leaving the home.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[UofLCards]

Thanks for the reply tank.

 

To answer your questions you provided. Yes, the cell phone bill is in my name. As far as the spytech on the home phone, she does not use the home phone at all, only her cell phone. So I couldnt go that route for that. Also, how can I prove the affair? What is the best way to go about that? As far as her criminal record, that wont be hard at all to prove. That is easy found by them pulling up her record and seeing a DUI, and 2 AI's. As far as the pain pill and methadone addiction I am still wondering how to get that documented and prove. How would I go about that?

 

As far as my mom and her being basically the primary caregiver since I work long hours, yes that caregiving is being done at my mothers' home. But how do I prove that my mother have actually been the caregiver while since I work long hours? Would that hurt my custody case since my mom is the one doing the caregiving and not me since I work long hours? Or does it hurt my SO since she has no job and is using her time as free time instead of caring for her kids?

 

As far as living arrangements, the kids have their own room at my moms now which was my old room. They dont have a huge house but its got enough space. They have told me that they would make room for all of us if that was the case. My mom loves her grandchildren and will do whatever it takes to make them be safe and well taken care of.

 

I have heard that keeping a journal is a good thing to do but I havent done it as of now. Im kinda late in the game on that since I really dont plan on staying here much longer. Just long enough to gain enough evidence to prove her ways and wrong doings.

 

Ok, Im very upset and nervous at the same time. I dont want to jump to ahead to something and lose my kids or make a stupid decision I later regret. Im new to all of this like I said and my mother has not been through this kind of thing either. She cant really give me the proper advice on all this so I REALLY appreciate of all your help. Hopefully you all can keep bumping my thread to the top so I can get all the advice I need on this matter.

 

Please keep posting. Im in need of your advice! Thanks!

[UofLCards]

I just got off work. Came on here to check if anyone had posted in my thread to help my out with my situation.

 

If someone could help me out and give me some much needed advice it would really help. Im scared and nervous at the same time. I dont want to make any wrong decisions since I have never been through this before.

 

Thanks.

[UofLCards]

I found the citation report that was wrote up by the officer on the night she was arrested a couple of nights ago. On it it says she (My SO) told the officer that her and her boyfriend were fighting and they were drinking. Well, I sure wasnt there so she wasnt talking about me. So that clears it up that she was in fact with the OM when she got arrested that night. She lied about that also.

 

I'll be checking back for advice. Thanks for the help in advance.

[UofLCards]

bitterman24/7, believe me I'm done with her. It's over. I took her lies for long enough. There is no way I can forgive her. Even if she lets this OM go, which I know she wont. Even if she does I suspect that there will be another man after him. Right now Im just buying time until I can gather enough information about our situation through here and trying to find the best family law lawyer available in my area.

 

Believe me, I wanted to knock that OM's head off that night. But I kept thinking about my kids. If I would have went and kicked the **** outta him he would have went to the police and filed something on me because I would have hurt him BADLY! I used my head and I'm glad I did. I dont need something like that on my record right now.

 

 

I know that tank brought up documenting her drug addiction. What is the best way to go about that? Pictures of the drugs? How can I prove to the court that she is on these drugs? With the criminal record that is easily accessed, am I right? Also, regarding the OM how can I prove that she in fact is cheating? What is the best way for me to document that?

[tank]

Well UofL, you have the criminal side covered. As for the drug side, have someone follow her to the meth clinic where she gets the meth treatment. Check her email if you can, they have tools you can by to get passwords etc. If you suspect she is doing it in your bed, they have kits to detect fluids on the matress etc. the kit only detects his bodily fluids, so as long as you havent had sex with her in the last 72 hours you can check bed sheets, her underwear. The kits costs about $50 where i am in Canada, not sure where you are, but you can have it ordered on line at spy tech.com. Follow her and get pictures etc.

 

As for the kids, they can tell the court who takes care of them during the day, that is all the proof you will need. If you are concerned for your childrens safety right now, then while your mother has them, go to the local court house and file for interm custody of the children with your reasons. Or talk to a lawyer and have them take care of it. Unfortunately time isnt on your side here. You need to do this right away. If she catches on and does it first, you will have some battling to do until it goes to the court. Act swift and dont hold back. Trust me, she is not the women you love anymore. Everything she says to you is a lie. Get that in your head and it will be easier to proceed.

 

You said so yourself, if not this guy their will be another. So get the ball rolling here, file for interm custody and move home with mom until you are on your feet. By the sounds of her, she will welcome the new man right into your home or she will move in with him. Let him support her as@ and take care of her.

[UofLCards]

Well, tank she doesnt go to the methadone clinic to get her methadones. She gets them off the street from a friend. How can I document it since she doesnt go to the methadone clinic?

 

Like I said, Im done. 110%. It's over. No turning back. I just want to make sure I have enough evidence when I move out so I feel comfortable when I do make that decision. As far as her moving in with this OM, that wont happen. He is 33 and lives with his mom. He has no job, no car, he''s just as much as a junkie and alcoholic as she is. What will happen is she will move him into our home when I move out which will hurt but hey, Im done. Let him support her. Once I found the best family law lawyer in my area and talk to him about my situation I think it will ease my worries. Hopefully. Thanks again for the replies tank. And I hope you can continue to give me more advice. I really need it.

[Owl]

Don't wait to engage a lawyer. Do it ASAP. Learn as much as you can on your own about commonwealth marriage and divorce proceedings around it in your state.

 

Google is your FRIEND!

 

Document EVERYTHING. Including/especially her drug use, arrests, illegal activities, lack of child care when she's supposed to be caring for your children, etc...

 

Start a journal but keep it in a safe place where she can't get to it.

[health]

Jesus Christ. Don't ever touch this woman again EVER!

Promise yourself that - YOU deserve waaaayyyy more than that.

 

Don't beat yourself up either about it. People with high self esteem do not beat themselves up emotionally, and merely being in this woman's prescense is that.

[UofLCards]

Thanks for the replies.

 

When I start my journal what do I include in the journal? And I dont plan on being here too much longer anyways so am I already too late for a journal? Also, everyone says to document her drug use, but how do I do that? She doesnt go to the methadone clinic, so how could I go about documenting it? Like I said I'm definetly done but I just dont want to make a move too soon, like leaving too soon, and not have enough evidence when i leave. I'm scared that she will get the kids and scared of the life they would lead in her care. They need to be with me. Bottom line.

[jnj express]

You don't need any more evidence to prove her unfit---

 

4 arrests and jail time---sit down and write up everything you can remember about her alcohol, and drug usage

 

Write down the incident where she brings OM into your home where your children are sleeping---OM who could be a psycho, or a criminal---for what do you REALLY know about him---exactly nothing---also get your self checked for STD---who knows whether he is clean or not

 

Take all your info, and start custody procedings, get rid of your apt., and move home----let your SO get along for herself---she obviously doesn't want any more to do with you and her kids

 

Why are you paying for your SO's latest run in with the law----it is her responsibility---IN FACT WHY ARE YOU GIVING HER ANY MONEY AT ALL

 

She is just spending it running around, partying, using it on drugs, and getting her self in and out of jail

 

Stop telling us how you are frozen and can't do anything cuz you love this woman so----the woman you loved is DEAD, she died a long time ago----the person in her body is not the same woman you loved once upon a time----it's time to let go

[UofLCards]

jnj express, I never said I wanted to continue this relationship with my SO. I just need some advice from people that have been through this situation before and know how I can go about proving my SO unfit so I can get my kids, know that are safe and well taken care of and live a happy life. My kids are my main concern right now. Screw my SO. Im done. Been done. Like I said I just dont want to make any drastic moves without documentation and not be prepared and it cost me come custody time. I have never been through a custody battle before and with being the father I know I'll need as much evidence as I can to win a custody battle and keep my kids safe.

 

After having a sit down with my parents we have found a lawyer and have scheduled a meeting with him next week. In the mean time this weekend I plan on sitting down and writing down everything I can about her past alcohol and drug usage and her constant partying. As far as the OM I am still trying to find the best way to document the affair. Honestly, I would care less about giving her some sort of spousal support as long as I could have my kids live with me full time. That is my main concern, my kids!

[jnj express]

I assume you are in Louieville---If you have any daytime, time off----go down to the family court---and watch some actual custody proceedings in a courtroom (you will probably have to watch the custody hearings as part of divorce proceedings---not your exact situation, but it is what happens in most divorce proceedings)

 

This way you will experience 1st hand what goes on, and you will actually hear/see what judges base their rulings on

[UofLCards]

Bitterman24/7, The OM is not my concern. Suing him would just lead to more drama put in the middle. I already will have enough drama to deal with in regards to trying to gain custody of my kids and proving my SO unfit. He can have my cheating SO is he wants her. She can be his problem. Let him have to deal with her cheating and partying ways. That is punishment enough for him, believe me.

 

I cant get it out of my head what my kids would go through if my SO was given custody or primary residency of my kids. That would be the worst situation that they could be in. I am afraid that she will leave my kids at home alone while she goes out partying and leave my 7 year old daughter home to watch our other 2 young boys and not let anyone know about it. My SO had mentioned before that she was left home alone to watch her brother while her mom went out when she was little. I pray she would never do that kind of thing to our kids but I wouldnt put it past her.

 

I just cant stop thinking about if her arrests (1 DUI and 2 public intoxications) is enough to give me the upper hand in a custody battle. I also wonder if maybe she would just give me primary residency if I agreed to give her some sort of small support. I would be ok with that as long as I had primary residency of my kids. This sure is driving me nuts. My kids are my life. My mom has pretty much done more of the caregiving than anyone since I work 2nd shift (3:30pm-11:30pm) while my SO does nothing but sit at home while the kids are at my mothers house. I hope this all works out for the best.........

[UofLCards]

Thanks for the support Bitterman24/7. The thing I'm worried about is actually proving her history in court to the judge. Yea, her arrests can be pulled up easily but proving the cheating, the drug use, the partying, etc. is gonna be tough. I have a meeting scheduled with my lawyer next week so hopefully I feel more comfortable and at ease once I talk to him about my situation. I'm wondering if I should wait until I talk to my lawyer and get his advice before I move out and leave her or if I should just grab up my things before the meeting with my lawyer and go to the courthouse and file for interm custody? I'm thinking it might be in my best interest to wait until I talk to my lawyer, get his advice and let him file the interm custody for me with his experience on the matter. Any advice?

 

Thanks for the support guys. I appreciate it.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

UofLCards : I read somewhere in one of your posts that all the cell phones are in your name. If that is the case, is the policy or account for those phones in just your name as well?

 

You claim you want proof of things, I will tell you one sure shot way of getting your proof. For me, two year and 4 months ago I needed to prove adultery in regards to my "at the time" wife. I needed to gather enough "dirt" on her, for my attorney to use as ammunition in court. A friend of mine around this time mentioned something about how he went to his phone company, which was A-T & T and paid through the nose to get all of his "soon to be ex-wife's" text data as evidence.

 

I use Verizon, have been for about 7-8 years now. About a month before the court date I went to them, and told them about how my friend did it for himself. Verizon went about confirming that all two phones, mine and hers were only in my name. They went about making sure that the policy to those phones was only in my name. They scanned ever single monthly payment to make sure each one was written out by me only. After everything was confirmed to be "me only", they charged me a $300.00 processing fee, a $50.00 transaction fee and a $130.00 Federal Communications fee and a $50.00 cell data server retrieval fee, I slide my Visa card and within 30-35 minutes I have ever single text message my ex-wife had ever typed on her phone. Word for word, line by line, it was all there! I submitted everything to my attorney and his office filtered through the years of messages until they hit "pay dirt", they found proof of the infidelity and her adultery.

 

This may not be true in every State or every County, but in my County one can introduce evidence of this nature, through their attorney without the worry of a procedure called "discovery" and or "warrants" or "search warrants", if the cell phone policy and the phones are only in your name, and you can prove you own them and your the only one who ever made the payments for those phones, than you might have yourself something.

 

Check into it, this might give you all the proof you need.

[UofLCards]

Thanks for the response, The-Zen-Warrior. As far as proving her cheating I dont know how much ground that would hold when it comes to a custody battle since the state I live in (Kentucky) doesnt have common law marriage and we are not legally married. I know it would help my case but dont know if it's worth the price you mentioned since I wouldnt really be held liable for spousal support, at least I dont believe. Really I need the best sure fire way to prove that she does drugs (methadones) on a daily basis. She cant go a day without her methadones or she withdrawls BADLY! If I can find a way to document her daily methadone use and her constant partying I will feel alot better about my chances at primary residency or sole custody.

 

Was thinking about get a tape recorder and putting it in my pocket and trying to get her to confess to everything (cheating, drug use, partying, etc.). I'm just worried that if she catches me that she might act first and that would be a killer to my case. I have been told about keeping a journal, or sitting down and writing everything I can recall about our relationship and her partying, her drug use, etc. Thing is am I too late for the journal since I dont plan on being with her much longer anyways?

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Well if what I described wont really work for you, seeing that the laws may be different from where you come from and due to the fact that there isn't really a "Legal Marriage" only a "Common Law Marriage" on the line, than it might be best to not run with my idea.

 

In regards to the "drug use", the only thing that comes to mind is the safety and welfare of the children. Is your "soon to be ex" showing any weird or strange behavior around the kids, due to the results of the drug use? Does she have uncontrollable fits of craziness or rage as a direct result of her drug use? Has her drug use put your kids in any way in the direct line of fire of a problem? Has her drug use in any way hurt your kids either mentally or physically?

 

If you answered any of those with a "yes" than what I would do is contact some sort of Child Protective Services and have an investigator do some sort of Parent Fitness Test, to see if your "soon to be ex" is fit enough to be a parent. I'm not talking about the type of fit, that in tells her being able to run 2 miles in under 20 minutes, not that, but rather mental fitness. If you could get someone in authority to write up a report of how she is an unfit parent as a direct result to her drug use, than maybe you will have something.

 

Maybe some sort of Child Protective Service could order her to take a official drug test, for the record, and the results of that test be documented and submitted to your attorney, where it can be used as ammunition in a court of law.

 

I don't know, I'm just kind of thinking out loud for you......

[UofLCards]

Quick question. When I talk to my lawyer and get my lawyer to file for interm custody and give the reason for filing for interm custody as her criminal record, (DUI, 2 public intoxications) and drug use in the home (methadones) would she be prompted to pass a drug test quickly or would she have time to get herself clean to be able to pass the drug test? If I can find a sure fire way to prove her daily drug usage then I would be more at ease.

 

This is really eating at me guys. Please say a pray for me and my children. It would be appreciated.