2nd chance/LDR/OW? Not sure where to post this!

[LadyLigeia]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and here's my problem (sort of a long story). This guy, I'll call him J, and I met 17 years ago at an event and hooked up. The event was not in either of our home towns and after we each went to our respective homes, the relationship continued by phone and mail for about a month. After that, we both moved on.

 

Cut to 2007 or 2008, I have been married for 7 years and feeling the itch. J starts contacting me again via email to apologize for the way we broke up and we started chatting a little as friends, but not much. A little while later we found each other on Facebook.

 

Early 2010: He suffers a death in the family. I email to let him know I've BTDT and am available to talk if he wants to. We start talking on the phone, at first mostly about his loss and how to deal. After he starts getting over that, we start talking about other things and find we have a lot more in common that we had initially thought.

 

He is not flirtatious over the phone but asks how I like the city where I'm living (he hates his town and is looking to move). I tell him via e-mail that I dreamed about him and he asks, winking, if the dream was pleasant. He begins signing his emails "XOXO."

 

BUT

 

He has a girlfriend. He hardly ever mentions her when we talk. And he knows I'm married. What's going on here? Am I in the friend zone? Because the more we talk on the phone, the more I'm falling for him. And I don't know what to do.

 

Thanks for reading, sorry for the novel.

[stillafool]

The reason he hardly ever mentions his gf is because he knows you still have feelings for him. He also knows you are married and I doubt he wants that kind of trouble in his life and it really is a dead end street. Are you planning on divorcing your husband?

[LadyLigeia]

But I wonder why he pours his heart out to me about the two recent deaths in his family, his other family issues, his job struggles, etc. I mean, is that not what his girlfriend is for? I feel like he is sending me mixed signals. We were chatting on IM the other day while he was at work and, about to sign off, I said I didn't want to get him in trouble. He replied something like getting in trouble might be fun. I just want to know where he is coming from.

 

Any guys care to chime in on this?

[stillafool]

It sounds like he might be trying to get a little bit on the side with no commitments. Since you are married you would be a good choice because you won't mess up anything with him and his gf by wanting a relationship with him. Are you planning on leaving your husband?