guest Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 I need advice on choosing bridesmaids. I thought I'd just use family so I wouldn't hurt my friends feelings. I have to use my sisters and close cousins which adds up to 5. That's not including the 2 flower girls. But, I want to use my best friend as my maid of honor. If I do this, then it's not just family and I have 2 other really close friends that might be hurt. One I'd go ahead and have, but then my other friend would be upset (my sister does not want to even see her) ,and, I was in her wedding. The church is pretty small and it would be crowded with so many people up there. What should I do? There will only be 5 or 6 groomsman (including best man). Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 First off, I should warn you that I am someone who thinks the whole parade of wedding party members is a bit silly and unnecessary; I dislike bridesmaids dresssed in matching gowns (I have myself been MOH in a big wedding, and while the dresses were quite nice I just thought the whole thing was ridiculous). I can share with you what I believe are the standard rules of etiquette in this matter: Without question, the wedding party's size and membership is entirely at your discretion. If your sister is going to be in your wedding party, she needs to suck up whatever animosity she has for one of your friends, smile, and be nice, if you choose to include your friend. If your sister finds that intolerable, she's within her rights to decline to be in the wedding party -- her choice, and she'll look very petty and childish for doing so. On the other hand, no one is owed a spot in your wedding party: not because they're family, not because you were in their party, not because their boyfriend/husband/fiance is one of your fiance's groomsmen. I attended a nice wedding a few years ago in which, if memory serves, the only bridesmaids were the bride's unmarried younger sister, and her best friend. She had other sisters (married, w/kids), and many other friends. But it was a small church, and although I didn't know the bride well, she struck me as someone who didn't want to make her wedding unnecessarily complicated. There were at least four groomsmen/ushers. My boyfriend at the time was the best man. The ushers did their job of ushering guests into seats before the ceremony began. The two bridesmaids preceeded the bride down the aisle, per usual. Only the best man stood w/ the groom, the other ushers stood at the back of the church. After the ceremony I honestly don't recall if the bridesmaids were escorted down the little church aisle by groomsmen -- guess what, most people are looking at the bride and groom at that time, and really aren't going to notice if there are more bridesmaids than groomsmen, or vice-versa. It was a very nice, elegant wedding that was at the same time personal, touching, and relaxed enough to be fun. So my advice is to do what you want to do. It's your wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Originally posted by guest I need advice on choosing bridesmaids. I thought I'd just use family so I wouldn't hurt my friends feelings. [color=red]I have to use my sisters and close cousins which adds up to 5.[/color] That's not including the 2 flower girls. But, I want to use my best friend as my maid of honor. If I do this, then it's not just family and I have 2 other really close friends that might be hurt. One I'd go ahead and have, but then my other friend would be upset (my sister does not want to even see her) ,and, I was in her wedding. The church is pretty small and it would be crowded with so many people up there. What should I do? There will only be 5 or 6 groomsman (including best man). Why do you 'have' to use them? Who is forcing you? I'm with Midori -- it's your wedding, do what you want. If you are having a tough time choosing then get all the girls together, explain that you cannot make the choice but you know you only want 3 (whatever number you choose) bridesmaids and that you are going to have them all put their names in a hat and have someone draw the names out! No one is slighted and everyone should understand financial and size restraints in a wedding! Make a party of it with small consolation prizes for those not chosen. Or Elope. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Choose who you want to be in the wedding party as for the others give them other little jobs. Can one of them sing a solo really well, can one do a reading, is one of your friends good at public speaking and would be a good MC? Leave someone in charge of hall decorations, or picking up flowers. I'm sure you will have alot of little jobs that one of your friends would be honoured to be responsible for. Don't forget to maybe give them a little gift if it's a big job definatialy have a toast to them saying what a wonderful job they did. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 no one is owed a spot in your wedding party amen to that. If you can only have X amount of people in your bridal party for whatever reasons, then only have that number of people and do as Carla suggests and let the others play other roles, although a lot of times, people are just happy to be able to celebrate your special day just by being there. I'm totally against "having to use" people in a wedding just because of some fixed ideal someone has, ideals that don't take reality into consideration. Some people don't feel slighted if they're not asked to be part of the bridal party, others are perfectly happy contributing in whatever small way they can, and yet others are very, very happy to be favored guests ... if I had to do it over, and not elope this time, I'd keep my attendents down to my one girlfriend and my oldest niece, both whom I'm close to. Everyone else can join in the celebrating! BTW -- if you do chose to go with a larger bridal party, check with the minister about maybe setting off the first row or two of pews for the attendents, that way the altar area isn't crowded ... Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 the reason I said "have to use" is because I want them in it. We've always been real close. That was a bad choice of words. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 I think the bride often puts more credence into what an "honor" it is to be a bridesmaid. It's a pain in the butt! I'd rather give my friend the $500 it costs me to buy a dress/shoes, get my hair done, get my make-up done, etc. in order to "stand up" in the wedding. And it's much more fun to attend a wedding where you don't have to get pictures taken, do a dance, get introduced, blah, blah, blah. (Not to sound ungrateful or anything!) If you nicely explain to your friends the situation, surely they will understand. Who knows, maybe they will be thrilled to just be a guest! Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Originally posted by clia I think the bride often puts more credence into what an "honor" it is to be a bridesmaid. It's a pain in the butt! I'd rather give my friend the $500 it costs me to buy a dress/shoes, get my hair done, get my make-up done, etc. in order to "stand up" in the wedding. And it's much more fun to attend a wedding where you don't have to get pictures taken, do a dance, get introduced, blah, blah, blah. (Not to sound ungrateful or anything!) If you nicely explain to your friends the situation, surely they will understand. Who knows, maybe they will be thrilled to just be a guest! Amen I so agree! I dont like being in a bridal party either. I felt like the only one. I an so happy for my friends but I would prefer to be a guest also. Ask your friend if you want, the other friends, may not feel they need to be bridesmaids. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts