2 year heartbreak?

[CailinPig]

Has anyone suffered pain over the same person for 2 years or more, even if it's on and off? cos thats the situation i find myself in. and im so hurt, im almost numb at this stage - if that makes any sense.

 

i just wanna be happy.

[Thorgs]

Has anyone suffered pain over the same person for 2 years or more, even if it's on and off? cos thats the situation i find myself in. and im so hurt, im almost numb at this stage - if that makes any sense.

 

i just wanna be happy.

I did, it took me a good 2 years to get over my first real girlfriend. But then I found myself again, finally. Your turn will come soon enough my friend, trust me.

[shockandawed]

Has anyone suffered pain over the same person for 2 years or more, even if it's on and off? cos thats the situation i find myself in. and im so hurt, im almost numb at this stage - if that makes any sense.

 

i just wanna be happy.

 

I guess my first question would be how have you spent the last two years? I mean, has it been two years since you have had contact with your ex? What was the relationship like and what has transpired since?

[skydiveaddict]

It's been a year for me and I still feel awful. I can only imagine how you must feel

[Nikki Sahagin]

On and off. My break up dragged on for an awfully long time and I also suffered the loss of friends and regular nights out as well as the fear of bumping into him because he lives right around the corner from me (great). So I think the circumstances of a break up play a huge factor in how long the process takes.

 

For me personally, as I think has been the case for many on LS, I had to get through the hurt, betrayal, lies, mistreatment, disrespect, dishonesty, his confusion and too-ing and fro-ing, his lets be friends, lets be together, lets never speak again, his rudeness, the way he changes. Its a LOT to get over. I saw him the other day and he was like a stranger. I didn't feel anything, because the person I sometimes miss, but rarely now, is the old him I used to know. The person he is now is so different that my mind/heart have changed what they think/feel about him. Its so weird, there's the old them and the new them, but they are the same person. SO bloody weird.

 

I think mines a year and a few months on since the break up but only a few weeks since last contact, but the pain is pretty much gone. All I have now sometimes is a strong sense of 'wtf happened?' and how did we go from being so in love, to basically enemies? I am quite indifferent to him now ALTHOUGH I still wish to avoid seeing him.

 

I think breakups effect us for a long time, if we really cared. That's only natural. You will come through this in your own time. You have to figure out what about the break up is bothering you most, what can't you let go?

[crystalballer7983]

im going on three years now. it sux.

[summerl0vesyou]

there was a guy I dated when I was 16 that I was pretty crazy about. we dated for 6 mths and broke it off. I loved him to death....and he ignored me for over a year after the breakup. I had to see him in school everyday (high school! The worst place for heartbreak, seriously.) and we even had a few classes together. Oh man. It really hurt..for a long time. We broke up in June 06, and I could say that I honestly wasnt totally over it until I fell in love with someone else in '08. And once he started talking to me again, I began to get a sense of acceptance and I was happy that we could be at peace with each other. He had a few gfs in the fall of 06 that made me go CRAZY...but then he was seeing someone in 08, after I was seeing my guy, and I was okay with it.

(and then I broke up with that guy..who I agonized over for about a year)

(oh and I broke up with my last ex that Im still hung up on, about 10 mths ago!)

 

it gets better...and if my story doesnt say it, it probly wont be the last time so buckle up and prepare for the ride. lol

Edited September 24, 2010 by summerl0vesyou

[lonelygurl]

It has almost been 2 years for me and I am in the same boat as you. I can't seem to stop thinking about him all the time.

[Sunny-side-up]

I've been broke up with my ex for 2.5 years. Spoke for the first time this week in 8mths. We've had on and off NC for months and months at a time, have dated other people, moved on (or not is the case), got new lives.... he still won't let me forget him and nor I him but we've still done nothing about it. To be honest, the pain has been just too much to bear. It took me 2yrs just to stop love/hating him, I've only just in the past few months forgiven him .... and I was the dumper!

 

I also had a relationship in my early 20's with a guy for a couple of years. When we broke up, I thought about him for 6 years after that, despite NC all the way. Actually, I only truly got over him when we reunited on FB many years later and I saw he was married with a kid.... I was gutted but happy for him at the same time. That was when I truly let him go.

 

Basically, you just have to accept that the person you think of will always have a special place in your heart. You have to look back with no regrets, smile at the fond memories and try to move on.

 

It so hard though... I'm right there with you!

[shayan]

jesus guys. Listen you don't have to keep feeling bad. It took me eight months to get over my first and I was bloody obsessed after she threw me into the river(we went to the same highschool and college).. You have to fight and build yourself and mourn and rebuild your life you can't just take the passive route and lament and think. Your body needs attention, your mind needs new activity and knowledge. Your heart needs catharsis! The more new things you do and grow the faster you will recover!

[HoldingPatterns]

I have to agree with the poster above. I am now on a new rant however. It's tough to get over love, but I think it's really hard to get over being a victim of sociopathy or extreme emotional immaturity. I've always gotten over exs in a fair amount of time. This one I fell hard for. I than realized I was emotionally drained. It's been 2 months since the break up. I feel no matter what I do, this one is going to take a long time to get over.

[health]

Has anyone suffered pain over the same person for 2 years or more, even if it's on and off? cos thats the situation i find myself in. and im so hurt, im almost numb at this stage - if that makes any sense.

 

i just wanna be happy.

 

I'm at almost 2 years. It's not as bad, but the pain is still there.

Don't let anyone tell you how long it takes to heal. I've heard people say things like - over a year? Still healing? What's wrong with you? - those people are clowns. Everyone is different.

 

Just do realize that you are responsibile for your own happiness - as hard as that seems - and it does seem like the other person made you happy.

 

It's challenging. Just keep moving forward.

[CailinPig]

yeah... thanks for all the posts. it's frsutrating, cos i look round at all my friends, who have had break ups and cried their little eyes out and were devastated, and then... about 2 months later were back on their feet, happier than ever and generally seeing new people they really liked.

He was my first love. we're still in contact, weekly contact. he has a gf. he lives in a different country. we still occassionally argue about the past for no reason. I've let the past go in one way, and he hasn't. it's just complicated. and in my heart i know that the only solution to my problem is a) be with him or b) be with someone else who i like. but i've never met anyone else i was attracted to really.

[health]

Has anyone suffered pain over the same person for 2 years or more, even if it's on and off? cos thats the situation i find myself in. and im so hurt, im almost numb at this stage - if that makes any sense.

 

i just wanna be happy.

 

OMG just realised I replied to this twice with more info

 

I'm sorry for your loss. Don't worry how long it takes. Just do the right things to heal - read, exercise, socialize, write etc.

 

Read a book called Rebuilding after your relationship ends.

Remember that your happiness is your responsibility.

Before you get into a new relationship try to be full of love and content, find someone the same and it will flourish!

 

It's almost 2 years since my break up. In this time, I cried my ass off at nights, wrote, created 2 major works of art that received media press, got promoted at work (Now got laid off but hey! lol) went to europ and 2 different states.

 

I kept no contact, broke it recently - and am still commited to healing today was a great day for me. You will get through it!

Edited October 13, 2010 by health

[health]

yeah... thanks for all the posts. it's frsutrating, cos i look round at all my friends, who have had break ups and cried their little eyes out and were devastated, and then... about 2 months later were back on their feet, happier than ever and generally seeing new people they really liked.

He was my first love. we're still in contact, weekly contact. he has a gf. he lives in a different country. we still occassionally argue about the past for no reason. I've let the past go in one way, and he hasn't. it's just complicated. and in my heart i know that the only solution to my problem is a) be with him or b) be with someone else who i like. but i've never met anyone else i was attracted to really.

 

ughhhhh...no contact, no contact, no contact.......that's what's messing with your healing.

[CailinPig]

is it simply a case that people choose no contact?? is there any reason why im still not rock-bottom enough to choose that? Why can I not do that yet?? why don't i wanna do that?

[EyeAlone]

is it simply a case that people choose no contact?? is there any reason why im still not rock-bottom enough to choose that? Why can I not do that yet?? why don't i wanna do that?

Let me give it to you straight. He has a new girlfriend. He lives in another country. He has obviously moved on! You need to do the same! Why do you keep in contact with him when he obviously doesn't to be with you? I honestly don't understand.

 

Okay, so you said that you have 2 options:

a) Be with him. Girl, that's not happening. Cross this off your list.

b) Be with someone else who you like. YES!!! I know you said that you're not attracted to anyone else. I can tell you exactly why that is: it's because you're still in contact with your ex. This false hope of being with him again or whatever it is that's motivating you to talk to him is clouding your judgement and blocking you from being attracted to other people.

 

Please, do yourself a HUGE favor and implement no contact ASAP. I know it will be difficult at first but you're doing a disservice to yourself by keeping in contact with him. He doesn't give a damn because he has a new life with a new girlfriend. You need to start your new life without him involved.

[Template]

Wow its funny that I came across this message, as just today I rehashed some of the old feelings that I've since my breakup over 1.5 years ago. It sucks because I've actually been pretty good the past couple months or so, and every so often it just comes up and bites me in the ass. Luckily I don't dwell on it for long, and it'll probably be another couple months couple months before I really think of her. I guess because I've never really gotten any closure, but oh wells. It is nice to know I'm relatively normal though:lmao:

[br0ken_w0lf]

I've been broke up with my ex for 2.5 years. Spoke for the first time this week in 8mths. We've had on and off NC for months and months at a time, have dated other people, moved on (or not is the case), got new lives.... he still won't let me forget him and nor I him but we've still done nothing about it. To be honest, the pain has been just too much to bear. It took me 2yrs just to stop love/hating him, I've only just in the past few months forgiven him .... and I was the dumper!

 

Basically, you just have to accept that the person you think of will always have a special place in your heart. You have to look back with no regrets, smile at the fond memories and try to move on.

 

It so hard though... I'm right there with you!

 

Wow, it's good (ok, not really) to see there are others in the same boat. It's been 3+ years since my divorce and though I've gotten past the pain and hurt of the experience... I still can't forget my ex. Admittedly, we've been in contact again recently so I know that's partly responsible but I don't think I ever really got over her. I sometimes think this is my mindset: "OK, you had one shot at making it work with one of the few people you could be with forever (since I'm sure there are multiples) and it didn't work out, regardless of the reason; so now, you have two choices: you can pretend that someone else will measure up and you'll be as happy with them or you can become content with being alone and still being in love with your ex".

 

Sunny-side-up: I like what you said about the person always having a special place in your heart; I guess the trick is not to let them occupy the majority of it

[Beeotch]

I've been broke up with my ex for 2.5 years. Spoke for the first time this week in 8mths. We've had on and off NC for months and months at a time, have dated other people, moved on (or not is the case), got new lives.... he still won't let me forget him and nor I him but we've still done nothing about it. To be honest, the pain has been just too much to bear. It took me 2yrs just to stop love/hating him, I've only just in the past few months forgiven him .... and I was the dumper!

 

I also had a relationship in my early 20's with a guy for a couple of years. When we broke up, I thought about him for 6 years after that, despite NC all the way. Actually, I only truly got over him when we reunited on FB many years later and I saw he was married with a kid.... I was gutted but happy for him at the same time. That was when I truly let him go.

Basically, you just have to accept that the person you think of will always have a special place in your heart. You have to look back with no regrets, smile at the fond memories and try to move on.

It so hard though... I'm right there with you!

 

That is true....

 

In another 6 months it will be the 2 yr anniversary of my break up...time really flies!

 

I currently do not speak to my ex and we are not amicable, due to no fault of my own. He would reappear periodically in my life, claim to want to try again or be friends then literally disappear and end up in some situation more outlandish than the last. That aspect was what I believe contributed to my resentment over the situation and not about wanting to be with this person. I have no intention of dating him again, don't want him to leave his gf, do not fantasize about us or anything like that that occurred when things were fresh; but his actions are still frustrating and hurtful nonetheless.

 

The thing is...it is one thing to be over the romance but if one has ever had "beef" with a friend, it is that same feeling of being hurt/uncomfortable if the friendship ends abruptly with no remorse/reason by the other person. That I think is what many struggle with and not that they are secretly trying to win the person back.

 

It is hard to forgive someone who isn't sorry or doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. But it is easy to physically move on. I do not talk to my ex, every time no contact has been broken he has initiated, I go on about my life and am pretty much fine except there is a SMALL amount of anger when I consider what he has done. I particularly felt it today when my parents said they saw him with some girl. It was a good check for me though because it makes me realize I still have a bit more work to do in the forgiveness department but I also know I have come a long way because I am not obsessing over it or worried about the girl or any of the things I would have cared about before, I am more like ohh he's alive I see then the twinge of hurt at how everything went badly when it didn't have to. But one has to learn, albeit HARD how to do just that, forgive and move forward even those who are hard to forgive.

Edited October 20, 2010 by Beeotch