The Bus Accident

[OWoman]

HAHAHAHA...vent about my OWN issues??? Seriously..get a life. I read and told her what I SAW she projected most on her post..which was HIS address. Nothing to prove to you lady..so whatever! Take it as you want.

 

As I'm not the one posting completely off-the-point rants on threads of people I'm not interested in (by your own admission - so why were you posting on her thread? ) just to work through my own unresolved baggage, I hardly think I'm the one who needs a life, but whatever - just keep taking the tablets.

 

I do wonder, though - on a more general note - why do people bother responding to threads when they're clearly not interested in the OP or the OP's situation - and say as much - and can't even be bothered to read the OP properly to understand the situation so that their response might be just a little bit on-topic or even close...? Their response is clearly not intended to help the OP in any way, since it's so far out of the ball-park.

 

The OP stated quite clearly she wanted AN ADDRESS to send the ring to. It didn't have to be HIS address - which she could have found out if she really wanted it - but she wanted to know what to do with it, since she wanted it out of her house (and him out of her life). Which is entirely fair enough. She tried. He screwed it up. His loss.

 

How anyone can try to twist that into some kind of stalking issue is a mystery - I guess that's what keeps shrinks in business

[Billie63]

Buried Alive, this husband and wife double act have got their own personal dance going on. The "dumb" wife is dating another guy and suddenly hubbie's interested in her again - the oldest trick in the book.

 

She's using the other man (if he really exists) and your xom is using you to wind each other up and keep the interest going in their relationship.

 

DO NOT FEED THEIR DRAMA! Remove yourself from their games and let them get on with the job of sorting out their messed up relationship.

 

As for the ring - it's not your problem. Put it somewhere safely hidden from view. When he's ready to pick it up, he will.

 

You have to try to move on now, difficult I know. Try not to torture yourself with thoughts of what the two of them are doing. They're not in paradise, believe me.

Edited September 15, 2010 by Billie63

[OWoman]

As for the ring - it's not your problem. Put it somewhere safely hidden from view.

 

BA did. In the trash - which is probably where it belongs.

 

When he's ready to pick it up, he will.

 

He did want to, but he's not welcome there - for obvious reasons. He had the change to supply an address for its dispatch, but chose not to. His loss....

[Billie63]

It's not Buried Alive's property to throw away and she obviously knows that otherwise she would have done so. I don't think she'd feel comfortable throwing away someone's wedding ring. I know I wouldn't.

[herenow]

First, I'm glad there was no real bus accident. I saw the name of the thread and was afraid someone was really hurt.

 

Why is it assumed that the BW has taken this man back? It's possible that she has truly moved on. Just because he wants her back doesn't mean it will happen.

 

As far at the ring, he obviously doesn't really care about it, so why should anyone else. His BW obviously doesn't care or he would have done more to get it back in the first place.

 

Maybe he offered to come get it from BA because he felt it was a way to put an end to the relationship. Since she called him about the ring, IMO, the best way to insure that it's over is to get rid of the reason for the call. Look at this logically, if he cared about getting the ring back, he would have called BA himself.

 

The ring is gone and you have no reason to contact him. You have no idea what the situation is with his BW. All you know is that he told you she said to not be friends with you. Sounds to me like he is using is BW to end things. Why would a BW who is dating have any say about who her cheating H is talking to? Why would she even care? She is already dating another man. Makes no sense. Again, use logic and move on. JMO

[Silly_Girl]

It's not Buried Alive's property to throw away and she obviously knows that otherwise she would have done so. I don't think she'd feel comfortable throwing away someone's wedding ring. I know I wouldn't.

 

It'd probably help for you to read the opening post fully

[OWoman]

It's not Buried Alive's property to throw away and she obviously knows that otherwise she would have done so. I don't think she'd feel comfortable throwing away someone's wedding ring. I know I wouldn't.

 

He had previously told her to. She wasn't comfortable doing so, so didn't, and tried to get an address off him. When he wasn't cooperative, she binned it.

 

So he never did text me his address so I threw his ring in the garbage!!!

[Billie63]

I missed that in your previous posts Buried Alive. Well, I can't agree with chucking it away whatever the reason. Just feeding the hubby and wife drama even more.

[herenow]

I missed that in your previous posts Buried Alive. Well, I can't agree with chucking it away whatever the reason. Just feeding the hubby and wife drama even more.

 

This is the MM drama. Chances are had BA not called him, he wouldn't care about the ring himself. What makes you so sure the BW in this case wants anything to do with the MM? Read again, she is dating another man.

 

Just because the MM tells BA his BW says he can't be friends with her doesn't make it true. Why would a woman who is dating another man care who her cheating H talks to? IMO, he is using his wife as a scape goat.

[OWoman]

I missed that in your previous posts Buried Alive. Well, I can't agree with chucking it away whatever the reason. Just feeding the hubby and wife drama even more.

 

I disagree. Keeping the ring provides him with a reason to return, as you stated:

 

When he's ready to pick it up, he will.

 

At least this way, it - and, by extension, them - are out out of BA's life.

[herenow]

I disagree. Keeping the ring provides him with a reason to return, as you stated:

 

 

 

At least this way, it - and, by extension, them - are out out of BA's life.

 

He wanted to come pick it up and she didn't want him to. She wanted his address. He didn't want to give it to her. Really, he obviously doesn't care abut the ring. BA called him about it and he probably felt like picking it up would take away any reason for her to call him again. O-Woman, you are such smart person, why don't you see the logic in this?

[OWoman]

He wanted to come pick it up and she didn't want him to. She wanted his address. He didn't want to give it to her. Really, he obviously doesn't care abut the ring. BA called him about it and he probably felt like picking it up would take away any reason for her to call him again. O-Woman, you are such smart person, why don't you see the logic in this?

 

HN, if the ring mattered, he'd have initiated its return himself. He doesn't care about the ring. His offering to pick it up - at her home or work - was to work himself back into her view again - which she resisted.

 

She wanted to mail it, to get rid of it, and him. He was resisting that. So she had to bin it. I see absolutely no problem with that. She did what she needed to do.

 

I'm not sure what you think I'm not getting - we seem to be saying the same thing?

[herenow]

HN, if the ring mattered, he'd have initiated its return himself. He doesn't care about the ring. His offering to pick it up - at her home or work - was to work himself back into her view again - which she resisted.

 

She wanted to mail it, to get rid of it, and him. He was resisting that. So she had to bin it. I see absolutely no problem with that. She did what she needed to do.

 

I'm not sure what you think I'm not getting - we seem to be saying the same thing?

 

Actually, he didn't want to see her. He asked her to leave it for him at her door step or at the desk at her work. He also didn't want to give her his address. Why do you think that is? I think he just wanted to get the ring back and be done with it and didn't want to give her any personal information about where he lives. JMO

 

I agree that the ring doesn't mean anything to him. That is why he never called her about getting it back.

 

She called him. IMO, him wanting to pick it up was to put an end to her calling him. If he had the ring, maybe he would have thrown it away himself, but at that point she would have no reason to contact him.

 

I disagree that he wants back in her life, I think he is the one that wants to put an end to her calling him. And, that is why he wanted to get the ring and take away any reason she may have to get back into his life. JMO.

Edited September 15, 2010 by herenow

[donnamaybe]

Actually, he didn't want to see her. He asked her to leave it for him at her door step or at the desk at her work. He also didn't want to give her his address. Why do you think that is? I think he just wanted to get the ring back and be done with it and didn't want to give her any personal information about where he lives. JMO

Yup, in reading the OP, that was my take on it as well. She did NOT contact him BECAUSE of the ring. She contacted him because "things just weren't sitting well" with her were I believe her words. The ring came up in convo and, because she was PO'd at him because he didn't call her right back, she didn't WANT to make it easy for him to get the ring. Maybe he didn't want her to have his address, knowing how PO'd she was.

[herenow]

Yup, in reading the OP, that was my take on it as well. She did NOT contact him BECAUSE of the ring. She contacted him because "things just weren't sitting well" with her were I believe her words. The ring came up in convo and, because she was PO'd at him because he didn't call her right back, she didn't WANT to make it easy for him to get the ring. Maybe he didn't want her to have his address, knowing how PO'd she was.

 

This whole thing about his wife not wanting him to be friends with BA is a bunch of bull as well IMO. He is giving BA excuses to not have anything to do with her. If he wanted back in her life, he would be back in her life. His wife is dating, why not be friends with BA? Because he doesn't want to.

 

He wanted the ring back so that she would stop calling him. The fact that it's gone is good news for the MM. No reason to call him anymore.

[Billie63]

I think he wants the ring back because he is trying to win back his wife. Wearing his wedding ring sends the wife the message that is "is willing to try again".

 

Wifey maybe dating again but that could just be a fling with someone who doesn't mean that much to her.

[OWoman]

Actually, he didn't want to see her. He asked her to leave it for him at her door step or at the desk at her work. He also didn't want to give her his address. Why do you think that is? I think he just wanted to get the ring back and be done with it and didn't want to give her any personal information about where he lives. JMO

 

He wanted to come into her space - whether she managed to avoid him or not - to get it. She didn't want him there. She wanted to be in control of her space. He wanted to retain the right to come into it whether or not she wanted to see him. The ring gave him that entree.

 

She wanted AN address - ANY address - to send it to. It didn't have to be his. She already knew what street he lived on, and could easily find out exactly where, if she'd wanted - he'd given her that info. But he didn't want her to send the ring. Because that would give control of the situation to her - which he didn't want.

 

I agree that the ring doesn't mean anything to him. That is why he never called her about getting it back.

 

Yes. But when he knew she hadn't thrown it out, it gave him some control over the situation again.

 

She called him. IMO, him wanting to pick it up was to put an end to her calling him. If he had the ring, maybe he would have thrown it away himself, but at that point she would have no reason to contact him.

 

If he really wanted to stop her contacting him, he'd have texted her an address - any address; he could have said, drop it off in an envelop with my name on it at the police station and say you found it on the street - to resolve the issue. He chose not to, because that would give BA some control over ending the stand off. He wanted the control. He wanted to decide when, and how, to end it.

 

I disagree that he wants back in her life, I think he is the one that wants to put an end to her calling him. And, that is why he wanted to get the ring and take away any reason she may have to get back into his life. JMO.

 

I don't think he wants her back in his life FOR HER. I think he wants her back UNDER HIS CONTROL, ie not walking away from him on her terms, but him walking away from her on his.

[donnamaybe]

He wanted to come into her space - whether she managed to avoid him or not - to get it.

Purposely asking that she put it on the porch or at the front desk is NOT trying to get into her space. It's trying to get the ring back while avoiding face to face contact.

[Billie63]

It'd probably help for you to read the opening post fully

 

It'd probably help if I wore my reading glasses while reading the opening post!

[OWoman]

Purposely asking that she put it on the porch or at the front desk is NOT trying to get into her space. It's trying to get the ring back while avoiding face to face contact.

 

Of course it's her space! If an x of mine showed up in my workplace - anywhere in my workplace; in a building on the other end of the street even - then yes I'd consider that trespassing on my space if he knew I didn't want him to be there (and had no valid reason for being there).

 

Trying to get the ring back while avoiding contact would have been giving some address - any old address - the first time he was asked, instead of spinning it into a huge drama so he could wrest, and retain, control.

[Billie63]

Purposely asking that she put it on the porch or at the front desk is NOT trying to get into her space. It's trying to get the ring back while avoiding face to face contact.

 

I agree with you there. He seems fully intent on winning back his wife and is probably burnt up with jealousy at her new man. I doubt he has it in him to consider Buried Alive's feelings whatsover.

[herenow]

I don't think he wants her back in his life FOR HER. I think he wants her back UNDER HIS CONTROL, ie not walking away from him on her terms, but him walking away from her on his.

 

Remember OWoman, she called him. The ring seems to be something she brought up to keep him in her life. We may just have to agree to disagree, but I see no evidence that he wants to be in BA's life. Other than responding to her asking him about the ring, nothing shows that he wants anything to do with her. JMO. And, remember, she is the one making a big deal about the ring, not him.

 

Just, FYU, I can understand why he wouldn't want to give her an address. I can't understand why she wouldn't just leave it on her doorstep for him to pick up when she wasn't home. Again, she is the one who asked him about the ring. Why should he give her an address if he really doesn't care to get back?

[donnamaybe]

If he came to the front desk, got the ring, and left, she wouldn't even KNOW he had been there.

 

Look, neither you nor I are inside this guy's head. I have my take. You have yours. There's no point in arguing about it.

 

We merely see things differently, and we're both outsiders, so...

[donnamaybe]

Remember OWoman, she called him. The ring seems to be something she brought up to keep him in her life. We may just have to agree to disagree, but I see no evidence that he wants to be in BA's life. Other than responding to her asking him about the ring, nothing shows that he wants anything to do with her. JMO. And, remember, she is the one making a big deal about the ring, not him.

 

Just, FYU, I can understand why he wouldn't want to give her an address. I can't understand why she wouldn't just leave it on her doorstep for him to pick up when she wasn't home. Again, she is the one who asked him about the ring. Why should he give her an address if he really doesn't care to get back?

EXACTLY! SHE called HIM. NOT the other way around.

 

Looked more to me like SHE wanted something from HIM.

[herenow]

If he came to the front desk, got the ring, and left, she wouldn't even KNOW he had been there.

 

Look, neither you nor I are inside this guy's head. I have my take. You have yours. There's no point in arguing about it.

 

We merely see things differently, and we're both outsiders, so...

 

Right. The wife seems to have moved on. Maybe he doesn't want to give her an address because he has moved on without BA and he doesn't want BA (or his new GF) to know. We will never know, but the possibilities are endless. What we do know is that the ring means more to BA than it does to the MM. Now that it's gone, they can all move on. Right?