Ex-boyfriend wants to come back into my life after all hell broke loose

[Amapola]

I had a boyfriend for 8 months and we loved each other very very much. We would tell each other every night that we loved each other before we said our goodnights. It was a dream relationship and i felt like i was on cloud nine. I mean, it wasnt perfect, we still had our arguments but things always seemed to work out. Before breaking up, i told him that I loved him and he couldnt reply to that. He told me that he didnt know what love is but that he still cared about me. Things went downhill and he didnt want to go out with me or talk with me much. He seemed more interested in getting to know other people. So we broke up because things werent working out.

The months of our separation were hell. We didnt talk and he was all of the sudden interested in my ex-best friend. They were always haning around each other, they even went playing tennis the day after we broke up. It was always them plus this other girl hanging out together. Everyone noticed too. I felt excluded from everything and very lonely. In the beginning of this year, I finally got used to things and accepted things. I was finally out of my depression.

After six months, he comes telling me that he feels empty and lonely. That he realizes the only person that he feels for is me. That he's always cared for me. He realized that he loves me and he feels horrible for noticing so late. He's told me this over the phone crying while getting asthma. The biggest problem is that the time we broke up he told me that he went on a date with a girl I know and worst of all, he received oral sex from my ex-best friend. He told me this because he doesnt want to hide anything. He was a truthful relationship. But this is horrible! How could he have done this??? Lately I've begun to notice that his feelings are true. He gets deppresed a lot because of things between us. The crazy thing is, is that I still have feelings for him. He tells me now that he loves me, which is weird cause i could never have gotten that before. I cant say it back but i still want to be with him. Should accept him back into my life? Things are better when around him, but am i being true to myself? I dont know what to do....

[dyermaker]

"Oh my god, you're so cute. I love you, come here.", I say, to my adorable West Highland Terrier. I'm not being dishonest, I do love him, I love him to death, he's the cutest thing. The point I'm trying to make, however, is that saying 'I love you' is relatively easy, and shouldn't signify anything more than his desire to make you happy, at that moment, especially if said in routine.

 

You notice that now that he wants you back, he's depressed--which to you solidifies his love. This is why romantic love leads to divorce, suicide, and unhappiness. A meaningful love is not rooted in self-loathing sadness, if this is what you're after, I can't relate to you at all. I'd never be a slave to something so devastating on a person. That feeling isn't worth chasing.

 

You can get back together if you'd like, you'll probably have to get over the oral sex from your friend. You claim that's 'worst of all', but it's really not. The idea is that he left you to go mess around with others, whether he winked at a girl at the supermarket, or sodomized an entire troop of girlscouts--there's no difference in the way it will effect you, just in the way it manifests itself for you to fuel your delusional love for him, or at least for the idea of having someone who loves you.

[morrigan]

You answered your own question somewhat in your subject line. He wants to come back to you after all hell broke loose. Why would it be any different this time, if you two dated? If he was already hanging around with one of your friends the day after your breakup, I can hardly feel that he was devastated over losing you the first time.

[Medan]

Six months seems like a long time to figure out that you let that special person get away.

 

I would not let him back into your life if I was you from what you posted, but then again it is always easier to give advise than to follow it.

 

He showed you that he did not love you by his actions. Do you really think you will be better off having him back in your life? Do you really think he is going to treat you any better? Can you honestly say that you can forgive him 100% for everything that he did while you were apart and for how he treated you before the break up?

[dario]

This is not healthy for you. As you have seemingly come out of the storm. Remember, you weathered it. Now you've bettered yourself. He's had his vacation time and now he realises that he wants you back? I don't know. Sounds like YES he messed up....but I think you should just confront him and tell him that you NEED SPACE and that you have found that you have much to do WITHOUT HIM.