cuore_depresso Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 MemphisMan, PK66....holy crap, I swear in reading your posts I am reading about myself. Married 12 years, together 13...wife most likely moving out. She still loves me, but not with the passion she had. As far as I know and believe there is no infidelity, just a woman that feels lost and scared about a future together. Oh trust me, I have been no saint, but no infidelity, no physical/verbal abuse, no alcoholism....just apparently a selfish attitude and an incessant drive to get bigger and fancier things. The saddest part is that the most important thing in the world to me may be leaving our home. I am at a lost....truly a rudderless ship. She has said that her moving out would not be a divorce, nor mean that it is inevitable, but that it would give her time to "think" and for us to reconnect. I am holding out hope....but right now I am just a shattered human being. Link to post Share on other sites
cuore_depresso Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Are we married to the same woman??? This is the part I have a hard time with... What does spending time apart and never doing anything together do to bring you closer to someone??? It seems to me like a recipe for how to grow apart. I do get setting up some distance to go "time out" in, but the total lack of doing anything to work on the relationship and expecting it to have the result of rekindling feelings for your spouse... it seems like avoidance to me. You don't build a boat by going fishing... Damn man.....I feel the same way and have asked her the same thing. She said it is just the "way she works". Link to post Share on other sites
Author MemphisMan Posted November 2, 2010 Author Share Posted November 2, 2010 MemphisMan, PK66....holy crap, I swear in reading your posts I am reading about myself. Married 12 years, together 13...wife most likely moving out. She still loves me, but not with the passion she had. As far as I know and believe there is no infidelity, just a woman that feels lost and scared about a future together. Oh trust me, I have been no saint, but no infidelity, no physical/verbal abuse, no alcoholism....just apparently a selfish attitude and an incessant drive to get bigger and fancier things. The saddest part is that the most important thing in the world to me may be leaving our home. I am at a lost....truly a rudderless ship. She has said that her moving out would not be a divorce, nor mean that it is inevitable, but that it would give her time to "think" and for us to reconnect. I am holding out hope....but right now I am just a shattered human being. I feel for you, man. I wish I had advice. If I did I guess I wouldn't be seeking help here. People say better to love and lost rather than never loving at all. That's a croc. Link to post Share on other sites
The-Zen-Warrior Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I've only recently noticed that i might see something I would like to buy but my natural instinct says, "what would (insert name here) think?" Well, you actually made me laugh here....lol.....lol....this example of yours sounds very familiar. Don't worry yourself to much on this, what you are experiencing is normal. I know for me it was normal, during the 14 years of my marriage, almost anything purchased had to go through my ex-wife. "Honey I just saw an awesome pull out stereo I want to get for my car, can we"? "Zen, let me get on the computer, balance the check book, pay down some on the credit cards, see what we got in savings and then I will let you know the answer to your question"! Almost 85% to 90% of the time, she would supposedly find something on the computer, that would prevent me for making my purchase. After my ex-wife was kicked out of the house, via a judges order, I too found myself shopping at stores, find something I liked and would freeze for a second and think "What would Mrs. Zen say about this"? Then I would snap back into the moment and realize that it was now "just me", so who gives a rats a** what the former Mrs. Zen would say about it, f**k her, I'm buying it"! Within the first year of my divorce, every time this would happen, the whole "what would she think about it" thing, I just went ahead and got the item in question, walk up to the register, pay for it, walk it out to my car.........all the while having a sh*t eating grin on my face thinking......"tell me I can't have what I want, I earn the money, I wanted it, I got it, so take that bi**h"! This was fun to play, but all this stuff has left me now. I no longer even think about what she would think about anything anymore. The reality of my life's situation is now in full effect. Hummmmm.........haven't played this in a long time, maybe there is something out there that I might have wanted back in the day. I will have to give this some thought. Maybe I can think of something I might have wanted a long time ago, and then just go out and buy it, all for the sake of having fun with the notion of poo-pooing on the memory of the words......."No Zen, you can't buy that"! It soon might be "fun time"! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MemphisMan Posted November 4, 2010 Author Share Posted November 4, 2010 So I have a semi-update that i find confusing. Just got to work last evening and the sep. wife txts me asking if i need any extra winter clothes for our son. I reply that i will need some, eventually (to me the word "eventually" means as soon as as it stays cool for periods of time i will need them). She responds asking what "eventually" meant and also asking if that meant I have had some epiphany or AHA moments. Told her what i meant and none of those moments. She explains that it is a 2 way street and if i want to talk to please let her know. She says she hasnt had any of those moments either. My MC has mentioned that my wife seems to want to be pursued or is my wife asking for me to make the first step saying i think things are over? She has shown few inklings of "us" for the future.. idk.. so confusing Link to post Share on other sites
Author MemphisMan Posted November 6, 2010 Author Share Posted November 6, 2010 What does suck is that after 11 years of having the same group of friends it seems I can't hangout with most of them during events we normally attended. Big football game today but because I have the kids my wife gets to go to all of the pre-game festivities and such. Oh yeah, everyone in the world can hangout with her except for her best friend of the last decade. BTW.. we spoke for the first time in a while a couple of days ago. Started about our daughter then about us. She says she doesn't want to be married as the people we were/have been for the last couple of years. I admit that I might actually be the same person no matter the length of the separation. I think she is more prepared for that outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
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