outta my mind!!!!

[Dmoney]

Ok, i put up a post a few days ago explaining my situation. Now, basically to recap, my ex broke up with me, said she wanted to remain friends and such and that she still loved me, but needed to be away from me because she was hurting. ok, so I've been in NC since then and this was 4 weeks ago. Now, she hates me!! how in the heck does that work? SHE left ME and now HATES ME! advice would be amazing right now.....

[totalpackage]

My brother it would be in your best interest to just let her go completely. One of the hardest things to do is let go of someone when the heart still wants them. But you have to understand something what we deem as harmless women take to another level I noticed you said you say things you don't mean words hurt women sometimes more than action. So although you might have never hit her. Your words might have cut like a knife which is why she hates you. So at this point give her what she wants and that's space from you. The sooner you embrace the fact that it's over the better off you'll be.

[Don Ho]

I think it's just a defense mechanism on her part; a way to deal or not deal with her emotions. I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

[CaliGuy]

People don't walk away from you easily if they are truly in love with you and value you.

 

The simple fact is she walked away. The excuses she gave you were only to "let you down easy" and gain the space from you that she wanted.

 

You most likely remained in contact with her. That's bad mojo. If she really wanted to be WITH you, she'd be beating your front door down. The simple fact that she isn't pursuing anything with you and is now getting nasty with you tells you where her stance is.

 

Let her go.

Move on with your life.

Open the door for someone BETTER to come into your life.

 

That's all you need to do. You can't fix something that is broken, especially when you need two people who want the same thing and that is simply not the case with you and her.

[Dmoney]

I knew this would hurt man, but I didn't know it would hurt this much. she was my first love, and I know the first always hurts the most. I've been in other relationships, but she was the first I truly loved. man oh man does this hurt.

[pickle1]

Ya its just a defense thing they have going on. My girl broke up with me out of the blue 3 weeks ago. She lost her job and needed time to her self witch you think she would want me there but i've been NC the whole time. Well out of desperation after she broke up with me i ordered her flowers for her birthday which will be this Sunday but i really don't care if she says thanks or not. I still think about her everyday and still heart broken but i will give her, her space. If she wants me she can come and get it.

 

Another story just 2 nights ago this kid in front of my house shot himself in the street because his girl broke up with him. Man only if i know next door he was going thru the same thing i could of talked to him or showed him this site. Everyone here is truly awesome people in my book. Thanks!

[Ajax]

Sorry about your situation. Definately don't do anythiing drastic like the kid who shot himself.

 

I think you need to cancel those birthday flowers. It will seem too desperate. Save that money and do something for yourself, or wait to send flowers to a women who will appreciate you. She wants space and I think the absolute most you can do is send her a B-day card. But if you do send a card keep anything you write brief. "Happy Birthday, hope you're doing well." But some people will tell you not even to do that.

[pickle1]

Ok Thanks! I will do exactly what you all say. Done deal.

[Don Ho]

That's terrible. I wish someone had been able to reach out to that kid or told him about LS. What a shame. I hope all the guests and members on here that are that despondent at least come here for some guidance. We may be a tough crowd sometimes with some members, but I, as I'm sure the others, would always whole heartedly support someone in that much anguish and pain.

 

Pickle, cancel the flowers Bro. I agree save your money. I wouldn't even send a card. MAYBE a text that morning that simply says "Happy Birthday". Maybe add "Have a great Day" but no "Love" or "ILY" or anything else.

[tornandmarried]

women are confusing...sound like defence mechanism...maybe shes mad u let it go and didnt come crawling back begging her for another chance

[daphne]

She sounds young. As a female, I have to agree with several of the other posters. She doesn't hate you. Her ego is bruised that you didn't keep trying. She's just immature and isn't very self aware. Don't bend though. Unless you did something that hurt her to cause her to break up with you (cheat, abuse etc), you have to let her grow up and learn that you can't have your cake and eat it too.

[Am4Real]

I knew this would hurt man, but I didn't know it would hurt this much. she was my first love, and I know the first always hurts the most. I've been in other relationships, but she was the first I truly loved. man oh man does this hurt.

 

Naturally it hurts – it’s symbolic of your heart – you’re a genuine human being and you should be very proud of that fact.

 

Also as a respected human you are practicing a much honored practice following rejection by a former lover, you are respecting their wishes. Again, you should be very proud. You’re healing will hopefully be well on its way in short order.

 

As for your EX, we will not know what is in her head regarding her dislike for you, nor should you care. What we do know is she has little honor – after all she terminated the relationship, she requested space, you grant her both while mending your own heart and she selfishly criticizes or speaks negatively regarding your distance.

 

I would not sweat it! You can only imagine what life may have been like with this person whenever a disagreement might arise.

 

BTW, how do you know she hates you…were you back in contact in order to find that out?

 

Best wishes.

[Dmoney]

ok, i'm a moron. I felt she was mad at me because we my best friend is a mutual friend of ours. well she had commented on a post of his on FB, and I thought "ok, well he's my roommate and my best friend, so it shouldn't matter if i comment." So, i did. Well her next post was all in caps, singling him out, disregarding that i had even said anything; she doesn't write in caps unless she's yelling or pissed. Well her roommate/our mutual friend told me she wasn't pissed at all and it was actually the opposite; my ex actually misses me and has no reason to hate me and that's why she's struggling. I never gave her a reason to hate me, so she's havin a tough time getting over me. Ok, i'll admit i'm stupid for jumping to conclusions, but I was only going off of what I had.

[Am4Real]

ok, i'm a moron.

 

I wouldn't go that far...

 

I felt she was mad at me because we my best friend is a mutual friend of ours. well she had commented on a post of his on FB, and I thought "ok, well he's my roommate and my best friend, so it shouldn't matter if i comment." So, i did. Well her next post was all in caps, singling him out, disregarding that i had even said anything; she doesn't write in caps unless she's yelling or pissed. Well her roommate/our mutual friend told me she wasn't pissed at all and it was actually the opposite; my ex actually misses me and has no reason to hate me and that's why she's struggling. I never gave her a reason to hate me, so she's havin a tough time getting over me. Ok, i'll admit i'm stupid for jumping to conclusions, but I was only going off of what I had.

 

My friend,

 

I’m trying to take your situation seriously and give you as best advice I can, however when I see your interpretations of this breakup and updates on your EX are through typing exchanges on FaceBook you’re losing me fast. I have no respect whatsoever for that garbage.

 

If you must use FaceBook, text and email with your friends, do it to tell them you’re having a coffee at Starbuck’s or shopping for new clothes at Macy’s or whatever, please do not use these means to interpret, resolve or communicate in any elevated emotional situation, especially a breakup. That is utterly ridiculous and immature and will not lead you to any positive results.

 

Can you bring the forum back to basics on exactly when the last conversation you had with your EX was; what was said by you; what was said by her? I’ve assumed so far it’s been four weeks…however if you’re double posting in different threads I’d rather not go scrummiging around to put the pieces together. If you do start a new thread, add a link to your first post where all the background information was written. That really helps us help you! Sound okay?

 

Assuming again it has been four weeks and you’re doing well with NO CONTACT, have you followed the general advice of healing and begun external activities, light socializing, improving your looks, etc. How is that going for you?

 

Assuming one more time that you are assuming too much (that was a confusing statement, LOL) about her, STOP DOING THAT!! Concentrate on NO CONTACT!! Concentrate on HEALING! Do not assume anything from here on – okay? We need to get you over this hurdle and so far after four weeks it sounds like you’ve been doing so well.

 

Bottom line Dmoney, if she wants to revisit the relationship she will approach you. I’m not sure how old she is but if there is any sense of maturity at all, she will not be sending unclear messages through one of these “teenage” social networks or other e-communications and you won't be looking at them either. Eventually you will not even care -- trust me!

 

Best wishes!

Edited September 16, 2010 by Am4Real

[Dmoney]

Here's the link to the original posting with all the details:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t245230/

 

normally we don't use facebook for that kind of stuff, but writing is easier to communicate through (I have ADHD, so writing allows me to slow down and get stuff out easier, should have stated that earlier, sorry).

 

Yea i've gone out and done all kinds of stuff with other friends, started going back to the gym, been going to the gym for a while now (put on 8 pounds!! ), etc. I started doing that stuff the very first day she left because I knew it would help me.

 

As far as assuming stuff, yea i'm guilty of that, i need to work on that. I've been sticking with NC, haven't actually said a single word to her; in fact, i deleted her from everything, including my phone, got rid of all pictures, and everything she ever gave to me. stuffed it in a box and had someone put it where I can't get it.

[Dmoney]

Well...........She's seeing someone new now only after a month of being broken up. We were together for 2 1/2 years, and she's already seeing someone after a month. Finding that out made me so damn angry..........I thought I wanted to get back with her but, if i'm that easily replaceable or forgettable, then it's not worth it. I don't even want her back now, i just want to get over the pain. anyone here that can help?

[Sunny-side-up]

Ya its just a defense thing they have going on. My girl broke up with me out of the blue 3 weeks ago. She lost her job and needed time to her self witch you think she would want me there but i've been NC the whole time. Well out of desperation after she broke up with me i ordered her flowers for her birthday which will be this Sunday but i really don't care if she says thanks or not. I still think about her everyday and still heart broken but i will give her, her space. If she wants me she can come and get it.

 

Another story just 2 nights ago this kid in front of my house shot himself in the street because his girl broke up with him. Man only if i know next door he was going thru the same thing i could of talked to him or showed him this site. Everyone here is truly awesome people in my book. Thanks!

 

Pickle, if you think you and your ex can still be friends in the future, I would send her a b day card. If you don't, she'll just think your a heartless git despite whether she broke with you or not!

 

Just because people break up... doesn't mean they can't be friends.

[Sunny-side-up]

Ok, i put up a post a few days ago explaining my situation. Now, basically to recap, my ex broke up with me, said she wanted to remain friends and such and that she still loved me, but needed to be away from me because she was hurting. ok, so I've been in NC since then and this was 4 weeks ago. Now, she hates me!! how in the heck does that work? SHE left ME and now HATES ME! advice would be amazing right now.....

 

Fine line between love and hate.

If she broke up with you and now hates you because of NC, she's p**sed you let her go.

If she really wanted to break up and be friends then she'd be pretty non fussed.... did you say she'd lost her job? (can't see the thread in this window) DId you ask her how things were? Thats what friends would do!

[Sunny-side-up]

Well...........She's seeing someone new now only after a month of being broken up. We were together for 2 1/2 years, and she's already seeing someone after a month. Finding that out made me so damn angry..........I thought I wanted to get back with her but, if i'm that easily replaceable or forgettable, then it's not worth it. I don't even want her back now, i just want to get over the pain. anyone here that can help?

 

I have one word... REBOUND.

[Dmoney]

I thought rebound to. however the thought of another man having sex with a woman you were intimate not less than 8 weeks ago............1 word.....heartbreaking.

[Sunny-side-up]

I thought rebound to. however the thought of another man having sex with a woman you were intimate not less than 8 weeks ago............1 word.....heartbreaking.

 

I know, I'm feeling it for you, its like someone has ripped your heart out but.... for girls, some say to get over someone you need to get under someone else.

 

Its a shallow affair.... she's just trying to get over you....you'll still be in her thoughts I'm sure on that. It's NOT THAT EASY to find someone new... certainly not after a couple of months. NO WAY.

[Dmoney]

and the funny thing about it is I know she'll come sniffing around eventually. However, for me, once a woman is under someone else..........that's it for me. The moment you start going balls-to-the wall with another man........you better hope he's the one cuz I ain't comin back.

 

I mean seriously, how stupid can people be? they think that if they just jump into a new relationship, they'll forget the old one they just got out of. News flash, the brain is not a flash drive, you can't just forget everything.

[Am4Real]

and the funny thing about it is I know she'll come sniffing around eventually. However, for me, once a woman is under someone else..........that's it for me. The moment you start going balls-to-the wall with another man........you better hope he's the one cuz I ain't comin back.

 

I mean seriously, how stupid can people be? they think that if they just jump into a new relationship, they'll forget the old one they just got out of. News flash, the brain is not a flash drive, you can't just forget everything.

 

Hello DMoney,

 

I have two words for you: Calm + Down

 

I’m not insulting you or dismissing your heartbreak or anger but we need to get you focused on you and not on her. Some of what you are insinuating may be true, some of it imagination and anconjecture. Regardless getting her back or what she is doing is going to consume you.

 

I want you to imagine this for a minute…she thinks a new relationship is in order for her for her own reasons, but like you said you cannot erase the brain. Even victims from a horrific relationship tell us they cannot totally erase their past partner and, believe it or not at the forefront of their minds are the good qualities despite whatever horrific may have happened. Strange as it sounds that is what they say.

 

I think you need to focus on moving on and dismissing her for your own reasons. Sounds impossible right now doesn’t it. It should – you’re human. But the facts are, if you digress your attentions elsewhere in good time you will begin to heal and think of her less.

 

You’ll have to stomach thru these first few days, then weeks and before you know it a month will be under your belt.

 

If I can make any suggestion to you…start a diary on your computer. Log everyday as you feel. At the end of the week go back and read what you posted at the start of the week. Watch how your mind begins process thru your emotions and details become less important.

 

Best of luck to you my hurting brother…our thoughts and hopes are here to support you.

[Dmoney]

It's just that all of this is so damn painful ya know? we've broken up once......she came back 10 months later. then, 3 months later, my grandmother whom i was close to died, then my friend died, than another close from back home died, then she broke up with me, and then a week later...........a good friend of mine died. It feels like i lost 5 people in the span of 4 months. to top it off, she was my first love as well; not first relationship, but first real love and long-term relationship. Yea, all of this hurts really bad and it's amazingly hard to handle.

[Am4Real]

It's just that all of this is so damn painful ya know? we've broken up once......she came back 10 months later. then, 3 months later, my grandmother whom i was close to died, then my friend died, than another close from back home died, then she broke up with me, and then a week later...........a good friend of mine died. It feels like i lost 5 people in the span of 4 months. to top it off, she was my first love as well; not first relationship, but first real love and long-term relationship. Yea, all of this hurts really bad and it's amazingly hard to handle.

 

 

I’m sure it is difficult for you and I am sorry to hear of your lasting pain. The loss of a sincere friend or relative and a binding relationship share many of the same emotions in the early stages.

 

The key words in your last post are “first + love”. She was your first love; she will not be your only love.

 

While there may be emotionally draining similarities between managing death and managing the loss of a relationship, there is one stark difference.

 

Do you know what is DMoney?

 

It is this: you cannot bring your friends or loved ones back from death but you can replace a relationship. This is what you have to realize.

 

You’re four weeks of NC as I recall and having learned you have reconciled twice in the past your mind might have you believe she is going to return again. We need to get you past those thoughts by helping you heal so you will be in good condition to let the replacement love into your life when it happens.

 

Tell us what you’re doing for activities at this stage of NO CONTACT?