Author Dmoney Posted September 25, 2010 Author Share Posted September 25, 2010 Well, at this stage of no contact, i've been working out, going out with tons of friends, and went back to church. I also joined another church an hour from where I live and I help out with the youth there. I started doing more community service (mainly as a sound technician, it's what I do in college for money as well). Plus, I work in the music department at my college as a sound tech (as I stated earlier) and took on more hours. I've been keeping as busy as possible to help me not think about her. And, knowing her dynamics, yea, there's a good chance she will return, however I want to have the courage and the ability to draw the line when that happens. I'm working as hard as possible to get over her, it's just really hard at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted September 25, 2010 Share Posted September 25, 2010 Well, at this stage of no contact, i've been working out, going out with tons of friends, and went back to church. I also joined another church an hour from where I live and I help out with the youth there. I started doing more community service (mainly as a sound technician, it's what I do in college for money as well). Plus, I work in the music department at my college as a sound tech (as I stated earlier) and took on more hours. I've been keeping as busy as possible to help me not think about her. And, knowing her dynamics, yea, there's a good chance she will return, however I want to have the courage and the ability to draw the line when that happens. I'm working as hard as possible to get over her, it's just really hard at this point. You're doing all the right things. Bravo! You are keeping very busy. Keep in mind healing is a time process more than an effort process, meaning there is no reward for "working really hard" but rewards in the sense of being free come with consistent effort and time. I'm proud of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dmoney Posted September 25, 2010 Author Share Posted September 25, 2010 I guess what gets to me the most is that there are tons of guys in the world that are *******s (they cheat on their women, beat them, emotionally abuse them, treat them like crap, etc) and yet their women stay with them. I go through some rough patches, and am still good to her, and she leaves? heck, one day I worked a 12 hour shift at work, came home and still cooked dinner for her and her friend, massaged her feet, and made sure they were comfortable...........and they didn't even work that day! It just blows my mind how people can be like that........I guess that's why it hurts so bad for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 I guess what gets to me the most is that there are tons of guys in the world that are *******s (they cheat on their women, beat them, emotionally abuse them, treat them like crap, etc) and yet their women stay with them. I go through some rough patches, and am still good to her, and she leaves? heck, one day I worked a 12 hour shift at work, came home and still cooked dinner for her and her friend, massaged her feet, and made sure they were comfortable...........and they didn't even work that day! It just blows my mind how people can be like that........I guess that's why it hurts so bad for me. My friend you cannot look at the situation this way…you will drive yourself crazy. Why she left “may” be what she is telling you or what you have derived from your own supposition, or it may be a variety of reasons only known to her. You cannot let this bother you. There’s an old saying “love doesn’t keep score”. Most of the time these words are interpreted to mean when a partner does something wrong we do not hold a grudge; we do not keep a silent count and use slip ups to get “even” or for ammunition whenever the next upset or argument occurs. HOWEVER, I would also urge you to interpret the old saying to also mean when you’re in love there are no scorecards for the good things we do for our partner. Simply these “good things are part of our character” as are flaws, they are also part of our character. There is no report card on one’s character – it’s a feeling or interpretation made by our friends, colleagues and partners. She didn’t fall out of love with you for your good characteristics; she likely fell out of love with your flaws. These characteristics (good and flaws) are not examined together by our partner when they decide to end the relationship, normally over the course of time these flaws become less acceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dmoney Posted September 27, 2010 Author Share Posted September 27, 2010 ya know, all of that makes a lot of sense. I should have understood all of this from the beginning, but I guess it's hard to when it's your own life right? I've been doing a lot of analyzation of my relationship with her and i've seen the flaws that get under her skin, as well as my friend's skin lol. I've been working hard to correct the ones that matter in order to make a better me (kind of like the million dollar man, or my personal favorite, the million peso man "we can rebuild him" so to speak haha). For example, one of my greatest flaws was sharing how I felt; i've been in counseling for a while now about it, and I can report back that I haven't had any kind of emotional outbursts in weeks because I'm sharing with people how I feel; the emotions don't build up anymore. Yea, this relationship hurt, but if it hadn't ended, i wouldn't be the better man I am today so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 but if it hadn't ended, i wouldn't be the better man I am today so to speak. That's the attitude you need... Hang in there and keep working on yourself for that perfect woman you will meet when you least expect it. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueMoonshine Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 I wouldn't go that far... My friend, I’m trying to take your situation seriously and give you as best advice I can, however when I see your interpretations of this breakup and updates on your EX are through typing exchanges on FaceBook you’re losing me fast. I have no respect whatsoever for that garbage. If you must use FaceBook, text and email with your friends, do it to tell them you’re having a coffee at Starbuck’s or shopping for new clothes at Macy’s or whatever, please do not use these means to interpret, resolve or communicate in any elevated emotional situation, especially a breakup. That is utterly ridiculous and immature and will not lead you to any positive results. Can you bring the forum back to basics on exactly when the last conversation you had with your EX was; what was said by you; what was said by her? I’ve assumed so far it’s been four weeks…however if you’re double posting in different threads I’d rather not go scrummiging around to put the pieces together. If you do start a new thread, add a link to your first post where all the background information was written. That really helps us help you! Sound okay? Assuming again it has been four weeks and you’re doing well with NO CONTACT, have you followed the general advice of healing and begun external activities, light socializing, improving your looks, etc. How is that going for you? Assuming one more time that you are assuming too much (that was a confusing statement, LOL) about her, STOP DOING THAT!! Concentrate on NO CONTACT!! Concentrate on HEALING! Do not assume anything from here on – okay? We need to get you over this hurdle and so far after four weeks it sounds like you’ve been doing so well. Bottom line Dmoney, if she wants to revisit the relationship she will approach you. I’m not sure how old she is but if there is any sense of maturity at all, she will not be sending unclear messages through one of these “teenage” social networks or other e-communications and you won't be looking at them either. Eventually you will not even care -- trust me! Best wishes! Am4Real....just want to say that was a magical post. Just reading it gave me strength. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dmoney Posted September 27, 2010 Author Share Posted September 27, 2010 Here's the other thing that perplexes me. she's interested in this other guy, ignores me and doesn't want to talk to me, yet she still tries to make sure she's friends with my friends and still talks to my sister in law.........why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dmoney Posted October 9, 2010 Author Share Posted October 9, 2010 All of this stuff is so hard still. What are some of the ways you guys deal with the pain? there are some days i'm really good, and other days that i'm not. How do you guys deal with the bad days? Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 All of this stuff is so hard still. What are some of the ways you guys deal with the pain? there are some days i'm really good, and other days that i'm not. How do you guys deal with the bad days? [highlight]There are good days; there are bad days. Healing takes time and time is different for everyone. [/highlight] Those who are quickest through the process normally follow the same guidelines and keep occupied with getting involved in new activities, finding new friends thru those activities and working on their physical appearance in a means to gain confidence. It just takes time my friend. At first there all bad days. Remember? Then a few good days creep in. Next thing you know the good and bad days are about the same (perhaps where you are now). Keep working on healing...in good time the good days will outnumber the bad and painful ones. Trust us on that!!! Stop dwelling on the past…it will not help and it is the past. Make yourself a future. Come ‘on get out there and start today! Link to post Share on other sites
andrew-bkk Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 All of this stuff is so hard still. What are some of the ways you guys deal with the pain? there are some days i'm really good, and other days that i'm not. How do you guys deal with the bad days? Exercise. Eat fantastic food. Go out if you can. Make a plan to change yourself. Notice how many other beautiful women there are in this world. Stay active. Value yourself. Keep busy. Always keep busy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dmoney Posted October 13, 2010 Author Share Posted October 13, 2010 It's funny how life works out, let me explain. A few days ago, A woman I hadn't seen since High school (i grew up with her and then from there, she and I lost touch because i graduated and we went on to live our lives), messaged me clear outta the blue. She wants all the same things I do in life and she to just got out of a bad relationship.........we both decided to take things really slow. I guess the point is that After really talking with her, I see all the things that would have never worked between me and my ex. To be honest this woman is better for me than my ex...............I don't say better than my ex because my ex was a good woman, she didn't lie to me and was honest about the breakup and I can respect her for that..........however, something better came along now. It's funny what life deals you sometimes. Thank you to everyone who offered help and support, I am forever in your debt and gratitude . Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 however, something better came along now. It's funny what life deals you sometimes. Dmoney, That's fantastic!! As you said so well, go slow and see how things progress. [highlight]Remember, you are susceptible to rebounds and seeing each other through rose colored glasses while so near the breakup stages from you last relationship(s).[/highlight] These 'words' are not meant to discourage or sabotage your feelings for each other...only that it best to be on guard for the first eight to twelve weeks while past feelings and memories are carefully weaned from your heart and mind. Best wishes!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dmoney Posted October 18, 2010 Author Share Posted October 18, 2010 Yea, i remember the rebound effect, which is what Im being careful about. So, from the get go, i told her the truth, that I had just gotten out of a relationship 2 months ago and that I was still dealing with some pain from it. She completely understood, and still said she wished to see me. So, we are just going on casual dates and hanging out, no one has said any "iloveyou's" or anything like that haha. The funny thing is, I deleted my ex from everything and now barely think about her. Now here comes the kicker: she's trying to add me back and contact me now; power has reversed itself. Of course I have just ignored the attempts..............just wanna move forward with what I have now . Slow and Steady wins the race, isn't that what we're taught as kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dmoney Posted November 22, 2010 Author Share Posted November 22, 2010 It's been some time since i've been here. I am happy to say that I have finally finished counseling, and am well on my way to being whole again . Link to post Share on other sites
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