should i stick around or put on my running shoes?

[Exgirlfriend]

My boyfriend of four years wants me to give him a second chance.

 

Actually this would be more like his 3rd or 4th chance. We have been split up for nine months off and on. He's lied and broken alot of promises in between. Promising to move back home and backing out at the last minute. Saying we're back together and then the next day changing his mind and saying he has doubts. Also we have a one year old and I've had to take him to court for child support because he quit paying for two months and I didn't want to have to deal with that happening in the future being that I'm a single mother. We tried working things out but child support always came up and he was always complaining about how he made $100 less a week now, blah blah. He said that he was beginning to resent me for it. I don't want to drop child support because if things don't work out for us at least that will never change. And if we ever did work things out and decided to get married, that would be the only way the order would be dropped anyway. I don't feel comfortable or completely trust him yet to just drop the order right now in order for us to work things out. I don't think that should have anything to do with us working on our relationship anyway.

 

We agreed to just be friends but I found that I wanted more and it was hard seeing and hearing about his other girl friends/girlfriends. Plus he started to hang out more and wasn't spending his free time with me. Making excuses instead. Even when we were "working things out" his heart wasn't in it. I was tired of all the bull**** and I cut contact with him. We only discussed visitation and saw each other for pickups and dropoffs but that was it. That lasted a month and he came knocking at my door this morning saying he can't stand the thought of me being out of his life forever and that he wants to really work on things this time, that he misses and loves me and can't be without me. He realizes that now.

 

Deep in my heart I feel that he's just saying that to keep me on the old "backburner" in case things don't work out with the girls that he are calling his "friends." Also he doesn't like when it's just business between us, he is more satisfied when we are in constant contact, but I find it hard to move on when we are friends because it gives me false hope since he still tells me he loves me and that we'll be together someday.

 

So I don't know what to do. I want to believe that he'll really try to work things out but I'm thinking the child support is going to just come up again and we'll be right back to square one. Also I want him to come back home and work this out the right way. I figure that will tell me if he's serious or not about wanting to be with me and only me, plus he works third shift and sleeps all day so there really isn't enough time in the day to accomplish anything. We'd spend most of our time driving to see each other, and I don't want to take up all of his weekends because then it'll seem like I'm smothering him.

 

Any advice or suggestions? Should I give him a second chance? Does it seem worth all the drama that is going to come along with it?

[Jenga019]

I really dont think you should put yourself through that again. I feel like his past behavior is not going to change. He may miss you now but he won't think about you the next time another girl comes around and you are going to be stuck in the same predicament. Please do not drop the child support order though. That would be the biggest mistake ever. You have a kid together. The kid needs food, shelter and clothing. If he is making 100 a less a week now, tough crap! Your child should not have to suffer because daddy is not making what he would like to. He needs to get a second job or something. Work it out. If he is man enough to make a baby, he is man enough to take care of it! As for the two of you, I really dont think you should give him a second chance. But you are going to do what you want. If you want to give hima second chance, at least make him prove to you that he will not screw you over again. Spend some time with him and after a while if he seems like he truly changed that maybe giving him another try isnt a bad idea. But just dont drop everything for him because he gave you a bull**** line about how he misses you. He needs to show it! Good luck!! Hope that helps!

[Exgirlfriend]

Thanks for your quick reply.

 

I really don't want to put myself through that again. Its been a rough month emotionally but I got through it! You really made me think when you said that his past behaviour is not going to change. I was hoping that maybe this time would be different but I think you're right, he probably hasn't changed very much and just misses me, that's all. I wish he could see what I see but unfortunately he'll probably see what he had when its too late and I've moved on with someone else. That most always happens to me and men. They realize what they had after I'm gone. I was hoping it would be different with him. It's so hard to forget about all that we dreamed and planned for in the future and now it's just a memory and will never be a reality.

 

I'm pretty sure I won't be dropping the child support. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish or not. He makes me feel that I am alot of the time.

 

I am going to take your advice and see if he can prove to me that he really wants to be with me but in the meantime I'm going to guard my heart and hope for the best but prepare for the worst. This is his last chance.

 

Thanks for your help!