zzdawgs Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Okay people I just opened up this account with the hope that maybe I might get some advice from another woman, or a man going through similar struggles. I've been married for 14 years and for the most part it's been pretty darn good. She's my best friend and I enjoy doing lots of things with her. However, she suffers from metal illness (anxiety/depression) and the medication she take completely destroys her sex drive. We haven't had sex in over 2 years. A year ago I initiated the idea of seeing a sex therapist and after 2 months she concluded that most of the problems were with my wife not me. So my wife started seeing her without me. The sex therapist also worked with her other doctor and got her medication changed to something less likely to hinder her sex drive. One year later and no sex. She's now enjoying solo activities but nothing with me (doctors request). I'm suppose to be patient, but I'm ready to explode. I have never cheated on my wife but the urges for a one night stand are becoming stronger and stronger. I'm craving naughty sex like I'm 20 again. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 You need to be communicating how you feel with your wife...but first check with the therapist to see just what approach you should take. See what the prognosis is for recovery. I wouldn't be so quick to blame the meds on this...it could be the depression itself or it could be a whole lot of other things. If things don't improve pretty soon, don't have an affair...get a divorce. Two years is way too long to let something like this go on. Part of the marriage contract is normal sexual activity and that condition isn't being met here. An affair could be devastating to your wife if she does indeed have depression or anxiety issues. Of course, a divorce is stressful too but that can be resolved in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 I know that many anti-depressants can interfere with the libido and sexual functions, but I'm wondering why her doctor told her that she was not to have sex with you? How is her mental status now? Are the drugs doing her some good? I think you should talk to the doctors and to her to see if she is willing to participate to meet your needs. She might not get into it as much as you do physically, but her meeting your physical needs is, IMHO, a good sign of her love and consideration for you. My spouse has participated numerous time for me only, as I have participated (performed?) for her only, all out of love and respect for the other persons needs and feelings. Don't have an affair -- you married for better or worse and inability to have sex is something you are just going to have to contend with. You have your hand and if you look up "male sex toys" on the internet you will be amazed at what you will find that can help you! Is she affectionate towards you in any way? (Although I don't know if that would be a good thing or not if there is no follow-through) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Frankly, I have my doubts about her therapist. Just because someone hangs out a shingle doesn't mean that that person is competent or talented at the job. Telling her to avoid sex with you for this long sounds way out of line to me. I suggest trying a new therapist. Something just does not compute about all this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zzdawgs Posted February 23, 2004 Author Share Posted February 23, 2004 Okay more background ... Sometimes trying to cram everything into a few short paragraphs can be hard. She was taught at a very young age (by her parents) that sex was a bad thing, so she has never really enjoyed it. The therapist is teaching her how to explore and understand her sexuality. The good news is she's starting to have orgasms, which she never use to experience. Yes we do communicate with positive results. I think are relationship is very strong it just lacks sex on my part. I've been good, it's just getting hard to stay good. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 I still don't see how that could preclude her having some sort of contact with you for your sake. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Last Thursday Oprah had a show on sex. She sent 2 couples that were not having sex in their marriage to a weekend resort in Arizona. In this resort they have group therapy with other couples having the same problems. In 2 days they learn to reconnect with each other and themselves. Check out her website and something on the topic may still be posted and maybe their will be something similiar in your area. In the end both couples were reintroducted to wonderful and fulfilling sex. The couples highly recommend this weekend retreat for anyone having problems. I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 found the site for you. I hope it helps. http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_past_20010214.jhtml Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Please read The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michelle Weiner-Davis. Filled with practical advice for both parties. And in case you wondered...there are many married people in this boat. Link to post Share on other sites
texas Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 dude !!! - down deep do you feel like this is an excuse to not have sex ? in the past before the meds. did she dig having sex with u or did she tolerate you ? good chance the answer is right in front of you and you're to scared to face it Link to post Share on other sites
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