6 year relationship kinda rocky..

[agourley]

Hello- I'm a newbie!

I'll try and make this as short as possible and hopefully it all makes sense.

Basically, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years. We are both 23. I've dated other people in highschool, while he has never dated anyone before me. I'm his first EVERYTHING. He moved in with me a year ago, after I was involved in a texting/emotional affair. We both believed that him moving in and always being around would help my problem. Prior to that we only saw eachother on the weekends and spoke during the week.

Since then, my BF has always had a hard time trusting me and hangs my bad decisions over my head. I basically have no close female friends and I have a few close guy friends. I text them a lot and occasionally some flirting goes on. Sometimes a lot of flirting happens but I've told them I can't be like that anymore if I want things to be better in my current relationship.

My bf is always sneaking peeks at my cell phone checking my text messages to see who I've been talking to. When I bust him, he just shrugs it off like it's no big deal. Last night we got into an arguement and he demanded to look at my phone to see what I was talking about with my guy friend. My bf and this guy are not getting along due to a previous deal and my bf now told me that I can't talk to him anymore. He doesn't like the fact that I was flirting with him. He tried to say, Think of if I were the one always texting girls. How would that make you feel? Yes, obviously I wouldn't like it. But I flirt. It comes naturally to me. It makes conversations more fun.

I guess I'm not even sure what I'm writing for. More of a rant to get things off my chest. I'm trying to figure out if a relationship can last if one person doesn't trust the other. Not to mention, I don't feel the love anymore. We're more like roommates. I don't want to be close to him (sexually), and maybe thats in part of my talking with guys? I don't know. I'm sure I'm missing a lot of info here, so feel free to ask me anything. I'll take all your comments, good and bad.

[lkjh]

when you are in a relationship flirting with other guys is wrong. He doesnt trust you and he shouldn't. That is why he looks at your phone. You are damaging your relationship by flirting with other guys. Best advice you can give your bf is to stay clear of girls that need attention from other men.

 

Think about the fight you wrote about. A guy flirts with you, this bothers your bf, and yet you continue to do it.

 

You both need to mature

[BellaBellaBella]

You had an affair, for him to trust you again, you need to be transparent.

 

Otherwise, let him go and let him find someone who is willing to work to find his trust.

 

Are you really sure you want to be in this relationship or are you done and afraid to end it?

 

Just asking

[FryFish]

He doesnt trust you because you arent trust worthy... You are a selfish cheater... You shouldnt be in a relationship with anyone.

[Maggotface]

Bella made a good point. I know you feel obligated to work this out because you've been together for so long but if things have fizzled out and you dont see them getting better (or try to make them better) then it's time to go your seperate ways. Your boyfriend can find someone who is attracted to him and doesnt view him as a roommate and you can have the freedom to flirt with whoever.

 

If you really see a future with him then you need to get rid of what's causing stress in your relationship. Your boyfriend is unhappy and it's all on you to fix it.

[agourley]

I understand flirting can be bad. But do you honestly go through your day without flirting one time? Perhaps I'm wrong here, but I guess I grew up with the thought that flirting doesn't always have to mean something.

Bella- I don't think I want to be in this relationship anymore. And I'm super afraid of ending things. Call me a quitter, but I don't know what else there is to do to make things better. Can a person fall back in love? And how long does that take? I'm not sure if I'm willing to wait another year or two to see if the feelings come back. And I know I'm selfish. I told him that last night. And sometimes I really wonder if I'm meant to be in a relationship.. can't have my cake and eat it too, but sometimes I try.

Last night we basically laid it all out on the table. The trust issues, my lack of love and attraction, etc. It was a long, long night but in the end he asked to give it 6 more months. I really don't know what else to do or try to make things better. Obviously cut down the flirting, but how to make those feelings come back? I don't think they will.

Thanks for your opinions. It's nice to hear from someone looking in.

[Sal Paradise]

If my girl was constantly flirting with guys on her phone I'd be snooping her text messages as well. He'd be a fool not to.

 

Also your lack of female friends probably makes him suspicious as well.

[Maggotface]

I understand flirting can be bad. But do you honestly go through your day without flirting one time? Perhaps I'm wrong here, but I guess I grew up with the thought that flirting doesn't always have to mean something.

Bella- I don't think I want to be in this relationship anymore. And I'm super afraid of ending things. Call me a quitter, but I don't know what else there is to do to make things better. Can a person fall back in love? And how long does that take? I'm not sure if I'm willing to wait another year or two to see if the feelings come back. And I know I'm selfish. I told him that last night. And sometimes I really wonder if I'm meant to be in a relationship.. can't have my cake and eat it too, but sometimes I try.

Last night we basically laid it all out on the table. The trust issues, my lack of love and attraction, etc. It was a long, long night but in the end he asked to give it 6 more months. I really don't know what else to do or try to make things better. Obviously cut down the flirting, but how to make those feelings come back? I don't think they will.

Thanks for your opinions. It's nice to hear from someone looking in.

 

 

Yes I do go through my day without flirting, because I'm in a relationship and know flirting will hurt the person I'm with, also it would hurt me if he was flirting with other girls. You need to get yourself in a position to avoid these temptations to flirt with other guys. It doesnt matter what idea you had in your head when you were growing up what matters is your partner find this as unacceptable behavior.

It's good that you know you are being selfish but I think it's pretty obvious that this relationship isnt going anywhere. If you really dont want to do this anymore then don't wait, cut him off now so he can start to move on. Waiting will only prolong his pain and you will continue to grow more unhappy with the relationship.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I understand flirting can be bad. But do you honestly go through your day without flirting one time? Perhaps I'm wrong here, but I guess I grew up with the thought that flirting doesn't always have to mean something.

Bella- I don't think I want to be in this relationship anymore. And I'm super afraid of ending things. Call me a quitter, but I don't know what else there is to do to make things better. Can a person fall back in love? And how long does that take? I'm not sure if I'm willing to wait another year or two to see if the feelings come back. And I know I'm selfish. I told him that last night. And sometimes I really wonder if I'm meant to be in a relationship.. can't have my cake and eat it too, but sometimes I try.

Last night we basically laid it all out on the table. The trust issues, my lack of love and attraction, etc. It was a long, long night but in the end he asked to give it 6 more months. I really don't know what else to do or try to make things better. Obviously cut down the flirting, but how to make those feelings come back? I don't think they will.

Thanks for your opinions. It's nice to hear from someone looking in.

 

What kind of a person are you? You can't be upfront enough to end it... yet you constantly flirt with other guys.

 

Time will tell if your just a bad person... but certainly getting out of this relationship will help you find out.

 

And for the record.... if other women can't stand you... that means you have mental issues.

 

Also... for the future... Flirting is VERY disrespectful of your current relationship and it leads other guys on. This is true even if you tell them about your BF. It just gets them thinking you don't care about him... which is clearly true.

 

Now... go break up with this guy!!! You can both do better.

[BellaBellaBella]

LOL I don't go through the day without flirting, but it's my partner's I flirt with. OP I would say, if you don't love him and your this young. Get out now. If your not married then go forth and have fun with others in a respectful manner. Leave him with dignity and your remaining self respect.

 

If you don't have the guts to get out, image this when your going through the wedding and your going through having a baby. Then you realized you hooked up to soon or he does and one of you is I love you, but I'm not in love with you.