lowerlot Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 I need some serious advise to make it through this situation! I have been with this girl since right before Thanksgiving exclusively, but previously we've known each other for years and have from time to time hooked up and have always been attracted to each other. About a month before we got together, her boyfriend of about two years was caught cheating on her, so she moved back to our hometown and was finished with him. She and I started spending a lot of time together, both as friends and otherwise. She needed a ton of support and I wanted to help, but then the other side of things came with it, we are both very into each other. So anyway, we decided around Thanksgiving that we'd be together and things were great. Now to come up to the future here we're going through some serious changes... Ok, well for Valentines Day I did a whole lot for her, brought her to her favorite show in the city and we stayed at a 5 star hotel...i went all out for her, yet she froze up and didn't even thank me or seem to realize what i'd done/ No "Happy Valentine's Day", nothing. So then the next day we had to head to our respective homes becauase she had a family wedding to attend (which she did not invite me to!), so i did my own thing. Much later in the night, around 1:45 a.m., she called me and sounded pretty scared. She said she needed me to come and get her. I asked if she was ok, she said no, and said to hurry. So, needless to say, I drove like a maniac to get there and ran into this party thinking something bad was happening to her...it couldn't have been a different scene...she was sitting there with half a beer, getting hit on by some guy and when i burst in the room she didn't acknowledge me at all. I stood there for literally 20 minutes before she even gave me a nod, meanwhile she was getting hit on the entire time right in front of me. She finally let the guy down by saying that I was dragging her out of there, but she wished she could hang out with him longer. Obviously I wanted to scream like a maniac at this point, but i didn't, i just waited to find out what was up. So we left and on our way home she said she wanted to stay with me, so we go to my house and she just passes out, literally not saying anything the entire time . The next day I take her home, I have a presentation to make so I am really stressed. I checked my email right before and she had sent a message being basically mean, you know, "good luck, you'll need it", that sort of thing. Anyway, it pushed me over the edge and I sent her an email that was all asking her where we stand, what she wanted...etc., i needed answers. She called me later and told me I was somehow "scaring her", and she'd call me later. This happened last week and I haven't called her and she hasn't called me. This is a person I am really close to, we spent pretty much every day together and all of a sudden I feel like she thinks i'm a stalker or something. Help me! What do I do? I've never wanted to call someone more in my entire life but I don't want to reinforce that idea. Any advice would certainly help..... thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Try and find out what is going on with her, if she won't explain it then she is not worth your time and you should dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 The expression for a woman in this situation would be Lose the Loser, but for you it's Ditch the B***h. It doesn't sound like she has much respect for your feelings at all. 1. she can't even thank you for going all out on her for Valentine's 2. she doesn't even invite you to a wedding as her guest 3. she calls you in the middle of the night to rescue her, and proceeds to ignore you once you get there. 4. then she continues to let some guy hit on her in front of you and makes it sound like it's your fault she can't go home with him. What exactly is it that you find so appealing about this woman? Move on. Find someone that will appreciate and respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lowerlot Posted February 23, 2004 Author Share Posted February 23, 2004 It would certainly be nice to pretend that I don't love her, but i do, that's what's going on here. She has treated me really badly and I have continually equated all the negativity to her being "troubled" about her last relationship, even though it's been almost 6 months....i guess that's maybe being silly, i'm not entirely sure anymore. It sucks to admit, but all I want is for her to call me and say she's sorry, that she wants to be with me and she knows that she has been wrong, but i am really afraid that she won't call me at all. I need closure no matter what, do i just call her in a day or two and end it or what? I am friends with two of her brothers, so it can't be really awkward in the future or else i'm basically losing 3 friends instead of one. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 I guess it's akward that you are friends with her brothers. Give her a couple of days, call her see what's up. I know it's heart breaking but it's not going to be the end of the world if it's over. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Medan Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 As the person asked above me, what do you see in this woman? From what you have posted she sure does not seem to care about you! Is this really the type of woman you want to be with? She has all the say and power in your relationship. What you posted are some pretty big red flags. I know you have feelings for this woman but you need to talk to some of your friends and get some support. If anything you should be angry right now. If that is how you want to be treated in the future (unless for some reason you think she is just going to change) then best of luck to you. That was a joke by the way, she is not going to change. If I was you I would make her come back to me and then decide if I wanted her back or not. I would get some books and do some reading. Hang out with your friends. Go make some new women friends (not saying you have to get involved with them) but just show her that she is not your entire world! If she does not come around and become the person you want in your life then at least you have already started the healing process and have begun to move on with your life. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Is she always like this? - if so, get out asap. If this is completely out of character and you have known her for years, something is obviously wrong. Noone will think you are a stalker for asking her to explain what the hell it's all about. You have to sort it out or get out. You cannot let her treat you like this with impunity Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Sounds like she's trying to get back at you for what her ex did to her. That's pretty crappy behavior. She's "troubled" all right but it's way more than because of her ex. I know you care about her but she's only going to put you through more hell if you continue your involvement. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 I forget where I heard this saying, but it's a good one You should always think about how you FEEL about YOURSELF when you're with someone If you feel positive, confident and attractive when you're around someone, then they are a positive force in your life If you feel drained, confused, insecure, abused or dissed when you're around someone, they are a negative force in your life When love is returned, you feel positive When love is just taken from you and nothing is given in return, you feel lousy about yourself This girl seems to be doing a good job of making you feel pretty crappy about yourself Spending time with people like that will fritter away your self esteem,(and yes, they may have valid reasons for being 'troubled' but that doesn't mean you're their punching bag). Don't take her 'troubles' onto yourself. She needs therapy or time alone, obviously Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 Originally posted by gaia Is she always like this? - if so, get out asap. If this is completely out of character and you have known her for years, something is obviously wrong. Noone will think you are a stalker for asking her to explain what the hell it's all about. You have to sort it out or get out. You cannot let her treat you like this with impunity ....I am friends with two of her brothers.... Could they possibly offer some insight? Maybe she may have said something to one (or both) of them. Link to post Share on other sites
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