Can't forget Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 I love her, the kids, my life and everything, I want it to be this way forever. I know she's mine, I know she's with me, but these thoughts are with me. Things are so good with us now, it is almost like we have just been married. We are so much in love but I can't help but think. Am I as good? What can't I provide you that you had to look else where? Do you think of him? DO you think of me? I hear a song and wonder, was this there song? Will I push you away again or will I hold too tight? Will I screw it all up? Will I ever stop thinking about it? Will she ever know my pain? Will time heal my wounds? Will it ever be the same? She had a strong friendship with another man, It was none sexual. They sent email's and secret lunch meetings. She even arranged a meeting at the beach that he declined. This went on for 3 years. Has anyone been through this? If anyone has answers to these questions that will be good. I have tried to talk to my wife, but she says that it was nothing and she can't believe that it is affecting me this way. She gets upset and does not want to talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
matrixgenius Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Dude, Print this out and hand it to her. She wants to forget it and wants you to forget it. Just let her knows that some things in life aren't easy. "It is always easier to go down stairs then up" Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 And also "you cannot polish a turd." Mate, in my humble opinion, if this person is willing to hurt you like this then you dont need her. Dont lower your honour to make her feel better within herself by giving her your love. I know it is hard to let go, I am in the same boat, but it is necessary. If she gets you back now, what happens next time? Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 You need to make it clear that it is a big deal, that she has to acknowlege that and that you wont tolerate it again. In my opinion online chat is one of the most incidious evils our society has to deal with. It's allows for easy access to a grass-is-greener mentality and shields people from reality at the same time. The whole thing is so artificial and so easy for people to convince themselves that what they are doing isn't real and doesn't count. When in reality, the only thing that is real and that really matters is our feelings and emotions. They are what bind us to each other as family. To say that doesn't matter is foolish and selfish. But, aside from that, you came out on top. She could have left you. She didn't. You won. Remember that. Think about how you would feel if she were gone. Trust me, it's worse. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Originally posted by fishman3226 And also "you cannot polish a turd." Ahh, that's a great one. I should make it my new signature line :-) Link to post Share on other sites
dlb311 Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years and we walked out because well he got scared so we figured out now. Well I was crushed he was in the process of moving in with me. All he needed was to pay some of the bills. And we were so in love talking of marriage and kids where we would raise them It was great. Then he left and I was devestated. So for four months I tried to figure it out and started to move on. At the end of the fourth month he came back I had stopped all contact with him and I think it freaked him out. Because he asked me to dinner and a movie. So I went to see what he wanted. We are now back together and have been for the past two months. And they have been great. Hard for me a little because I am scared and trying to protect myself without pushing him away or holding on to tight. The past week has been extra hard for me because he seems distant I talked to him about it but he said everything is fine I worry to much. So I am trying to keep it together and not let my insecruties get the best of me and our relationship. So far so good. But he just bought a house with a friend of his a guy. And they are moving in together this week. I am sorta jealous because that was our plan before. But I know its not time for us so I am happy and supporting him with all I have. But I have in the back of my mind that he will change his mind or because he just wants the future to happen I am never going to know if I am wasting me time. I want him forever and ever and since he is preoccupied with moving in to his new house I feel like I am in love by myself It could be my insecruties talking but I want the five calls a day and the I love you you are so beatuifuls still and I get them just not as often... should I worry? Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 He's gay. No but seriously......two straight guys buying a house together is a bit unusual...hmmmmm Buying a house is a very stressful thing. Much bigger than just moving into a rental. I've worked with people who have married and moved and changed jobs within 6 months and ended up on blood pressure meds because of it. Offer to help with the move if it isn't over already. Link to post Share on other sites
dlb311 Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 So last night I went over. Its a nice house. They will definitly make it a bachlore paid. But two young guys what can you say. He is 24 and his friend is 24 or 25. I am 22 I know still so young. But when you are in love you are in love. Well He was very sweet to and very loving and touchy and huges and kisses. It felt great. I was seeing that he already had mail. I was checking it out since he just moved in yesterday. There was a card. So I opened it and read it it was from some girl and she said she can't stop thinking about him and she can't wait till March. So I casually walked up to him and said I just say the card who is she? he said some girl he met a few months away( while we were not together) and she lives in NY and she was down here. And she is sycho he said. I said well how does she have your new address. He said she called me the other day and I was telling her about it andshe begged me for my address she said she had something she wanted to send me. He said I was totally caught off guard. I said whats in March. He said I guess she is coming down. I said are you going to see her? he said no of course not. I said does she know you have a girlfriend. He said yes I told her. I believe him but its hard. because of everything I have been going through. I have lots of fears about this and so I have what it feels like is 24/7 anxiety attaches. But I trust him I do. Its just so hard not to let me mind think lots of things. I can't get upset until he actually does something. So anyone have any idea how to get ride of the anxiety of my insecurities? Link to post Share on other sites
Can't Forget Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 I talked to my wife the night I posted the original message. She would have nothing to do with talking about. The next night her parents, being married for 35 years, announced their devoice. Her parents would never talk about relationship issues or would ever seek counselling. All the kids knew their may problem was communication. After the announcement, my wife and I had a talk, and she talked, answered every question of mine and helped ease my mind of the wild thoughts I was having. It s easier for me now to know she does love me, and wants me. I don't think of it every waking moment like I did. I can now see that time will heal my wounds and we will grow old together all because of communication!! Thank you all for your input. This forum is a good place, I had no where else to go, thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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