i think he wants to be more than FWB, but we're both too scared to initiate it

[zz11]

I have been FWB with my best friend of 7 years for the past 6 months. In the beginning we both agreed that we were both a little scared to enter a new relationship due to each of our past breakups, so we agreed to keep it FWB. I guess it's kind of hard to be just FWB with your best friend though, because we are pretty much with each other everyday of the week, and pretty much "a couple" in every way possible. (but we still aren't an official couple)

 

Lately i've been noticing small things though...like one day we were playing around, and he kept adding in "but i love you" to a few things he said. And it's not like he was saying in a joking manner...he just kinda kept saying it in a serious way. To be honest, i really do love him, but I ignored him everytime he said it. (which kinda would've hurt my feelings if i was the one saying it...) He also always says things like, "let's get married one day," which really isn't that far fetched since we have know each other for 7 years...and yeah, he could be joking but he sounds serious when he says it, and says it all the time.

 

The thing is, he knows i'm a really quiet person, so i don't want him to assume i'll never open up to him or come around (even though i do love him) and then him move on to another girl. but i'm too afraid to tell him i REALLY do love him, since we had agreed to keep it casual...i don't want to scare him off.

 

i know actions speak louder than words, and if he didn't want to be with me, we wouldn't be together everyday, but i just get so down when i think about how he could start looking for a new girl at anytime, since maybe he thinks i don't want to be more than FWB with him. (even though i really don't think he's talking to anyone else...i'm just paranoid.)

 

how can i show him that i really do want to be his girlfriend, without actually coming out and saying it?

[zz11]

sorry for the long post, it just really sucks to be in a 'fake' relationship...haha

[WTRanger]

how can i show him that i really do want to be his girlfriend, without actually coming out and saying it?

 

Come out and say it. It's the only way. The only thing you've shown him and continue to show with with the FWB is the fact you are willing to settle for far less than what you want.

 

To this day it still boggles the mind that you can be willing to share every aspect of your body with him, but you fear you share your mind.

[zz11]

Come out and say it. It's the only way. The only thing you've shown him and continue to show with with the FWB is the fact you are willing to settle for far less than what you want.

 

To this day it still boggles the mind that you can be willing to share every aspect of your body with him, but you fear you share your mind.

 

Yeah, i know exactly what you mean...it boggles my mind too. I think it's just hard for me because he's not some random guy i bet at a bar...he's my best friend of 7 years. I've never been this close to someone, so the idea of screwing something up and loosing him is terrifying.

[WTRanger]

You don't have to worry about screwing things up because you've already screwed them up when the feelings came around. Not that it's your fault, you developed feelings for him so it's time to embrace them. You've got to see that there is nothing to lose, because at this time you have nothing. You cannot keep this state going and stay in a healthy mental spot.

 

You have everything to gain. If he accepts, then you gain him. If he rejects, then you gain the knowledge that you tried and acceptance that it's time to move on with your life. You only lose by doing nothing.

[spiderowl]

I can't imagine him saying things like that to you without him meaning them. I mean he's repeating it, not just saying it once. From the way you described it, it didn't sound like he was joking either. I think he's testing the water and so far you are not responding. If you could not hear him and just had to judge his feelings for you by his actions, what would they be telling you?