Wife's affair is now my dilemma - CHAPTER TWO

[Dad_of_2_great_boys]

Chapter One

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t240276/

 

 

Chapter Two

 

13 hours till the temporary hearing and we both call the police.

 

Our first court appearance is tomorrow.

This is the one where the judge decides that the boys will stay in the marital home 50-100% of the time and with which parent.

 

I was trying to give her a heads up by playing the voicemail she left me stating she "was going to work and leaving the boys (11 & 6) home alone because our eldest was starting to feel better after his fever broke." Not model parenting in my book.

 

This was an irritant and she slammed the door on my hand. Called her attorney and then the police. I had already called the police while she phoned her attorney.

 

They took statements and said to leave each other alone. Okay for me, but she continued to rant at both officers.

 

For whatever outcome, I am ready to push "all in" and let the judge decide.

 

I'll be up all night - writing "Thank you" cards to those who showed support

to get me this far.

 

For all of you on LoveShack - Thank you for being a place to vent and a sounding board and a chance to maybe give back. Pray for my boys welfare.

[Dad_of_2_great_boys]

Long lonely night - I wrote 40 + thank you notes.

I'll be in court in 2 hours.

Please pray for my sons.

[eamherst14051]

You are definitely in my prayers. But please remember, there is a "Master Plan" for all of us and we can't affect that outcome one iota.

[dqmommy]

Oh no! I'm so very sorry to hear the latest. I'm sorry it has come to that.

 

You and your boys will be in my thoughts today. Please let us know what happens.....hang in there....you clearly are a very strong man and you will be able to handle whatever comes your way.

[GorillaTheater]

Dad, I wish you and your sons the very best outcome possible.

[Lizzie60]

I do too.. you seem to be a great dad.. although I will not bash her.. because I don't know her side of the story.

 

good luck..

[tank]

Dad, you are in my thoughts today. I hope for the best possible outcome for you and your children. Hang in there and keep us posted.

[What_Next]

You have my best wishes. Kharma will go to work for you.

 

Keep us up to date.

[LisaLee]

Dad, I hope all went well with court today!

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Dad_of_2_great_boys, come on big guy, throw us all a bone, let us know what happened in court! I am on "pin's & needles" awaiting some sort of news about this!

 

Hope it went well, let us know.....

[Dad_of_2_great_boys]

Sorry all - didn't mean to keep everyone in suspense.

 

We have an interim settlement.

 

She moves out.

I stay in the house.

No alimony.

50/50 with our sons.

One week at a time.

I have to give her a LARGE lump settlement of equity.

Once she gets the cash - she has 10 days to move out.

Arbitrate the furnishings.

Child support to her paid on the weeks she has our sons.

Each pay 500 to start the Guardian Ad Litem process.

 

 

Everyone says I did alright. I feel like I sold on on my boys. I know they need their mom. So I guess I was okay with this.

It is the process of taking these steps that have me devistated.

 

I am still a wreck.

 

When I showed at court she was not alone.

She had two female friends to support her.

Sharing the moment. I was alone.

 

I reached out to someone who I worked with and he was there in 20 minutes. I realize what it means to truly hav a good friend.

 

To anyone facing this in the future - have someone with you. YOU WILL NEED IT. I thought I could keep this private and go it alone. I wouldn't have made it.

 

We haven't REALLY spoken yet. School open house for my youngest last night and soccer for the eldest. I am not looking forward to letting the boys know. Until the money is found and she has a place lined up there doesn't seem to be a point to tell them.

 

I am just going to try to make it through the day.

 

My circle of friends have been very supportive by not bothering me.

Respecting my privacy.

I will have to face many people in a few hours. Hopefully I can make it through the day.

 

I need a hug. I held my boys tight when they went to bed, bu tI am alone. I have been alone, But now it sinks in. I can't imagine this house empty for a week at a time.

 

Sorry but I have to log off. I can't deal right now....

[habs53]

Probably the 2 friends she brought were her support from day one. Oh its okay to cheat, oh its okay to leave him. If you dont love him who cares. The kids will be fine. They will live with it....bla bla bla

My ex has a few of these friends. Yep and both of them have done it to there husbands.

 

Kids suffer the most over this. My son is a changed person, and not for the best. Cheaters should be so ashamed of themselves for what they did to there families. If they think there children are going to forget what they did, they are severally mistaken.

[What_Next]

It sounds to me like you did more than fine.

 

Good luck throughout the process.

 

You are wise to realize going it alone is not the way to make it through.

[John991]

Dad

 

I wish you all the best in your case. I agree this site is a god send.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Big guy, keep your chin up! By all accounts here, you really didn't make off that badly. Your words are as follows....

 

"I stay in the house.

No alimony.

50/50 with our sons."

 

I live in California, what you just got through your divorce is a very rare thing here! First your a Man, courts here in California frown upon the man from the "get-go", this is pretty much a woman gets everything divorce state. But look at you, you get to keep the house, wow, almost unheard of here, most judges here give the man the boot from the house and they have to find their own place to live. And look at you,no alimony again something that does not happen a whole lot over here, almost always the man ends up paying through the nose with that sort of stuff. And lastly, 50/50 custody of your children! The 50/50 things is a normal thing here in California, most judges here aren't that cruel, they will just take your money, your house, your toys but let you keep some of the kids. But you did it, you still get to be in your kids lives on a "scheduled styled regular basis"!

 

I'm happy for you, I don't think you need to throw out statement like "you sold out on your kids", no, no, no, no you did not! You were there in court for the kids, you will now be embarking on another phase of your life for those kids, you get to keep the house, for the kids, ect. ect. ect. You did not sell out!

 

If and when there might be a "next time" you go through another divorce, don't worry about your "soon to be ex-wife" brining her friends with her to court. For the most part, only speaking for me, I learned that this is nothing more than court room eye candy. Its mire window dressing, power by the numbers, power to the girls, and so forth. I really didn't like the fact that almost all my family and friends showed up for my final court date, the day everything was spelled out for us. I would have rather have been "alone"! But I'm glad they showed, made the victory party afterwards a very full event.

 

I know your having a hard time right now, but it does get more easy to deal with as time goes on. Your worrying about having to deal with an empty house on particular weeks, this in the future will fade away. Heck you just might start enjoying those weeks when it is just you, sort of your own stay at home vacation thing. I enjoy the weeks I have my Son, but to be honest, now a days I enjoy those weeks when it is just me as well. Everything here will work itself out with time!

 

I think you did very well, you "broke even" with the child issue, you came out ahead by not having to pay the alimony, but you hit the "jack pot" with being able to keep the house! You my friend I consider the victor, might not feel like it to you right now, but you did it, you WON the day!

 

Congrat's.....

[Dad_of_2_great_boys]

I realized that my attorney was wise. What he said before the temporary hearing "If you do a court battle at this stage - expect a court battle on everything. I'll fight - its what you pay me for and you have a chance, but this will be the way it will be from here on out." Knowing the risk and that statement was what made settling seem correct.

 

Today I realized that not only was he wise but he is VERY sharp.

 

I'm calling around trying to scramble to get the wife the cash she needs this morning.

 

THE STBXW call's me and leaves a message.

"You need to get my name off the mortgage so I can apply for my own."

 

WHAT?

 

Then it sinks in - I don't need to - SHE needs me to.

 

Per the temp hearing, she has 10 days to move out once I give her a large chunk of her equity. Temp Orders also say no party is to initiate a lien (except the home equity quantity due) against marital property.

 

Since the house won't be settled till the divorce is final, her name can stay on the mortgage. THAT could have been me. I immediately sent my lawyer another THANK YOU by email. Shared my story with two buddies from work that went through this (one was who came to court). The were laughing so hard, others came over to see what was going on. We realize she will probably burn through the equity payment before the divorce ever gets to final hearing/agreement.

 

But wait it gets better....

 

I call her back. We discuss the clauses of the temp agreement and I state that I believe my hands are tied and I am trying my best to comply with the agreement to get her her money as quick as possible. She gets peeved and says "I'm just trying to find a compromise that works for both of us". I remind her that that was what we did yesterday (only added fuel to her fire). She then suggests I cosign her property till I can get her name off our first mortgage. WTF? Really? I had to excuse myself and said we could talk about this later as she obviously needed to get her attorney's opinion before I get involved in that. (It was more tactful than just saying "Not a chance I'd ever be that stupid").

 

Today wasn't that bad of a day....

[whichwayisup]

Wow. I guess she's realizing life isn't as easy going and happy as she once thought it was going to be. Consquences....

 

You do have a good lawyer.

[JRoy]

Dad,

When you can say "Today wasn't that bad of a day....", then it truly is a good day. I hope you will find many more ahead and over the rough spots.

 

You and your family are in my prayers.

[Dad_of_2_great_boys]

11pm wife STBXW texts me from inside the house to say "She's going to bingo". Turns out she is actually at here AP apartment.

 

My boys are asleep in the king size bed in the master bedroom where she sleeps until I can get her out of here.

 

She waits till they drift off to sleep - Then steps out. I am disgusted at the thought of her returning home sometime tonight and crawling into bed with them.

 

I need to get her out ASAFP! This is killing me. Just took my BP - 178/122

[The-Zen-Warrior]

I feel for you, I really do! I can totally understand it when you say that you want her out "ASAP"! My friend I went through the same thing to, once upon a time. All I can say is that patience in key here! I know you don't want to hear that, but patience is key.

 

You will get through this, one day you wont have to worry about your "soon to be ex-wife" slipping out at night, after the kids fall asleep and returning only god knows when! As far as her telling you "it's Bingo time", yeah right, if you believe that, I've got some prime ocean front property in Montana to sell you!

 

Please forgive me on one thing, seeing I'm still kind of new here, I'm not real up with the jive of some abbreviations. What does the "AP" in front of the word apartment, in your post mean? I will get ready for one of my famous "I should have had a V-8" moments! lol:o

[Dad_of_2_great_boys]

Please forgive me on one thing, seeing I'm still kind of new here, I'm not real up with the jive of some abbreviations. What does the "AP" in front of the word apartment, in your post mean? I will get ready for one of my famous "I should have had a V-8" moments! lol:o

 

I may have misacronymed but AP for me meant Affair Partner

[Dad_of_2_great_boys]

My mother tried to talk me down from this.

 

I REALLY wanted to confront her on this tonight. Lock her out - whatever.

 

Court Ordered me to cash advance the equity she will get to the tune of 25K and then she has 10 days to leave.

 

I will be selling two kidneys tomorrow if it will help me start the clock.

[Dad_of_2_great_boys]

She is home now.

Somebody please validate my feelings that I should confront her now on her where abouts tonight. I so want to throw her to the street tonight.

She doesn't deserve the comfort of this home.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

She is home now.

Somebody please validate my feelings that I should confront her now on her where abouts tonight. I so want to throw her to the street tonight.

She doesn't deserve the comfort of this home.

 

Big guy, I can only go as far as "validating" your feelings, that you don't like what is happening right now! If we were sitting on your back patio enjoying a "cold one" and she came home while we were visiting, I would give you a slight grab around your arm as you tried to get up, all the while I would be telling you to "cool your jets"!

 

I would do everything within my power, other than putting you to sleep with a couple well placed pressure point holds, and stop you from having a conflict with your "soon to be ex-wife'! Just let it be right now, enjoy the fact that in regards to court "you won the day"!

 

I understand that you have to kind of "buy her out of the house", that will come. A couple idea's to speed up this process, as to not have your blood pressure sky rocket. 1st would be, do you own more than two cars, one for her and one for you? Do you won a third? As a sort of spare car. If so, you might want to sell off the third car for direct cash and get some of that 25K.

 

2nd. Do you have any type of I.R.A.'s, T-Bonds, Stocks, ect. ect ect. that you could sell off and help you with collecting that 25K?

 

3rd. Do you have any antiques, expensive watches like a Rolex, any type of Tiffany mens sports bracelets? Anything of value that you could sell off to build up to that 25K?

 

I don't know, all those idea's were just me thinking out loud for you! And I agree with you she really doesn't deserve to be in your home! But a court deal is a court deal, you have to be patient and comply with the Judges Orders.

 

And last, don't kick her to the curb, not yet anyways! I wouldn't do anything right now that would give her any ammunition as towards going back to court and having a Judge "modify" you prior court case.

Edited September 20, 2010 by The-Zen-Warrior

[Dad_of_2_great_boys]

I made it through the night.

 

I said nothing to her this morning about last night.

I took my youngest to school and will talk to the lawyer.

 

 

Nothing to sell - no third card, I never spent on myself.

We never really had anything left over to save or invest after she spent or gambled it away. This was a part of the erosion in our marriage relationship.

I tried to budget and resented her spending, she resented my trying to control the finances. Towards the end, I just let her do what she wanted because it wasn't worth the arguments.

She will realize soon what a burden finances can be when she has to manage on her own.

 

Temporary Order prohibit the disposal of marital assets.

Marital assets are TBD.

Have courts permission to cash out 25K from home equity and will discuss any other options with lawyer today.