SAD:( Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Just found out I have herpes II, I am so sad and upset that someone somewhere has given it to me. I am currently in a long term relationship and we are not sure which one of us has given it to the other. WE are both very sad. Its my first episode and it has been so excruciating. apparently it not as painful the second time onwards. I am so sad. I wish more than anything to stay with my current partner forever but who knows in life, what if he isn’t 'forever' what if I need to inflict this problem onto a future partner!!! I have always been so careful and have definitely not been with many people. Why has this happened to me, and how can anyone think that you can live a completely normal life. I have already taken 2 days off work from pain and discomfort… I cant even explain this to my boss… its not like saying I have the flu… etc…. I am so sad… It feels like a life sentence! does anyone have any comments. Need Help! Link to post Share on other sites
saintfrancis Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 A close friend of mine has herpes (yes, it really is a friend and not me, haha!). She felt the same as you at first, she was devastated. I think what helped her come to terms with it was reading a lot about it. I was one of very few confidants, so I know, if only vicariously, what you must be going through. But really, this is NOT the death sentence people make it out to be. Your life will get back on track, and sooner or later it will just be a fact of life for you. She has also told me over the years (she discovered her condition several years ago) that the men she has told about her condition (when starting a new romance) actually didn't care. They liked her for who she was, and they admired her honesty. They just had to be more careful. I spent many a long and teary-eyed evening talking about this with her. Now, it's like it almost never happened. There IS hope. I think a lot of people who contract herpes, or really any STD, are more devastated by the stigma that they perceive will plague them, than by the actual disease itself. How many people have ever had a cold sore on their mouth? That is also the herpes virus. So, you have them on your coochie. big deal! I am not trying to trivialize what you must feel, but being a first-hand witness to my girlfriend's mental torture, it really saddens me that if she/you had some other non-STD chronic condition, you wouldn't be experiencing nearly the amount of angst over it. Herpes facts - compliments of "Gail": 3/4 of adults have it (that's a hell of a lot of people) 90% DON'T KNOW they have it because it is often symptom-free Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 First I want to tell you, Herpes type 2 is one of the second most common STDs out there. Tons of people have it, and don't even know they have it (can be 'carriers'). There's a realllllly wonderful website with awesome message boards for support and info, that i highly recommend to you. Click on the following link. Then when you get to that page, on the LEFT SIDE, you'll see a bunch of links. Click on "Discussion Forums" and it will take you to all the related forums. You'll find tons of good support from other "gifted" folks..many in your boat, who are newly diagnosed. http://www.racoon.com/herpes/ Herpes is not as bad as you might think, really. There's a lot less negative stigma attached to it than in years gone by. Most who have it just consider it a bit of an inconvenience. And yes, your first outbreak is usually a lot worse than future ones. There's a really great book on Herpes...the folks on that site should be able to tell you the name of it, if you ask..something you'll want to get...and maybe you and your partner can read it together. Is your boyfriend going to be tested too? A bloodtest can be done, if no actual lesions/ulcers are present. The folks on the site can give you all the specific info. There's other great links with info there, on that main site. Did your Doctor mention to you about Suppression therapy? There's great medications out there now, that can help decrease the number of outbreaks and the severity of them (Valtrex, etc). The folks on that site should be able to advise you here, too. Hope this helps Link to post Share on other sites
saintfrancis Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 P.S. -- If you are interested, I will ask her for reading recommendations. web sites, etc. I'm sure other LS posters will know of resources too. Link to post Share on other sites
SAD:( Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 yes thanks, any information would be greatly appreciated. And yes, befuddled11, my boyfriend and i where both tested at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 3/4 of adults have it Uhhhh.....yeah, I'm gonna have to do with "BS" on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
saintfrancis Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Well that's what I've always heard. If you want to dig up your own stats, smarty boy, go right ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
saintfrancis Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 That stat I believe includes both oral and genital herpes. Genital alone I'm sure is less. If the grand total is less than 3/4, however, I'll stand corrected. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 According to the CDC (http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes.htm#common), the percentage is >20%. How common is genital herpes? Results of a nationally representative study show that genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, at least 45 million people ages 12 and older, or one out of five adolescents and adults, have had genital HSV infection. Between the late 1970s and the early 1990s, the number of Americans with genital herpes infection increased 30 percent. HSV-2 infection is more common in women (approximately one out of four women) than in men (almost one out of five). This may be due to male-to-female transmissions being more efficient than female-to-male transmission. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 American Social Health Association says 25% Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Well that's what I've always heard. You should only believe stuff you hear when it comes from people who know what they're talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
saintfrancis Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 As I said, my stat includes both oral and genital. Herpes.org cites 80-90% for oral herpes. Genital is in the 25% range. don't know how credible that site is, however. Maybe y'all will know? Link to post Share on other sites
SAD:( Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Thanks for all your stats. I was really hoping to get some help, thoughts, experiences…etc anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
ifmax1323 Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 I contracted herpes almost ten years ago--I felt so horrible and confused, I could not understand how I could have ever gotten it. I was in college at the time and the doctor who diagnosed me was not very sensitive and when some of my friends found out, they thought I was a leper. Well, now ten years later, none of those people are my friends and thank god I don't have to go to the infirmary anymore!!! I contracted it from the second guy I ever slept with. Like everyone has said, so many people have it and now with the medication Valtrex it is much easier to treat. It is a pain (in more ways than one) if you do not have health insurance, the price of this medication is so expensive and generic has yet to come out. Lysein (I am unsure of spelling, you can get this stuff at the health food store) is suppose to help with outbreaks. As one person pointed out, the more information you learn about this condition, the better and more empowered you will feel. You will slowly realize that this is definitely not the end of your world, but based on personal experience, you will feel pretty bad for awhile and then, if you are like me, you will get sick of giving yourself such a hard time, baby yourself, and think positive!!! If I am not incorrect, herpes is a virus, and the virus never goes away--in its dormancy, it hangs out at the base of your spine (for a more scientific explanation, check out books or the internet, sorry!) You will have it for the rest of your life, but it is a condition that you have to manage--lots of times an outbreak is triggered by stress--period approaching? you might get an outbreak....stress in your life? tests? boyfriend/friend/family trouble? Take care, and do some yoga, deep breath, because stress can cause an outbreak? Skip wearing panties when you hit the sack...most guys like that anyway LOL sometimes rough sex can stress out that delicate little area,especially if you have been without it for awhile. Most importantly, always keep a bottle of Valtrex around with you in case you have an outbreak, the quicker you treat it, the better. Women who have it often feel an oncoming outbreak when they feel sore or feel like they have been punched down there..hard to explain, but in time you will know the symptoms, and over time you will probably get fewer outbreaks. Your body builds up a kind of tolerance for what is happening. I apologize for not being able to express myself more clearly, but i just want you to know that you will be fine, you can go on and have a healthy sex life and have babies, but you have to take precautions. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Did you miss the link to the site I gave you? http://www.racoon.com/herpes (or scroll up to find it). Like I said, it's got all the help you'll need. Tons of other people in your boat (newly diagnosed with many questions/concerns).....and lots who've lived with this for many years and can offer their wisdom. No sense asking for experiences here, you might get a couple..but there, everyone on those forums has it. Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 SAd, I know EXACTLY how you feel. Almost a year ago, I was diagnosed as well. And it made me feel so dirty, becuase off all STD's herpes is just the worst sounding, it sounds like youre a dirty hoe or something. My old roomate came wit me that day, we were both due for our yearlys, and just decided to have them done on the same day. When I told her, she gave me a big hug, and just kept telling me, it doenst change the person you are. Its hard to deal with at first, and its something that I found, the next day at class, looking around at people in my class, and wondering if anyone else had gone through the same thing as me. My gyno was pretty much able to conclude it was my current boyfreind, cuase it had been three years since I had been with the last person, and the chances of it laying dormant for that long wasnt very likely. It was funny, becuase we were having problems at the time as well, and he had said, if we broke up, he would always be a part of me. WEll, I never expected to be in THAT sense I have been lucky with it, I had a VERY minor outbreak, that lasted about two days, about 5months later, and havent had one since. Youre not going to expereince a lot of the symptoms if you have an outbreak again that you did this last time. The itching and tiredness will be less significant, and the outbreaks WILL become less. The first outbreak it always the worse. My first time was REALLY bad, and then the next time, it barely bothered me. But I jumped right on top of it and got medication for it as soon as I figured out, or rather suspected, that that was what was happening. My boyfreind never had an outbreak, but he has had a couple of occasions of it on his mouth(one is just now healing). So it could have been something as simple as that, someone you were with had it just on thier mouth, nad transmitted it to your, nehter regions. And yes that can happen. I did QUITE a bit of research myself about it when I found out. I suggest you get some pamplets on it from your dr office, and if you type in HERPES on google or something, you may come up with message boards to be able to talk to other people. Or, if you want, PM me. Id be glad to talk, becuase I know exactly how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 The day after my now fiancee told me she loved me, and before we had sex for the first time, she said she had something to tell me. It literally took her an hour to finally say it, because she was so scared that I was going to leave her.. She told me that she has this as well. That didn't change how I felt about her at all I was really shocked though because we were best friends for a year before and she never mentioned it to me. Yes at first when having sex with her it was in my mind, thinking 'what if I were to get it?', then after looking it up I saw that you can only usually get it while an outbreak is occuring. She has a very mild case of it, only comes about once or twice a year. But I was grateful that she told me before we had sex. It doesn't matter who gave who in your scenerio because it happened in the past, and neither of you knew about it before. Its not uncommon to have this, and most people who have it don't even know it. Some mild cases are just like a bad rash from shaving. Link to post Share on other sites
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