Update on myself, but more questions

[VHFan]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t235461/

 

Created this thread a couple months back and received some good advice, thanks to those who responded. See this thread for reference.

 

So it's close time for me to start getting the ball rolling on my move. I mention things to the girl I'm moving to.

 

Her: Oh?

Me: Yeah, the stuff we've been talking about off and on for the past couple of months.

Her: Make sure you're moving for the right reasons, whatever those may be.

Me: To find a perm job and to be closer to you.

Her: Closer to me?

Me: Yeah, you told me a lot of positive things and I feel like that I need to take advantage of it.

Her: This is what I mean by moving for the right reasons.

 

So, this once again frustrates me. I text her again a few days later:

 

Me: So you think I'm moving for the wrong reasons?

Her: (I can't remember all the things she said, but she did say "How would you be if I started seeing someone else while you were here?")

Her: You had your shot. You have my friendship, but nothing more.

Me: I'm not happy with my shot. I respect your decision, but when you're ready to give second chances, keep me in mind.

 

I didn't expect to talk to her again. But she sends me a text.

 

Her: S'ok, I haven't had much time for anything(She's been busy with things, we talked about it).

 

Then she tells me to download a game on our phones so we can play together. That's it.

 

I've kind of cancelled my move for now but haven't told her. I'm not really sure what she's doing or thinking, but I don't know if she's playing me or since the time is coming close, she's getting defensive.

 

Some people like their comfort zone of being alone and get defensive when they know someone is serious about doing something. She is no exception.

 

I give her these ultimatums like above with second chances. However, she continues to stay in contact. Why? You would think she'd get the picture and go the other way, but apparently not. And if she were interested in someone else, I'm pretty positive she would have gone to them for attention and definitely not me after I said those things.

 

What do you guys think? Does it seem like she's being truthful that she is not interested in me, or just becoming defensive?

[folieadeux]

I read this post in addition to the background supplied in your link and I gotta admit, I’m utterly baffled. But the one thing I would tell you is that things seem way too up in the air for you to just uproot your life like that for someone who you aren’t even with anymore. (Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s what I took away from your most recent update).

 

If you do decide to relocate to her area, I think you need to take a big cue from this girl’s own words…make sure you’re doing it for you for the right reasons. The wrong reason being to move for her and her alone because there does not seem to be any genuine commitment here, at least on her end.

 

If you still choose to relocate despite everything, you definitely need to secure your own housing and gainful employment so you can make it on your own successfully and independent of your relationship with her. And perhaps most importantly, you need to consider what you are leaving behind and if the risk is really worth it. As an outside observer to this, I would stay put…unless you had previous aspirations of moving to her location prior to this relationship.

[VHFan]

You're right, it is baffling.

 

I think she's scared or anxious about the whole thing. She knows where I stand because I have told her several times. I love her to death, and always will. She knows this.

 

She probably doesn't know what she wants, either. Or she does, but just doesn't want to go through with it. I've always thought that if I moved to her, be more involved with her, then she would be comfortable. I'm a very chill, relaxed guy. I have a friend who also lives in the area who has opened his home to me if needed.

 

As for staying put, that's what I'm going to do for now. I'm working contract with a company and may get hired on full time. They also have an office in her city that I could request a transfer to over time. That would make things a little easier to transition.

 

We'll see.

[Rollercoasterr]

You're not together. You're only friends. Why in the world would you uproot your life to move to be closer to her? Her reaction whenever you told her pretty much says that friendship is all your gonna get and that she doesn't want you to move for her in any way possible. I think you need to respect that because if you don't and you start coming at her with all of this "I want to be together now that I'm here" stuff, it's going to scare her and it also borders a tiny bit on being stalkerish.

 

If you move you need to have your own place, own employment, own everything. I know it's a really nice offer from your friend, but honestly if you're man enough to move to a different area, then you're man enough to get your own place. Shacking up with your friend while you wait for her to become comfortable with you just looks like you're thinking whenever she's ready you're going to push her to move in together, which is scarier than the initial thought of you moving there.

 

Basically, get your head lined out, and move for all the right ones, and not a hint of the wrong one. You'll lose her friendship(because that's all you have right now) otherwise.

[VHFan]

Done with her. You can delete this thread.

Edited September 18, 2010 by VHFan