whether or not a good O implies good sex

[mem11363]

There has been a lot of debate on this topic. Last weekend we had a sexual encounter where I did have an O. The O was good. But overall the experience was terrible. While I admit this experience is rare for me, it did bring home in a very direct way the idea that you can have a very bad overall experience and still end in the rapture.

 

Given a choice, I would far far far prefer to have our normal type sex, which feels awesome from the first contact - and NOT O, then to have bad sex that ends with an O. And yes - I realize that means I would be walking into the bathroom right after and performing a manual override - but that would still be the hands down winner.

 

So this is my question for everyone else. Would you prefer to have "great sex" where the rule is you don't get to O with your partner but have to take matters into your own hands afterwards to finish. Or would you rather have bad sex, (for example sex where you can clearly tell your partner is purely acting out of a sense of obligation) where you do get to O?

 

Just wondering how unusual my reaction to this is.

[Sham WOW]

Not unusual at all.

 

A man can have a good O all by himself. Would he call that good sex?

[quankanne]

an orgasm doesn't necessarily equate with good sex, IMO. You can do it yourself, if need be, but to me, good sex is about having a partner that enjoys being with you in the moment and that's what makes the love-making good. Orgasm or no!

[crazycatlady]

Interesting topic. It all depends on my mood I guess.

 

I can tell - and I don't know how - when my love is not into oral sex. And man I LOVE oral sex from this man. But I can not orgasm when he's not into it. It took me a while to figure out why, when I normally LOVE IT that it just doesn't seem to be working for me. I've come to realize that he's doing it for me and he's not enjoying it for whatever reason. And you know guys, its obvious when they aren't enjoying it . At least with my guy it is. Its even hard to revive things after.

 

I would rather forgo oral if he's not in the mood. I would rather take my turn afterwards with his support and help, and us enjoy whatever it is he wants then for him to not be into what we are doing then and there.

 

Does that make any sort of sense?

 

Now, on the rare occassions when I'm feeling particularly dominate, I will take what I want, how I want it, and too bad if he doesn't enjoy it. Except for the fact that I know he loves it when I do that and gets a huge thrill out of it and the fact that I don't care if he's enjoying it or not.

 

It took him a while to learn to enjoy things when I'm being all giving and such. And if he ever returned that favor, I probably would get into that as well. But its a different sort of feeling...ya know?

 

There has been a lot of debate on this topic. Last weekend we had a sexual encounter where I did have an O. The O was good. But overall the experience was terrible. While I admit this experience is rare for me, it did bring home in a very direct way the idea that you can have a very bad overall experience and still end in the rapture.

 

Given a choice, I would far far far prefer to have our normal type sex, which feels awesome from the first contact - and NOT O, then to have bad sex that ends with an O. And yes - I realize that means I would be walking into the bathroom right after and performing a manual override - but that would still be the hands down winner.

 

So this is my question for everyone else. Would you prefer to have "great sex" where the rule is you don't get to O with your partner but have to take matters into your own hands afterwards to finish. Or would you rather have bad sex, (for example sex where you can clearly tell your partner is purely acting out of a sense of obligation) where you do get to O?

 

Just wondering how unusual my reaction to this is.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

There has been a lot of debate on this topic. Last weekend we had a sexual encounter where I did have an O. The O was good. But overall the experience was terrible. While I admit this experience is rare for me, it did bring home in a very direct way the idea that you can have a very bad overall experience and still end in the rapture.

 

Given a choice, I would far far far prefer to have our normal type sex, which feels awesome from the first contact - and NOT O, then to have bad sex that ends with an O. And yes - I realize that means I would be walking into the bathroom right after and performing a manual override - but that would still be the hands down winner.

 

So this is my question for everyone else. Would you prefer to have "great sex" where the rule is you don't get to O with your partner but have to take matters into your own hands afterwards to finish. Or would you rather have bad sex, (for example sex where you can clearly tell your partner is purely acting out of a sense of obligation) where you do get to O?

 

Just wondering how unusual my reaction to this is.

 

I've said this over and over in posts too..... Not all Orgasms are equal and some encounters while they end in an O, may not have clicked.....

[You Go Girl]

I'll take the emotional great sex connection over an O anyday.

I've had down-to-a-science simultaneous O's with my first H. It was not a strong emotional connection, it was animalistic, but it lacked connection.

Who cares about an O? I can get an O if I seriously need one anytime alone within a few minutes.

When I'm with someone, it is about being with them.

Give me love. Sex, is over-rated. Love never is.

[quankanne]

Yes, it's always somewhat awkward wondering what to do with the chicken afterwards. :lmao::lmao:

 

nicely put!

[mem11363]

On a 10 scale:

 

Average O with partner: 9

Average O by self with porn: 6

Average O by self withOUT porn: 3

 

I don't like what porn does to my head so - it is either a 9 or a 3 for me. And at risk of being overly quantitative - O with partner lasts 30 seconds or more, O with self is max 10 seconds.

 

 

 

Not unusual at all.

 

A man can have a good O all by himself. Would he call that good sex?

[mem11363]

It is good that you are so connected you can tell how he feels.

 

Interesting topic. It all depends on my mood I guess.

 

I can tell - and I don't know how - when my love is not into oral sex. And man I LOVE oral sex from this man. But I can not orgasm when he's not into it. It took me a while to figure out why, when I normally LOVE IT that it just doesn't seem to be working for me. I've come to realize that he's doing it for me and he's not enjoying it for whatever reason. And you know guys, its obvious when they aren't enjoying it . At least with my guy it is. Its even hard to revive things after.

 

I would rather forgo oral if he's not in the mood. I would rather take my turn afterwards with his support and help, and us enjoy whatever it is he wants then for him to not be into what we are doing then and there.

 

Does that make any sort of sense?

 

Now, on the rare occassions when I'm feeling particularly dominate, I will take what I want, how I want it, and too bad if he doesn't enjoy it. Except for the fact that I know he loves it when I do that and gets a huge thrill out of it and the fact that I don't care if he's enjoying it or not.

 

It took him a while to learn to enjoy things when I'm being all giving and such. And if he ever returned that favor, I probably would get into that as well. But its a different sort of feeling...ya know?

[florence of suburbia]

An orgasm can be totally mechanical, but an amazing sexual connection cannot.

 

Not only that, but if the connection is good, the orgasm isn't hard to come by.

[LittleTiger]

I'll take the emotional great sex connection over an O anyday.

I've had down-to-a-science simultaneous O's with my first H. It was not a strong emotional connection, it was animalistic, but it lacked connection.

Who cares about an O? I can get an O if I seriously need one anytime alone within a few minutes.

When I'm with someone, it is about being with them.

Give me love. Sex, is over-rated. Love never is.

 

I second this.

 

I have perfected my 'alone' orgasms - I'm awesome at it so I don't NEED a man for an orgasm. (Although I admit its even better when he's around).

 

Sex with my man does have two extremes though. We have our three hour 'playtime' sessions (or an hour if that's all we've got) and the connection is amazing. The whole experience can be mind blowing, orgasm or not!

 

On the odd occasion he also likes to be a 'pig' (his description not mine) and just 'take me', which is more for his 'release' than anything else. It's still pretty 'hot' but it's not what we call 'good sex'.

 

So I'm going to vote for both of us and say, no, an orgasm does not imply good sex. Good sex/great sex is all about the emotional connection.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

On a 10 scale:

 

Average O with partner: 9

Average O by self with porn: 6

Average O by self withOUT porn: 3

 

I don't like what porn does to my head so - it is either a 9 or a 3 for me. And at risk of being overly quantitative - O with partner lasts 30 seconds or more, O with self is max 10 seconds.

 

do I really need to get a stop watch..... 30 seconds really????

[InternationalPlayboy]

I'm not the person to ask on this subject. As I see it, each time I have an orgasm it's the best orgasm I've ever had. It's like pizza - even bad pizza is pretty damn good.

[You Go Girl]

do I really need to get a stop watch..... 30 seconds really????

 

That does sound like heart-attack territory.

Perhaps he is saying that the overall plateau of high lasts that long, I think he's exaggerating!

 

Pigs orgasm can last for 30 minutes. What?!!!!!!!!!! Yep. Apparently it's true, though I want to know how they measure that. Errr....do I really?

[xxoo]

I don't think I can have an O with truly bad sex.

 

But I don't understand the good sex/bathroom finish option either. Why not finish with your partner if the connection is good?

 

That does sound like heart-attack territory.

Perhaps he is saying that the overall plateau of high lasts that long, I think he's exaggerating!

 

From first wave to last twitch....easily 30 seconds. Think about it....how many muscle contractions....how many seconds apart....they taper off with longer gaps between....add up the time. Longer than you think!

 

Women can go even longer.

[giotto]

sex doesn't need to be that good, but I usually have my O, regardless...

[redtail]

...

So this is my question for everyone else. Would you prefer to have "great sex" where the rule is you don't get to O with your partner but have to take matters into your own hands afterwards to finish. Or would you rather have bad sex, (for example sex where you can clearly tell your partner is purely acting out of a sense of obligation) where you do get to O?

...

Well, of course the holy grail is both, since a great sexual connection along with a "screaming, 11 on a scale of 10" orgasm are not necessarily mutually exclusive. In fact, for me they are "hand in glove" as it were...

 

However, the answer the question, I'll take the "great sex" any day.

[LittleTiger]

But I don't understand the good sex/bathroom finish option either. Why not finish with your partner if the connection is good?

 

I was thinking that too.

 

Sometimes I don't need an O, but I can't imagine having a great session and then rushing off to finish by myself!

 

From first wave to last twitch....easily 30 seconds. Think about it....how many muscle contractions....how many seconds apart....they taper off with longer gaps between....add up the time. Longer than you think!

 

Women can go even longer.

 

They sure can . Minutes!!!

[Stung]

do I really need to get a stop watch..... 30 seconds really????

 

 

My reaction was, only thirty seconds? Mem, I'm with you, in theory, totally. But in practice, if it was bad sex and I felt like my partner wasn't into it, I am pretty sure I'd never be able to reach that O, anyway. I guess I'm a big ole girl.

[Stung]

I don't think I can have an O with truly bad sex.

 

But I don't understand the good sex/bathroom finish option either. Why not finish with your partner if the connection is good?

 

 

 

From first wave to last twitch....easily 30 seconds. Think about it....how many muscle contractions....how many seconds apart....they taper off with longer gaps between....add up the time. Longer than you think!

 

Women can go even longer.

 

1. Yep. Since we have that connection, when on rare occasions one of us needs to take matters into our own hands to 'reach the finish line' the other one is right there with them, lending a helping tongue or finger, whispering dirty things into an ear, whatever works. It doesn't feel like anything separate from the mutual sex we'd been engaged in, because it's really not. Just shifted gears.

 

2. Much longer.

 

I'm in another city visiting family for a few days and you guys are really making me miss my husband now.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Obviously my wife and I have never had good sex then....... 30 seconds and cumming, really now???? Women having minutes upon minutes of an orgasm???? Longer then men yes, but that long???????

[LittleTiger]

Obviously my wife and I have never had good sex then....... 30 seconds and cumming, really now???? Women having minutes upon minutes of an orgasm???? Longer then men yes, but that long???????

 

I'm not sure how long my man lasts, I've never timed him.....too busy watching his face.

 

For me, yes minutes - I did say I'd perfected it. It's not just from intercourse though, I need a little 'additional stimulation' to finish things off, but once it starts..........provided somebody keeps their finger on the button (so to speak) - yep minutes!

 

Plus - when the initial one dies down (unless it's completely mind blowing, in which case I'm done), I can build it back up again for another one, or sometimes two if I'm really lucky. It's just about being very aware of your own body and it's sexual response.

Edited September 17, 2010 by LittleTiger

[xxoo]

Obviously my wife and I have never had good sex then....... 30 seconds and cumming, really now???? Women having minutes upon minutes of an orgasm???? Longer then men yes, but that long???????

 

Not 30 seconds of eyes rolling back....but the ongoing muscle contractions....those pleasurable pulses can go on, and on, and on.....with seconds in between, so the time adds up!

[xxoo]

Plus - when the initial one dies down (unless it's completely mind blowing, in which case I'm done), I can build it back up again for another one, or sometimes two if I'm really lucky. It's just about being very aware of your own body and it's sexual response.

 

Now, a multi-O (for me, anyway), really CAN be minutes of eyes rolling back. Frankly, I find them kind of overwhelming, and almost painful in intensity. Not my favorite.

 

But they only happen during great sex

 

Women are complicated

[mem11363]

Of course no one would end great sex that way. I simply constructed that hypothetical question to get responders priorities.

 

I mainly raised this because I believe many men are under the impression that if their partner has an O, that means she had an overall good experience.

 

I always believed that the statement "O implies good/great sex" was false. And I thought it false because clearly there are a legion of women who consistently reach the rapture with their partners and yet those same women seem to not like sex.

 

Still - I never really had an experience like that - until last weekend. And when I did I thought - wow if that is what these women "normally" experience I can see why they avoid sex. Emotionally it felt bad/forced/wrong. And THAT just killed the overall for me. Luckily this was a very unusual situation but still it was enlightening....

 

 

I don't think I can have an O with truly bad sex.

 

But I don't understand the good sex/bathroom finish option either. Why not finish with your partner if the connection is good?

 

 

 

From first wave to last twitch....easily 30 seconds. Think about it....how many muscle contractions....how many seconds apart....they taper off with longer gaps between....add up the time. Longer than you think!

 

Women can go even longer.