whether or not a good O implies good sex

[LittleTiger]

Now, a multi-O (for me, anyway), really CAN be minutes of eyes rolling back. Frankly, I find them kind of overwhelming, and almost painful in intensity. Not my favorite.

 

But they only happen during great sex

 

Women are complicated

 

Funny you should say that. They're not my favourite either.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Of course no one would end great sex that way. I simply constructed that hypothetical question to get responders priorities.

 

I mainly raised this because I believe many men are under the impression that if their partner has an O, that means she had an overall good experience.

 

I always believed that the statement "O implies good/great sex" was false. And I thought it false because clearly there are a legion of women who consistently reach the rapture with their partners and yet those same women seem to not like sex.

 

Still - I never really had an experience like that - until last weekend. And when I did I thought - wow if that is what these women "normally" experience I can see why they avoid sex. Emotionally it felt bad/forced/wrong. And THAT just killed the overall for me. Luckily this was a very unusual situation but still it was enlightening....

 

to all of us who claim orgasmic wives and still low sex drives..... You've done it again mem11363, insult us in yet another subtle post, that makes it sound like it was about poor you not having an earth shattering experience..... I better go off to the gym now lift weights, ignore my wife and become the man's man you insist is necessary.... Well maybe after vacuuming and washing the floors....

[JamesM]

First off...men and women view orgasms differently. Men see them as the end result of a sexual experience, while many women see an orgasm as part of an already great experience. Not a woman, but I think a good orgasm only comes with a good sexual experience. For a man, an orgasm is a release and the climax. (Oh THAT is why they call it... )

 

So to say that you would enjoy a great sexual experience while never having an orgasm is not a typical male statement. I personally only enjoy sex like quankanne said...when my wife has an enjoyable time. I WILL have an orgasm if it is great sex unless I only perform oral on her and make it great for her and not me.

 

I can have an orgasm and have a lousy sexual experience but that is because she did not enjoy it. And I have had in the past a great sexual experience in my mind and thought she did, too, but then when it was all over, I discover that she was not into it as much as her acting indicated. So POOF! went the enjoyment.

 

While I agree great sex is not about a great orgasm, I have a hard time believing that many men will say that great sex does not include an orgasm. On the other hand, many women will agree with your statement.

 

BTW, thirty seconds is a long time. It may seem that it lasted that long, but unless you timed it, I question the factuality of that statement.

[redtail]

...

Women are complicated

 

Uh oh, now you finally let us in on that little secret!!

 

But I agree with JamesM, for men, sex pretty much always involves an orgasm either way. What makes it great is when the woman you're with has great sex and typically I've always assumed that also included an orgasm or two.

 

So if having an "O" doesn't necessarily imply good/great sex for women, then is the alternate also not true, you can experience great sex when you did not reach orgasm? Even if it was great, isn't there a hint of frustration there? Or not?

[xxoo]

to all of us who claim orgasmic wives and still low sex drives..... You've done it again mem11363, insult us in yet another subtle post, that makes it sound like it was about poor you not having an earth shattering experience..... I better go off to the gym now lift weights, ignore my wife and become the man's man you insist is necessary.... Well maybe after vacuuming and washing the floors....

 

Don't worry....I don't think what he is describing applies to women with low sex drives.....because I doubt there is ever a time when your wife felt like she was forcing you to have sex

 

Mem--question: why did you continue if it felt bad/forced/wrong?

 

BTW, thirty seconds is a long time. It may seem that it lasted that long, but unless you timed it, I question the factuality of that statement.

 

Researchers have timed it, and 30 sec is well within the range of normal.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Don't worry....I don't think what he is describing applies to women with low sex drives.....because I doubt there is ever a time when your wife felt like she was forcing you to have sex

 

Mem--question: why did you continue if it felt bad/forced/wrong?

 

 

 

Researchers have timed it, and 30 sec is well within the range of normal.

 

And no 30 seconds of ejaculation is not normal, and yes there may be after tremors, but here JamesM and I agree......

[xxoo]

And no 30 seconds of ejaculation is not normal, and yes there may be after tremors, but here JamesM and I agree......

 

No one said 30 sec of ejaculation!

 

the "after tremors" are part of the orgasm Take credit for every second you can!

[LittleTiger]

No one said 30 sec of ejaculation!

!

 

Good grief!!! The mind boggles.

 

It's amazing how easy it is to mis-communicate. Just shows how explicit we need to be when talking to our spouses/partners.

 

I don't ejaculate at all (though we're working on it ) - does that mean my orgasms don't count?

 

Oh, sorry, I forgot - I'm a woman so it's different.

[mem11363]

James,

I have a really good time sense - still - an O creates an incredible reality distortion field so - I am going to time my next O and report back.

 

One purpose of this thread was to make the point that us males (and I am sometimes guilty of this as well) tend to project our perception of sex onto that of our partners. That perception goes like this:

- Sex always feels good - the whole deal from start to finish

- Hitting the finish line feels great on a slow day and fantastic on an average day

 

So we assume that hitting the rapture = great experience.

 

Clearly that is often not the case for our female counterparts. I posted simply because I had the bad sex ending in the rapture and overall it was a bad experience. And THAT was quite eye opening.

 

My goal in coming here is to learn, and to share in a helpful way.

 

 

 

First off...men and women view orgasms differently. Men see them as the end result of a sexual experience, while many women see an orgasm as part of an already great experience. Not a woman, but I think a good orgasm only comes with a good sexual experience. For a man, an orgasm is a release and the climax. (Oh THAT is why they call it... )

 

So to say that you would enjoy a great sexual experience while never having an orgasm is not a typical male statement. I personally only enjoy sex like quankanne said...when my wife has an enjoyable time. I WILL have an orgasm if it is great sex unless I only perform oral on her and make it great for her and not me.

 

I can have an orgasm and have a lousy sexual experience but that is because she did not enjoy it. And I have had in the past a great sexual experience in my mind and thought she did, too, but then when it was all over, I discover that she was not into it as much as her acting indicated. So POOF! went the enjoyment.

 

While I agree great sex is not about a great orgasm, I have a hard time believing that many men will say that great sex does not include an orgasm. On the other hand, many women will agree with your statement.

 

BTW, thirty seconds is a long time. It may seem that it lasted that long, but unless you timed it, I question the factuality of that statement.

[mem11363]

XX,

This situation came about through an unfortunate series of events. We had a few days without due to schedule conflicts. I was about to go on a 4 day business trip and she felt bad about the idea of sending me off "frustrated". But I could tell she was exhausted so I nicely but firmly said - I will be fine - we can connect when I return. And she insisted that she was fine and that she was fine. But she wasn't fine - she was too tired to enjoy - which was painfully obvious. So now I understand what people call "mercy sex" yuck. About halfway through I did stop and she insisted we continue. So I did.

 

The next morning she apologized.

 

 

Don't worry....I don't think what he is describing applies to women with low sex drives.....because I doubt there is ever a time when your wife felt like she was forcing you to have sex

 

Mem--question: why did you continue if it felt bad/forced/wrong?

 

 

 

Researchers have timed it, and 30 sec is well within the range of normal.

[mem11363]

Right. But the pleasure level/intensity level during the after tremors is about the same as during ejac - so it really feels about the same to me absent the muscle contractions during ejac.

 

 

No one said 30 sec of ejaculation!

 

the "after tremors" are part of the orgasm Take credit for every second you can!

[aerogurl87]

I rather have great sex and no orgasm. I don't even need to orgasm to be happy after sex. As long as it feels good, and I'm about to pass out and go to sleep when it's done, I'm a happy camper.

[xxoo]

So if having an "O" doesn't necessarily imply good/great sex for women, then is the alternate also not true, you can experience great sex when you did not reach orgasm? Even if it was great, isn't there a hint of frustration there? Or not?

 

Women can have and enjoy sex without being wildly turned on. Women's libido ebbs and flows over the course of the month, and we seek sex for different reasons along the course of the cycle. In my most libidinous week, I might feel very frustrated if I don't have an O every session. In my less libidinous week, I seek sex for the emotional connection, and don't always work up to the physical level of "omg, I need release!" It is great if I do, but also great if I don't. But I need sex just as much if not more that week; it is just more for my heart than for my loins

[LittleTiger]

Women can have and enjoy sex without being wildly turned on. Women's libido ebbs and flows over the course of the month, and we seek sex for different reasons along the course of the cycle. In my most libidinous week, I might feel very frustrated if I don't have an O every session. In my less libidinous week, I seek sex for the emotional connection, and don't always work up to the physical level of "omg, I need release!" It is great if I do, but also great if I don't. But I need sex just as much if not more that week; it is just more for my heart than for my loins

 

Ditto for me!

[crazycatlady]

Uh oh, now you finally let us in on that little secret!!

 

But I agree with JamesM, for men, sex pretty much always involves an orgasm either way. What makes it great is when the woman you're with has great sex and typically I've always assumed that also included an orgasm or two.

 

So if having an "O" doesn't necessarily imply good/great sex for women, then is the alternate also not true, you can experience great sex when you did not reach orgasm? Even if it was great, isn't there a hint of frustration there? Or not?

 

Women can have and enjoy sex without being wildly turned on. Women's libido ebbs and flows over the course of the month, and we seek sex for different reasons along the course of the cycle. In my most libidinous week, I might feel very frustrated if I don't have an O every session. In my less libidinous week, I seek sex for the emotional connection, and don't always work up to the physical level of "omg, I need release!" It is great if I do, but also great if I don't. But I need sex just as much if not more that week; it is just more for my heart than for my loins

 

I third that, though for me its not part of my cycle, just my mood and my emotional needs. It feels so good to touch him, to make it all about him. It does something for me, which is why on a weekend morning, usually at least one of them is devoted to his needs (he loves morning sex, I just can not get turned on in the morning) because I love him and I like showing it to him. It feels so good.

 

However I can be fairly demanding when my libido is high on what I need to get off lol. Thankfully he enjoys it and likes it when I take total charge.