Pre-nup is Unromantic Only If the Woman Has Less Money?

[jamesum]

Women are generally against pre-nup citing that it is unromantic. But would the same women still hold the same belief if they were ones bringing more assets into the marriage? It seems to me that successful women are as supportive toward the idea of pre-nup as successful men.

[You Go Girl]

Women are generally against pre-nup citing that it is unromantic. But would the same women still hold the same belief if they were ones bringing more assets into the marriage? It seems to me that successful women are as supportive toward the idea of pre-nup as successful men.

 

Nobody wants to feel used and/or abused, regardless of gender. Signing a pre-nup changes the dynamics of a relationship to favor those in power.

Naturally the one with less assets is going to see this as a slight.

[quankanne]

pre-nups aren't about romance – it's business through and through!

[jamesum]

Nobody wants to feel used and/or abused, regardless of gender. Signing a pre-nup changes the dynamics of a relationship to favor those in power.

Naturally the one with less assets is going to see this as a slight.

I agree that suggestion of pre-nup can be offensive.

 

But my point is only that most of the times, people who are against pre-nup are the ones with less assets in the relationship.

 

Personally, if I had a partner who were wealthier than me, I would be the first to suggest a pre-nup for two reasons. One, I would be showing that Im not interested in her money, and two, I would avoid feeling insulted later when she brings up the subject.

[Star Gazer]

pre-nups aren't about romance – it's business through and through!

 

Agreed, and I will not treat marriage like a business.

 

I'm not signing one, period...and MOST of the time, I've made more money than the guy I've been in a relationship with.

[Art_Critic]

Women are generally against pre-nup citing that it is unromantic. But would the same women still hold the same belief if they were ones bringing more assets into the marriage? It seems to me that successful women are as supportive toward the idea of pre-nup as successful men.

 

I'm a man and I don't believe in them and feel they hurt the trust in a relationship.

[jamesum]

Agreed, and I will not treat marriage like a business.

 

I'm not signing one, period...and MOST of the time, I've made more money than the guy I've been in a relationship with.

Yeah, but I bet you arent that rich in the first place.

 

If you were a multi-millionaire while the guy were just a UPS driver, I put my neck on the line that you either would never marry him or marry him only if he would sign a pre-nup.

 

Its just simple psychology that people wanna protect what they have.

 

Right now Im just an average Joe so Im not even bothered by the concept of pre-nup. But if I had $100 million, I probably would think differently.

Edited September 17, 2010 by jamesum

[Art_Critic]

Yeah, but I bet you arent that rich in the first place.

 

That is just rude dude...

 

You have no idea how much money she has or doesn't have and by citing that she isn't rich as a way to back up your argument it really doesn't cut it..

 

I do think they do play a role with certain parties.. possible people that have real wealth to protect but only if both people have that real wealth will the trust not be hurt..

If there is a true imbalance then right or wrong their will be a breaking down of trust or trust of the love for the other person.

[Star Gazer]

Yeah, but I bet you arent that rich in the first place.

 

You're right, I'm not "rich" as it's commonly thought of, but earning 6-figures does make me quite comfortable, and I imagine I'll remain quite comfortable after marriage.

 

That said, does it matter if I'm "rich" by your or anyone else's standards? So long as I'm earning more than my mate, I'd be motivated to protect myself with a prenup IF I thought of marriage like a business. I don't.

[Woggle]

Marrriage is already and unstable and risky venture for a man and going into it without a prenup is just insane. Women can talk all they want but that romance crap goes out the window when they don't feel in love anymore and they want a divorce. The walkaway wife epidemic is real and a man has to protect himself.

[Art_Critic]

Marrriage is already and unstable and risky venture for a man and going into it without a prenup is just insane.

 

What about when a woman has more and makes more than her man ?

If she asks for a prenup is she trying to protect herself ?

[Woggle]

What about when a woman has more and makes more than her man ?

If she asks for a prenup is she trying to protect herself ?

 

Yes she is but the courts are already on her side and there is only a 25% chance that a marriage will blow up in her face. There is no walkaway husband epidemic.

[You Go Girl]

I'd be willing to sign a pre-nup in the possibility of a new marriage. I understand that one's lifelong assets shouldn't be considered as belonging to another person when that relationship may quite possibly be a very new relationship in their life, and hardly the accumulation of a life's work.

 

I think it best comes into play when the parties have not had children together, and both want their assets upon their death to go their children.

[jamesum]

That said, does it matter if I'm "rich" by your or anyone else's standards? So long as I'm earning more than my mate, I'd be motivated to protect myself with a prenup IF I thought of marriage like a business. I don't.

I take your word that you really make 6-figure-salary. That is above average. Now is your guy just some UPS driver who makes only $50000/year? Honestly, I doubt it. He probably is still not far off compared to you in terms of income and wealth. So you married such an equally well-off person, even if it failed, the loss would still be minimal.

 

What about when a woman has more and makes more than her man ?

If she asks for a prenup is she trying to protect herself ?

Its perfectly valid for rich women to want to protect their assets. Edited September 17, 2010 by jamesum

[jenifer1972]

My ex took me to the bloody cleaners. For over 10 yrs he was in a midlife "arteest" crisis, forsaking his PhD job, and thinking he wanted to be a writer/poet/singer, and I had to support him. He always said, "I don't care about money...you are the materialistic one.." Yeah, RIGHT. He however, felt fine about the convertible, motorcycle, computers, guitars I bought him..oh, and the great house we had..

 

When I had enough of this and divorced him he sued me for half of everything PLUS ALIMONY..and because we live in CA, I had to "keep him in the lifestyle to which he had become accustomed" because I had "set a precident", even though he is fully capable of earning a 6 figure income on his own!!!

 

Damn straight I got a prenup in my second marriage. In fact my current husband brought up the topic and told me to get one, because he never wanted me to think that he would do such a thing to me! (Not that I really need one now, I have very little left.)

 

When you are in love it is NEVER about the money, but if the relationship goes sour, it is ALWAYS about the money if there is any...ALWAYS...

[jamesum]

My ex took me to the bloody cleaners. For over 10 yrs he was in a midlife "arteest" crisis, forsaking his PhD job, and thinking he wanted to be a writer/poet/singer, and I had to support him. He always said, "I don't care about money...you are the materialistic one.." Yeah, RIGHT. He however, felt fine about the convertible, motorcycle, computers, guitars I bought him..oh, and the great house we had..

 

When I had enough of this and divorced him he sued me for half of everything PLUS ALIMONY..and because we live in CA, I had to "keep him in the lifestyle to which he had become accustomed" because I had "set a precident", even though he is fully capable of earning a 6 figure income on his own!!!

 

Damn straight I got a prenup in my second marriage. In fact my current husband brought up the topic and told me to get one, because he never wanted me to think that he would do such a thing to me! (Not that I really need one now, I have very little left.)

 

When you are in love it is NEVER about the money, but if the relationship goes sour, it is ALWAYS about the money if there is any...ALWAYS...

Yup, its natural for anyone to want to protect himself/herself financially.

 

Being taken to the cleaners is painful and only women who have experienced that understand why men are scared of it.

 

Most women marry men richer than themselves so its easy for them to say how they are against pre-nup until they actually experience being at the receiving end of it.

 

Your current husband seems like a good man though.

 

and because we live in CA, I had to "keep him in the lifestyle to which he had become accustomed" because I had "set a precident", even though he is fully capable of earning a 6 figure income on his own!!!

I think that law should only apply if the divorced person were some high school graduate and the divorcing spouse discouraged him/her from pursuing higher education and a career during the marriage. Edited September 17, 2010 by jamesum

[threebyfate]

I honestly don't understand the dislike for prenups. Marriage is a 50/50 proposition. It would be like going through life and saying, I'm not going to draft up a will until I'm 65 years old, since I don't plan on dying any younger. While the odds of dying below the age of 65 are ridiculously less than 50/50, most thinking adults who have any assets will ensure they have a will.

[waynebrady]

If the man earns alot more money than the woman, and the woman is totally against signing a pre-nup then she is a certified goldigger, it's as simple as that, because when she files for divorce(which she undoubtedly will sooner or later) she will take the man to the cleaners if there is no pre-nup. Women file the majority of divorces and the divorce courts are heavily in favor of women. Marriage is alot more risky for men than it is for women.

 

Offcourse, if a woman earns alot more than the man then she should also get a pre-nup, because women can also even though it happens extremley rarely compared to men get taken to the cleaners.

 

If a woman thinks pre-nups are unromantic and you earn alot more money than her then that's a clear red flag....

[aerogurl87]

Women are generally against pre-nup citing that it is unromantic. But would the same women still hold the same belief if they were ones bringing more assets into the marriage? It seems to me that successful women are as supportive toward the idea of pre-nup as successful men.

 

I trust my boyfriend and even if he were less wealthy than me, I still wouldn't get a prenup if I married him. We have the same values on marriage, it's for life and we both believe in monogamy 100%. Call me naive, but I wouldn't feel the need to get a prenup with him. Hell, the other day we were discussing what I'd do if I won the lotto and I told him half of my money would go to him even though we're not married yet.

[jenifer1972]

Yeah, but people CHANGE, and you never in your wildest dreams can imagine HOW Aerogirl. I put my ex through a doctorate program, with the belief that he and I would BOTH work for our future together. Then he went off the deep end religiously and sat around for 8 yrs praying and "composing" music and poems "God gave him" all the while saying how money meant nothing to him..

 

If you both come into a relationship with the same or almost no assets, a prenup is something you just can't fathom as important. But try being the one working 50-60 hr weeks while your partner sits on his duff, then changes his tune and wants not only half, but alimony to boot. Probably will never happen to you though. Most people aren't as wacked as my ex.

[Angel1111]

If I were marrying a man who wanted a pre-nup, for whatever reason, or if he had a bunch of money - I would have no objection to a pre-nup whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I would probably insist on it. The only thing that I would want in the pre-nup is to be assured that I wouldn't be left high and dry (if that's something he could afford). In other words, let's say he has $20 million and we divorce, I would want it put in the pre-nup that he walks away with all the money, except that I'm assured that I have enough money so that I have a home that's paid for (say valued at $250 - 300k) and possibly some extra money. I know that if I went into a marriage with a load of money, I would want to protect the majority of my assets, but I would also be willing to be generous to my ex if we ever split.

[just_some_guy]

pre-nups aren't about romance – it's business through and through!

 

SO IS MARRIAGE!!!!

 

Marriage is NOT Cinderella and the prince, happily ever after.

 

Marriage is hard work. Marriage is cleaning the house, fixing the car, dealing with each other's problems and quirks ranging from needing glasses to secret heroin addictions.

 

Marriages FAIL a lot.

 

A prenuptial agreement is little more than a declaration of assets and an agreement on who is bringing what into a marriage. The court will not recognize a prenup that is unconscionable or that contravenes state law.

 

Seriously, if you are getting married and you have any assets of substance, make a prenuptial declaration of the assets.

 

If that sucks the romance out of your marriage plans, then you ARE NOT READY to face the reality of marriage. PERIOD.

[soserious1]

SO IS MARRIAGE!!!!

 

Marriage is NOT Cinderella and the prince, happily ever after.

 

Marriage is hard work. Marriage is cleaning the house, fixing the car, dealing with each other's problems and quirks ranging from needing glasses to secret heroin addictions.

 

Marriages FAIL a lot.

 

A prenuptial agreement is little more than a declaration of assets and an agreement on who is bringing what into a marriage. The court will not recognize a prenup that is unconscionable or that contravenes state law.

 

Seriously, if you are getting married and you have any assets of substance, make a prenuptial declaration of the assets.

 

If that sucks the romance out of your marriage plans, then you ARE NOT READY to face the reality of marriage. PERIOD.

 

Yeah, IMHO marriage is a whole lot of work with not much at all in the way of fun, romance or sex. I got only 2 things out of my marriage.

 

1. the obligation to pay my ex-husband alimony till the day I die(and beyond as the court required that I purchase life insurance with my ex named as beneficiary, in case he outlives me)

 

2. The firm conviction that marriage is not for me & is something I'll never do again.

[Art_Critic]

Marriages FAIL a lot.

 

So do prenups.. and at a lot higher percentage..

Even the lawyer posting on this thread mentioned it...

 

They have to be fair to upheld by a court of law..damn.. there goes most of the reasons why guys want to have them

Many states will only uphold them if both parties retained separate counsel to look out for their best interests...

Edited September 20, 2010 by Art_Critic

[TinaniT]

I brought up the question of a prenup to my fiance. He is extremely wealthy in both accrued assets and income (makes a lot and has done well with his investments on top of that). I have no money of my own. I told him if it was important to him, I would sign, though I would feel offended that he felt it necessary. He saw my divorcing my ex and being fair about it though I certainly could have taken much more - and my ex was abusive, not a good man. My ex wasn't rich by any stretch of the imagination but he did make over 150k a year, so he wasn't hurting either.

 

I liked his response.

"I would not ask for a prenup because I feel when you become my wife, I am making a promise and obligation to take care of you forever no matter what was to happen. It's what I want because I love you."

Now that is a MAN!

 

 

And he knows I am not with him for his money. If he doubted that, yes that would hurt! I would sign for his peace of mind, but I think that would be starting the marriage with a splinter in my heart.

 

 

If I were extremely wealthy, I wouldn't marry somebody until I felt good doing so without a prenup!

Edited September 20, 2010 by TinaniT