Pre-nup is Unromantic Only If the Woman Has Less Money?

[drewsmom]

I signed one, and am now going through a divorce, when the lawyer i went to read it he advised me not to sign anything, as I was to get nothing, not a stitch of furniture, no help getting on my feet, zerooo, he said wow someone in this family had a bitter divorce, which was stbx father, he had alot of money, I didnt sign it i took it back home and told him what my lawyer said, i told him i would only sign it if he changed it, his brothers had the same pre nup for there wives and i am sure they didnt change theres, well mine did, I wasnt going to get alimony but i would get half of everything else besides the business he had with his family, we both agreed we never wanted children, 3 yrs into the marriage i remember it as it was yesterday, he came home i was sitting on our bed eating chips and he said lets have a baby, i almost fell off the bed, he went one to explain he didnt want to have any regrets, I would have never asked him even if i wanted one because he was controlling and i knew if i brought it up it would only make us fight, i told my family we were going to try having a baby, they were all shocked they all knew we never wanted children. so I quit my job as we dicused i would stay home to take care of the baby, if we really wanted on then why have someone else raise him, when we were pretty well set financially. fast forward to now, because he wanted the baby and i quit my job he has to pay me alimony. and he is livid, not to mention he claims he cant even pay child support. this is why its 8 months into this divorce and still have yet to have a court date

 

 

 

also when I signed this pre nup he wasnt with me which my attn said he was supose to be there, and i didnt see the financial records which i was supose to see, see I am not the brightest bulb they knew that(his family) I had no idea how anything worked but figured i had a lawyer he would help me, little did i know i was supose to hire my own lawyer no he did that to. which was a friend of his lawyers. big mistake on his part now my lawyer says i might be able to get more, he was trying to be sly, prob thought i wouldnt contest anything, they all thought i was stupid, cause when he did ask me for a divorce, the next day he said call steven(a family lawyer) i said why he said he will be our lawyer, um hell no have my own. he was controlling throughout our whole marriage and i always went along with him, but i got balls now, his whole family because they have money thinks even his own lawyer should live by todds law and that is the buontempos always win. I got myself a great lawyer and there money cant by them anymore. imagine he thinks he wont have to pay child support. arrogant F

 

 

 

 

 

I could just hear his father saying shes stupid give her a condo and a few grand she will go away. suprise. they are still trying to get me to sit down with them and settle this out of court without lawyers, I already no he has hidden a ton of money he always had cash. and they would throw there own mother under a bus to save there money. he thinks prolonging this is gonna wear me down, its not. hey when its all over hes still gonna have his buried money and him and gf can walk off into the sunset together, with plenty of money, other than that i want the money that isnt hidden.

[just_some_guy]

I signed one, and am now going through a divorce, when the lawyer i went to read it he advised me not to sign anything, as I was to get nothing, not a stitch of furniture, no help getting on my feet, zerooo, he said wow someone in this family had a bitter divorce, which was stbx father, he had alot of money, I didnt sign it i took it back home and told him what my lawyer said, i told him i would only sign it if he changed it, his brothers had the same pre nup for there wives and i am sure they didnt change theres, well mine did, I wasnt going to get alimony but i would get half of everything else besides the business he had with his family

 

I find your story a bit hard to read without capitalization and sentence structure.

 

But in your case, you had legal advice that said you should not sign the agreement and you got him to change it, then you signed it.

 

It sounds like the terms of the pre-nup were unconscionable, which in most places in the USA, would get it immediately tossed out of court. Not sure what the law is like where you live. Also, in most jurisdictions that I'm familiar with, hiding of assets or failure to disclose them is grounds for forfeiture in a divorce.

 

Then you make it sound like you were being out-foxed and not as bright as your stbx, which is a real big sign that you were not in a position of being equals with this guy, which is really necessary for a marriage to begin with.

[just_some_guy]

I

I liked his response.

"I would not ask for a prenup because I feel when you become my wife, I am making a promise and obligation to take care of you forever no matter what was to happen. It's what I want because I love you."

Now that is a MAN!

!

 

I think that is foolish beyond ALL reason, for BOTH of you.

 

Are you really going to base your well being on a nebulous declaration of, "I want to take care of you forever?" SERIOUSLY?

 

Grow up already, that's just crazy.

 

He may very well mean it, but it is completely emotional and immature for both of you to make decisions based on this kind of emotion.

 

Get an accounting of assets prior to marriage on both sides. Who is bringing what in the door and what the expectations are in the event of dissolution or death or illness. If he is bringing in substantial assets and you are going to rely on them for a place to live, then make a statement about it and how you expect to be taken care.

 

Get at least an accounting of your assets, debts and obligations together, before marriage. Everyone should do this prior to marriage.

[Stung]

Women are generally against pre-nup citing that it is unromantic. But would the same women still hold the same belief if they were ones bringing more assets into the marriage? It seems to me that successful women are as supportive toward the idea of pre-nup as successful men.

 

I don't think a prenup can be considered other than 'unromantic' no matter what your position in life, personally. It's just that to some people, practicality and/or paranoia outweigh romance, at least in certain areas.

 

I am not against prenups in abstract and I think in some situations they are definitely warranted, including almost all situations of massive asset inequality. However there are some on these boards who seem kind of unclear on how they work and just sling the word 'prenup' around like a weapon at any woman they suspect of being interested in marriage.

[drewsmom]

My husband isnt assmart as he acts either, this is his dad, when his parents divorced almost 25 yrs or more ago she took him for alot, his mom is 70 yrs old and still gets alimony. my stbx never wanted for anything daddy opened all the businesses for them. And its all cash he is hiding, he had 5 grand in the safe here everymonth, and that was just for spending for us. He would come home with it in a paper bag monthly to replenish it. He wouldnt even know how to go out and get a real job. his dad knows how to get around everything and is teaching the boys well. Pretty sad the father lives in a 2 million dollar home his driveway looks like a bmw mercedes dealership, and my husband dont want to pay child support for his own son, his fathers frist grandson at that. And they just dont care about him its all about the money.

[drewsmom]

And little does his daddy know stbx is screwing things up, I was and still am fine that were divorcing, i was over it in 2 weeks thanks to my son, well stbx is prolonging this divorce I guess waiting for me to weaken and give in to him, in the meanwhile he is harrassing me everyday, because i am not marching to his drummer, he went as far as to call his own lawyer an ******* last week becuase she is going by the law. My attn knows everything he is doing and come pre trial he is screwed.

[drewsmom]

I guess when you have money like the stars you think you can get away with murder. it isnt according to todds law!!

[HappyAtLast]

"I would not ask for a prenup because I feel when you become my wife, I am making a promise and obligation to take care of you forever no matter what was to happen. It's what I want because I love you."

Now that is a MAN!

 

 

 

LOL, no, that is a FOOL. Is he marrying you or adopting you? Even child support stops at 18.

[jamesum]

I liked his response.

"I would not ask for a prenup because I feel when you become my wife, I am making a promise and obligation to take care of you forever no matter what was to happen. It's what I want because I love you."

Now that is a MAN!

Now that is a NAIVE MAN!

 

Yeah, of course you liked what he said. If I were you I would like it too. I mean its for him to lose, not you.

[Mr Orange]

I will insist on a prenup, but a very, very, very basic one. The only 2 things that I will want to protect are 1) past and future contributions to my retirement accounts and 2) a provision for no alimony. Beyond that, I don't care. The court can divide anything else whichever way they please.

 

I would also probably include some other basic provisions such as any debt incurred during the marriage is individual responsibility (unless co-signed), and expectation that both parties will work and contribute to the household etc.

 

But overall, the only things that matter to me are the alimony and the retirement savings. Everything else can go.

[Teodora]

I am totally convinced that a pre-nup is a MUST. Marriage is a mix of romance and practicality. Reality shows that when the practical side goes downhill, then the romance follows suit, or like they say "when money's gone, love flies away like smoke through the chimney". I am currently going through a divorce, good that I had a pre-nup, because now my ex is trying to screw me big time. I have been working like an ox throughout all of my life, so I value my possessions, because I know the price of a secured life. I took the house credit on ONLY my name, respectively the property rights are mine exclusively. I have paid for holidays and furniture. My ex would go for erratic expenditure, like getting into debts to buy an expensive BMW, while living in a rented small, poorly furnished apartment (before we met). I preferred my own lovely house, while driving a modest car. Of course, I told him I would not interfere with his decisions, so if he wants an expensive car, that's fine, but then he has to also accept my decision to not mix my finances with his, because I consider him too risky as a business partner. So, I insisted on a pre-nup, because according to the rules of the country we are married, in case of divorce all is split by the half, even assets gained before the marriage. At the time I requested the pre-nup, my ex laughed and said that he had a dignity of a strong man, and his dignity would never allow him to ask me for anything in case of divorce, since I was paying for all the big things. Now, you have to come and see-he's trying to twist my arms for alimony and God knows what compensations, because you see the poor man has not enough money to start his single life and keep the standard he had while living with me. I find this outrageous. And good that the pre-nup defends my rights, else I am sure he would raise claims on my house and my other assets. So, do not let romantic bul****ting get in the way of rational reasoning. And it doesn't matter if it is a man, or a woman, the partner with less assets will always try to screw the richer one. There are very few exceptions where the parties keep some decency and walk away without money blackmail. But this is very, very rare, so do not count to be the amidst the lucky ones. Just do your pre-nup and sleep calmly.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Agreed, and I will not treat marriage like a business.

I'm not signing one, period...and MOST of the time, I've made more money than the guy I've been in a relationship with.

 

I really think your looking at it the wrong way. Without a prenup what your saying is that the marriage IS business.

 

With a prenup your basically saying money and possessions are off the table... and the marriage is all about love.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I liked his response.

"I would not ask for a prenup because I feel when you become my wife, I am making a promise and obligation to take care of you forever no matter what was to happen. It's what I want because I love you."

Now that is a MAN!

 

If that makes him a man? What does that make you?

[Art_Critic]

money and possessions are off the table...

 

Money and possessions are never off the table.. even with a prenup..