Contacting an Ex after 10 years

[Questioner]

Lately (last month or so) I've had an urge to contact an old girlfriend whom I haven't heard since we broke up and I instituted the NC rule (I was heartbroken at the time). We were friends for a long time prior to that and our relationship.

 

It's been 10 years since then and I suppose I'm just curious. A bit of googling and I tracked her down.

 

Me: I've been happily married with children for most of those last 10 years.

 

Note: We now live many thousands of kilometres apart on different continent, so no chance of meeting up. I'm not really interested in that.

 

So, fellow LoveShackers: should I call her? I honestly don't want anything more than to call an old friend (I've known her nearly 20 years) and see how the last decade treated her.

 

Is that wrong? Is it wrong because we're both married now? Does one have to ignore the fact that we had a life before marriage?

 

What say you?

[InternationalPlayboy]

No. No no no no no no. No, no no. No - no. No? No no no. No no. No

 

"No no no no - no no no?" No. No no no no, no no no no. No no no no...No.

 

No.

[LittleTiger]

I say ask your wife what she thinks!

[kuma]

I honestly don't want anything more than to call an old friend (I've known her nearly 20 years) and see how the last decade treated her.

 

This is the way affairs begin. Are you bored with your marriage?

[BettyBoop]

If you honestly just wanted to call her, you wouldn't ask us why it might be wrong and if you should. An old friend? No. An old girlfriend. Old friends keep in touch, not just random call after 10-20 years "just to see how they're doing"... If you're gonna call her - ask your wife to be with you when you call her, so you don't accidentally forget that you're married or something during the phone call...

 

I just think it's a bad idea.

[2sure]

Certainly ask your wife first...because when your old friend's husband calls your wife to find out why you are emailing his wife...she'll be asking you.

[BettyBoop]

You know what? Let's rephrase this. Let's pretend your WIFE started this thread and wrote the following:

 

Lately (last month or so) I've had an urge to contact an old boyfriend whom I haven't heard since we broke up and I instituted the NC rule (I was heartbroken at the time). We were friends for a long time prior to that and our relationship.

 

It's been 10 years since then and I suppose I'm just curious. A bit of googling and I tracked him down.

 

Me: I've been happily married with children for most of those last 10 years.

 

Note: We now live many thousands of kilometres apart on different continent, so no chance of meeting up. I'm not really interested in that.

 

So, fellow LoveShackers: should I call him? I honestly don't want anything more than to call an old friend (I've known him nearly 20 years) and see how the last decade treated him.

 

Is that wrong? Is it wrong because we're both married now? Does one have to ignore the fact that we had a life before marriage?

 

What say you?

 

What would you answer your wife if she wrote this? Would you be okay with this? If you can honestly with no doubt in your heart say "Yeah, I'd be completely fine with this!" then sure. Call her. (But not without your wife's knowledge about the call, of course. )

[Questioner]

Thanks everyone. Just needed some perspective. I'm not going to do it.

[kuma]

Thanks everyone. Just needed some perspective. I'm not going to do it.

 

Maybe you should take your wife out on a date tonight. I'm sure she'll love it.

[nycgirl6]

I know you already said you weren't going to do it, but I couldn't help but notice your post as I just wrote something sorta similar on a new thread (although a very big difference is both of us are single).

 

Interestingly, I had a high school bf (who broke my heart into tiny pieces) contact me after about 15 years via facebook. He's married with young daughters. I enjoyed our emails at first, because we were so young at the time that I never really got to know him deeply, and I finally had some of the answers to certain things about why he did the things he did. I also discovered he bores me to tears!!!

 

After awhile, my responses gradually got less and less, but he still contacts me via facebook here and there. I feel sorry for his wife that he writes me like this. I would feel HORRIBLE if I found out my husband was writing so much to an ex (if I still loved my husband, that is). We mostly talked philosophy and religion but he also liked to comment on my dating life to the point where I stopped discussing it. I felt like he was trying to live vicariously through me and wanted me to be much wilder than I am.

 

I'm in a writing mood so just adding my story to the mix.