JustJoe Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 I've been on LS for a few months now, and basically am pretty happy with it. My problem is my sense of humor, it is very dry and sometimes abrasive. I mean no harm , but I have offended some posters and I'm sorry for that. I can take it. Am I really that nasty? Do you guys and gals think I such a smug bast*rd? My GF says that sometimes I sneer at people, and hurt their feelings. I'm not aware of doing so. Any and all opinions would be helpful. I'm really not a bad guy..... really. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 Hi Joe, I'm not quite sure what you're talking about, I certainly have a bunch of other screen names that I'd rather nominate to create this kind of thread . I've read quite a few of your posts and I generally enjoy your writing and learn from them, too. I've maybe thought a couple of them were off or a bit quick on the trigger, but I think that happens to all of us given the whole nature of internet communication (i.e. no body language or tone to accompany text, we all come from a range of countries etc.). So I don't know why it's come to a stage where you feel the need to create a thread about this, but maybe that's because I stay out of the infidelity section??? In a forum like this I think we just all need to remember that intentions/tone of voice/mental states don't translate through the internet both when we write and read/react to other's posts... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustJoe Posted September 17, 2010 Author Share Posted September 17, 2010 Denise, I've had posters PM me and say that I've hurt their feelings or insulted them, and I truly don't want to hurt anyone. Yes, it is hard to convey intent, and sometimes I'm a trifle too harsh and judgemental, but I mean well. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 Denise, I've had posters PM me and say that I've hurt their feelings or insulted them, and I truly don't want to hurt anyone. Yes, it is hard to convey intent, and sometimes I'm a trifle too harsh and judgemental, but I mean well. OK... well, doesn't it make sense to work it out with them rather than creating a thread about it (genuine rather than rhetorical question)? Because then it kind of makes it seem like your mobilizing public support here for your internal PM discussions, if you see what I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 I can see Joe's point.... Sometimes, seeking a consensus of opinion helps us plan our discursive strategy better. Opinions from those we come to respect and interact with, is a way of viewing our behaviour through the eyes of others. Our seen friends, colleagues and relatives will call us out on things we say and do, when we're with them... so why not ask for feedback on a forum? I have met a couple of fellow posters on here... we had a great time, and went out to London for the day. The visual reality is often different to the "image" we make of a person on Forum.... so we're not even be projecting a completely 'whole' person on forum. That's impossible..... All I know is that I try to temper my responses and match them (if it could be put that way) to the OP's general approach and manner. I sometimes get it wrong, but not too often. A lot less often than before, when I used to adopt a "one size fits all" policy.... I like you a lot Joe. I don't always agree with you. Nor you with me, I'm sure. And that's as it should be. we can't agree on everything, and it's healthier to have your own mind and manner, even if it means trimming it to fit the necessary situation. Adapt, evolve and survive..... ....But you need practice in the cake-baking department..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustJoe Posted September 17, 2010 Author Share Posted September 17, 2010 Thanks, Tara and Denise. This is what I was hoping for, positive feedback (although I'm not too sure about the cake-eating part:D). I do try to temper my opinions to suit the situation and poster, but sometimes I only learn that a poster has been hurt by one of my posts, when Tony gives me a shout or zing saying that I've been un-civil or disrespectful. Frequently, I'm amazed that the poster has taken my remarks so far out of context. So if I'm being a dumb-fu*k, I want to know. Constructive criticism never hurt anyone, so I'm all ears. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 Thanks, Tara and Denise. This is what I was hoping for, positive feedback (although I'm not too sure about the cake-eating part:D). I do try to temper my opinions to suit the situation and poster, but sometimes I only learn that a poster has been hurt by one of my posts, when Tony gives me a shout or zing saying that I've been un-civil or disrespectful. Frequently, I'm amazed that the poster has taken my remarks so far out of context. So if I'm being a dumb-fu*k, I want to know. Constructive criticism never hurt anyone, so I'm all ears. Well, sometimes those things are really just matters of phrasing. Instead of saying something more or less bombastic about whatever, re-phrase as a neutrally worded question. I've done hours of mentoring and it's a useful technique if your real objective is to get people to think and work stuff out for themselves (but obviously doesn't work with everybody, as it presupposes some kind of ability as well as desire to self-reflect). Not saying you're bombastic, but this isn't something to try when in doubt. But if you're not sure when you should be in doubt, then I'm not sure if it helps Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustJoe Posted September 17, 2010 Author Share Posted September 17, 2010 Well Denise, I have been called harsh and judgemental, so maybe I should work on a more neutral approach. As a former Army officer, I'm more used to give orders , instead of suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 ...sorry just realised I made a typo which distorted the whole para, should have read "this is something to try when in doubt". Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 Yeah.... I thought that's what you mean, denise..... I also have to say, I've had my fair share or rapped knuckles from Tony, and occasionally I'll question the fairness, but more often, he has a point. Or rather, whoever has reported the post, may have a point. Occasionally, it's just bitchiness, and someone having a pop to get their own back. It happens, I now know I have to suck it up.... But I'm more mindful or reading my posts now, and occasionally, I've edited it before clicking the 'submit reply' button. I have on other occasions, deleted the whole thing and not bothered...... You just get better at it. (Hopefully.....) Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustJoe Posted September 17, 2010 Author Share Posted September 17, 2010 I can be such a ^#&*($#@#^%&I $$# at times, but I am trying hard to be Mr. Wonderful:love: Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 It seems you need to improve your social skills if you're offending people without realising it. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 I can be such a ^#&*($#@#^%&I $$# at times, but I am trying hard to be Mr. Wonderful:love: I wouldn't worry about . I think it comes from being "over there", I have the same trouble and have been told so several times. We'll get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustJoe Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 SDA, I don't have any problem , in person, it's only "on line", that I come across as a bastard. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 FWIW Joe, I haven't noticed anything overly offensive about your posts, but I have seen you rush to (harsh) judgment without knowing the facts or background. Just work on that, and you'll be good. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 SDA, I don't have any problem , in person, it's only "on line", that I come across as a bastard. Well then ,you're doing better than me. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustJoe Posted September 20, 2010 Author Share Posted September 20, 2010 Yeah , but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Especially when I'm just trying to make a little joke or off-color comment. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 Yeah , but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Especially when I'm just trying to make a little joke or off-color comment. I been reading some of your posts, I think You're worrying about nothing Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustJoe Posted September 20, 2010 Author Share Posted September 20, 2010 IDK, I got a poster pissed-off at me the other day and I want to try to be a little better behaved, so I don't get so many zings from Tony. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 IDK, I got a poster pissed-off at me the other day and I want to try to be a little better behaved, so I don't get so many zings from Tony. You can't be worried about overly sensitive people. I know what you mean about Tony though, I've been suspended twice. So I have a much worse track record than you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustJoe Posted September 20, 2010 Author Share Posted September 20, 2010 And me just a teddy bear, at heart. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 FWIW Joe, I haven't noticed anything overly offensive about your posts, but I have seen you rush to (harsh) judgment without knowing the facts or background. Just work on that, and you'll be good. I agree with this advice...I remember feeling a bit taken aback by some of your posts. I still you though. Link to post Share on other sites
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