Women with low incomes-dealbreaker for all men?

[jamesum]

First thing is, what's low to some people is high to others. I live in a small town in a predominantly rural area, and the vast majority of people around here would give their back teeth for a salary like that. I made less than 10k in my last job and thought I was doing well, lol.

Damn, do u live in a small town in Guatemala or what?

 

Second, I would actually find a woman on a high salary more intimidating, and would therefore be more comfortable with someone who earned less - although this is really, for the most part, because I have found that women just aren't interested in a guy if he earns less than they do.

Lol, you can be old and BLIND like Andrea Bocelli and still have a decent looking wife because he is rich and famous. :laugh:

 

Women's obsession with money disgusts me. I mean money can be made together you know.

Edited September 23, 2010 by jamesum

[Stung]

Holy.... well, I can think of just two things immediately to say to this. I'm new here so I hope you don't mind me commenting.

 

First thing is, what's low to some people is high to others. I live in a small town in a predominantly rural area, and the vast majority of people around here would give their back teeth for a salary like that. I made less than 10k in my last job and thought I was doing well, lol.

 

.

 

How will you become not-new without posting? Welcome to LS.

 

Damn, do u live in a small town in Guatemala or what?

 

 

 

My guess is that the OP was talking US dollars and lonelyromantic is talking pounds. The difference between the two amounts is not as great as you think, particularly when adjusted for cost of living.

[Sunny-side-up]

Personally, I think a guy needs to earn equal or more than his partner. In my experience guys suffer when it's the other way around. Pretty much, every guy I've ever dated I've earned more than, or, in some way have supported them rather than the other way around.... doesn't work in my opinion. They get all stressed out.... Men like to provide.. (or should do)... sorry to sound sexist, I'm just a bit of a traditional thats all...Still, I do like to wear the trousers, hence my choice of financially poor men. Go figure?!

 

If your guy dumps you because you're not earning enough, screw him, he really isn't worth it and could be considered a tight wad. Don't let it get you down.

[jamesum]

Personally, I think a guy needs to earn equal or more than his partner. In my experience guys suffer when it's the other way around. Pretty much, every guy I've ever dated I've earned more than, or, in some way have supported them rather than the other way around.... doesn't work in my opinion. They get all stressed out.... Men like to provide.. (or should do)... sorry to sound sexist, I'm just a bit of a traditional thats all...Still, I do like to wear the trousers, hence my choice of financially poor men. Go figure?!

So what is it do you want exactly? You want A or you want B? I dont get it ...

[porter218]

don't worry about your income at all!! Men usually aren't interested in finding a highly paid woman unless they are seeking a sugar mama. If any man makes an issue of your income then RUN!! I wore the pants financially in my last M and it was an issue for my xH. It hurt his man pride that I had to support the family. Now that I'm dating I don't tell guys how much I make and they never even ask or seem to care about that. Don't be so hard on yourself. You will be fine:)

[BruceLeroy]

Unlike women, men do not have a checklist.

 

Generally, all men want in a woman are beauty and compatible personality. That's it. I think that men are much more romantic in this way. We care much less about external factors such as status and wealth.

 

The only reason a well-off man will not wanna be with a less wealthy woman is because he is afraid that she is in it for his money and one day she is going to take him to the cleaners. Such fear is a valid fear. That is why if you are rich, I personally think it is wiser to marry someone who is equally rich.

 

Oh I got a check list dude! it isn't so much about money tho. I'm broke but I'm in school and the chicks I meet are in the same boat. Thing is, we're all doing something to better ourselves. If I end up meeting my penguin later in life and she is also later in life still broke and going nowhere, I'm going to pass it by. don;t want to be a life preserver. Way different from getting married and one of you ending up jobless at some point or getting a kid and someone needing to stay home. You know they have the stones to try at least. But if they was always broke and not trying you have no reason to think it will be different later.

[carhill]

OP, I'm more interested in how a woman views money, handles money, and the relative importance of money in her life. Her perspective is uniquely her own and pertains to compatibility.

 

My role model was a brutally efficient and frugal household manager who squeezed every last benefit from the income her husband provided. She gave up a good career to take on that role and parent tricycle boy. I respect and admire women like that.

 

If you're not already aware, you can do amazing things in life with your objectively modest income. Success is what you define it to be. A compatible partner will view it similarly. Good luck

[jamesum]

Oh I got a check list dude! it isn't so much about money tho. I'm broke but I'm in school and the chicks I meet are in the same boat. Thing is, we're all doing something to better ourselves. If I end up meeting my penguin later in life and she is also later in life still broke and going nowhere, I'm going to pass it by. don;t want to be a life preserver. Way different from getting married and one of you ending up jobless at some point or getting a kid and someone needing to stay home. You know they have the stones to try at least. But if they was always broke and not trying you have no reason to think it will be different later.

I said status and wealth of women mean MUCH LESS for most men which is true. I didnt say money means nothing for men.

 

But then again if Megan Fox were unemployed, there would still be men getting in line to be with her and if she had compatible personality they would even marry her.

 

On the other hand, very very few women would probably pick up Brad Pitt if he were jobless and penniless.

 

Thats the difference between men and women Im talking about.

[carlierae26]

The only time income has ever been an issue in any R I have ever had was when I earned a lot more than the man. It didn't matter in the slightest to me, but I suspect it was some sort of silly pride thing!

 

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

[CrestfallenNoMore]

I love coming here to see different perspectives.

 

I'm a single woman who makes more money than a significant portion of the general population, and I find that men either don't care about that, or are extremely intimidated by it. I purchased my own home, can buy myself whatever I want, and have been asked "What can I possibly offer you?" by more than one guy as a result. It seems as if my high income breeds insecurity in a lot of guys; therefore, I shy away from discussions about income for as long as possible.

 

When I divorced, I thought my great career, education and excellent income (i.e., no way I could be fishing for a "sugar daddy") would be a great selling point in the dating world. Honestly, it's meant squat to a lot of men. Another poster was right in that we women have checklists for this sort of thing but men don't as a general rule. Basically, if he wants to see you naked, he couldn't care less how much you make.

Edited October 4, 2010 by CrestfallenNoMore

[Mad Max]

As long as she makes a respectable income, it's fine. Here in NYC, if she makes 50K, it's fine. If she's making 30K or less, I'm not interested. I know women are going to judge me and my income, whether they admit it or not. What's wrong with me having a low income dealbreaker?

[carhill]

It's a preference, like any other. If it's a deal-breaker, it's a non-negotiable preference. Everyone has those and everyone is unique in the mix of what they are.

 

Personally, I'd prefer to be married to a woman who guards *our* income like a hawk, no matter who earns it.

[CrestfallenNoMore]

That's a good point, Carhill. I'd much rather marry (well, were I to become enamored of that idea again) a man who makes $40k but carries no credit card debt, has a high credit score and is generally responsible with his money than someone who makes $100,000 but carries a 5-figure credit card debtload and has a ****ty credit score.

 

I hate to quote Suze Orman, but your wealth is a symptom of your health, so if you're a teacher who makes little money but is responsible with it that's likely to be a happier and healthier relationship than the converse.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Insecurity or Unpleasant Reality?

 

I'm a 31 year-old divorced female that holds a Bachelor Degree & lives on her own (one bedroom cheap-ish apartment).

 

Although I live independently, my job is in Social Services (which I absolutley love & suits me well), however, my salary is low (between 29,000-32,000).

 

Currently, I'm in a relationship with a great man. However, I am very embarassed about how much I make. I feel most men want a woman who makes a decent to high salary. Mine is particularly low. Each month I can just barely get by.

 

I'm just worried my income will forever make whoever I'm in a relationship with not want to marry me. I feel like I'm in the "looser with no money" category.

 

I'm a little scared I will never get re-married or have any kind of serious commitment in a relationship because men view low-salary women as loosers with no future.

 

Needless to say, my last boyfriend (who made six figures) confessed my poor income was the main source to no longer continue a relationship.

 

Men, what do you think about this?

 

 

 

I vote that you took one poorly-offered opinion from one guy (who admittedly had more importance to you than some random person on the street, or in LS) and you created this evil in your own mind.

 

It wouldn't be much different had he said: "You have really peculiar elbows"

 

 

You'd be here (perhaps not as willing to admit it on LS, but) feeling far more insecure about your elbows than 96% of anybody would ever suggest would be reasonable given your particular elbows.

 

Where is the woman who knows how well-suited she is for that job, and the confidence with which she explains as much?

 

 

You're sounding sort of like a member of a minority race grumbling about how much the color of his skin holds him back. The thing is, there is nobody on earth who cares more about his skin color than he does, and that amount is a variable controlled almost entirely by him.

 

Apply that to yourself and don't ever ponder such an absurd (firestorm started by someone who used to be your boyfriend) again.

[mclovin]

has a great point.

 

He raises many good arguements.

 

However, I feel like I'm in the same boat as I was with my exhusband, and two exboyfriends!

 

All, except one . Even with one of my exboyfriends-I was going to let him move in with me and pay 100-200 bucks on a 1000 rental! Just because I "understood" his situation.

 

Feel like the new bf is not much different from the others.

 

In my experience, men are all, well, CHEAP!

 

They find a woman that is potential marriage material and want someone who makes LESS to pay their way!

 

For what????

 

To save MONEY FOR THEIR OWN PURPOSES!

 

Yep!

 

That's men in today's society.

 

When will I meet a guy who wants to work as a team or at least treat me like a gf?

 

NOT a roomate?

[Joe Normal]

What's wrong with $30k? Two people earning 30k is 60k which is a decent household income. Yes it's not rolling in dough but it's not like a janitor's salary, cmon!

 

If you are at least paying your bills and keeping a roof over your head without relying on government or relatives' handouts, then that is a lot better than some people manage. In today's economy it's not easy to get by, after all.

 

IMO you shouldn't be embarrassed at all about your income. However, if you are, and you have enough time, what about looking into some part-time things you could do online to make a bit of extra cash? Or how about researching more about your work, maybe set a goal to skill-up over the next 2-3 years, read all the trade publications and research, get familiar with the cutting edge in your field, and start angling for promotion? Show a bit of initiative, ask your boss are there any ways to improve things at work, or come up with some suggestions yourself. If you love your work then that gives you a big edge. You can get double the benefit - more work satisfaction and achievement, and more pay. 30-40 is often where some people slack off, and others steadily improve and earn more, get further in their careers, and prosper - why not become one of them?

 

Have you talked about this with your man? I am sure he will be supportive, and come up with some good ideas for what you can do. Or maybe you just need to let it out and be reassured that it's ok. After all, you are doing work that has a value beyond the monetary reward, not everything in life is about the dollars.

 

Also, you should keep things in perspective. Do you know almost 10% of Americans are out of work now? At least you have a job! And look at the rest of the world - I'm posted in Eastern Europe right now, and at the weekend was chatting with a woman scientist, currently making €3000 a year, and she has a good degree. So, count your blessings!