Is there anything going on here?

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

I have this guy friend who I've known for about 17 years and we are good friends but unfortunately don't get to catch up often, He is always sh*t stirring me when we do catch up (I do the same), but that is how we are personality wise, we both LOVE to stir the pot.

 

Anyway we have been contacting and catching up with one another more lately and I'm beginning to question whether maybe I have feelings for him- he is just what I look for in a guy, a great sense of humor and a nice guy.

 

I suggested catching up for a drink (I thought it was a simple, low key thing to do) but he doesn't drink and he said he did want to catch up- but something fun like ten pin bowling or mini golf. I'm fine with that, they are good fun, but they're more of a group activity I think. Maybe a group activity is good for starters though?

 

Before that I asked him to come to a night out with a bunch of netball girls that I knew after a dinner one Saturday night, I thought it would be good for him to meet some girls. I said they'd be looking pretty good and he seemed to like the idea of that. I then jokingly asked him "what about me, don't I look hot?" I immediately said I was joking but he didn't say anything and may have went a bit red in the face. I've been single for a LONG time, and I jokingly said to him I'd go out and try and hook up with a guy after the dinner. In the end he couldn't make it, but first thing Monday morning he sent me a text asking "how did Saturday go, did you pick up?"

 

Yesterday we caught up again, he came into my workplace to buy some things (he does occasionally) and because I'd nearly finished my shift, I told him to wait outside so we could catch up. He probably waited at least 15 minutes and the temperature was maybe seven degrees outside. Now he may have went to his car for a bit, I don't know, but from what I've been told most guys wouldn't wait for that long in very cold weather.

 

Basically I'm asking if any of the things I've mentioned above mean anything? I'm fairly certain they DON'T, but I am useless when it comes to reading the signs and relationships etc (I believe the guy is as well). I'm happy just being friends, but I wouldn't say no if there was something there.

 

Thanks for your time, it is very much appreciated.

[LoveLace]

I'm thinking he likes you but he doesn't know how you feel. Until someone says how they feel, you will remain confused like you are. I do believe you are interested in each other. I say just keep hanging out and try flirting a little more. You could wait for results of that, or just tell him you've thought about the 2 of you dating and get his opinion. I wouldn't wait too long to make a move though, the longer you wait the harder it will be to get it done....trust me! I don't think he will make a move himself until he picks up on some clear signs that your into it. I've lost a handful of good men because I was always too scared to take risks!

 

Of course when you asked about being hot it probably threw him off a little, so he got quiet. But if you ease into more flirting maybe it wouldn't stay that way.

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

Thanks heaps for the advice

 

I've been getting really contrasting advice about this and it's a bit confusing. He's shy when it comes to girls, and I'd probably be his best female friend, so there are definitely some risks there, but I think we could get through it if things became awkward. I'm a bit on the shy side when it comes to guys, I never make a move or say anything unless I'm at least 70-80% sure there's something there and that rarely happens. That's why I'm confused about this, there's probably a few ways you could read what has been said and done.

 

I get a bit worried that sometimes I make it too obvious- when he makes fun of me, stirs the pot etc I hit or shove him playfully and that could probably be interpreted as flirting... not sure how he would see it though.

I've asked if he wants to come and watch the AFL Grand Final with me and some good friends of mine on Saturday (biggest sporting event of the year in Australia). So we'll wait and see.

 

He also wanted to know if I'd got a boyfriend yet (after we hadn't seen one another for a couple of months) but I just thought he was curious as a friend.

[LoveLace]

Thanks heaps for the advice

 

I've been getting really contrasting advice about this and it's a bit confusing. He's shy when it comes to girls, and I'd probably be his best female friend, so there are definitely some risks there, but I think we could get through it if things became awkward. I'm a bit on the shy side when it comes to guys, I never make a move or say anything unless I'm at least 70-80% sure there's something there and that rarely happens. That's why I'm confused about this, there's probably a few ways you could read what has been said and done.

 

I get a bit worried that sometimes I make it too obvious- when he makes fun of me, stirs the pot etc I hit or shove him playfully and that could probably be interpreted as flirting... not sure how he would see it though.

I've asked if he wants to come and watch the AFL Grand Final with me and some good friends of mine on Saturday (biggest sporting event of the year in Australia). So we'll wait and see.

 

He also wanted to know if I'd got a boyfriend yet (after we hadn't seen one another for a couple of months) but I just thought he was curious as a friend.

 

It's hard to tell if his curiosity about a boyfriend means anything to you...usually that would be seen as a question of jealousy or feelings, but I've had a guy that used to ask me that alot and in the end, it was not because he wanted me. So I just wouldn't think about that one too much.

 

Don't worry about what's obvious, just do what comes naturally. Inviting him for a social event is a good idea...have fun and flirt

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

I normally like it when people are different- but in situations like this I wish we could all think the same! Haha.

One male simply said he likes me, and another said that I'd said all the wrong things and that I give him the idea that I'm definitely not interested. I guess the world wouldn't be the same if we all thought the same though.

[LoveLace]

I normally like it when people are different- but in situations like this I wish we could all think the same! Haha.

One male simply said he likes me, and another said that I'd said all the wrong things and that I give him the idea that I'm definitely not interested. I guess the world wouldn't be the same if we all thought the same though.

 

Couldn't it be both? That he likes you and that you don't appear interested? All you can do is keep hanging out, and maybe step outside of your comfort zone in the flirting area a little. Either that, or just tell him that you like him, or both.

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

I guess maybe it could be both. I really don't know. So many different opinions... it's driving me insane! Haha.

Unfortunately the only proper way to find out is to just straight out ask I guess... I'm no good at reading people at all and I've never done something like that before as I rarely take risks.

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

So I sent him a message a couple of days ago asking him if he wanted to come and watch the AFL (Australian Football League) Grand Final with me and some mates of mine on Saturday. This is one of Australia's biggest sporting events of the year (the fanfare surrounding it is pretty much the same as the Gridiron final in the U.S). I also asked him how his sailing went on the weekend (that's a hobby of his). I got a reply back, telling me how the sailing went, but no response in regard to catching up on Saturday... not sure what's going on there, like is he avoiding the question or could he have just forgot to reply to that after talking about sailing? I really don't know, but I don't like the sound of it...

I sent a reply back asking about catching up again, fingers crossed I get an answer this time.

[carhill]

I'm imagining knowing a lady for that long and not being able to be honest with her about 'stuff'. It's not working for me

 

Are you in your mid-30's? If so, I presume both of you are adults and sexually active and know how to express affection and interest in the opposite sex.

 

TBH, it could go either way. Either he sees you totally as a sister or he'll be all-in if you make a bold move. I'll give some unorthodox advice and suggest the next time the opportunity presents itself (fuggetabout group activities, work on getting him alone), *kiss him*. At that moment, you'll have your answer. If you've been 'pining' for him, it will end one way or another at that moment.

 

I'm thinking about all those guys you've been turning down while single and working things out with this guy and I'm wondering if you passed up a perfect mate. Thoughts?

 

I can tell you, if I knew you were single (which IME women truly rarely are) and I was interested, there'd be no doubt in your mind that I was and, yeah, I was a shy guy for most of my 30-some years as an adult. Even shy guys go after what they want, sufficiently motivated. The same can apply to girls. Good luck

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

It's funny, I'm normally not afraid to say what I think or anything like that, but I'm way too shy to say or do anything about feelings for a guy. I'm 23 years old, he's a year younger than me and I've never had a serious relationship EVER. I don't think he's ever had a proper girlfriend either, and I can't imagine him being open and honest with feelings unless he thought there was something there or he had nothing to lose in doing so (I'm the same).

 

I've turned down ONE guy in my lifetime and that was because I didn't think a relationship would work between us (location, employment etc). Apart from that no guy has ever asked me out or admitted to liking me in that way. I suspect having such inexperience is why I regularly question things when it comes to guys and words and actions being said and done.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[carhill]

Oh, OK, you were childhood friends and are young. Different story.

 

Now, if you tried my advice, what do you think is the worst possible thing that could happen? It does run contrary to my typical advice (and that of most other LS'ers) that men should lead in this area. What are your risks in departing from time-honored tradition?

 

You've seen his response to "what about me, don't I look hot?" and, as I put it pointedly once to a female 'friend', 'I wasn't getting flushed from the beer I was drinking'. What you do with that information is up to you.

 

IME, the only way to get experience is by getting experience. Analyzing it to death will get you a nice home with a mortgage and cats. Better to act and accept the results IMO. Good luck

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

I think the contrasting advice on this is really starting to frustrate me, different people think different things. I would like to think that if one of us brought up the whole "what if something happened in that way/is there something there?" question and it was indeed nothing then things would be okay... but I'm not 100% sure on that. I DON'T want to weird him out or make him feel uncomfortable or anything like that.

Like I said, I don't generally take risks in these kinds of situations- I don't want to lose a friend over something like this, especially not a friend of over 17 years. I hope it wouldn't come to that, but you never know.

 

One another thing- he doesn't drink and the last few occasions I've seen him have been in the supermarket where I work, and that is where I asked the joking "don't I look hot?" question. So I don't think you can really read anything into that... I think he just didn't know how to respond to that, and given that he's pretty inexperienced with girls, I'm not surprised really. I don't know how I'd react if a guy asked me the same question.

 

Cheers.

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

So I'm thinking he just wants to be friends... I sent him a message asking if he wanted to go and watch that sporting event with me and some friends and I asked how sailing went (a hobby of his) and I got a response back- saying how the sailing went but he didn't answer the OTHER question. It was a pretty detailed reply about sailing so maybe he forgot about the other question or couldn't be bothered texting more, I don't know. I then sent him TWO more messages asking about catching up and 4-5 days on, no response...

 

He drove past while I was walking up the street on Friday and he yelled out to me by doing his impersonation of my voice. I think all of the above things are something a FRIEND would do.

[LoveLace]

Even if he's only interested in you as a friend, no matter what the case here - RUDE not to respond to your invite. Regardless of feelings towards you, any respectable person should either accept or decline an invitation. It majorly hacks me off when someone isn't polite enough to do that much. Personally my next step would be asking why he hasn't answered my question...a real "friend" wouldn't be ignoring you like a child. Just my opinion

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

So I FINALLY saw him today... I'm getting the just friends vibe, but others thought that we were flirting with one another.

He said he FORGOT to reply to my messages... read it at the time and then forgot to reply back... legitimate reason or is he just lying?

 

He was bagging out my laugh a LOT when we went to catch up, so I asked him why he does it- and he said because I'm easy to bag out and because my younger brother apparently started it years ago.

 

Also asked why he wanted to know if I picked up or not after the dinner, and he said it was because I said I'd try to (I did say I was joking at the time and I told him that today). Then he said "you're not into that anyway" or something like that (I did tell him after wards that pick ups aren't my thing).

 

I also asked if there were any girls that he worked with or went sailing with that were available and he said they're all either taken, too old or just don't go there because you work with them.

I then said to him "here's a tip- if you LIKE a girl, MAKE A MOVE!" (I honestly didn't mean me, I meant in general!) and he said "what sort of move? Move over here? Move out of my way?" Obviously he's joking and not taking it seriously!

 

Then he said "you're not much of a girly girl, are you? Into V8's and footy". I did mention I like netball more than any of those sports and he says "yeah but blokes can play that too". Stirring as always!!!

 

I might be able to catch up with him on Saturday, and he's still keen to go to bowling or mini golf, so that's a good thing I guess.

[Dowlin]

One male simply said he likes me, and another said that I'd said all the wrong things and that I give him the idea that I'm definitely not interested. I guess the world wouldn't be the same if we all thought the same though.

 

 

hahaha

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

^ Really helpful...

 

For those who are reading it and taking it seriously, I forgot to add that he also asked something along the lines of "do you like anyone/is there a guy around at the moment" or something along those lines yesterday. I said no (as I'm getting the just friends vibe, I'm going to deny things like that).

 

I sent him a message today saying "I hope you're coming to the clubrooms on Saturday haha (another function thing on). Have you taken my advice yet (the if you like a girl, make a move part)? I like someone but I don't think they like me. I'm a hypocrite! Haha"

I hope that's not making it obvious. Wonder how long it'll take to get a reply or even IF I'll get a reply?

[LoveAintEverything]

I am thinking you guys have something, why not just ask him how he feels?

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

Because I'm conservative and I don't take chances. I especially don't want to risk it in this case because we've been friends for so long and as much as I'd like to think we could get through something uncomfortable like admitting feelings and they aren't reciprocated, I'm not 100% sure if we could or not.

 

Got a response to the text that I mentioned in my previous post- his response was "not yet"- I'm POSITIVE it's in response to the "making a move if he likes a girl part". Based on THAT, from what I've been told, it's pretty safe to assume that he DOES like someone.

Most of the girls he knows are through work or sailing- and they're all either too old, taken or he just wouldn't date them because he works with them.

 

Might get to see him tomorrow- I said I was hooking up with Jack Daniels and Jose Cuvero this weekend. Got a really strange response back:

"Threesome, those two guys must be happy".

WTF does that mean? I'm guessing it's a joke but it's certainly a strange one...

[David.]

Because I'm conservative and I don't take chances. I especially don't want to risk it in this case because we've been friends for so long and as much as I'd like to think we could get through something uncomfortable like admitting feelings and they aren't reciprocated, I'm not 100% sure if we could or not.

There's your answer.

 

I'm just dropping in on the end here after having read the first few posts. It seems to me that this is dragging on with no outcome. This last message is clear enough. You value his friendship more than you do the prospect of a romance. In many situations, that should be enough to know where to draw the line and look elsewhere.

 

You sound like you are hoping you'll get your romance too, though it's clear that you don't have confidence in your ability to make it turn out that way.

 

So, it's like your better judgement is getting the best of you, even though you kinda wish it wouldn't.

 

If it were me, I'd be tempted to be straight with him and say 'I love you as a friend. I like the idea that we might make it work as a couple, but I'm not willing to take the chance just yet.' Once he picks his jaw off the ground he might surprise you, or he might agree. And then you can stop worrying.

[WTRanger]

If you are not willing to take the risk, the you've got to stop thinking about him the way you are. You'll end up making things uncomfortable with your deep hidden feelings. So either drop your feelings, or act on them. You can't keep up what you are doing and maintain a healthy mind.

 

He wasn't joking about asking about what sort of move. He was asking for what move you'd like him to make. If you would have said, "Just grab the girl and kiss her." perhaps he would have followed suit?

 

It seems that this is two people scared to leave the comfort of their respective zones, yet secretly admire each other. Life is way too short to end up like that. Sometimes if the guy doesn't make the move, you need to make the move. Just do it. Stop living so safe. The outcome won't hurt nearly as much as living your life in limbo like this.

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

So now it's the waiting game, though I'm thinking he just wants friendship (that's fine).

 

It looks like we're going to catch up for mini golf next weekend, with a couple of other people. I sent him a message asking when he wanted to and that I was at home sick with gastro, so now probably wasn't the best time. He didn't answer the question but said "get well soon" which was nice. He messaged me the next day asking how I was and if I was back at work.

 

I sent him one back asking about mini golf and I also asked who was the girl that he liked. Got one back saying "Will not tell you who I like because every time I tell people the word gets back to them (the girl) and they say 'no, get stuffed' and I don't like that".

I replied back with "That really sucks, I know the feeling all too well. You deserve someone who likes you for who YOU are".

 

He replied back with "Who would be good for me?"

I said: "I don't know, how many girls do you know? All I want is a guy with a good sense of humor and who likes me for me, maybe that's too much to ask? Put it this way, I wish there were more guys like you out there. I think you could make a girl VERY happy if you found the right one".

 

I think that I may have played my card with that last response. I sent it over a day ago now and haven't heard anything back yet, so I hope I haven't made things weird and uncomfortable.

[HayleytheHoldenfan]

So things have got pretty interesting...

 

Last Monday I sent him a message asking if he was up for mini golf this weekend just gone, and I said my younger brother and his girlfriend (who the guy knows pretty well) were keen to go. His response was "Such and such can come if they want, I'm free on Saturday but not Sunday I think. Haven't seen your brother for ages".

I sent one back saying Saturday was fine and I told him to come into my workplace Tuesday or Wednesday so we could sort it out. He came in TODAY and a few people noticed him looking at me in some of the aisles (I work in a supermarket) and I noticed him doing it twice. I served him and asked if he could wait 15 minutes because that's when I finished work. He did wait, despite having to go to sailing, and we made basic plans for Saturday- he WOULDN'T tell me who he liked... why?

I said it might be hard for me to get to mini golf on Saturday, he offers me a lift...

 

So Saturday was the day... not sure what to make of it. I thought he was flirting with me a couple of times, but I'm not 100% sure. I sort of made my move so only time will tell really...

 

He's keen to catch up again though, I told him to send me a message during the week. Plenty of talking in the car, but we're mates so that's to be expected. I was the brunt of the majority of the jokes because I'm crap at mini golf. So plenty of bagging me out but that's how he is.

 

Couple of funny/strange moments though- at the last hole my brother's girlfriend told me my score was 79 (bad I know) and he said something like "it's not 69" WTF?! Then earlier he hit me in the back of my leg twice with his club- once when I was taking a shot and when I was walking up stairs, is that flirting???

 

On the way home we stopped at McDonald's (because I wanted to) and we had something to eat there. He must've been looking at me because he said I had a mark or something on my face, I touched where he was pointing, there was nothing there and then he starts laughing... WTF?

 

When he dropped me off I said to him "take my advice and ask a girl out, otherwise you're not going to ever know. He then said something like "why don't you do the same thing?" (I'm QUEEN of liking someone but not doing anything about it). I said at the same time, "I reckon you'd make a good boyfriend". Not sure what he thought, because I think he turned it into a joke by saying "what for, 5 minutes?" My response: "That's long enough" Hahaha. What do you think?

Edited October 18, 2010 by HayleytheHoldenfan