For how long have you been in NC? Where do you feel you are now?

[isitreal]

Don Ho has told me what I am in is not "real NC" but I am hurting and not contacting an EX even though I want to so I don't know what else to call it...

 

I haven't talked to her for a month now, and it's killing me. I don't even know if I'm angry because I want her back...I'm just angry b/c she basically blamed the demise of our relationship on me, even though it was her failure to acknowledge that she had problems, and by not working on any of our problems even though I tried to bring them up thousands of times, I got frustrated and dumped her.

 

Like everything she does, instead of dealing with the problems head on she finds something to sidestep the problem and pretends it doesn't exist. In this case, she called me immature, replaced me with some other guy who doesn't know about all her b/s and is probably a total tool who will just take it. I guess that's love.

 

Right now I feel like I'm sitting on death row for a crime that I didn't commit. It's robbing me of all my energy, seriously. I just spend a bunch of time on LS, it's been the only catharsis that I've been getting.

[2themoon&back]

as for me it has been since july 3rd ---almost 11 weeks, i have not see his face or heard his voice, and i have not moved on very far.....

i am just sad, i was told by a friend that the more intense the love, the harder the heartbreak, i do believe this to be true....

i cry and cry and then cry some more... for a lot of different reason, because i miss him, i wish i was with him, i know he is not coming back, i know it is over, i gave him too much of myself and cannot get it back, there is no future for us, just a past and memoires .... i cry

and sometimes i just want to throw a real fit... so anger must be on it way haha

[DonDraper]

My girlfriend of four years and I broke up in early June but I started NC around August 9th. That makes it almost six weeks?

 

It's hard. She almost immediately started going out with someone else (a guy we both were mutual friends with). It is obviously a rebound, the relationship is totally random, but it is hard because I know they are going through their honeymoon period right now. Knowing she is already with someone else, and someone I called a friend on top of it, is killing me but in a way it is good because it really solidifies my desire not to talk to her.

 

I go back and forth on what I want--I feel sometimes like I never want to see her again, and then at other times I desperately want her to initiate contact to reconcile. All my friends think she'll come back (but then quickly tell me I shouldn't take her back) but there is this sense of uncertainty that is hard to take--uncertainty about what she'll do and uncertainty about what I should do if she contacts me.

 

There's a seven year difference between us and she just graduated college. I think she realized that she was on a fast track to marriage and freaked out. I don't know, I understand it on some level but it's been hard. We've been best friends for four years! NC is not my natural state with her, but I am building a new life without her now, which is slowly feeling like home.

[mmk1]

It has been on day of nc and 11 weeks of getting on with my life.

[LikeCharlotte]

Two years and six months and I have indifference. I was there pretty early on but I had things to work out about myself afterward. It has been worth identifying my issues and the work I did. I am much happier and I see that I would have never been happy staying in that relationship. I do not envy your heartbreak and I wish anyone still feeling it as much growth as I have had.

[RDawg]

I was dumped May the 13th. I'm currently into 2 weeks of NC. She asked me not to contact her for 4 months, I said I could commit to not contacting her for two. She doesn't believe that I can do it. I will try and push it to three months and ask to see her.

 

The last time we spoke 2 weeks ago she said that if I had just done NC properly from the start then by now I would be better and we could have started spending a little bit of time together. I am determined that when we do see each other again it will be pleasant and that I will not bring up our failed relationship.

 

How am I doing? Think about it all the time, tired of not being able to stop thinking about her, angry with myself for letting it have such an impact on me. But I'm also trying to get on with things - been going to the gym, dating other girls etc.

[rattled]

Just over 1 month of NC...and another 1 month nc prior to breaking it for a day. Where I'm at? Feels like Day 1 since finding out that my ex is now with a new bf

[wendigo]

It's been 3 days for me. I've been in a back and forth relationship over the past year - we have been together just under 3 years.

 

Last week was fine. Went out a lot, rediscovered myself, had some fun. I was contacting him but just to rant really.

 

Past couple of days I've been tired. Feel pretty certain it can't go on. His behaviour this time, there was just too much ****.

 

Nice post this - I kinda look forward to where I will be this time in 1 week, 2 weeks, 3..... 1 month..... 2 months... 3 months.....6 months. Man so much could happen! So many GOOD things could happen.

 

It's just gone a bit quiet past couple of days. No email and fb things. But! I'll just regain my energy and keep going for my dreams of my own business and house. I just see him as insane. I'm NOT being treated that way anymore. There's fun to be had people! It's not there all the time but keep seeking it! Have rests. Have cries. But don't give up on yourself.

 

xx

[Over_and_Beyond]

I've been in NC for over 1.5 years now, coming out of a 6 year relationship (cheated on and dumped by ex-girlfriend). I was miserable for nearly a year, but I'm no longer feeling angry or sad about how things ended, nor do I feel any need to contact my ex at all (then again, I entered NC almost immediately).

 

For those of us who are struggling with their self-imposed NC, keep up the good work. Yes, there are days when you'll think of the past, but it gets much, much better. Spend the time with your friends and family, nurture yourself and you'll emerge a much stronger person.

Edited September 20, 2010 by Over_and_Beyond

[mmk1]

The thought I was trying to convey is that at some point we are not NC, we have simply moved on. IMHO, if you still consider yourself NC 6 months or more (just an arbitrary number) down the road, to me you are still clinging on to a relationship that is long over. Its like being in a tug of war where you are the only one holding the rope.

 

So, a healthier approach is consider yourself NC for a day, week, maybe a month, and then accept that its over, stop thinking in terms of NC in terms of time and get on living your new life without your ex. Hopefully, this helps.

[LikeCharlotte]

The thought I was trying to convey is that at some point we are not NC, we have simply moved on. IMHO, if you still consider yourself NC 6 months or more (just an arbitrary number) down the road, to me you are still clinging on to a relationship that is long over. Its like being in a tug of war where you are the only one holding the rope.

 

So, a healthier approach is consider yourself NC for a day, week, maybe a month, and then accept that its over, stop thinking in terms of NC in terms of time and get on living your new life without your ex. Hopefully, this helps.

Maybe. I personally didn't care or count for very long but the issues that arose within myself were in need of attention and I have no desire to talk to him in any real way but it would have held me back if I had.

[Over_and_Beyond]

The thought I was trying to convey is that at some point we are not NC, we have simply moved on. IMHO, if you still consider yourself NC 6 months or more (just an arbitrary number) down the road, to me you are still clinging on to a relationship that is long over. Its like being in a tug of war where you are the only one holding the rope.

 

So, a healthier approach is consider yourself NC for a day, week, maybe a month, and then accept that its over, stop thinking in terms of NC in terms of time and get on living your new life without your ex. Hopefully, this helps.

 

Yes, you are absolutely right in this regard. My understanding of NC is that it allows space and perspective so that one can re-define their life without their previous failed relationship. The ultimate goal is re-orientation so one can get on with life. Of course, the time period for this reorientation to occur depends on the person and ideally the shorter the better.

[heart_stumble]

Tomorrow will be a month of NC, and month since actual no-hope-for-reconciliation break-up.

 

Last week a mutual friend got some info that ex is already "in a relationship", thought we were back together so he called me to ask. I knew she'd hooked up but checked her FB...took me back to devastating Day 1!but recovered after about 2 days.

And past week's been like a major retrospect reveal for me on the relationship. All the red flags I ignored.Well, live love leave learn live.

 

NC is in full enforcement right now, though sometimes I get emotional ups and downs. Way I'm feeling right now I think in my 2nd month I'll heal so much more.

NC and time is the only remedy.

[ladydesigner]

The thought I was trying to convey is that at some point we are not NC, we have simply moved on. IMHO, if you still consider yourself NC 6 months or more (just an arbitrary number) down the road, to me you are still clinging on to a relationship that is long over. Its like being in a tug of war where you are the only one holding the rope.

 

So, a healthier approach is consider yourself NC for a day, week, maybe a month, and then accept that its over, stop thinking in terms of NC in terms of time and get on living your new life without your ex. Hopefully, this helps.

 

What a great post. Who is kidding who here:laugh: I need to stop counting then. This makes a whole hell of a lot of sense and I thank you for this post!

[summerl0vesyou]

as for me it has been since july 3rd ---almost 11 weeks, i have not see his face or heard his voice, and i have not moved on very far.....

i am just sad, i was told by a friend that the more intense the love, the harder the heartbreak, i do believe this to be true....

i cry and cry and then cry some more... for a lot of different reason, because i miss him, i wish i was with him, i know he is not coming back, i know it is over, i gave him too much of myself and cannot get it back, there is no future for us, just a past and memoires .... i cry

and sometimes i just want to throw a real fit... so anger must be on it way haha

 

Im so with you on this whole post....u pretty much said everything i feel.

HUGS!

 

I talked to X, yesterday. about legal crap that cant really be avoided. Til now. Im going to make it my lawyer's job to talk to him. Hes too cold, I cant take it, its worse than not speaking to him at all.

weve gone a few weeks NC in the past and it still hurt like hell. Though I think it hurt a lot less when I wasnt trying to text him cuz everytime I did, he would make me feel like the dirt of the earth and like i dont deserve to even live.

[Banker Chick]

I hadn't initiated contact since Sunday the 12th but he broke it with a text this past Sunday night (I didn't respond) and another escalating one last night at 2:34 am. I'm still trying to figure out what to do because if I don't address this in some way he'll be on my doorstep this weekend.

[9Lives]

I been NC for 2 months almost and its hard but not as hard. memories pop in my head and I miss him but it will be a cold day in hell if I reach out. he text me about 2 weeks ago to say hi. I ignored it. I think about him a lot een though I'm dating. I'm just going with the flow cause deep down inside I still loe him but there is nothing I can do to bring us back together so I'm just liing my life the best I can and trying not to look back. that's it

[2themoon&back]

to summerl0vesyou...

 

Hugs to you summerl0vesyou as well, i am sorry you hurting!! at the same time i am glad you found someone to relate to so you do not feel so alone... i know sometimes i feel like i am the only person that hurts like this --i am not glad anyone hurts ---I’m just glad i am not alone !!!

 

you are worth more than being treated badly by X, it sounds like a good idea to let your lawyer do as much as he/she can. It sounds like your X has a real chip on his shoulders and he uses any opportunity to make you feel bad about yourself or make that your problem.... Avoid him at all cost ... because you are worthy of better treatment ---even by your X. the further along you get into healing the easier it will be to deal with X, that I know is true, but in the meantime, LS will be here and we all will support you in your path to getting stronger…. Take care of your self

[LostInTurn]

I believe to be at one month NC. I'm damn proud of myself and happier than I thought I would be. Moving away from the sadness, madness and hurt. All things I deserve not to feel any longer. The spell he cast, I'm over it. I'm a better person and I never want to go back to that terrible place again. It took me a long time to get here, but I'm better off without someone like him in my life.

[Confused9]

We've been NC for a whopping 2 1/2 years, lol. It seems strange now, since we talked everyday for 7, but I have to tell you all it gets easier. Just keep going with it. There is honestly nothing that can be said or done when someone leaves you. It is going to hurt you for as long as you let it. What you need to realize and what you WILL come to realize is that this person did you a huge favor.

 

Things will get easier. I was posting messages like yours a few years back. I felt lost, worthless, devastated. But, I am better now...keep the faith!

[liannemr]

today, well..its the first full day (24 hrs) since I put the NC in place. Not that it's been easy. He is a true narcissist without a doubt. Add on top of it a functioning alcoholic and chronic weed smoker and pretty much the most miserable person (his choice of descriptive words).

He is the dumper, i am the dumpee and after a month of being officially "over", I just got fed up with the back and forth drama, the texting and the phone calls that either lead to a screaming match and threats or the "wanna come over and talk about it and have awesome sex".

 

The emotional roller coaster I am on includes mental anguish and a headache from lack of sleep.

 

I want revenge for the 8 years he stole from me but then I realize how wonderful our life was (as long as i was the exact person he needed me to be) and the good times.

 

I realize it was all a lie and that he could never love anyone but himself.

It doesn't matter how much I loved him or how much I did for him, it was never good enough and I was never good enough.

 

I am damaged, lifeless and pissed off at myself for not learning about the narcissist. maybe if i had read more or looked deeper, i would have saved myself a bigger heartache.

 

so...day 1. im holding strong (ok i did log in to his facebook account and saw that the ONLY chat box he has open is the one with my name on it).

Why? i don't know. Maybe he didnt get the clue with the email I sent him saying..Don't ever contact me again. or maybe he's just trying to gauge if I am serious enough. I don't know and don't care ..ok a little bit i care..

 

what will day 2 bring?? hopefully a little more peace

[Username37]

NC since June 20th. Which ironically was the day my ex and I started talking 2 years ago. Since then, she tried contacting me 4 times. Ignored her 4 times.

 

Right now, I'm at a ****ty stage due to the fact that my ex has a boyfriend when she said she wasn't gonna look for one for a long time.

[Wrenne]

no contact for 6 days now, but the contact has been on and off. we broke up april 13. i was the dumper, but we were having relationship problems related to commitment issues on his part and constant fighting. the longest we have been NC was about a month, after i found out he was seeing someone else (he has been seeing her for 3 months now). he broke NC by sending me an anonymous email and we would email back and forth a lot and had dinner once. after that he was texting or emailing every other day. 6 days ago he sent me a picture of the stuffed animals i gave him on a shelf with stuffed animals from other exs and i told him the picture was hurtful and not to contact me again. he had told me the previous week that he sleeps with them every night (which i thought was an inappropriate thing to say since he had a new gf).

 

how i'm doing: i think about him constantly, i have had him blocked on facebook for nearly 3 months but i still check up on mutual friends several times a day, hoping to read something about him. just yesterday i cried when i saw that he and his new girlfriend are going to a friends party. i have tried wearing a rubber band and snapping it when i think of him, i have tried journaling my feelings, i even wrote a list (over 1,000 words long) of things about him that were "dealbreakers". but i still think about him all the time. i feel guilty and out of control and constantly am wondering if he really wants to work things out with me or if he is just messing with me. today i wanted to email him but i decided to log into this site instead.

[jeff2321]

Ex and I broke up I think sometime back in August. I also lost my job basically the same day I was dumped by my ex. I immediately went NC for nearly two weeks and the broke contact and called her and even agreed to be her friend like an idiot! I regressed at that point back to day 1 again and was a complete emotional wreck.

 

After 3 days of trying to be her friend and obsessing about all her pictures on facebook of her going out to clubs... I realized that I had to get every single thing out of my life that I could which reminded me of her. I got rid of all physical items, pictures, gifts, EVERYTHING. I untagged myself from every photo of us on face book and deleted every friend that has any ties with her. I deleted all of our emails for the 2.5 years we lived together. Got rid of her phone number out of my phone and I am no longer living at the same house we were in. I have gotten rid of all pictures in the hopes that after a certain amount of time I will forget what she even looks like -- pretty sad that I have to do that, but hey I need to look out for myself first.

 

I would say at this point I'm about 15 days or so NC ( though I'm starting to lose count ) and my emotions have gone from being happy to basically wanting to die ( though I wouldn't ever do that ) because of the pain of grief and loss.

 

Yesterday was one of my worst days I've ever had, but today I started a new job and also went to salsa dancing lessons after work and it was a great day. I started to get down again about 30 minutes ago and that is why I'm posting this reply to help get some of the 'emotion' out.

 

Each morning I wake up I'm usually in shock for at least 10-30 minutes because she is simply not around. Usually I'm wallowing in self-regret and still stuck in the 'what if I had only done...' phase.

 

So yeah... I'm still a wreck, but not as BAD of a wreck. Still a wreck though. A platonic girlfriend of mine today told me that 'she wouldn't even consider dating me because I am a wreck'. She is so right... I am a wreck.

 

Jeff

[Thorgs]

Well, my ride has been one that I'd love to forget, but I can't. It's just so shocking. Ever since June 26th my life has been up and down, but mostly down. The summer was a nightmare and so were the first couple weeks back to work. I'm not as up and down anymore. I still feel sad a lot but not anywhere near what I used to be like. I think I'm slowly picking myself up. I do, however, fear the day that I run into the ex. What a nasty individual she became.

 

I wish us all the best.