same problem different day

[robin]

this is still about "never quite feeling good enough" previous post. i know what your saying but do you think the fact that he has given up so much for me and me not giving in and trying things for him is selfish? i.e. flying, lakes, drive inn's, going out more? we got into a stupid fight lastnight again about drive inn's. i fall asleep early and i know i could not make it through the drive inn, i'd fall asleep. he suggested i take a late nap to help me stay awake. i asked him why he wants to make me feel bad about myself about the way i am. he says, all he wants is to do something he likes now and then, like a drive inn, or a movie, or go out, etc. i said why stay with me when all i do is bring you down? he says cause he loves me but he wants to have some fun too. he really has given up alot for me and that is why i feel so quilty. he does alot for me and all he wants is some fun, but i can't seem to bring myself to do these things he likes, that is why i say i am selfish. i don't know that i want to learn to like flying, or get in the habit of going out to the bar, or staying around alot of people for longer periods of time. i am willing to try some meds and do some counseling for him and myself to see if it helps. but it really seems easier to just leave him to find someone more compatiable, but my heart breaks just thinking of it. with that i'll leave this subject alone, i just wanted to elaborate on it so you didn't think he was totally a bad guy. when he says these things to me, he don't say them in a mean or hurtful way, he is just making a statement, but still it makes me feel so inadequate and more of a bother then a lover.

[Tony T]

You have simply restated the same problem here as in your earlier post and I stand by my earlier advice.

 

You seem to have made the decision to hang in here and make yourself feel guilty and worthless about not being able to live up to this guy's expectations.

 

Read my earlier post over again. Any way you slice it, this man is way way too ignorant and too selfish to understand your pbobias and needs and he is way way to selfish and self centered to make small sacrifices to accomodate your fears. There are men who will.

 

My opinion is you have many other underlying issues of depression, self esteem, repressed anger, etc. that need to be dealt with that area typical of people who have agoraphobia and other anxiety disorders. I hope you will either seek counselling or read some books that may help you.

 

But you will never feel good about yourself or about life being around this man. My gut feeling is you also have serious abandonment issues and are terrified about leaving him for fear of having the same type of panic reaction you have when you think about flying, crowds., etc.

 

GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP FOR YOUR SITUATION. You only have one life to live and, even if your phobia problems can't be improved dramatically, you can still have a far better quality life with someone more understanding and compassionate.