Wife works late. She comes home in a bad mood ONLY when I'm there.

[confused hub]

My wife and I have been together for over 4 years and married for about 8 months. She just started a new job and has been there for about 2 months. She has now started working an extra 2 hours everynight with her boss, then comes home and is always in a bad mood with me. The nights I have to go out are the nights that she conveniently doesn't have to work late. My mother in law has even asked her if she is having an affair to which she got pissed off, as would be expected. My wife is constantly asking me "what's wrong?" or "you seem mad". When she stays late she always calls me a few times during those extra hours at work and the number is her work number. I figured it was just my head messing with me, but the fact that my mother in law has questioned her about it a few times, doesn't make me feel any better. The weekends are fine as far as her mood goes. Her sex drive with me has only gotten more intense as well.

 

I'm sure I'm just being paranoid, but sometimes it helps to get these things off your chest even via a computer. Thanks for your time

[Tony T]

She may be in a bad mood when she gets home from work because of having to work the two extra hours. If she's consistently this way, back off and don't engage her when she gets home. If she initiates fights, let her know you don't mind her working late but the bad mood is unacceptable.

 

Does she have to work? Does she like to work? Maybe she has some ill feelings toward you after overtime because of the necessity of her working. You probably ought to just straight out ask her what's in her mind during this moodiness if you can see no reason for it. If she's not PMSing, there has GOT to be a reason unless she's losing her sanity.

 

I'd be real interested in knowing exactly why she doesn't have to work late on the nights when you're away. There may be a major issue there...way too much of a coincidence. Is she trying to avoid you? Is there a major marital problem you just aren't wanting to face? You better do some looking into this before it's too late...if you want to stay married.

[confused hub]

Originally posted by Tony

She may be in a bad mood when she gets home from work because of having to work the two extra hours. If she's consistently this way, back off and don't engage her when she gets home. If she initiates fights, let her know you don't mind her working late but the bad mood is unacceptable.

 

Does she have to work? Does she like to work? Maybe she has some ill feelings toward you after overtime because of the necessity of her working. You probably ought to just straight out ask her what's in her mind during this moodiness if you can see no reason for it. If she's not PMSing, there has GOT to be a reason unless she's losing her sanity.

 

she says she loves her job. the reasons he is working late with the boss is to learn more about how things work. i think im just being paranoid, but I can tell it's been in the back of my mind because EVERY SINGLE NIGHT i have dreams about my wife just being very distant and ignoring me. it's really odd, but in the dreams she is always spending more time with someone else then with me and just kind of brushing me off to the side. Maybe this all ties in to her working late and then coming home in a bad mood from work. I've been waking up from these dreams angry at her. It's really crazy.

[confused hub]

thanks to whoever inaccurately retitled my thread

[FreeMe]

I hate to tell you this but the intensified sex drive could be an indicator of an affair or an attraction. If she's attracted to someone else, being in a sexually-charged state all the time would obviously increase her sex drive. If that's the case, she may not be having an affair yet. She may not even intend to.

 

I can't give any advice. I know if I were in your position though, I would need to find out.

[Skittles]

:

 

I hate to tell you this but the intensified sex drive could be an indicator of an affair or an attraction

 

 

Freeme may be on to something. If her sex drive has ramped up more than usual, maybe something is brewing.

I am not saying you should accuse her or even be suspicious, but definitely communicate as much as possible during her relaxed moments.

 

Is she normally highly-sexed?...Is she communicative?...Does she take extra care in her appearance when she gets ready for work.

I think women who resent working usually voice that resentment or it makes itself known somehow.

 

Is she distant when you are together during down time?

 

I don't envy your position, because yes, she could be just tired and grumpy after working all those hours, or her boss could be making her feel like she is lacking something at home, so when she does come home she is annoyed...

The increased sex drive behavior makes me wonder, if that is not her usual thing.

 

An attraction may be brewing.....something is whipping that weathervane around...ear to the railroad track.

[Arabess]

FreeMe and Skittles are correct. It CAN be an indicator!!!

 

Then again, you can't go on your supposition.

 

I hate to say this.....but why don't you try borrowing a friend's car and being in the parking lot when she comes out of work. See if there is anything else which confirms your suspicions.

 

I know people say 'trust blindly'......but.......

[blondie11112003]

Hey there. It sounds like my story. I need advice too. I worry about my husband because he had an affair while working a few years ago, and it's been off and on. He recently changed jobs 2 weeks ago, and is in training for the railroad. I don't know what to think; for the past month and a half, he's come home extremely Happy. I don't think i've seen him this happy in a long time. Right before he quit his job as a route driver, the last 2 Fridays for him to work, on his route sheet, there was over an hour missing right after his last stop before going back to work. And i have to say, after his last stop, his job was just right across town; (so it took over an hour)to get back to work?? Well, his excuse was that he fueled up his work truck with gas then unloaded some boxes off. But still, i asked why Friday only?? and it still wouldn't take an hour. Anyway, so he got this new job with the railroad. Well, he gets a lunch hour. I thought he trained till 5, but sometimes he comes home at 1:30, or 3:30, etc. So i'm never knowing how late he works, or if the days he works later, he's somewhere else or not. I do know his attitude is ringing a bell with me. BUT, then again, i know when he had an affair how he is cold and distant. The only thing i can think of is it's a new lover because he's so happy all the time. This wouldn't be ringing a bell with me, but the extra time missing on those last two Fridays that he worked at his other job, is also saying something isn't right. I know how you feel about the job thing and having a hard time. Most affairs happen while working, or in the workplace. You need to ask her why she has so much overtime. It doesn't seem appropriate that this happens so often, and so late. But you know her more than anyone. When my husband had affair, he didn't want much sex with me, so it can be different for each person. You have to just weigh the options. But i know too often about coming home from work irritable. He started picking on me about little things. I knew something wasn't right. Now i can't explain the time missing on his route before he quit, and acting like Mr. Lottery Winner!!!! there are obvious signs you can't overlook i guess. Hang in there. Please let us know how it's going. It helps to talk to others who are going through the same thing. I've been married 5 years and sometimes i think it's going okay and other times not. Like you, I've had bad dreams and woke up mad with him too. It's only because i have a hard time trusting him. And usually your gut instincts are right. Take care/ and good luck to you. God bless. If anyone can read between my lines and have some advice, please do!! i need it!!

[Skittles]

He recently changed jobs 2 weeks ago, and is in training for the railroad. I don't know what to think; for the past month and a half, he's come home extremely Happy. I don't think i've seen him this happy in a long time. Right before he quit his job as a route driver, the last 2 Fridays for him to work, on his route sheet, there was over an hour missing right after his last stop before going back to work. And i have to say, after his last stop, his job was just right across town; (so it took over an hour)to get back to work?? Well, his excuse was that he fueled up his work truck with gas then unloaded some boxes off. But still, i asked why Friday only??

 

 

Hi blondie..

 

Unless they are handing out 100 dollar bills at work, something is tickling your husband and chances are, the nature is female only based upon past behavior.

 

I am sorry for your problems in the past with him too.

 

There are a couple of ways to approach this, depending upon what you want to do.

 

Is he open to counseling? Asking him straight out if he is fooling around may not get the desired result you want.

 

If it is the truth you want...we all do...then maybe hiring a P.I. may not be a bad idea.

You need to guage this thing based upon your relationship.

 

Is he open with you or defensive?

 

Does he avoid confrontation...is he a runner?

 

Are you afraid for your physical safety in anyway.

 

I cringe at my advice sometimes because the downfall of this board is that we don't have the full story and are not living it every day, we don't live in your world, so our "advice" could not only be way off, but could also be really bad.

 

Maybe he is happy because he really likes his job...

 

See where I am going with this.

 

You must find out what is going for your own peace of mind.

 

If you don't trust him or your relationship, hire a third party to confirm or dispel your suspicions.

 

 

 

I wish you well.

[blondie11112003]

Thanks for your help. I'm going to check up on him somehow. As for your questions, he's always been defensive, and

 

avoided confrontation. He denied the first affair. I will mention counseling to him, and see what the results are. I

 

know if i confront him about his new attitude, he will try to hide things a little better. I don't think he's happy about the new job, because he started acting like this before he started working there. I know something is off center.

 

The other night i heard a beeper go off. No explanation. I figured he was hiding it somewhere. Anyway, yesterday I asked him if they had issued beepers on his new job. He said it didn't work that way. When they need him after

 

training, they will call him at home. I said what if you're not home?? I found that strange, given the fact that i heard the beeper, and also, that after training he will be on call, with the railroad. Does this sound funny to you??

 

I've never heard of someone being on call, without a beeper. I'll have to check on that too. And yes!!! I need some

peace of mind!! thanks. I'll keep you up to date. I appreciate your advice.

[Fofinha]

I come home from work in a bad mood sometimes and I am NOT sleeping with the boss. I am sometimes a lot more creative and wild in bed but I am NOT sleeping with the boss. Before you jump to conclusions, try to find out FOR SURE. You are going to drive yourself INSANE if you don't. Sit her down, tell her how you feel and what you suspect (this should not be done by the mother-in-law!). If she denies it, you just have to believe her until somehow you find out otherwise.

[Karlise]

Could you perhaps pop in on her, unexpected. at her job site?

 

Show up under the pretext of bringing her dinner or coffee or something.

 

See if you get a 'vibe' while you're there....or if she acts wierd or guilty

[Fedup&givingup]

Wanting to have more sex IS a sign. She might be doing that to try to cover up working the extra hours.

 

I also think her bad mood is also a sign, especially since it's regulated with working late. She should be happy to be home and with you after working that long.

 

You might have something to worry about, or you might not. I agree with Arabess in borrowing a friend's car and checking things out. You might not do anything but induce more stress and worry in doing that, because you could be sitting out there in the parking lot SICK to your stomach wondering and never get any information from it...you won't see behind closed doors.

 

Here's a suggestion...maybe you could "surprise" her by bringing her dinner when she's working late one night. You will be able to find out ALOT by her reaction from that. She should find that very sweet and considerate of you to do. If she acts nervous or upset that you showed up, then I would REALLY be thinking something else is going on other than work. Also, you showing up will reinforce her boss of your existence.

 

I know what thinking something like this feels like...it's hell. I hope for you that it's not true!

[momof2]

I'm replying to your post because I believe you are right to be suspicious. I should know, because I am the wife who was working late with her boss. During a major project at work, I spent a lot of time working very closely with a company vice president. It was during a difficult time in my marriage; we had just moved and we had 0 friends and family around for support. My husband had been fired from his previous job for something that was his fault, and emotionally my husband and I were distant because of this and the fact that he'd been unemployed for 6 months. Financially we were strained, and additionally, we have two young kids under age 5. I felt very stressed and run down and that everyone was draining me on all counts.

 

At the same time, my job became the only thing I truly got enjoyment and fulfillment from. Home became a place of discord and work my refuge. Working late was truly an innocent thing for me as I loved working on projects and began to learn tremendously from this vice president. I am ambitious, and he took me under his wing and mentored me on many aspects of the business. He had always been a huge flirt though, and so am I. Even though he is a little older and in his early 40's, we always flirted lightly, even during work hours.

 

I believe that during that time if my husband had shown up in the evening to bring dinner, it could had sent a message to my boss and given me the common sense to stop things before they started. I know that responsibility was mine; but I was so weak, and I believe he had has eyes on me all along. This was despite the fact that we are both married and both have two kids at home.

 

Finally one evening when we were working late, he got courageous and began to stroke my hair and play with it. Then took my hand in his and kissed it and told me all the things I haven't heard from my husband in years: that I'm beautiful, sexy, smart, pretty, wonderful, etc... how much he's attracted to me, that it's not just sexual and he's been holding his feelings in all these months, and he just couldn't hold it back anymore. He told me that he wanted to take care of me and spoil me, he wanted to show me how much I deserved to be loved and cared for. He leaned in to me, took me in his arms and kissed me.

 

I should have pushed him away and told him I was completely uncomfortable with the situation. I know what a horrible person this makes me; but now I've been having an affair with him for the past 2 months. I am trying to still figure out how all of this happened and how in the world I'm going to be able to stop it. Considering all of this too with the fact that I am the solely employed person in my household and this man that I'm having an affair with can have me fired and out the door at the drop of a dime.

 

So please, take my advice and go with your instincts. Any married woman who is working late consistently may be doing so for the sake of her job, to finish a project, etc. but if there is a man around while she's doing so, I don't believe that his intentions are anything but seductive ones.