Now what?

[trulyme]

Well, me and the ex were progressing rather well I would have to say. She was going to start working with me and everything.

Then, I started to think........is she really ready to be just friends, because I am not. She kept saying we make such good friends. While I was thinking, freinds make the best lovers. We never fight or anything and when were around each other, we just laugh and have fun.

 

So last night I had to let my feelings out. I told her that training her daily and being at her side is not going to make me want to be friends, its going to do the opposite. She said that freindship is what she has to offer right now, followed buy lets just be friends and see where it goes. I got the impression that she was into me, but that friendship was all she wanted right now.

But how can you hang out with a person that SAYS they just want to be friends but acts totally different? She would get jealous when a girl called my phone and start asking me a million questions. I thought her actions spoke louder then words so I kept going along with it.

Till now.

I told her that, I am not ready to be friends or train her. My heart is way too much into her.

 

Should I have just worked next to her and let feelings go from there? What if she never came around and I was falling more in love? That would have sucked.

I feel like I made the wrong decesion.

Truly.

[dlb311]

I think that you have to listen to your heart if it hurts to much then you need to not train her. She was asking because of course she loves you and wants you for only her but the just friends right now means that she isn't just going to be hanging with you. She wants time and space for herself and maybe that means dating other people if she is dating others you need to get out. You can't let her play with you and keep you hanging on for more while she is out and getting it all.

 

I say tell her you love her and you want this to work. She will say not now or yes. if she says yes then go from there is she says not now I would tell her then I need to get over you so I need time for myself. And take time don't call her don't take her calls and go on dates. She will return if she really wants it to work. if not then you are meant to find someone better who wont hurt your feelings.

[ldybg51]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=olive][/color]Im glad you finally told her. I think that was the best thing. And telling her that you cant train her is good also. I think you should continue just as you are. Being friends. That is what she wants and that is what she should get. You need to go out with friends who happen to be girls. Dont be afraid to give out your cell #. Be busy. Act as if you are moving on. Then guess what. You really will start to move on.

 

Now when she sees this she will start to think. If she really does have feelings for you and she is just scared to get back into things because she is guarding her heart (if my ex called me right now and told me he would like to get back with me I would do the same thing. "I cant, lets just be friends, take things slowly and let me see how you really feel. If I can trust you then great") then she will come around.

 

BUT first you have to tell her one more thing. You have to tell her something like this. "I love you and I want to be with you. I can understand if you just want to take things slow and see where I stand. I want to prove to you that I will not hurt you and that You are the girl for me. If you let me I will show you I made a mistake and make it even better than before. If you are trying to prove to me that 'I cant hurt you and then just get right back with you' then just know that I know that. Now that I have realized what you really mean to me by losing you I am ready to be the best to you that I can." I think this would work for me. IF this is what she is thinking though. ONLY if she is just scared. Okay. Then if she says NO, I still want to just be friends then tell her that is fine but tell her that YOU are going to move on then and eventually you will start seeing other people.

[trulyme]

Well, a little update as this thread is somewhat old.

 

I have been working with her for the past week. There are still little flirtting sesssions going on and I can tell when a guy calls her and vice versa. I feel wrong talking on the phone to a girl in front of her, but what can I do? She is still very touchy feely and just this week she suggested to me that I pick up a book called, "Light her Fire". I said why? She said that it saved her professors marrige he claimed. Not sure what she was trying to do with this one.

 

We were also out one day trainging and I ask her why she never changes her hair. Well, the next 2 days in a row she changed her hairstyle and the first day was mad that I did not notice. We were then sitting at lunch and she just starts spraying me with compliments. My eyes, my height, my confidence all this stuff. I say this because, it just seems to me to be another example of (non friendly) behavoir.

 

I have been going out with other women, but they just dont do it for me like my ex does. But I will not give up on others, I am always looking. She told me that she went on a couple dates as well and the guys were not doing it for her either. But who knows, she may be dating someone right now. Although she claims that she is not. The work thing is hard somedays and easy others. I really do enjoy her company more the any girl that I know. I just cant justify kicking her to the curb because she does not want a relationship with me. So she said, but her actions seem to show a scarred ex. I know I hurt her when I broke up with her, but the level of her pain is unknown.

Thanks for the advice.

Truly

[ldybg51]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=olive][/color] Ok, she is definitely still interested. That is so obvious. But you have to do something about that. I still think you should tell her something like what I posted earlier. Just so she knows that you know that you hurt her and that you want to prove to her that things are going to be great. If you do not want to tell her just up and out, then send her flowers with a card or something. This is the point where you have to soooo extra wonderful. You have to show her how much better things will be than they ever were before the split. Show this woman what she will be getting for the rest of her life if she gives you a second chance.

[trulyme]

I understand what you are saying kinda. As for if she is still interested, I am not positive on that. Maybe she is giving me false hope, or maybe she thinks that she is doing nothing of the sort as far as leading me on even. One would have to think that she is smarter then that and that she knows she is flirting on some level. I dont know. Maybe she likes the attention and feels like it is ok to flirt with me because she knows I still have feelings.

I dont know

[ldybg51]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=green][/color]

We were also out one day trainging and I ask her why she never changes her hair. Well, the next 2 days in a row she changed her hairstyle and the first day was mad that I did not notice.

 

 

 

She told me that she went on a couple dates as well and the guys were not doing it for her either

 

Okay, I guess i got the wrong picture.

 

But I am a woman and I am outside looking in, without all your hangups on the situation.

 

This woman is trying to get you to notice her. She is sending messages that she cares what you think. She wants you to be impressed by her, hence the change of hair.

 

I do not know how long it has been since she told you that you should just stay friends, but I think at this point you need to do something to show her that you have changed.

 

I do know that if this was me I would never send these signals if I was not interested in rekindling anything. Take it for what it is and just show her that you have changed.

 

WOW her so to speak and she will see that you will be even better this time. You will aleviate her doubts and inhibitions about your past and why you broke up with her. I am almost positive (and I rarely say that) that she just needs to be reassured that you wont hurt her again. She is trying to show you what you lost, what you will lose if you do it again and that you cannot hurt her and easily get her back.

 

Only my opinion though, But what have you got to lose by doing something so incredibly sweet that she cant take it. Certainly not her, You guys have gotten way past the "dont show emotions or they will be pushed away" stage.

 

This woman wants your attention. Give it to her.

[trulyme]

Ldy, so me and her got to talking today. She always brings up the relationship and she is aware of this as well. She ask me, what are we going to do when we both start seeing someone, how is that going to change our work environment? I told her that I did some thinking, and I see problems down the road. I told her that any guy that she dates is going to have a problem with her working with her ex. She said she knows that. And that any girl is going to have a problem that I work with my ex as well. Then she told me, well we dont have to tell them . I was like come on, its should not be like that. but niether of us can justify just dropping the other completely because we enjoy each other so much.

 

We got to talking about the relationship some more and she brought up how some of her needs were not being met when we were dating. I was very aware of that when we were dating and after we broke up, I was even more aware of them. I told her look, I have made some mistakes as have you, but we need to move on and learn from those. She agreed. But it was still very evident that she is hurt from how I treated her. I feel bad. But I am in a different position now, and I cant look back. I have learned and it has made me a better person.

 

When we were talking about this, she said that it has been 4 months since we broke up and she is still attracted to me. She says that I have set the standards for her next guy unbelievably high. She says, she is only friends with one of her ex's and he is married. I told her that when there is attraction there, it is a lot harder to be friends. She agreed. But she also is going to take what I am teaching her to the fullest and make this her career.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am still getting mixed signals. She is still touchy feely and she was happy that I started reading that relationship book. But to be honest, I dont know what to do. I thought about a couple surprizes to show her that I still care, but then i dont want to make it uncomfortable. The friend vibe is there, but so is the relationship vibe. Maybe it is just her womanese and flirting that is making me think that she still may want to give it another shot. Or maybe it was her comment, " so, say I wanted to give this another shot, there was still things that I felt I needed in the relationship". That got me thinking, just to say that made me think that she wants to give it a go again. But then she follows that up with, I am not ready for a relationship right now. I told her, thats fine..........but I am.

I really dont have a clue what to do. Maybe nothing at all is the answer. Whatcha think?

truly

[ldybg51]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=olive][/color]

 

Its like everytime you post what she has said or done this time, I go, wow, good one, thats what I would have done. She brought up you two dating other people to see your reaction. This woman was badly hurt. I didnt realize how much but I can tell. She is so scared. I really feel for her. She seems very confused about wether or not to take another chance on you. She does not want you to hurt her again but she still has all the feelings for you. (I sound like a psychic) I am not positive about all I am saying it is just that she seems to be coming from exactly where I would come from if it was me. I think the only way you can go about this is to continue showing her kindness and a different you. A new and improved guy who will be the best thing that will ever happen to her...again....You have got to do some WOW things. Tommorrow would be great to start with. Im thinking flowers saying something like what you said to me.

 

I dont want to scare you or make things weird I just wanted to do something for you that I neglected in the past. It may be to late but I think you deserve the best and I just wanted to show you that although you just want to be friends for now I still think you are amazing.

 

You dont want to push her away or rush her. I just get the feeling that she is still very scared but that she does not want you to think that she doesnt care. She is showing you either subconsciously or not that she still loves you and thinks about you in those terms.

 

Give it a shot, youve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.