Jealous of boyfriends online personal ad search

[love2004]

Yet another jealousy question. I have been in a 7 month relationship with a man I met on an online dating service. I thought we had great communication styles. We see each other every day, go to each others family functions, do "family" things with our children (mine lives with me, he has his children part-time). We do almost everything together and are rarely apart for more than a few hours or when we are at work. Our relationship gives all appearances and feeling of us being a true family.

 

Here in lies my struggle with jealousy. I used his computer the other day and in the history was the URL for the dating service we met on. I know this is not healthy, but I looked in the computer history and saw indeed he had been on the site a few days earlier. I immediately asked him about it in a very non-confrontation manner. He was at first hedgy about it, but I asked him to come look at the history on the computer he admitted he had gone on to see if two of the other women he had been communicating with we still online or if they had met someone like he had. He stated he was only on there for 5 minutes (which I think I believe looking at the short list of urls in the history) and was just bored when he did it. He did say that he didn't try to establish communication because that would require him reestablish an account anyway. Not very reassuring to me! He told me he was hedgy about it because 1)he didn't want to have the conversation we were having in which I was starting to get a little wound up and 2) that he didn't want me to think hew was looking for someone else. He assured me I was the one he wants to be with and that he is very happy with me. He is normally straight up honest with me when I ask him questions.

 

I am obsessed with this incident. I have tried to replicate the sign in screen that came up on his computer when I clicked on the URL, I have thought about going to his house and getting the screen names off the urls, checking further into the computer history, blah, blah, blah...I am basically being an obsessed person who is not acting on impulsive thoughts, but I am being overwhelmed by them. I honestly thought I was a secure person!!!

 

Am I placing trust in someone who is not deserving or is this just innocent online gawking?? Right now I really don't have much trust and I want to get that back. He said there is not much more he can say to make me feel confident that I am the one he wants. He said he hopes this is the relationship for life. (I'm divorced once, he twice) His first cheated on him so I know he knows that pain!!

 

Up until this incident I believed that he was very happy with me and that we had a good and healthy relationship. I actually allowed this guy into my heart which in NOT an easy thing for me.

[Arabess]

You could make up some 'fictional hottie' and answer his ad. See what he does.

 

OR....you could take the high road and believe him. Chances are, he was being curious....just as he told you.

 

[B-Low-Zero]

Personally I like the idea of playing a ficticious internet girl and see what he does.

 

I sincerly hope it works out for you.

 

Good luck

[love2004]

In my venting of my emotions I think I made the post confusing...kinda like my thoughts. He doesn't actually have an ad posted on the dating service. He went on as a unregistered account...just someone looking kind of thing. He specifically looked up two people he had been chatting with when around the time he met me and we realized we were a good couple with a shot at making it work. He can't chat with them if he doesn't pay to register his account, which I really don't think he did. I did search to see if you was listed on the site, he is not. He was on just as a visitor, not as a member as far as I can tell or his account is "hidden".

 

My brain feels a bit clearer today.