Befriending someone without hidden motives?

[bowenmagic]

Hi, I am trying to befriend this girl that I've met through her working at a local store of mine. To be honest I do have attraction for her but I know that she has a boyfriend, so I do not want to pursue her or anything. Instead I would like to befriend her and get to know her better through the means of being friends. It could be tough in situations like this to befriend someone that you have attraction to. Because in the back of your mind you have this little voice saying "I would like to get to know her in a romantic way". But I sincerely want to befriend her and not make her feel I'm in it for more (romantic). If something pops up in the future due to them breaking up, then that's just fate I guess. Btw, I've only just met her and only chated to her once. But i have been wanting to chat to her for a long time but only just recently done it. I've also got her on FB. Cheers for the help guys!!!

[WTRanger]

Hi, I am trying to befriend this girl that I've met through her working at a local store of mine. To be honest I do have attraction for her but I know that she has a boyfriend, so I do not want to pursue her or anything. Instead I would like to befriend her and get to know her better through the means of being friends. It could be tough in situations like this to befriend someone that you have attraction to. Because in the back of your mind you have this little voice saying "I would like to get to know her in a romantic way". But I sincerely want to befriend her and not make her feel I'm in it for more (romantic). If something pops up in the future due to them breaking up, then that's just fate I guess. Btw, I've only just met her and only chated to her once. But i have been wanting to chat to her for a long time but only just recently done it. I've also got her on FB. Cheers for the help guys!!!

 

But you do have hidden motives. You do want to pursue her. You would just be faking it until they break up. That's a lie to her and that's a lie to you.

[Cee]

I'm usually attracted (emotionally, spiritually, physically) to people I befriend. As long I know that we will never get together, I can be a friend.

 

There's a guy I have a crush on who became my friend. He has a live in girlfriend so there's no way we'd be together. The friendship is natural and not forced at all. At first, it started as chat at a happy hour and now he invites me (and others) when he plays music. We work in the same profession which is an unusual one so we bond over email about our jobs. I'm so glad to have a friend like him.

 

[btw, I admitted I had a crush on him, but told him I understood that nothing could happen. I don't why I told him, except I felt dishonest not admitting it. He was nice about it and then we forgot about it. We have remained friends since that reveal.]

 

I see the value in having platonic relationships with people I'm attracted to. If they are good people and fun to be around, I don't see the harm. Well, unless you have a problem getting wrapped up into romantic fantasy.