How Can We Just Break Up And REMAIN FRIENDS?? Doesn't seem easy..

[theFireworks]

I'm just curious. My GF broke up with me after 4 years for the second time.

We get along so well and I know she still cares about me and loves me

(maybe not "In" love with me) and I always treated her really

good since we've been together, Cherished her, Supported her etc.

It's a "time and space" sort of thing. We're in our mid twenties and I guess she

wants to feel free and indie from me for a while. We haven't said we won't EVER

get back together again, but the way it's going, It's not going to be anytime soon

I don't think. She's confused and needs to try stuff out. She says she just needs to

Be alone for a while but wants us to still do stuff together, spend time every now and then.

She moved out of our apartment. I'm crushed but trying to make sense of what I need to do for ME now.

 

My question is: She wants to sort of remain close and hang out every once in a while

And I wonder if that sort of thing works. Anyone have that sort of experience before,

Becoming friends with your love? Somedays I think I can do it and just be her lighthouse,

her best friend while she does her own thing, But other days I break down and get semi-desperate & ask her

"where Do We Stand" and I don't like her to see me like that. I never was too keen on remaining friends

with an ex-girlfriend because it's just weird...Especially if they start dating someone else, How

am I supposed to handle seeing that???

 

Anyone have any advice on how to handle this? I do want to stay in touch with her, and although

i'm still in love with her, I need to know how to alter my feelings to still care about her

without being hurt or jealous.

 

 

Any advice would help....Thank You!

[Thor]

Frankly, I think you need some time to heal. Part of the healing process will have to be a complete separation from your ex. I think that this is extremely necessary. It's hard to heal when you and your ex are still talking and going out occasionally. It'll probably be painful for you, there's not doubt about that, but you're going to need this time for yourself.

[UCFKevin]

If you're not cool with it, don't do it. Frankly, I don't understand how the hell anyone can do this, especially immediately after a break up. Just tell her, "I can't. Sorry."

[Mollyanna]

My ex broke up with me last week and last night we talked on the phone for 2 1/2 hours. Just like you, we are also trying to sort out this - "let's be friends" thing. I thought he was talking to me all week on phone and email because he felt bad and was trying to ease his own guilt for hurting me. But he told me last night that the reason he is talking to me is because he still wants to leave open the possibility that we could get back together again once he gets over the hurt of his ex-wife.

 

I am not sure how to do this either. I don't want to hold onto hope and then get hurt 3 times as much. But if I am around him, I will still want to be with him as more than a friend and I know that will continue to hurt. Plus I know there is a chance he may start to see me as just a buddy and I don't want that either.

 

I don't want to lose him and have no idea how much time and space this needs. Do I talk to him once a week, once a month - on email, on phone - ever in person? I don't know what to do either. This IS rough. I guess we just have to take one day at a time and try very very hard to not go overboard. I know that one thing I have done is tell my friends not to let me call him when I am emotional or have been drinking or when it is late at night. And the last few days I have tried to channel my thought and energy into writing (mostly on here), talking on the phone to my friends instead, and exercising.

 

Sorry I can't be more help. I can only tell you what I am trying - to just stay so busy that I can't think about him as much.