OMG Help ME! I discovered some really kinky stuff in my fiance's past.

[Calotine]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

I'm very curious if those of you who say the past doesn't matter have ever had a situation like this before?

 

It's VERY easy to just say, "Ah, who cares, it's in the past, move on and be happy with her!" when you've never been in something like this before.

 

It's a mindf*ck, that's for sure, it would bother the hell out of me, too. And if it bothers you THAT much, don't let it go any further. You might get past it, and then again, you might not.

 

Well, said, really. My bf has a some what promiscuous past. Honestly, it bugs the hell out of me as well. I constantly get responses from others saying "you NEET to get past it." Well, one can not control how one feels. It is something very serious and need a lot of work to deal with it.

[Love Sucka]

Okay i figured here are things you should ask about a past... How long has it been since youve had intercourse and been tested.... Why have you decided to wait to have sex again.. are you looking for something more serious? EVERYONE has a play around stage... MEN DO WOMEN do who cares! DONT ASK THEM ABOUT IT THOUGH... thats just horrible. ITS judgment and you know what i finally realize this.. NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW DETAILS like that. This is exactly why you dont want to know. Sometimes people are jealous sometimes they arent.. I have been with men ... i my self would never have an orgy but thats just me. I feel degraded yet ive been with men one on one... so whos to say which girl is a slut and which isnt. Dont listen to these people calling her a slut THATS NOT FAIR!! watch chasing amy ... SHE ENJOYED HER past.. SHE is just being too honest about it with someone who shouldnt hear about it!!!

[lifeisloveispain]

Just want to put in my two cents on this.

 

The girl I just recently married had sex with about 25 people before she met me. She's been in three-ways (2 girls and a guy), been where there were 2 couples screwing both in the same room (with a little overlap in the girl-girl area), and I'm sure she's been with more than one guy at once (filled out like an application, I would say). She had a huge rap sheet as a cheater. For a while she was also into s+m. God only knows what all she did.

 

That said, most of this stopped before she met me (except that she cheated on me once about three years ago when we first got together - I'm still dealing with that one). Does this past make her a slut or a useless human being? No. She USED TO BE a slut. Note the key words there.

 

Just cause someone screwed around and did messed up stuff in the past has nothing to do with their present and future. For example, a few years ago I was massively addicted to drugs of all sorts. Today I'm clean and sober, and have been for awhile. It's basically the same thing, just replace drugs with sex.

 

If you can get past it, great. If you can't, well, that's understandable. Just remember that it's not always a good idea to base your future on the past. "You look forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage. (-K. Smith)" People change.

 

-lifeisloveispain

 

P.S. On the subject of Mr. Smith, go check out the movie "Chasing Amy." Gave me a lot of perspective on girl's messed up pasts, and getting over it. But that's just me.

[lifeisloveispain]

Hey, just noticed Love Sucka mentioned Chasing Amy, too. Right on! Although I think the pertinent question there is how this came up. Did you ask her about her past, or did she just volunteer this info (should've thought to ask that earlier)? And in the movie, I'm not sure I would necessarily agree that she enjoyed her past, she just didn't feel that she should have to apologize for it. "Right or wrong, they were my decisions, and I'm not apologizing to you, or to anyone." Like Amy said, she was an experimental girl, and she didn't see anything wrong with that, and didn't see how it pertained to her current relationship. Sorry, just had to go into film discussion mode... Kevin Smith films just do that to me...

 

-lifeisloveispain

[Papillon]

Why is it that it's always other guys' girlfriends who are into other chicks and threesomes, but then they don't like it?

 

Why can't my girlfriends ever be more sexually adventurous?

[einahpets]

i am sorry you feel so bad about the situation you are in. but you did say the past not the present, right? so because she has a colored past means she should never be trusted, never be allowed to marry anyone? put yourself in her shoes. if you had had sex with numerous people in the past, would you deserve her? would you want her to look past your past and see you for the person you have now become? would you feel you have the right to marry a decent person and be happy? we all have a past. in my opinion you need to give the girl a break. its not like she can change anything. it is the PAST and you need to get over it. but i nor anyone else can tell you not to let it bother you. if it still does, than you probably have more issues w/ either yourself or the relationship that need to be evaluated.

[arcadia]

i certainly hope that the guys posting on here saying the girl is a slut and should be dumped because of her sexual past are as pure and innocent as they expect their women to be.

 

I mean come on.. we all know most men have fantasies of three somes and i am damn sure tha most of those men would not turn them down if given the opportunity. And men who have had a lot of sexual partners sure like to look upon that as a good thing. So does that mean you are a slut because you have experimented sexually? Should you not have a good relationship because you are not "cut from a better cloth" ?

 

the whole men/women slut double standard really pisses me off. If you expect your girlfriend to be pure and virginal in order to be suitable to marry, then by god you should be pure too.