So then guys... how do us girls get you back?

[CaliGuy]

So, guy likes girl, chases girl, gets girl.

They break up.....

 

A guy when he wants to get back with a girl does sweet stuff... girls like that....

 

Whats a girl supposed to do, since doing sweet stuff would have guys running a mile!?

 

Any suggestions?

Whats the best way of getting the guy?

 

If you are the one who breaks up, if he's smart, he probably will never contact you again.

If he broke up with you, he MAY want to get back together. Just depends.

If it was a mutual breakup then maybe the odds are better.

 

It's easier for women to get a man back than a man to get a woman back. That's just life.

 

My question to you is why do you want to relive the past instead of meeting someone NEW?

 

Breakups are called breakups for a reason. It's broken and probably won't work. It's better to start with someone new.

[Dan654321]

If you dumped him. He won't chase you. He'll, may if he is interested, contact you sometime. But that's another issue. If you want him back, Tell him and show it. It may be a little embarrasing, or you may feel it is beneath you. But if he is the one, you will find out. One way or another.

Now for issues, you dumped him. That will always be in the background. It is not going to go away. You dumped him. You going to have to win back his trust. That's a long bumpy road. And it will be bumpy.

 

That means 1. The other guy is out of the picture.

2. Be careful what you ask for, you may get it. And

his heart will need a lifetime worth of care. If it is going

to belong to you again.

3. Be brave, he may not accept you for the long haul. But

If you want him you'll have to risk that.

[bboy]

I smell:

 

1. Pride

2. Stubbornness

3. Fear of Rejection

 

Three wonderful components that all can kill just about any relationship. Once you know how to deal with those yourself, you're ready to get back. But in the process, don't get surprised if it will change your heart a couple of times on the way. Good luck...

[Sunny-side-up]

It's a super long thread, but if you're up for an entertaining read, here it is

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t236526/

 

 

Hi Thorg.. posted on your thread... geez... you weren't joking about the length!

 

I'm really feeling it for you.

[Sunny-side-up]

If you dumped him. He won't chase you. He'll, may if he is interested, contact you sometime. But that's another issue. If you want him back, Tell him and show it. It may be a little embarrasing, or you may feel it is beneath you. But if he is the one, you will find out. One way or another.

Now for issues, you dumped him. That will always be in the background. It is not going to go away. You dumped him. You going to have to win back his trust. That's a long bumpy road. And it will be bumpy.

 

That means 1. The other guy is out of the picture.

2. Be careful what you ask for, you may get it. And

his heart will need a lifetime worth of care. If it is going

to belong to you again.

3. Be brave, he may not accept you for the long haul. But

If you want him you'll have to risk that.

 

I did tell him.. I made it blunt as hell last time we attempted a meeting... just a shame the timing was really bad. I'm now on second attempt of trying to win this guy back and I don't think blurting it all out will help my cause. It didnt last time. Friends will say I'm crazy but....

[Sunny-side-up]

If you dumped him. He won't chase you. He'll, may if he is interested, contact you sometime. But that's another issue. If you want him back, Tell him and show it. It may be a little embarrasing, or you may feel it is beneath you. But if he is the one, you will find out. One way or another.

Now for issues, you dumped him. That will always be in the background. It is not going to go away. You dumped him. You going to have to win back his trust. That's a long bumpy road. And it will be bumpy.

 

That means 1. The other guy is out of the picture.

2. Be careful what you ask for, you may get it. And

his heart will need a lifetime worth of care. If it is going

to belong to you again.

3. Be brave, he may not accept you for the long haul. But

If you want him you'll have to risk that.

 

I smell:

 

1. Pride

2. Stubbornness

3. Fear of Rejection

 

Three wonderful components that all can kill just about any relationship. Once you know how to deal with those yourself, you're ready to get back. But in the process, don't get surprised if it will change your heart a couple of times on the way. Good luck...

 

Finally... I've not got the hang of replying to two messages at once... sorry for the multi posts, I'm learing the ropes.

 

bboy, yeah, you're totally right and I think we're both in that boat. I'm going to work on my fear of rejection firstly... I think if I deal with that my stubborness and pride will be easier to overcome.

 

I'm getting to either

A. Just put it to bed, move on a forget.. after 2.5 yrs, I'm almost there!

B. Dive in... regret the stuff I do rather than the stuff I don't. If he kicks me away then at least I know theres no hope and I gotta move on!

[Thorgs]

Hi Thorg.. posted on your thread... geez... you weren't joking about the length!

 

I'm really feeling it for you.

Thanks gal. Any luck or progress with your man?

[Sunny-side-up]

Thanks gal. Any luck or progress with your man?

 

Hey... no.

I'm away for a few weeks now and its his birthday soon after I get back. I'm gonna call him then and catch up with him then.

Perhaps we'll begin to talk more and get to know each other a bit better. (its been a long time)

I'm not going to blurt that I want him back because if truth be known, I don't want "what we had", I want it better than that. (we split up so there was obviously stuff wrong then)

Perhaps we could just remain friends if we don't tick each others boxes anymore and I think it's important we establish that before we put pressure on a romantic relationship. I'd like us to talk and be friends again at least, he was a big part of my life and I miss him.

[flow15]

If you are the one who breaks up, if he's smart, he probably will never contact you again.

If he broke up with you, he MAY want to get back together. Just depends.

If it was a mutual breakup then maybe the odds are better.

 

It's easier for women to get a man back than a man to get a woman back. That's just life.

 

My question to you is why do you want to relive the past instead of meeting someone NEW?

 

Breakups are called breakups for a reason. It's broken and probably won't work. It's better to start with someone new.

 

Cali guy, you say its easier for women to get a man back than a man to get a woman back. Is this when the man breaks up with the woman? What can I do to win back my ex boyfriend when he was the one who broke up with me? He ended it nearly a month ago, and I've kept no contact for nearly 2 weeks. When he ended it, he said he didn't want to but felt it was the right thing to do as we were arguing a lot. What can i do to win him back?

[Billie The Puppet]

Flow you seem to be in every other thread asking how to win him back.

 

You can't do anything to win him back there are no strategies to win an ex back as a dumpee. Dumpees who chase are seen as weak, needy, insecure and clingy. Give up on the idea of winning him back.

[flow15]

Flow you seem to be in every other thread asking how to win him back.

 

You can't do anything to win him back there are no strategies to win an ex back as a dumpee. Dumpees who chase are seen as weak, needy, insecure and clingy. Give up on the idea of winning him back.

 

I just want to see different peoples opinions. Everyone else asks how to get their ex back, so I thought I would do too!

[Billie The Puppet]

I just want to see different peoples opinions. Everyone else asks how to get their ex back, so I thought I would do too!

 

Have you not noticed the answer to everyone else's is practically the same. Use No Contact to heal and move on. If it's going to happen it will happen naturally.

[flow15]

Have you not noticed the answer to everyone else's is practically the same. Use No Contact to heal and move on. If it's going to happen it will happen naturally.

 

Yes I know, just wondered if anyone would say anything different. I will continue with NC as that is what everyone basically says. I was only wondering if there was something small I could do to get his attention and to want me back.

[Billie The Puppet]

Yes I know, just wondered if anyone would say anything different. I will continue with NC as that is what everyone basically says. I was only wondering if there was something small I could do to get his attention and to want me back.

 

I noticed by your posts and trust me I wish there was something I could do to get my ex's attention back too. Perhaps if we do our best to forget they even exist, they will somehow come back into our lives.

[bboy]

bboy, yeah, you're totally right and I think we're both in that boat. I'm going to work on my fear of rejection firstly... I think if I deal with that my stubborness and pride will be easier to overcome.

 

I wish you all of luck and when you decide what to do. Wait another day before doing it and give it a second thought.

 

If you end up with a result that is not what you expect, I sincerely hope that you have the sanity to know that you did what you had to do and that you should be proud of your choice and that you followed your heart and your values. Then your integrity should be your guidance out of this.

 

Bless you.

[Sunny-side-up]

I wish you all of luck and when you decide what to do. Wait another day before doing it and give it a second thought.

 

If you end up with a result that is not what you expect, I sincerely hope that you have the sanity to know that you did what you had to do and that you should be proud of your choice and that you followed your heart and your values. Then your integrity should be your guidance out of this.

 

Bless you.

 

OMG OMG!! OK, I couldn't wait, I text him to see how his "big deal" at work was coming along. He text me back suggesting we hook up. Rather than text him back I called him... We've just spent nearly two hours on the phone. (I know... no more than 10 mins but he wouldn't shut up!)

We've talked about all sorts of stuff and caught up on what's been going on... MY GOD, hes changed... we were laughing about how different we are now to before.. he used to be sooo messy, now he says he's tidy. I used to be a stress head and now I've chilled out. It was really nice to chat, and remember the good times even.

 

He was telling me how I've always been in his mind since we split, how he's been making me music CD's but never sent them to me(We had a massive bond through music whilst we were together)

Really, it was nice. Really nice.

 

Not wanting to get my hopes up but we're gonna catch up with each other when I get back.. he had initially suggested this weekend but I'm too busy.

 

Good signs guys... green shoots!

[Thorgs]

See, told you he was still interested from what you said he had said. I wish you the best Sunny.

[Sunny-side-up]

So, the update to the tale.

Since my last post, we've still not managed to meet up. We've been in contact via text and have spoken only once when he called me to let me know a friend was seriously ill. He invited me to a gig in December which I couldnt make in the end due to a lack of baby sitter. We've wished each other happy birthday and Christmas and I've kept him updated of the new tracks I like by text message.

 

Then, the other week I get a text to tell me the CD he promised back in Sept is in the post. Two arrived. The note explained how he'd dreamt of me recently and had recorded one of the CD's whilst "getting over" this dream. He wrote that he hoped at least one of the songs would make me smile.

So, this CD, when I listened to it, contained "our" song.

 

I text him to thank him and ask him to clarify the "intent" of the CD. I mean... this is dragging along for sometime now.

 

He kindly explained that first and foremost he'd recorded the CD for me because he'd owed it to me for sometime and he hoped that I'd like the tracks on it. He'd selected all the tracks because he thought I might like them rather than for any sentiment that could be conveyed by the lyrics (which just so happened to be about, "having it all", "not being alone" etc) aside of "our" tune, which, was on there because he was feeling nostalgic after the dream he'd had.

He also explained that there was a conversation he'd been meaning to have with me for sometime now but wanted to have it face to face and not by phone or text.

 

My response?

I just wanted to check that I could listen to the CDs for what they were. Since "our" song was on one of them, I started to question the other songs for their sentiment but anyway, I had enjoyed them and thanked him. And, certainley would have things to say to him too.

 

I've not heard from him since... .that was a week ago.

 

I've no idea whats going on here. Guys, hope you can please enlighten me. I'm terrified of doing something wrong!

[wilsonx]

i read the first page of posts and you told him to never contact you again... i mean you broke up with him you both got new partners, you broke up with yours to be back with him, in his head you ended a relationship with him before so theres no way he can trust you not to do it again.

 

This is guy's perspective. When you make such a big decision that affects someone else's life not only your own, you have to be prepared to suffer the consequences for the rest of your life. My best friend/ex 2 years as a best friend 1.5 years dating ended our relationship because she caught feelings for a guy she works with. Is it going to work out no... we both know this but she wants me on the back burner so she can see if the grass is greener. Guess who's going to regret that decision in say 6 or so months. Not me. She will never hear from me again, I will be long gone out of state

[lillyk]

Sunny Side Up,

 

Just finished reading your thread! It made me smile for some reason. It's been quite a while since you guys broke up, and that's enough time for people to change. So if you do get back together, you should treat it as a new relationship instead of getting back to the same old one, which I doubt it will be the case.

 

From what I read, it does seem like he wants to get back... and he is just waiting to talk to you face to face. But if for some reason, that conversation does not happen when you two meet, then I suggest for you to lay your cards on the table and let him know of your feelings. He is single, you are single, and there are feelings from both side... have to take advantage of the timing! Good luck!

[Sunny-side-up]

Thanks guys. Well Wilson, yes, I did tell him not to contact me again... the reason? He made promises to my son he then became to busy to keep. Not sure why he did that since he'd alwys been so good to my boy in the past... but anyway. Perhaps your right. Either way... youre not keeping in touch and sending your ex nostalgic memories are you? Or are you? This is what I find confusing.

 

LillyK... who knows what he thinks or feels.... I wonder

 

What conversation is so important that it needs to be done face to face but can wait nearly a year to have? We've been split about 3.5yrs now.

[Sunny-side-up]

So the update to my tale? I heard nothing from the "ex" and after a few weeks asked him. "Are you happy?" and "Do you still love me?"

 

He responded immediatley, "of course I still love you but I need to talk to you about something, its not all good what I have to say".

 

So we met, that same day.... and he told me.

 

His girlfriend is 8mths pregnant. They were split for nearly 12mths and only got back together based on the fact she became pregnant after a one night stand they had. He's not in love with her. She wants to get married and buy a house, he's still in love with me but cant do anything about that until the baby is born. He doesnt want to leave or upset her whilst she's having his baby.... And because she does everything for him, clean, cook etc... shes the model wife. However, he's planning that he'll have left her by the end of the year.

 

What a punch in the face that was.

 

Anyway, we talked and confessed our love... sick really isn't it? I also asked him for closure which he refused to give me. He'll still think of me, he still loves me.

 

 

I went away and thought long and hard.

 

Then I wrote him a letter. He has to let me go if he wants to make a go of it with her.

I have to move on and leave them be... its the right thing to do.

 

So... what a mess... and tragic.

 

I suppose thats life really.

 

I'm gutted but I know I've done the right thing.

 

My advice??? DONT WAIT! DONT DELAY! BE TRUTHFULL AND HONEST ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!

[common-sense]

I have to move on and leave them be... its the right thing to do.

 

You nailed it. You can only control yourself. It just sucks that there's no economical way to avoid the pain. Repeat after me:

 

"Ti i i ime, is on my side

oh yes it is..."

 

[Sunny-side-up]

common sense... its rubbish! Time? We've been split up for 3.5yrs now! How long do I need to wait?

 

I can't believe I even asked him to make a choice, to commit to me or her. How crazy I must be.

 

Anyway... I believe I have done the right thing.. but... a part of me wishes he'll still come back in the future. Why I don't know.. he;s obviously a bit of a s**t.

[common-sense]

common sense... its rubbish! Time? We've been split up for 3.5yrs now! How long do I need to wait?

 

I can't believe I even asked him to make a choice, to commit to me or her. How crazy I must be.

 

Anyway... I believe I have done the right thing.. but... a part of me wishes he'll still come back in the future. Why I don't know.. he;s obviously a bit of a s**t.

 

I know it sounds like rubbish, but it's true. Every time you make/have contact with him, you're doing the equivalent of picking the scab off a wound. Not only will the wound bleed and have to heal again, constantly picking it off could lead to increased scarring.

 

My first post to the LoveShack forums was just the other day:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3591974&postcount=8

 

That'll give you some history into my perspective. After we broke up (I initiated it), I wrote a song about the breakup. I took a look at it last night and the one thing that I'd noticed, was the magnitude of how badly I was hurting when I wrote it. IOW, I'm slowly, but surely, getting more of me back from the relationship as time passes because if I wrote the song now, I wouldn't have used the same words. I do however know, that if either one of us breaks no contact at this juncture, all bets are off and I'll have to start the healing process all over again. And yeah, I'm dying to know what she's up to, how she feels, etc., but in the interests of self-preservation, I have to stick to my plan.

 

The one other question to ask yourself in private is this: "Am I lonely?" There's a huge difference between being lonely and just being alone. The fear of being lonely can have you chasing a relationship that will keep you brokenhearted for as long as you choose to chase it. I know. It sucks. It is however what it is and only you can change that. Beyond that, I can only wish you the best.