moimeme Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 We've been talking crushes lately. Every day, there's a thread about someone who has 'fallen in love' in a very short period of time. It is my theory that this happens because our hope and desire for connection leads us towards a confirmation bias towards the positive with people who seem compatible. Add that to the fact that people are naturally predisposed to put their best foot forward when they first get to know people, and it's not too hard for strong feelings to begin. And, really, most people are good sorts at heart. There is something beautiful in every person which is worth finding and can be easy to appreciate. Why this blather? Well, every now and then I wonder whether we're sometimes better to quit while we're ahead. It feels good to like a person and it's no fun to dislike or hate people. Maybe sometimes it's a better endeavour to appreciate the good you've found in someone during the beginning of the relationship or even from afar and enjoy the positive feelings you have and avoid looking further into what they're about. This is a further elaboration of my suggestion that crushes sometimes ought to remain as crushes and be enjoyed as such. For the moment, I've enjoyed as many crushes as I wanted to and I'm into genuine relationships now, so it's not a question I'm asking for myself. I'm just tossing out an idea to see how it lands... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 I think anytime you meet someone online, it's important to realize that what you don't know about that person, you will have a tendency to fill in the blanks with your own preferences. It's easy to make a hero or love goddess out of someone who you think is perfect....only because you aren't aware of their unperfect parts. They have no way of living up to your expectations....and you will only be left feeling disappointed. Therefore, I feel people should hold an online crush 'in check', unless they really feel serious about that person. If they feel serious, they should open up alternate lines of communication and see if meeting them in the near future is do-able. Falling in love before you've met face to face....is dangerous ground. It happens, but it should happen VERY carefully. There are just too many questions left unanswered. So yes Moimeme, on a scale from 1-5, I would hold a crush on 2 to 3.....because by 4, you've either fell in love or found out they were an A$$. HAHA! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 Arabess, I don't think that phenomenon is limited to online relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 Moimene, I think I know what you're getting at. I once knew a girl and there was that beautiful honeymoon period of the relationship. And, thinking it was to god to be true, there was a thought to end it right there and then for the reasons you mentioned. It's like I forsaw the inevitable and thoughts about the inevitable made me withdraw....they made me close in on myself. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 I think that crushes are fine, so long as the one crushing tells the other party about it. I don't see anything wrong with having a profound interest in someone you don't know well, or at all. Sometimes people can seem very attractive, especially when you haven't had a conversation with them. These things can be taken too far of course, but I haven't seen anything detrimental ever come out of it. I've known one girl who used to have a horrible crush on me. I never knew it until I dated her years later, and she admitted to me that she used to have one. With her things worked out into a relationship once we got to know one another -- I was just as interested in her once I met her. There were two other girls who admired me from a distance, but I don't think it was to the level of a crush. One worked out to a relationship, the other a friendship. In any case, be it on the internet, or in the world outside of it, conversation has to happen between two people to assess compatibility, even just as friends. I just see these internet dating sites and see some similiarities to the situation. I also look at the real world, and see how easily I have fallen for deceit before. Both places require one to exercise caution. Link to post Share on other sites
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