jmargel Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 No your puppy does things because you tell it to, not to make you happy. Otherwise it gets reprimanded. See how far you get with training a dog and not correcting it when it doesnt obey. Its upto the person who has the pictures whether or not their 'past' is worth inflicting pain on their current partner. Some people don't mind that their mate has pictures of their ex's, and some really dislike that idea. Its all about sacrifice and comprimise. Both partners need to be able to give in every situation (well most) and this is one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Originally posted by jmargel Its upto the person who has the pictures whether or not their 'past' is worth inflicting pain on their current partner. It's upto the person who doesn't have the pictures whether or not the past of their partner is worth feeling pain about. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 There is nothing new under the sun. Let me say it once and for all, and then we never have to discuss the "pictures of the ex" question again. Yes, the pictures can be kept, with certain limits. A box, or album in a drawer is OK. A framed picture on the nightstand, wedding album on the coffee table, or an X-rated action shot blown up, laminated, and hidden in the bathroom are pushing it too far. Hey, I still have the junior high yearbook where Steve, the class heartthrob wrote "Your incredible!" [sic] I haven't looked at it in years, but I just remembered it and smiled. The fact that Steve probably drugged himself to oblivion years ago does not dissipate the pleasure at this memory of being appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Let me say it once and for all, and then we never have to discuss the "pictures of the ex" question again. These types of contentions never work, there's always something more to say. If you were capable of acheiving one statement that helped everyone, we wouldn't have any more porn posts, and LS wouldn't need to purchase more bandwidth The thing about standards are that everyone has their own idea of what's appropriate or healthy. Standards clash all of the time, it's inevitable and unavoidable, but when neither side is willing to bend their standards, they really shouldn't be sharing a life with anyone at all--and it's got nothing to do with love. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly28 Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 I have to agree with dyermaker in ALL of these posts. I have a shoebox of pictures in plain view in my den somewhere in my desk, that my boyfriend on NUMEROUS occasions has looked through. It consists of numerous ex-boyfriends, friends etc..etc.. that have come and gone in my life. The key here is "not having anything to hide" about WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU'VE BECOME, and WHAT MADE YOU. Your life consists of your past present and future. To feel OBLIGATED to erase the past out of your partners view is basically erasing a part of your life that you are sharing with him/her. Why would you want to do that? What are you gaining out of deleting a part of your life at the expense of someone else's insecurities? If it's trust that you are gaining, then you might as well NEVER ever again take a picture of yourself with your partner or anyone else for that matter because GOD FORBID this relationship didn't last - you'd feel compelled to also throw away/burn/destroy these other pictures which have yet again become your "PAST" for a new partner that has any sort of permanence in your life. If you have to forget about your past for your present and future, then how can you teach your children life lessons and show them who you were to help mold them? It's a way of teaching them who you are, who you were, and how you got where you were today. Memories. If you don't have them, then it's all a waste of time. You don't live life for nothing. As the old saying goes, "Take a picture - it lasts longer". There's tons of truth in that. Link to post Share on other sites
ttjames Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Well said Butterfly!! Link to post Share on other sites
Spira Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Hmm. I've had related issues w/my boyfriend, so reading everyone's posts has been helpful. I have to say, I think that the cause for alarm in finding a SO's ex pictures is this - that there are still emotional ties. I agree with those who say that the pictures are no cause for alarm, but only as long as s/he's not keeping them because s/he still has emotional ties to that person and/or people or has trouble letting go... The pictures won't always clue you in to that. You won't find out by just looking at the pictures. And the point is that if he still has feelings for that person, he can throw away all the pics, letters, etc. but the memories & feelings will still be there. Unless they're nudes. Then I say burn them! Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly28 Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Originally posted by ttjames Well said Butterfly!! THANKS TTJAMES! Yes, I can agree with the above. There is a certain "respect" factor when you have a shoebox of memories of ex's...friends...events in your life....etc..etc. I will never throw this box I have away. However I can happily tuck it away in my closet or crawlspace. If ever I have children, I won't show them pictures of the ex's, but I will have pictures to show as I grew up, partied, had fun, and lived life. Link to post Share on other sites
emopunk Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 I, perhaps to a fault, live in the "now" of life. For each phase of my life that has had experiences that are slightly less than pleasant, namely ex's and legal issues and betrayals, I have created a file or box of all that represents that period. Then, when I'm prepared to move on, its burned. It's actually very liberating, almost like a purification by fire if you will. My fiance' didn't understand it at first, but she came to see my idea. It's not that you forget them. You never can forget the people that once mattered, but it does help to move on by removing the little reminders you may have lying around. And by burning it instead of keeping in a closet, you're never tempted to think of "what if." For me the what if's are "What if we were still together," "what if he or she was still alive," "what if things hadn't happened as they did?" These are things I would prefer not to think about. You may remember good times as well. Some of those pictures may remind you of those times. But in the end, its still connected to something from the past. You can't live in the past. People come and go. It's a part of life. Let it change you as it must, learn what you will from it... but then let it go. It's never going to come back, no matter what you do. So why hold on to it? Link to post Share on other sites
hugznkisses21 Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 my by has a few pic of ex's and friends who are girls in a picture box....his explination....they are past things that have happened in his life and one of them was years years ago...she has a long term bf now and they are friends.....by bf doesnt have many enemies and so he will stay friends with some girls he dates...but u know what je has ME on the front of the picture bos and ME in another fram...non of them are frames just thrown in a box.....i was insecure at first but then i thought u know what they are pics i have pics of guys i was with in highschoola nd i dont wann throw thiem out cause when u get older u dont have many pics and its fun to look back.....PLUS the jelous can ruin the realtionship more than a picture.....i would let it go. Dont u ahve pics of ex's ior guy friends Link to post Share on other sites
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