Second Chances Never Work Out

[LoveAintEverything]

About 8 months ago my 5 year relationship with my boyfriend ended.

 

It was his 21st birthday(3 years into relationship) and while we were having sex he invited our friend to join..I said no and got uncomfortable so I just left and they continued. I was devastated when I woke up to see that the two were gone. So, we broke up and after a month we got back together.

 

After that I started to cheat on him and then I actually slept with a guy, moved out of his house. Then in January he told me he could never forgive me, even though I was going to break up with him anyways.

 

All I am trying to say to you guys, if someone cheats in the relationship it is the most hardest thing to get over, almost impossible. As much as you love them, you need to let go.

 

Second Chances Never Work Out.

[lostsoulmate]

 

Second Chances Never Work Out.

 

 

Not true.... it just didn't work for you two.

[LoveAintEverything]

Not true.....I know like 50 people that got cheated or cheated and it never worked out

[w.e.]

i think the point is that just because, in your experience, and in the experience of those around you, second chances failed...it doesn't mean they will fail for everyone.

[lunita]

Yeah I agree I think your post is a little misleading. Second chances sometimes do work. Mine did.

 

If it didn't work out for you due to cheating ok, fine but making a blanket statement like that isn't accurate. Having said that, I do believe that once there is infidelity, it certainly makes second chances more difficult - just my opinion.

[againstallodds]

Second chance will works out but probably one in a million lol

[Billie The Puppet]

Yeah I agree I think your post is a little misleading. Second chances sometimes do work. Mine did.

 

If it didn't work out for you due to cheating ok, fine but making a blanket statement like that isn't accurate. Having said that, I do believe that once there is infidelity, it certainly makes second chances more difficult - just my opinion.

 

Yes, it has but it could fail in the future not that I wish that on anyone. However I'd love a second chance and am willing to risk that because any relationship could come to an end so it's all the same.

[lunita]

Of course it could fail. Just like anything. Nothing is guaranteed in life and that includes relationships that never broke up in the first place.

[Billie The Puppet]

Of course it could fail. Just like anything. Nothing is guaranteed in life and that includes relationships that never broke up in the first place.

 

Exactly, which is why I hate the negativity around second chances. Etc.

 

If anything I think they are least likely to split again if the case is: They found out they are better together than apart.

[PixieStix]

Second chances work if both people have moved on and put the past issues from the broken relationship behind them. So yes they can work but only when both people have healed.

[lunita]

Amen to the both of you!

[ALombard]

Yeah I'm sorry but I have to agree with the people on this thread. I've done the whole second, third, fourth, chance thing. It will NEVER work if the parties involved don't let go of the past and the issues that arose during the tumultuous parts of the relationship. In love or not, if you're going to play the "eye for an eye" game with your S.O. then you are, by design, doomed.

[Don Ho]

Exactly, which is why I hate the negativity around second chances. Etc.

 

If anything I think they are least likely to split again if the case is: They found out they are better together than apart.

 

Billie, you're just a thread thief! I totally disagree, they are MORE likely to split again because of the past. People never seem to get over things and it's never the same in a second chance. Many Dumpees just want to believe that there is a possibility of reconciling. 99% should just make the hard decision to deal with the reality of their situation (they got dumped) an move on. Now, there are rare times when 2nd chances work, but I think that's maybe for 1% of the people. For the rest, it's just false hope that keeps them from moving on.

[durkadurka]

Not true.....I know like 50 people that got cheated or cheated and it never worked out

 

Not all relationships end because someone cheated.

[w.e.]

I hate all the negativity on this forum. There's no hope for anything...even in situations where the problems could be mended, most posters insist that it isn't worth it and all involved should just move on.

 

I think most of you are bitter. X_X

 

A second chance could be the best thing that ever happened for a couple, even if it still doesn't work out years down the line. What is a few months of despair for years of bliss?

 

Relationships are hard and if you only concentrate on the end of them, they will ALWAYS be bad. I mean, you don't hear many people saying "we had 30 years of a great relationship...and then she bailed. But that's ok, because it was still a successful relationship." It seems the only "WINNING" marriage lasts until death, which is a hullava long time...and even then, one person will split before the other and it's essentially the same basic feelings, innit?

[PixieStix]

I hate all the negativity on this forum. There's no hope for anything...even in situations where the problems could be mended, most posters insist that it isn't worth it and all involved should just move on.

 

I think most of you are bitter. X_X

 

A second chance could be the best thing that ever happened for a couple, even if it still doesn't work out years down the line. What is a few months of despair for years of bliss?

 

Relationships are hard and if you only concentrate on the end of them, they will ALWAYS be bad. I mean, you don't hear many people saying "we had 30 years of a great relationship...and then she bailed. But that's ok, because it was still a successful relationship." It seems the only "WINNING" marriage lasts until death, which is a hullava long time...and even then, one person will split before the other and it's essentially the same basic feelings, innit?

 

I think you are mistaking negativity for being able to get in touch with reality.

[lunita]

w.e. - I actually don't completely disagree with you on the negativity. When my relationship first ended and I found this forum, I started to get more depressed. My situation did not get worse, but the things I was reading were depressing. So I stopped for a while until I could separate the two.

 

One of the reasons I think that there may be some negativity on these forums may be due to the fact that people are most likely to complain than post about how great things are. I mean....would a bunch of happy people in relationships come here to boast? Not really. The forums are a place for those going through breakups plain and simple and a lot of the stories are not going to be happy ones. I do think that we should stop the argument of "second chances never work". I think it's bs statement personally but if it didn't work for you, you are more inclined to think that way. I tend to believe that sometimes they do but that doesn't mean it's safe for me to say, "second chances ALWAYS work" either. Cuz they don't.

[PixieStix]

lunita is right, it all depends on the two people involved and where their heads are in the "second chance" scenario.

[Billie The Puppet]

I hate the negativity because I want the second chance but I think truth is spoken when words like move on are written.

 

If you don't move on a second chance is not possible because you are still attached to the dead relationship not a possible new second chance relationship.

 

It also doesn't necessarily mean to move onto another relationship just life in general.

 

I also think there is a lot of negativity because us dumpees are looking for plans, schemes, strategies, e-books, etc to win our exes back instead of just letting it happen naturally. When we are told things like move on, no contact, let it happen naturally we are inclined to whine and complain because we want our ex's back now not in time or can't see past the fact that we may never get our ex's back.

[lunita]

To add Billie, I also think that some people are in toxic relationships and don't even see it. So they are actually better off broken up with this person and they don't want to hear it but should.

[flow15]

Second chances work if both people have moved on and put the past issues from the broken relationship behind them. So yes they can work but only when both people have healed.

 

This is very true!!

 

My ex and I gave it a second chance but we didn't last 2 weeks because we didn't resolve any previous issues. He didn't want to discuss the previous break up, whereas I was deeply hurt by the previous break up, hadn't recovered and needed to talk to him about it.

 

In my mind, if I had healed and if we had put the past issues behind us, then maybe our 2nd chance would have worked. I tried explaining this to my ex, but he doesn't see it. I'm still hoping for a 3rd chance!

Edited September 23, 2010 by flow15

[Don Ho]

I hate all the negativity on this forum. There's no hope for anything...even in situations where the problems could be mended, most posters insist that it isn't worth it and all involved should just move on. I think most of you are bitter. X_X

 

I'm not being negative nor am I bitter. I just believe that a high majority of the time they do not pan out. Then you have members that are on here that are in anguish and they will do anything to have a second chance with their Ex. Instead of starting to end their pain and move on with their lives, they torment themselves and continue hanging on and trying to get their Ex back. The majority of those members aren't going to end up with a second chance. They say they call it a "break up" because it's broken. 99% of the time there is no going back and their Ex is not going to take them back. Twenty years ago I got an Ex back and she dumped me for another guy a few months later. A few years ago I got my Ex back and she turned out to be a cheating, lying ho. Of course, there are exceptions and everyone has heard of a success story, but they're very few and far between. Like I said I think it would be best for the majority of Dumpees to not assume they are an "exception", accept the break up, go NC and start moving forward with their lives.

[andrew-bkk]

I'm not being negative nor am I bitter. I just believe that a high majority of the time they do not pan out. Then you have members that are on here that are in anguish and they will do anything to have a second chance with their Ex. Instead of starting to end their pain and move on with their lives, they torment themselves and continue hanging on and trying to get their Ex back. The majority of those members aren't going to end up with a second chance. They say they call it a "break up" because it's broken. 99% of the time there is no going back and their Ex is not going to take them back. Twenty years ago I got an Ex back and she dumped me for another guy a few months later. A few years ago I got my Ex back and she turned out to be a cheating, lying ho. Of course, there are exceptions and everyone has heard of a success story, but they're very few and far between. Like I said I think it would be best for the majority of Dumpees to not assume they are an "exception", accept the break up, go NC and start moving forward with their lives.

 

Some of you guys on this forum are just so right.

 

You give great advice.

 

Sometimes the truth hurts. But sometimes you just gotta be a man and deal with it.

 

Accept that the past was flawed. What's broken can't be fixed.

 

Then -- and only then -- can you move on and get good with yourself.

[BeatrixKiddo]

OP: Sure, second chances don't work out... when you keep cheating on each other.

 

I agree with everyone else who says it can only work if both people let go of past issues and heal first, plus resolve whatever issues caused the break up in the first place. Otherwise, it's doomed.