Need advice- Not sure what to do

[txn]

Well, my girlfriend of 4 months approached me last night and told me that she wasn't ready for the emotional ramifications of a relationship right now, and that she would like to take some time away from each other emotionally/sexually. She said she still wants to hang out casually and remain friends during the time away, though. We share the same "hang-out" group of people, which makes the situation hairy.

 

Just a little backstory: I met her in June, at a time when her four-year relationship was coming to an end. She went out with a couple of guys in the following months (one relationship lasted a month), but eventually ended up dating me starting in October. Everything was amazing during this time. In November, she lost her job, which she had held for four years (and she had been working non-stop for 12 years). We continued having a great time until December, when the burden of being unemployed began taking its toll. I noticed that she began to get edgy and distant starting in January, and last night was the end result. Since the middle of Jan. we were having sex roughly once every couple of weeks as opposed to three times a week when we began.

 

She still doesn't have a new job, and her savings are running out. She feels depressed since she hasn't been without a job for this long since the early 90s. She also feels alienated from all her old friends at her old job since they don't respond to her much anymore. She feels as though we moved too fast in our relationship, too (and I agree); we had sex on the second date and became "exclusive" after a month, then professed our love to each other after 2 months.

 

She tells me that I am a great guy and could see having a future with me....but just not now. She says she feels guilty being on edge lately because sometimes she takes out her frustration on me. She says she doesn't have affectionate feelings right now for anybody, and she doesn't want me to feel bad by being distant in our relationship. She doesn't know if she wants to still be boyfriend/girlfriend on a break or just friends.

 

Right now I am very confused about what I should do. Should I take the hint and break up with her, and sever all ties? Should I give her time and space to sort out her depression about being unemployed? Should I take what she says at face value and not think she is just trying to let me down easy because she doesn't really want to be with me? And if so, do I honestly stand a chance at resuming our "normal" relationship once she gets back on track? Should I wait for her, since not doing so would make me feel like a jerk? Or should I move on?

 

I hope most of this made sense. The last 12 hours have been a trying time for me as I am trying to sort through my feelings.

Thanks in advance to anyone who is willing to help with advice.

[lostmyself]

I would have to say if she wants space give it to her but you are not going to leave your space open for her. She is saying "she doesnt want to be with you emotionally or physically" until she wants you. Cake and Eat it too? I dont know her nor you so it is hard. But start with the first step of realizing she wants different from you, and I would hate to see someone waiting for someone else while life passes them by. Go witht he flow, take it day by day and only then can you see what her intentions really are.

[reasontosigh]

....She still doesn't have a new job, and her savings are running out. She feels depressed since she hasn't been without a job for this long since the early 90s. She also feels alienated from all her old friends at her old job since they don't respond to her much anymore.....

 

When something like this happens (it's happened to me before), it can seem so earth-shattering to the point where it carries over to all aspects of your life. You don't mean for it to, but it happens nonetheless.

 

Although it's been only 4 months since the job loss I'd say it's normal to be worried about finding something else, especially considering the state of the economy right now. The fact that her friends from that job aren't responding doesn't say much for them, and I can only guess that must really smart for her to realize they weren't really friends to begin with.

 

Is she collecting unemployment? That would help a bit. The unemployment office can probably help get her on to temporary medical assistance, to help treat the depression.

 

I agree with lostmyself - take it day by day. You will see what her true intentions are - but only when she feels she's gotten herself back in the game of life, which is once she starts working again.

[txn]

Thanks for your replies.

 

reasontosigh: No, she is not getting unemployment. She tried to collect it but couldn't since she voluntarily resigned her job (instead of getting fired). She mentioned her savings began noticably running low around the time I noticed that she was becoming less responsive. She realizes how she is acting and has been spending a lot of time with her mom lately, since she feels most comfortable with her and displace any frustration on her.

 

We've kept in contact since Monday, and she's said again that she feels she could definately settle down with me and have a relationship, but right now is just not a good time to have all the pressures that come with a sexual relationship. Back when things were going slowly, I did bring up the fact that our verbal and sexual intimacy had become limited, and she attributed it to stress, which I believe...but looking back I wish I hadn't brought it up. I think this is the type of pressure she is trying to avoid (when I brought it up she probably felt obligated to act a certain way after that).

 

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