Well...it finally happened guys and gals

[Username37]

You can also take consolation in the possibility that the relationship might simply be a rebound because she is broken up over the end of your relationship. My ex of four years started dating someone six weeks after we broke up and it is clear she got with him simply because she wasn't strong enough to work through the separation without seeking companionship with someone to do it. The relationship can't last and the grieving process is simply deferred for a later time rather than bypassing it completely. On the other hand, you can be the better person and work through it on your own and know you are the better for it.

 

Not sure if it is a rebound. We been broken up for 4 months. During the 4 months, she got with a guy (not the guy she's with now). It could be, it could be not. Who knows? Only she does.

[blueline]

I'm somewhat happy my ex found a new guy. At least he wasn't one of wasn't one of my close friends and everything is working out like I wanted it to. At the same time, I know they're banging using the lube I left at her place which is kind of .

[DonDraper]

Not sure if it is a rebound. We been broken up for 4 months. During the 4 months, she got with a guy (not the guy she's with now). It could be, it could be not. Who knows? Only she does.

 

How long did you date for? Sorry for asking if you already mentioned it. For me I know my ex is in a rebound because we dated so long (four years) and she started seeing someone so soon (six weeks... or maybe even earlier, since I suspect she kept the relationship on the DL before spilling the truth to me). Regardless of her feelings about me or our relationship, that isn't enough time to process what happened before you jump into it with someone else. There are too many raw feelings, too many loose ends, and unresolved feelings.

 

I also know that my gf wasn't particularly interested in this guys, even going so far as to suspect at certain points in our relationship that he was gay and stated at another point that he was unattractive. Her sudden interest in him has more to do with the fact that he was available than that she was someone she legitimately liked. Her purpose for seeing him has more to do with her feelings for me than her feelings for him; she desperately needs to fill the hole I left behind. Oddly enough, that gives me some solace when I hear they started up in their relationship right where me and her left off.

 

If you were dating her for two years or more, four months might not be long enough. Maybe it is, though, who knows. I read somewhere it takes three months for every year you've dated to get over someone. Not a hard and fast rule.

[Username37]

How long did you date for? Sorry for asking if you already mentioned it. For me I know my ex is in a rebound because we dated so long (four years) and she started seeing someone so soon (six weeks... or maybe even earlier, since I suspect she kept the relationship on the DL before spilling the truth to me). Regardless of her feelings about me or our relationship, that isn't enough time to process what happened before you jump into it with someone else. There are too many raw feelings, too many loose ends, and unresolved feelings.

 

I also know that my gf wasn't particularly interested in this guys, even going so far as to suspect at certain points in our relationship that he was gay and stated at another point that he was unattractive. Her sudden interest in him has more to do with the fact that he was available than that she was someone she legitimately liked. Her purpose for seeing him has more to do with her feelings for me than her feelings for him; she desperately needs to fill the hole I left behind. Oddly enough, that gives me some solace when I hear they started up in their relationship right where me and her left off.

 

If you were dating her for two years or more, four months might not be long enough. Maybe it is, though, who knows. I read somewhere it takes three months for every year you've dated to get over someone. Not a hard and fast rule.

 

Well, my ex and I dated for 1.5 years. First love, first EVERYTHING. When I dated her, she was kinda on the big side and her self esteem was damaged. As time went on, she lost weight, self esteem went up (still pretty low) and she changed her personality. She really loved me and we were pretty much together all the time. We had our ups and downs though like many couples.

 

She strung me a long after the break up. She contacted me and tried to be friends, but she treated me like garbage. Then 3 weeks afterwards, she got with a guy at her friend's birthday and just changed after that. She still tried stringing me along after that too.

 

She hooked up, but no boyfriend. This was over the summer. We were together for almost 2 years and we hung with each other a lot during and outside of school, so that could be a reason that it could be looked as a rebound, but I don't want to assume that totally.

[Username37]

So, from that story, what do you think?

 

More background: She broke NC 4 times over the summer. Showed no signs of reconciliation. It was more of a "hope I still got you on a hook" kind of deal.

[Username37]

She rushed in a new relationship. She told me she wouldn't date for a long while. 4 months? After a 1.5 year relationship?

 

She doesn't care about me. She's getting an ego boost out of this. This is bull****.

[Ajax]

Username, how did you find out about this?

[Username37]

Username, how did you find out about this?

 

My friends suspected something going on, I assumed it was just a platonic thing and it was no biggie. Until most of my ex's friends started speaking out and mutual friends told me that she was truly with someone else. From the looks of things, they just recently got together.

[lullaby]

My friends suspected something going on, I assumed it was just a platonic thing and it was no biggie. Until most of my ex's friends started speaking out and mutual friends told me that she was truly with someone else. From the looks of things, they just recently got together.

 

I'm sorry to hear that my friend. Be strong and you deserve better, but let me ask you something, do you trust in the people who said she was going out with someone? they may just think that... either way, although it's painful it will help you to move on faster and focus on someone else.

 

Hang in there! XO

[jeff2321]

My girlfriend is already shagging some new dude after living with me for 3 YEARS. It's like a knife being stabbed through my heart every second of every day. I have employed a NC rule for the rest of my life. I hope to never see her again. It is just too painful to have any kind of contact with her.

 

Depressed as hell,

 

Jeff

[Satty]

I'm sorry to hear that my friend. Be strong and you deserve better, but let me ask you something, do you trust in the people who said she was going out with someone? they may just think that... either way, although it's painful it will help you to move on faster and focus on someone else.

 

Hang in there! XO

Second that from personal experience. Don't really believe in everything people say unless its kinda obvious its true. Although. I would advise you to always think negatively for issues like this. Thinking positively will only give you hope and it might get crushed. I just broke up with my girlfriend for about 4 months now and how I've been getting through this period is through low expectations thereby potentially reducing the hurt they can do to you again.

[marigo]

Hey Username,

 

Im sorry that you have to go through this. I also just found out recently that my ex has a new gf and i have been anticipating it for a while. One night i was crying for no reason and i dunno, i just felt that that night he was gonna just his relationship status and who wouldve known he actually did. I was shocked and had that tightness in my chest but i didnt cry. In a way i felt relieved coz finally i can sleep at night without getting nervous about what im gonna see. And maybe im numb to it too. Right now im at my lowest. A few days ago i saw him change his profile pic with the new girl and it hurt. I cried. Just last night i saw him finally say "i love you" to her and i felt like i was stabbed. Today was the first time i saw him after 3 months of not seeing and talking to each other. It was a very awkward first meeting but he did approach me later on and even if it was awkward at first, i felt like we were able to be normal for a bit. I dont know if he could see the pain in my eyes even if i was pretending that im happy.

 

As cliche as it sounds, you have to stay strong. Its gonna hurt like hell. You will have all these imaginations and like you said you think about them doing intimate stuff and trust me, thats unavoidable. I imagined my ex and this new girl doing intimate stuff even before they became official and it hurt like crazy. I must say i felt disgusted just imagining it. I know how much pain you're feeling right now. My ex was also my first love, first boyfriend, and first everything. We were together for 2 years. But you really have to keep fighting and stay strong.

 

I have this quote on my blog. "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have."

 

How are you coping?

[Username37]

Second that from personal experience. Don't really believe in everything people say unless its kinda obvious its true. Although. I would advise you to always think negatively for issues like this. Thinking positively will only give you hope and it might get crushed. I just broke up with my girlfriend for about 4 months now and how I've been getting through this period is through low expectations thereby potentially reducing the hurt they can do to you again.

 

It looks pretty true.

 

And I've been thinking negatively and that helped. But what also helped was the fact that she said "she wasn't gonna date for a long while" and once she got with this guy, all the good memories came back and now HE'S the one taking them over.

[Username37]

I have this quote on my blog. "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have."

 

How are you coping?

 

I was doing fine..

 

My ex is a ****ing liar. And she doesn't care about my feelings. And she told me to learn what "empathy" meant...

[Ajax]

I feel for ya man. When my ex broke up with me five weeks ago because she was going through depression and needed to find herself, she said she couldn't be in a relationship right now. And while that wasn't technically a lie, our friends say she just wants to go on "dates." So I think we can all read between the lines.

 

I don't know any details about wether or not she has, or who, or how many, but the idea of it sickens me.

Edited September 25, 2010 by Ajax

[Username37]

I feel for ya man. When my ex broke up with me five weeks ago because she was going through depression and needed to find herself, she said she couldn't be in a relationship right now. And while that wasn't technically a lie, our friends say she just wants to go on "dates." So I think we can all read between the lines.

 

I don't know any details about wether or not she has, or who, or how many, but the idea of it sickens me.

 

Good that you don't know. That **** will set you back friend.

 

Not sure if she's rebounding or something. Whatever it is, it shows she doesn't give a crap about me anymore and my feelings.

[durkadurka]

I feel for ya man. When my ex broke up with me five weeks ago because she was going through depression and needed to find herself, she said she couldn't be in a relationship right now. And while that wasn't technically a lie, our friends say she just wants to go on "dates." So I think we can all read between the lines.

 

I don't know any details about wether or not she has, or who, or how many, but the idea of it sickens me.

 

Yeah it ****ing sucks. On the flip side sounding off in the NC thread helped me feel way better.

 

My ex invited me down to visit her, and I was the best person in the world, more so than she deserved considering she gave **** all back to me.

 

2 weeks after I got back she disappeared, two weeks after that I find out she's 'seeing' a guy 12 years her senior. The guy's older brother is old enough to be her dad.

 

Ironically it's the week that I told her my family would not be financially supporting her endeavor, the week she asked me to go through the effort of selling all of her stuff, and the week she called me crying.

 

I did my homework on the guy and I'm his superior in every way. If she wants to go out and have fun she can be my guest. I'm not interested in chasing her around anymore.

 

This is the same girl who said she was 'happy to not be dating anyone' - quoted verbatim from her when I was down there.

Edited September 25, 2010 by durkadurka

[summerl0vesyou]

Should tell her you won't date until you're married.

 

Heck... I might not...

 

haha, i like this because it kinda shows how stupid it is when people say they wont date again ever, til college, etc. hahahaha. thats like making fun of it. i love it.

[summerl0vesyou]

I was doing fine..

 

My ex is a ****ing liar. And she doesn't care about my feelings. And she told me to learn what "empathy" meant...

 

L M A O

 

yeah they always want you to feel bad for what you did to them, that you dont understand them, or whatever. they say u dont care. then they turn around and do something 10x more messed up than you did to begin with. They want to be cared for, but dont do any caring in return. Lame.

[Username37]

L M A O

 

yeah they always want you to feel bad for what you did to them, that you dont understand them, or whatever. they say u dont care. then they turn around and do something 10x more messed up than you did to begin with. They want to be cared for, but dont do any caring in return. Lame.

 

It's bullcrap. I wanted to work everything out. We had issues and I wanted to sit down and talk about them, but she always had to say "we need a break" or some crap like that. We fought over small issues sometimes. Issues that can EASILY be fixed. But the **** she did to me AFTER the break up, that stuff I'll remember forever ya know? And I don't think she realizes that.

[ohno89]

It's bullcrap. I wanted to work everything out. We had issues and I wanted to sit down and talk about them, but she always had to say "we need a break" or some crap like that. We fought over small issues sometimes. Issues that can EASILY be fixed. But the **** she did to me AFTER the break up, that stuff I'll remember forever ya know? And I don't think she realizes that.

 

Yup, I hear ya....sounds a lot like my ex/relationship...... I'm sorry you're hurting but I think maybe try and release your anger in a different direction, like going to the gym or writing your thoughts down...it might help. Hang in there x

[Username37]

Yup, I hear ya....sounds a lot like my ex/relationship...... I'm sorry you're hurting but I think maybe try and release your anger in a different direction, like going to the gym or writing your thoughts down...it might help. Hang in there x

 

What sucks is the fact that I was doing really great until this **** hit.

****ing chick is rebounding. It's so painful. Plus she's such a bitch and she doesn't realize it.

 

I've been working out all summer and I still am. It's a helper.

[TearsofHope]

Its been 2 months since the breakup for me, but I already in my mind is believing he is with someone and fXXckin her, taking her out to eat, and everything else.. yes it sucks and I torture myself to the point where now if that shyt becomes true, I wouldn't sweat as much.

 

But username, sweetie, u can do the sameeee thing!! Join my love gang lol, I've been fighting love, i know it hurts so bad b/c you actually can KNOW its true or not thru mutual friends, just remember, you can find you a new chick too to be with.. Why we alwayss thinking about our exes like we can't find another man or woman. Hell, if she can move on that quick, best believe I can too!

 

What so stupid is that they move on, just burying their feelings, but one day it will resurface. While you are already grieving the loss, and everything else.. eventually it will be better for you in the long run.. that is whyyyy DUMPERS if they come back they come back b/c they bury their feelings.. but the dumpees already moved on bc they went thru all the process .

 

geesh, i could imagine if my ex is or will be with someone.. ughhhh but oh well.. i'll be happy too someday :/ wait, i know that fool will think that " damn shes probably happy with someone else right now" too. That's why I don't sweat over it too much.. I'm sure my ex bf is thinking that or once will think that!

Edited September 25, 2010 by TearsofHope

[ohno89]

What sucks is the fact that I was doing really great until this **** hit.

****ing chick is rebounding. It's so painful. Plus she's such a bitch and she doesn't realize it.

 

I've been working out all summer and I still am. It's a helper.

 

Username37....do you like listening to Eminem? There's a song of his that bizarrely helped me cope during my break up and it still does now...let's me release some anger...you might've already heard it, it's called '25 to Life'. Forget the part that the whole song's actually referring to music...hopefully it'll help you - and anyone else reading - this like it seems to help me...

[Username37]

So I saw my ex yesterday at a concert.

 

I was with my friends and she came to the concert with a mutual friend. She looked really really cute and everything. The band was a group that I introduced her to and I was surprise she was there. I kinda broke NC when I asked her if she was okay (there was a mosh pit and she was getting her ass kicked haha) but other than that, we didn't talk at all, nor did she make an effort too.

 

I don't know, it bothered me seeing her having a good time. I heard her talking about these new people and hearing how great her life is. Bleh....that bitch.