ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 okay, so last night I did something many posters consider to be a dating taboo. and after I did it, I'm not so sure why it's a taboo at all really. "can I kiss you goodnight?" in my mind's eye my delivery was pretty romantic and we had a really fun evening. I wasn't thinking about rules, either. I took her home and there we were just looking at each other. we hugged, she told me she had a good time. I smiled, delivered the taboo line, she smiled back at me and said "okay". now let me say this... this actually built tension! I don't know if this is something I'd do with just anybody, but it felt right and it worked out well. so my question is, what's so "wrong" about asking "can I kiss you goodnight?" Link to post Share on other sites
Bogo123 Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 It shows you don't have balls. Girls like guys that are confident and willing to take risks. You asked for permission. Next time just go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 okay, so last night I did something many posters consider to be a dating taboo. and after I did it, I'm not so sure why it's a taboo at all really. "can I kiss you goodnight?" in my mind's eye my delivery was pretty romantic and we had a really fun evening. I wasn't thinking about rules, either. I took her home and there we were just looking at each other. we hugged, she told me she had a good time. I smiled, delivered the taboo line, she smiled back at me and said "okay". now let me say this... this actually built tension! I don't know if this is something I'd do with just anybody, but it felt right and it worked out well. so my question is, what's so "wrong" about asking "can I kiss you goodnight?" I quite like it, for the reason bolded. In general, I don't see the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 It shows you don't have balls. Girls like guys that are confident and willing to take risks. You asked for permission. Next time just go for it! Agreed. She always has the option to turn her face if she really doesn't want to be kissed. It's not like she can't see you coming Arabella Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Frankly, I don't buy that there are any hard and fast rules for dating. I think it's great you tried a different first kiss tactic and learned something. I've had guys occasionally do something different and it worked. One guy told me he was going to kiss me after we were done eating at the restaurant. It worked. On my first ever kiss, a guy gave me a flower that he took from a banquet table before our intended kiss. (We planned to meet outside of the prying eyes of friends and family). For a 13 year old, he was being pretty smart. I admit that my usual situation is the kiss happens. But sometimes you can mix things up a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Don't let the brainless tell you it's ball-less. I haven't used that line exactly because it's not good English and it's limiting when one doesn't have to be. I have said "may I kiss you?" And the answer was "yes, you make it so easy". I wouldn't "ask" every woman, every time but on this occasion it just seemed like she was wanting but self-conscious and somewhat awkward. I felt that asking her would both give her power and reflect my trust that she would be genteel in her response. If you've just spent a nice night with someone and all indications are that she's into you then there's no reason to think that the woman is going to turn nasty and reject you because you didn't conform to being some romanticized personae instead of just being yourself. To say that "women want" x, y or z as a universal and anything else is cowardice is sexist disinformation. OP, you made no er. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Share Posted September 22, 2010 Don't let the brainless tell you it's ball-less. I haven't used that line exactly because it's not good English and it's limiting when one doesn't have to be. I have said "may I kiss you?" And the answer was "yes, you make it so easy". I wouldn't "ask" every woman, every time but on this occasion it just seemed like she was wanting but self-conscious and somewhat awkward. I felt that asking her would both give her power and reflect my trust that she would be genteel in her response. If you've just spent a nice night with someone and all indications are that she's into you then there's no reason to think that the woman is going to turn nasty and reject you because you didn't conform to being some romanticized personae instead of just being yourself. To say that "women want" x, y or z as a universal and anything else is cowardice is sexist disinformation. OP, you made no er. Frisky, your posts are consistently objective & on point, my friend. the situation you described mirrored mine, almost exactly. asking my date before kissing her was my response to the nonverbal cues she was giving me, including what seemed like nerviousness. IMO it was the appropriate response that the situation called for. she seemed like she wanted to do something, but was somewhat stunned by the situation. afterward she seemed much more relaxed. I laughed when I read the post about my approach not having balls. Link to post Share on other sites
AverageJoe Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 I've had guys occasionally do something different and it worked. One guy told me he was going to kiss me after we were done eating at the restaurant. It worked. Yeah but he didnt ask you, though. "May I kiss you?" No way in hell I would ever say anything like that. Meow. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Being asked to be kissed is one of the biggest turnoffs to me. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 so my question is, what's so "wrong" about asking "can I kiss you goodnight?" because it makes you look like a doofus....you should be able to read the signals as to whether she wants a kiss or not when you two first have sex please don't ask her if you can insert you penis into her vagina Link to post Share on other sites
SilentVoice Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Haha I have had several guys ask me this -- and I always replied no.. but in a joking matter. I think it so rehearsed so I can't help but poke fun at it.Then I just go in a take the kiss anyway lol. Like this one guy telling he is very easy going... I couldn't help but to laugh at that as well.So cliché Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 Well OP, you got your kiss right? No harm done, she obviously didn't mind. I remember being on a date with a guy and being 50-50 about him- at one point he just got up and came over and planted one on me- after that, I was 100% into him. I was really impressed that he took charge and asserted himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 Frisky, your posts are consistently objective & on point, my friend. the situation you described mirrored mine, almost exactly. asking my date before kissing her was my response to the nonverbal cues she was giving me, including what seemed like nerviousness. IMO it was the appropriate response that the situation called for. she seemed like she wanted to do something, but was somewhat stunned by the situation. afterward she seemed much more relaxed. I laughed when I read the post about my approach not having balls. Thanks, pal. I didn't think you were asking for a rubber stamp for every situation--just the one you found yourself in with that particular girl on that particular night. It strikes me that others ignore context and make these "global" statements daming the notion of chosing to ask as always wrong. Each moment and each person has their sensitivities, borders and boundaries and sometimes breaking through to being physical does just not flow like a scripted movie. Asking--IN THAT PARTICULAR CONTEXT--makes uncertainty as to what to do, how to do it and when on the part of the person being asked gives them clear power that helps them side-step the awkwardness. It's no reflection on the asker but a positive one that the asker senses some unease or lack of experience. No one is saying ALWAYS ASK or even routinely ask ANYONE AND EVERY ONE. I only did it once and it was just the ticket for that particular woman on that particular night. And if I didn't perhaps we would have not connected further at all. That's a notch on my belt for which I owe no one justification. Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 Not taboo at all. Given the right circumstance it can be very romantic. It shows you are interested but aren't throwing yourself at her. Sounds like you followed your feelings for the night and it went well. I remember one girl I told about the same thing to, and she immediately blushed a little haha. Then said yes, we kissed and it was awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
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