I can't even not think about him for an hour, what do I do?

[tearsrfalling]

Hi, I really don't know who too ask all of my friends are telling me different things. I am miserable right now and I have not been able to sleep, eat or work at work for over a month.

 

January 15th My bofriend of almost 2 years broke up with me. He said that he doesn't want to do this anymore. He doesn't want to be involved anymore. He said he loves me but not enough to try again. Let me give you a little more history for the past couple of months we have not been happy, a few things happened. Mainly I took him for granted, I didn't realixe it until he broke up with me. He told me tings like me expecting him to pick me up from the airport (becasue I travel alot for work) is to much. I expected him not to go to a once a year car show that he goes to every year to go to a baseball game with me was to much. Also a few months ago his car was being fixed and I told him if he loved me he would figure out a way to get to see me. I had a car, why didn't i go get him. What was wrong with me? Now I can see that sometimes i expected to much, we talked about this previously I told him we will work on it I never did. So getting back to January he broke up with me and told me what i said above, I was devasted. I wrote him love letters, I made him a photo album of us, I called him, I emailed him. I even called him and told him if I could see him on Valentines day, he said yes I though that was my big chance when I got to his house we talked in the kitchen and then I started crying and almost at the point of begging for a second chance. He stood his ground being stubborn as he is and said it's been over for a month and he said he still feels the same way. He gave me a hug, it seemed like forever I kissed him on the check and left. I have emailed since basically hello how is your day, so on. He will email me back if it's not personal. On Saturday 2/21/04 I went to Blockbuster, we went there every weekend. I broke down, I saw couples there just like we used to and I left and drove to his house 30 minutes away. He was not home, I left him a note another love, sorry, I miss you, I miss us letter. On Sunday I emailed him and asked him if he got the letter no reponse. Monday I came to work started looking at websites, I found a few things. I read that in order to get him back or to move on, I must have no contact all. I must act as if I have fallen off the face of the earth. I am now in day 2 and in 35 minutes it will be day 3 of that and it seems so long. Is there anything I can do to get him back or do I just sit and wait. How can I go on. I know he is the one for me, I know I love him with all my heart and soul. I know he loves me, what do I do. 1 hour seems like a week.

I just turned 34 and he is turning 30 in a few months. At the begining of the relationship we discussed our age difference, 4 years and we both knew it didn't matter. About a month ago he mentioned to me that he was not where he wanted to be turning 30. He is unhappy that he still lives basically at home even though it's a separate apt from his parents and he is not happy at his job. I don't know if that has any significance but I figured I would tell you.

What can I do to get him back? I know try to keep myself busy, how is that done? I miss him so much I just want to call him right now

What do I do??? I know him he is such an emotional person how is he dealing with this so easily.

Gina

[lostmyself]

you need to take life day by day not week by week. Hour by hour if you have to. i am not saying dont try, i am not saying dont love him, I am saying keep yourself sane. If you want to discuss with him your relationship and your feelings make a place to meet not your house, not his. go there before, like say to have lunch, check it out so you wont feel so nervous when he shows up. Make it some place new, no strings attached no lost feelings. And make sure to be ready to offer something in between. Like to meet for a date, start over, begin new. It sounds like you realize your faults but still have some stuff to work on. GOOD luck and not only hope it works out but hope you are and will be happy.

[kgal]

Don't worry.. I'm going through the same thing... it's killing me.. I haven't heard from my ex in days. I want to run to him and slap him silly.. I can't believe he is ignoring me and won't email... after he told me he would (just not too often) but it's past the time he normally writes. Ugh... I just feel so pathetic. But.. I'm not going to give in and write him .. I've already sent him an email after the first one he didn't respond to. I guess it's just about letting them have their space .. and hopefully they'll miss us.

 

Keep the faith! Besides.. I think we're better than that.. we don't need to cry over them anymore!

[Vivid_29]

Originally posted by kgal

Keep the faith! Besides.. I think we're better than that.. we don't need to cry over them anymore!

 

That is the best attitude to have.

 

~V

[Mango]

Oh I have been there, but after almost 6 months of 'mourning' what truly was the love of my life, there is nothing anyone can say or do....as time goes on you will think of things that are not 'him' related....its just baby steps despite what the books say, friends say and what your horoscope says for that day!

 

I'm sorry, but there are no letters long enough, or phone calls drenched in tears that will reverse what he is feeling....sadly, they need time to realize what they had by themselves.....without any direction from you reminding them of what was...they know what was, but they have a different way of seeing life as we do ( as girlz do)...Men compartmentalise in a way they Woman are not capable of in this type of situation...but if the roles were reversed and this was YOUR decision, you would then see him doing these things and think differently of him because of his behaviour reflecting the situation....

 

Dont do anything do make him think differently of you when he finally gives it some thought...if you are begging him and being the typical hysterical woman thats all he will think of when he finally gives this some thought...let him think of the great times when you were together....he is not going to think about it the way you do at this time and perhaps when he does, you will have moved on and met someone who truly deserves you and treats you properly.

 

Trust me, its just time that heals what is the worst feeling in the world...I never thought I could breathe again without him..I am in my late 30's and my Mother had to fly to where I live to hold me I was that broken hearted..I felt as if something died inside of me......I could barely eat, sleep or think clearly. I was on auto pilot for a good 3 months...

 

You cant love someone else until you love yourself and he clearly doesn't love himself enough to give himself to you...as a whole

[eagle_nate]

tears falling,

How are you? Hope your heart is OK.

I just lost my g/f of 3 years the other night. We had a couple breaks and it simply wasn't working anymore. 3 weeks into our second break i got an e-mail saying she didn't think it could work out but (again) she wasn't sure.

At that point I summoned up all my nerve, all my courage, and ended it. Somethinhg i said I would never do. i love this woman with all that i am.

But sometimes love isn't enough. I deserve someone who will go to the lengths that I will to make it work.

 

Bottom line...what are you holding on to?

 

Him or the idea of him??

 

For me i had to explore myself and ask...do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person because our first year was pure magic? Is there possibly someone else out there who will love the things about me that are causing these issues. Am I sacrificing or compromising? You need to take care of you.

 

Tears, try and separate your emotions from your thoughts and figure out if someone who is willing to do this to you is the "one." I know it's hard, and extremely painful. The symptons you speak of still plague me.

 

Don't get me wrong...i would take her back in a second...I love her and i see you love him too. But that doesn't mean that if you get back together (which is a good possibility) that the issues that started this will go away.

It sounds like there is more to it than what he is telling you. He seems to still care about you and often people will try to be gentle and give reasons that are easier to hear.

 

I might be wrong but i think you should take control of the situation...who is he to put you off in the corner and not talk to you after what you've shared.

 

Have faith and confidence in yourself.!!!!

[tearsrfalling]

Thank you all for your responses.

 

Well, Today is DAY 7 of NO CONTACT. I couldn't even go to work today. Instead I took another day off. Over the weekend I looked in the mirror and said to myself, It's over it's really over. Oh, my God it's over. Why would he do this, why would he do this to me, how could he do this to us. We were supposed to be together 4 ever. Anyway I now it's close to 2 months, but it's only day 7 for me of no contact. It still feels like we broke up yesterday. I still run when the phone rings, I still look outside when I think I hear his car. I pray every day that he will realize that he made a mistake. I say goodnight to his damn picture every night. Every morning I wake up I say to myself will this be the day he calls or comes by to tell me he made a mistake. I hate having this feeling"HOPE". I don't know if this is healthy to have, and I can't make it go away. I can tell you this has been one great diet, but I would not wish it on anyone.

 

How long does/will it take for him to realize he made a mistake? Will he ever?

[eagle_nate]

Hi Tears,

You need to go to work! If nothing else, it can serve as a minor distraction...I say this knowing full well that you will likely still think of it the better part of your day but what possible good can sitting at home waiting for him to call bring you?

 

The reality is if he isn't interested in you anymore than it is not a mistake. Would you prefer to go on pretending? This might have happened regardless of how much you think you could have done things differently, or seized the moment to tell him things....u need to stop 2nd guessing yourself and accept that it is in fact over.

 

you need to understand and accept that the symptoms you are going thru are both normal and valid. Running to the phone, hoping it's him all the time, that is part of the process...the same as your thinking right now that things could be "so different" or that this isn't right...in due time youwill start to remember the things that you didn't care much for in the relationship, you will begin to accept that maybe it wasn't for you, and then finally, after who knows how long, someone will come along and make you thankful you went through this agony...you have to believe that!

 

Tears i am in almost the exact same boat as you so don't think I'm sitting here thinking you shouldn't be going thru this or that this isn't excruciating. We all know your pain. But we all agree that you will get through this. The only variable at this point is what you can do for yourself to help the process along. You'll be OK. Take care.

[tearsrfalling]

I am at work today, I have already taken 6 days off since he broke up with me in January because of this. I have went down 2 sizes in clothes, (which is a good thing). Everyone keeps telling me that I am one of the stongest people they know, so I can get through this. Yes I have been stong to get through the things I had to in my life but this is harder than anything I ever had to do. I don't want to get through it. I want us to be an "us" again. People say you really don't know what you have until you loose it, I feel that way now. Does he? It's really so sad that people have to go through these types of things, I know that there are worse things going on in the world right now. I am usually an optimist. You know be happy for what you have and so on... But in my world right now it feels like the end of the world. Thank you all for your words of experience. I am still sitting here with hope, I can't help it. I really miss everything about him.

[sarah42]

Hi Tears

 

I really feel for you and I know exactly what you are going through. I've read your post and your situation is virtually identical to mine. It's been 3 months now since my ex finished with me and although I am trying to get on with my life, I still live in hope that somewhere down the line he misses me enough to come back. I think about all the great times we shared and can't believe he's just thrown all that away. I don't know if this applies to you, but I suspect there is something my ex hasn't told me (though I don't know what). To end it with someone without giving any real closure makes me think that there is something he is hiding. My ex dumped me by phone. He wouldn't let me go round and talk to him because he said he didn't want to see me upset. I really wish I could say something to help you Tears, I really do. All I can say is do make sure you look after yourself. Take pride in yourself and hopefully he will realise just what he's lost.

[tearsrfalling]

Well Last night a mutual friend our ours went out to dinner with him, my ex. I just spoke to her and it's over, he wants us both to move on with other people. She said he is not dating anyone, but he wants to move on. She also said that there was to much hurt between us, we weren't happy. I know we had stupid arguments but I don't think anything was so serious that we should have ended a 2 year relationship. I guess they were important enough for him. I am at work today and all I want to do is go home, actually I just want to run away. I just want to run away. All hope is gone. It feels again like he just broke up with me yesterday. I miss him so much, I miss us so much. I love him with all my heart and soul, what do I do with that. Can I just run away?

[overseas2004]

You can runaway but you cant jump out of your own skin. I don't know if this will help but it helped me when my ex stopped talking to me a month ago.

 

Christ had to carry a cross and we do as well. It is what life is all about. Imagine if you had to carry his cross. And then look at the cross that you are carrying. Its much lighter and you should feel bad that you are complaining.

 

If you are not religious I am sorry If I have offended but if you don't believe in Christ then think about people who are dying of AIDS or who are suffering from malnutrition.

 

It won't make your pain go away. But you really have no choice now but to go through it now isn't that so?

 

If you feel like you need to talk more and analyze it... you can write me. I just went through a difficult situation too. So I won't mind exchanging mails.

 

 

Ill send you my e-mail on the pm

[tearsrfalling]

I know that I should take a look around and see how horrible the world is. I am usually an optimist or I try to be. But right now I might be selfish all I can think about is me. This morning I woke up and I think I was still dreaming or having a day dream, but I saw a perfect picture in my head of me and my ex hugging. We were both really happy and then I had to opened my eyes and go to work. This weekend will be the 2nd weekend of no contact. I have read over and over that it's for the best. I usually am not one to take advice, I always to things my way. That is one of the reasons he told me we broke up.

But this time I am going to listen as hard as it is. So many things happen in a day that I would love to call him and tell him. We spoke so many times a day. But I wont. It's so hard. I have plans for tonight I am going over a friends house for dinner and tomorrow I am cleaning out my garage. I hope I am so exhausted that I fall asleep early on Saturday. The weekends are so hard since we basically spent every weekend together for 2 years.

I still have hope in the back of ny head. I really don't know how to make it go away. I keep thinking that in a few months is his birthday and I will send him a card and maybe he will call. Maybe he needs some time to get himself together. It REALLY helps reading all the different information and advice. I know I am not alone, even though I feel that way. Thanks!

[manolo]

Tears,

 

I know just what your going thru. I'm going thru the same thing as you but things will get better I promise. Just take it one day at a time, go out with friends, join a club, join the gym, read a good book, watch movies, find a hobbie. Doing all these different things may help you meet new interesting people or maybe someone special.

 

Sincerely,

 

Manolo

[monkey]

Tears, i feel for you & i react in the same way, although i know as you do, that 'no contact' is the best thing, it's so hard, especially when we get a time of ruminating on our happy times, i just wanna call her & cry & beg, it's so hard to take advice when were desperate!

You don't necessarily have to jump into doing things straight away, it takes time. My s/o wanted her space at the end of October & since then, my life has been in total limbo, i've had depression, no motivation & everything i used to like, i no longer do, 2 weeks for you is nothing, go on sickleave a while & go into hibernation, or you may break down, this is what my councelor told me. Get some tranquilisers & sleep a lot.

Your body & mind will tell you when to go up a level of healing. I honestly say that i am better than i was, i'm eating better & have managed to get on my bike a fiew times in the cold, this i used to love, but is now so hard, we cycled everywhere together, now i turn round & she aint there! Starting new things is ok, but generally if you go into something on the expectation of finding a partner, it dissapoints. I was in a cycle club, at college & socialising in a bar & never found anyone i wanted. But when i was ill in my room, i saw this girl in the street, & when i saw her again, i got my chance, so things happen in strange ways.

I have hope in my situation, because she told me she will se me again, but i know she said things in anger & even though she said we won't be together, she does change her mind, initially we would see how this day is when we meet, then she said "never", so things do change & while we breath, there's hope.

 

Sarah, it's so frustrating being dumped & not getting a chance to say your piece & chat about it, this is all we deserve. When they say their piece & we don't get ours, mabe if there's no closure, this is good & there's an open ending!!, this i think in mine, or why would she say she wants to see me!

[sinkerswim]

Gina,

I am going through the same thing you are. My life has been turned completely upside down.

Although my boyfriend/fiance told me "he wasnt sure yet" if he wanted to break up with me, I still feel as though I lost my best friend when he asked for his space to cool down after a big blowout we had. It was over me being so controlling and possessive.

Ive been with him for 8 years.

 

Last I saw him was Feb.3rd.

Last I spoke to him was Valentines Day. He still didnt know yet what he wanted to do.

He said he wouldnt leave me hanging. So I still have some hope. But it has been 3 weeks since we spoke. To me this all seems unreal.

I had sent him a letter the first week and then a Valentines card.

 

I also just sent him a little note with my new address and phone number because I was in the process of finding an apartment and now he hasnt even seen my new place. I am devastated. He should get that note by today or tomorrow.

This is supposed to be a different phase of our lives. He wasnt going to move in with me, but rather stay here whenever he wanted, I was going to cook for him...etc.

I was sooo excited after awhile, but now my dreams are all flushed down the drain.

I am on 3 medications and seeing a therapist.

I told him I was going to get help for my problem with being controlling.

I was diagnosed with OCD after he told me he needed his space.

It took me to hit rock bottom to realize this.

He always made me feel like the only girl in the room. He protected me.

And Now I dont have him.

 

We have done everything together and EVERYTHING I see, and EVERYWHERE I go, it reminds me of him. It is mental torture.

I sit and I cry... because he always told me he would never leave me.

He is the love of my life.

We had our special places we went to also. Now I can hardly stand to drive by those places.

I feel like if I cant be there with him, then I dont want to go at all.

I dont know what my future holds with him, because we never officially broke it off. I still wear my engagement ring.

He is very stubborn.

But I am praying very very hard every day that he is willing to work on this with me.

I have been sooo sooo soo good to him over these past 8 years, and I have been there for him during his hardest times in his life.

Now I feel I need him the most and hes not here to stand by me.

Im not at him, because its his feelings.

But I feel terribly guilty for being the way that I was... taking him for granted and being controlling.

I just want to lay down and die. I dont care if I died.

Because we truly had something special.

Now it hurts more than anything not to have him.

Im not even at work today, because I couldnt get myself to go outside.

Some days are just harder than the others.

I want him back. Thats all I want.

[monkey]

Sinkerswim,

Me too, people on here either are stronger or dont care or understand, i also want to lay down & die. It's been 4 & half months & i feel worse i love her more & all this "time will heel" is bollocks, it ,makes us worse!

ABSCENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER ! so how can time heal? Complete rubbish.

I too am on medication for anxiety & now depression, becausec of our seperation, i spent all my life waiting for someoine like her & feel i never will find this again, but i wont, because i will be with her again!

no other conclusion!

[NEONINK]

To stop thinking about someone obsessively.

 

1-Put a rubberband around your wrist. When you think about them, snap the rubberband.

2-Then yell STOP in your head.

 

Imagine traffic on an L.A. freeway at rush hour all coming to a screeching halt.

 

 

It works.

[tearsrfalling]

OK I wentout with my friends for happy hour and now I am at another friends house thinking of him. This Sunday will be exactly onemonth since we saw each other and on Monday will be 2 months since he broke up woth me. It is not easier yet. It has taken everything out of me not to call. He has not called. I wonder since we spent almost 2 years together and we saw each other 2 or 3 times a week, Does he at all think of me? How can he not? When does this get easier? I hate Friday's. I used to love Friday's TGIF but now it's when will Monday get here so I can get back to work and make myself busy. I miss him just as if we broke up yesterday. When will I not feel this way?? I miss him soooo much

[will_woman]

tearsfalling, you need time for such pain. DO not rush yourself.....these healing need time. If one month is not enough, use two months, else use three months or even more. Just relax..do not stress your system.

This is really bad for your own health.

 

I was dumped by my husband in August last year. It's been 6 months. No doubt, I still cry some times. But the kind of enormous pain at my chest has reduced greatly. Initially, I really feel a severe cut at my heart....i never knew that the pain can be so huge. I felt that I was breathless and I cannot live on without him. BUt all these are not true. We will get well and the pain will go away gradually. The part of missing him will also dimished as days go.

 

I have been telling myself a few sentences to encourage myself :

- Always look on the bright side of life. It's not the end of world though he left me.

- I will live even better than before.

 

Time is the biggest factor. Just hold on and wounds will heal.....they will close up.......

[btterflyglitter7]

I'm on day 8 and I can't eat but make myself after my body begins shaking and getting that gittery feeling. I keep telling myself it'll all be over but this is interupting my school work.

What helps me sometimes is writing, I usually do this at my computer while I cry, it helps.

I've got to get ready for class and to tell you the truth I don't feel like going because I know I will not be able to focus.

Dear tearsfalling email me if you'd like to talk about anything.

I'll be thinking of you knowing my pain is also being felt by others in the world.

Wishing you tranquility,

-Erica

[monkey]

Tearsfalling & btterfly

I understand the pain, i lived with my s/o for 15 months, i had dinner ready everynight for her, as work patterns allowed me afternoon time, after we spent every night together, i'm in serious cold turkey & it's a pain.

 

Tears, i am seeing my doc for panic attacks mainly due now to mising her, it is truly like a drug that i loved everyday & now has been taken away.

 

I planned my life with her, as she did with me, i had things to look forward to, i don't now & my lifes come to a crashing halt & is heading over a cliff into a deep ravine!

 

I felt a little better last week, & hourly i do now, but then i deteriorate into an abyss of nervousness. I can't wait to see my councelor again, but then again she can't bring her back.

[sinkerswim]

I know how you feel Monkey.

Even though my boyfriend ISNT my ex....I am waiting to know what he wants to do.

But, I havent heard from him since Feb. 14th.

So...I am really devastated because I am soooo used to being with him and my life was planned with him.

I want to pick up the phone so badly and just call....but when I get the urge, I stop myself.

Everyone is telling me he must not be ready to talk yet....

Its hard though.

I am going through the same pain.

I dont even know where to put myself.

Sometimes I feel confident that everything is going to be OK with him, other times I feel doom and gloom about the whole situation.

Ive been praying ALOT as well.

[monkey]

Sinkerswim,

Sorry, i hate it also when people say "your ex", because even though my panic attacks hurt her & she says she wants "space" & she does want to see me, just not now, i still believe that we will be together.

Each day is hellish.

I too get urges, sometimes i feel if i told her how crap i feel she would feel sorry, but i know it don't work this way, i even compose a sms but dont send it, in the past i have sent them & regreted it.. She's beautiful, far away from me & don't mind saying, i'm jealous as hell!

Please PM me for a chat & support!

[tearsrfalling]

Well, I I did it again. I emailed him. Why oh why did I do this. I send him an email Joke that was sent to me. It was funny, but why did I do it. He used to email me and say that was funny or something like that. He didn't. I did not add anytihng personal I sent it to alot of people, but WHY did I do that.

Today is exactly 2 months, the 15th since he broke my heart. Yesterday the 14th was 1 month since I saw him. This no contact rule is killing me. Why am I sitiing here hoping he misses me. Why do I say to myself he loves me and he will miss me. Why did I send that email. I WISH I DIDN'T! He now knows I am still dying for him. I feel like this has brought me back to square 1. I feel so weak and pathetic. I'm actually starting to get mad, like how could he. After almost 2 years of everything we shared and planned for our future, how could he just say I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. How could he just not call, email or something to check on me. How could he just toss me aside like I am nothing. Doesn't he realize this is tearing me apart.

I missed him last night so much, I cried for hours. Do tears ever run out? These 2 months have seemed like years, when will I wake up and be ok. I don't want to feel like this anymore.