I can't even not think about him for an hour, what do I do?

[Made_a_mistake]

Here I am reading all your advice, checking out all your threads and knowing the pain you are all going through. In 1997 my husband told me he wasn't coming home on leave (he was in the Royal Navy) - he told me, on the phone, that he wanted a divorce. For 4 months I thought it was a huge joke and actually felt physical pain - like my heart was broken (sounds corny I know but it is true!). Then he came to the house to collect his stuff and told me there was someone else. 3 months after that a friend told me his new girlfriend had had his baby. He never told me a thing, never explained why. It just happened. Some people cannot deal with the truth themselves, much less tell someone they once loved that it's over. For 4 months he let me believe he would come back and I hurt more than anyone can imagine. He never came back.

 

TIME DOES HEAL though - I promise. It took me 2 years - during which I made 2 suicide attempts, lived on Prozac and just "exsisted" and didn't take the time to truly enjoy what I was doing. Cut yourself off from the one who is hurting you COMPLETELY. It is the only way you can come to terms with what is happening and deal with what you are going through. You MUST learn to love yourselves and realise that this is NOT your fault. What is happening to you is horrible but it WILL get better. If I can do it then anyone can.

 

I still struggle with relationships, in fact although I've been single (on and off!) for a long time, I actually quite enjoy it. Make new friends - join clubs, go somewhere different, do an evening class. ANYTHING just move on and change your life - Be positive. This is a HUGE opportunity for you. Yes it is hard but it will work! My divorce has changed me and I truly believe I am a much better person for it because of the lessons I have learned. I know you can all do this too. In doing this you could possibly meet Mr / Miss Right! BUT don't do it for that reason! Do these things for YOU! YOU are the most important person in your life.

 

I haven't yet met Mr Right - although I've had a few relationships since. But now my life is full of things I love doing and people I love to spend time with. In fact I think I've recently met someone special, a potential Mr Right, and like a fool, let him go. It hurts and I want another chance with him to make it work but unless he feels the same I cannot force that on him. I will leave him alone and hope that he comes back. If it's meant to be, it will be. In the meantime though, I will not put my life on hold. I will keep doing the things I enjoy doing and already, the pain is easing. I have been through worse and I know I can come out the other side.

 

So can you all come through the other side. PLEASE believe me - you will feel better. Just give yourselves a chance. Tearsfalling, Monkey - my heart and my prayers go out to you both. IT WILL GET BETTER.

 

XX

[monkey]

Tears Falling

Why not send something funny, yer know this is our personalitys, if they can't handle recieving a joke, f**k em!

Tears, i too cry a river when i get upset, but one day, when they know you hurt & don't care, you may see a moment of clarity, today i sent a sms & said how i feel & got nothing, so i think fu*k you!

One day she may realise & that time will only happen when we tell them to take a jump.,

I'm there fore you babe PM me if you feel!

[NEONINK]

To all you guys on this board. I pose the following challenge to all of us that are absolutely wonderful!!!

 

And it only takes 7 days.

 

http://www.alchemylab.com/seven_day_mental_diet.htm

 

Peace and Namaste

[tearsrfalling]

I am so not alone, Thank you all for your replies. I am hoping and PRAYING that all the information I am reading is correct, that I will get through this it will get better. I do know one thing and that by accident I found this site and it has helped me more than anything. I have such gratitude for this site and all the members who read and reply. I hope one day I am ok enough to help someone as you guys have helped me. Well today I received some an email from my friend and I wanted to share it with all of you.

See Below. I know a little mushy but read anyway. It reminds me of my friends and all of you guys.

 

Please read this it is a true reminder why we have friends

 

One day, when I was a freshman in high school,

 

I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.

 

His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his

books.

I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a

Friday?

 

He must really be a nerd."I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends

tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

 

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so

he landed in the dirt.

 

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet

from him.

 

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

 

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.

 

As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks.

 

They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"

 

There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

 

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.

 

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.

 

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

 

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.

 

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends.

 

He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked

him, and my friends thought the same of him.

 

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!

 

" He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.

 

When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.

 

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a

problem.

 

He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football

scholarship.

 

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd.

 

He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

 

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great.

 

He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.

 

He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous.

 

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

 

So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"

 

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and

smiled "Thanks," he said.

 

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

 

"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.

 

Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...

 

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.

 

I am going to tell you a story."

 

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first

day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to

do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

 

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved.

 

My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us

all about his weakest moment.

 

I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

 

Never underestimate the power of your actions.

 

With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse.

 

God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

 

You now have two choices, you can:

 

1) Pass this on to your friends or

 

2) Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart.

 

As you can see, I took choice number 1.

"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

 

There is no beginning or end.. Yesterday is history.

 

Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift.

 

 

Just so you all know today I got up early for work.I got really dressed, did my hair and my make up, instead of going to work rolling out of bed as I have been doing since January and I felt better. I looked good, so it must be true that you feel how you look. I am in no way over my ex, but I had an ok day today. Today I felt a little mad at him. I felt how could you do this to me, to us. I thought to myself, he is giving up someone who would have loved and treasured him for the rest of his life, just because he doesn't want to work on a few stupid issues. I still haven't put his picture away off my desk, I am not ready not to see him every morning yet. I regret sending him an email but I cant change the past. Here's hoping to tomorrow, hoping it will be an ok day also.

[Thinkalot]

Good luck and best wishes to you Tearsfalling. You will get through this, and come out of it even stronger! Don't be hard on yourself when you slip up. It's human. Your tears will get less in time. You will move on to new and wonderful things in your life, even though it doesn't feel like it now. Once you decide you can turn the corner, things will start to feel better and better.

[TLHelton]

i feel like i wanna die too. my fiance left me 2 months ago.. all of a sudden. i cant eat. or feel like i can go on. this is the love of my life. i need him so bad. he wont even answer my emails or anythin as he promiesed. then come to find out, this is a hint in my mind he might be gay or bi or something. it scares me to death. most of all i worry if he ever cheated on me. he swore he never would do that...he said he would leave me before he cheated...so...maybe that's why he left. found some one else.

 

i swear he wont find someone who loves him as much as i do. ifeel so hurt and dead inside. i am thinking of gettin counseling...i just cant handle it. i want to marry this man. but beggin and pleading is gettin no where. i hope and pray to god, he will realize what he had...a great woman who will love him no matter what. i was the only one who supported him....loved him so much. i was always there for him. i am thinking maybe that scared him...he couldnted handle all the admiration and love that i have for him.

 

 

i pray to the lord he will come back to me...and love me like he did.....i feel all of you guys' pain. i dont think i'll ever recover. how can i give my heart, soul, and body to someone else..after whati 've been thru?

[tearsrfalling]

Dear TLHelton,

How are you? It's been over 2 months actually April 15th will be exactly 3 months since my BF broke up with me. I thought I would die. I actually wanted to die. This sitre and the people on it have helped me SOOOO much.

As you prob can read I didnt follow the no contact rule and I wish I had. I know that he thinks I am here waiting for him just beacuse of my previous actions. In all honestly I am, but he will never know because I know that did not get me anywhere. I still cry but not as much, I have surrounded myself with friends, lots of friends, I made new friends. A few of my friends also set me up on some dates, of course they didn't work but somemone was actually interested in me, they told me how pretty I was or just other things that made me feel good. I of course, couldn't even think about them and were not able to ever call them, but I did have at least an hour or 2 without thinking of my ex. Everyday is a struggle for me NOT to email or call him. I can come up with many stupid reasons to email me and I won't! I email of of my friends instead, I actually email what I wanted to write to him. My best friend just deletes them and writes back good girl, or something funny.

 

I received an email from my ex today, it was a joke to all of his friends. I was on the list. I guess he hasn't forgotten about me yet.

 

 

I still have hope, but the only way I can get through this and the no contact rule is to keep myself busy.

 

I am still hoping he will come back, but right now I am ok.

 

 

Keep yourself busy, I know it's easier said than done, but DO IT!!! It helps!!

[TLHelton]

i agree. i still cant think of him..now its been almost exactly 3 months. i love him so much. but like i said, he wont answer my emails. i just feel so sad. i cry when i hear his name or someone mentions him....i feel so embrassed and stupid. i gave everything to this man...this man i would marry. then he just..does that..and leaves with out anyemotion at all. yet still has my pic in his wallet! i just miss him so much. i pray and pray he will come back to me soon. realize i am the best he has and ever will have. it kills me though. how can i ever love again every trust again? i did meet some new friends...i try to stay busy. if i am not busy i start crying. i loveh im so much. i just feel like i wanna die. there is such a void...what hurts more is he has no emotion about it. him making fun of my cuz i love him so much...tellin me i will find better and stuff ... to just get over him! i wish i knew what happened. how can u plan to marry someone...give them a ring and promises..and just one day..say..i dont love u anymore. bye. and they dont even care if they see u again? how????

 

how can i hurt this much, and him ...the one who loved me to death once..just leave..anf forget.?

 

i made an appt. to see a therapist. maybe they can help. i just feel so much pain. i'm so afraid to like someone...cuz i'm still in love with him.....

 

--tera

[tearsrfalling]

Ok Here is some new news. If you read above then you know that me and my ex, wow I hate saying that word ex, have a mutual friend and she works at my company, well Friday is her last day. She emailed all her friends including my ex and invited everyone for drinks after her last day at work. Now all I can think about today is will he come, what will I say if he does. Should I go? Of course I'm going but my whole world just got all turned upside down. What if he just says Hi, will I be crushed? I don't know, but today is only Tuesday and I can't wait until Friday already.

 

I was doing ok until today.