10 Days NC. For her sake I will be NC with probably the rest of my life.

[jeff2321]

I didn't contact her for 3 weeks when she left me, but I was so engulfed with pain and regret that I finally called her and talked for two hours. During that conversation I realized how bad the relationship really was and how I didn't treat her right. She was probably walking on egg shells the entire time because I was being selfish and bringing home work stress all the time.

 

I tried to get her back one last time but all she said was that she wanted to just be friends and so I settled for facebook. Well that was the worst thing I could have done. I completely relapsed and started looking at her 1 million photos of her on her facebook page. She had pics of her going out with other guys and it just tore me up.

 

I finally emailed her and told her that I'm going through so much pain that we have to just cut ties. I know I ****ed up the relationship and that I do not deserve her now, but we have to cut ties so that I can decrease the pain I'm experiencing by her loss. She agreed and deleted me from her facebook and I sent one last email saying goodbye and that I hope she finds that special guy that treats her right and not the way I did.

 

So that last communication was 10 days ago and I we have not contacted each other. We probably never will again. I know that I can't ever get her back and at this point why should I try? I was an ass to her and she deserves better. I deserve to be in this pain and alone. In fact, I'm just going to tell all new women that show interest to stay the hell away from me. I'm a hazard.

 

I'm sure that I will never see here again. As the months roll by she will realize that the decision she made was probably the most liberating one of her life. It took her leaving me to see the error in my ways and now I'm so filled with regret and self hate that I can't get past it.

 

I will not attempt to contact her again the rest of my life as she deserves better. I also don't even want to know if/when she gets a new guy because it will just tear my heart out anyway.

 

She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I threw it all away and I deserve it.

 

Jeff

[cb9343]

I didn't contact her for 3 weeks when she left me, but I was so engulfed with pain and regret that I finally called her and talked for two hours. During that conversation I realized how bad the relationship really was and how I didn't treat her right. She was probably walking on egg shells the entire time because I was being selfish and bringing home work stress all the time.

 

I tried to get her back one last time but all she said was that she wanted to just be friends and so I settled for facebook. Well that was the worst thing I could have done. I completely relapsed and started looking at her 1 million photos of her on her facebook page. She had pics of her going out with other guys and it just tore me up.

 

I finally emailed her and told her that I'm going through so much pain that we have to just cut ties. I know I ****ed up the relationship and that I do not deserve her now, but we have to cut ties so that I can decrease the pain I'm experiencing by her loss. She agreed and deleted me from her facebook and I sent one last email saying goodbye and that I hope she finds that special guy that treats her right and not the way I did.

 

So that last communication was 10 days ago and I we have not contacted each other. We probably never will again. I know that I can't ever get her back and at this point why should I try? I was an ass to her and she deserves better. I deserve to be in this pain and alone. In fact, I'm just going to tell all new women that show interest to stay the hell away from me. I'm a hazard.

 

I'm sure that I will never see here again. As the months roll by she will realize that the decision she made was probably the most liberating one of her life. It took her leaving me to see the error in my ways and now I'm so filled with regret and self hate that I can't get past it.

 

I will not attempt to contact her again the rest of my life as she deserves better. I also don't even want to know if/when she gets a new guy because it will just tear my heart out anyway.

 

She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I threw it all away and I deserve it.

 

Jeff

 

 

There is always two people in a relationship and sometimes people come in and out of your life and you learn so much about yourself.. Take the time to take care of yourself and work on you.. I know i made a million mistakes with my ex but it happened and you learn from your mistakes and know what not to do.. If something in life is meant to be in can be again... Just be selfsih right now and work on you! hope that helps!

[HoldingPatterns]

Did your ex point out these mistakes?

 

The reason i'm asking is my ex left me with I just want to be single. 1 week later she had a new b/f.

 

I flipped out and did get crazy with my ex. She than proceeded to tell me that it was my fault we broke up. At first I was miserable thinking I destroyed everything.

 

I than realized that this was her turning it around on me, to make me feel like sh*t. I didn't start to detach myself from her. I didn't start becoming secrative, distant, and misleading. I wasn't keeping my options open while in a relationship.

 

So really whos fault was it 50/50 70/30 0/100

[leftfield]

You're being really hard on yourself. I found myself in a bit of similar situation to you when my ex finally opened up to me a month after we split, and told me all the reasons I had let her down. I felt awful about it. It made me feel really disgusted with myself and question the sort of person I am that I could treat such a lovely person in such a way that she felt horrible about herself and had to leave me just to get her life back on track.

 

But you know what, even though I still hold her in very high esteem and still feel bad about some of the things I did that made her unhappy, I'm sure there were things in our relationship that she could have done differently as well. There will be things in your relationship that your ex could have done differently too, it may just take some time to see it.

 

It sounds as though I did similar things to you too by taking work and other life stresses and filtering them through the relationship until they finally broke it. I'm not trying to absolve blame here, it was me that dealt with these situations badly, but at the time did it feel to you like you had a choice? Did you recognise that you were hurting her at the time, but continue to do it anyway? No, you didn't. Neither did I, so as much as we can blame ourselves now there is no changing the past, and there is no other way it could have played out.

 

I still feel pain and anger toward myself that I messed up my life, and hers too, by not being a stronger person in dealing with my stress, but my rational side recognises that I've already taken enough sh*t by having all that stress in the first place, and then losing the person I love because of it! So do I now deserve to carry the cross of self-condemnation for that? At times I tell myself yes, but actually the answer is - probably not. You were an ass, I was an ass, but these were actions that affected our lives in horrible, negative ways, they are not things that define us.

 

I'm a good person that made some mistakes and I've been punished with heartbreak, a cruel mediaeval punishment if ever there was one. I now intend to quietly serve my parole until I'm capable of being re-introduced to the dating scene, and in the meantime I'll try not beat myself up about the past. I hope you can do the same. Good luck.