I REALLY Messed Up!!

[mwisdom]

Let me start by saying my wife is the absolute center of my universe. I love her with all of my heart and soul. In her last email to me she said that she loves me, too.

 

That being said, I have hurt her terribly -- and this is not the first time I have done it. I did not have a physical affair, but one in the mind. I solicited sex from strangers on the Internet. But, I never went through with it.

 

She found out about that I had been doing this again last week and asked me to leave for a while. I have been staying with a friend. I immediately contatced a therapist, my priest and a support group. I am committed to doing whatever it takes to fix this.

 

But, two days ago -- in the same email that she told me she loves me -- she also said, "I hope you can be happy with someone... but unfortunately that is not going to be me."

 

I am devestated, I can't keep food down, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate on work. I thought that seperating for a few days was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I was wrong. Those words in her email were worse.

 

I am at rock-bottom and don't know what to do. I plan to continue workign with the support framework I am setting up. I WILL get better and change my ways. But, I don't want to do it without her.

 

I know this is a broad question but, what do I do?

[dqmommy]

Let me start by saying my wife is the absolute center of my universe. I love her with all of my heart and soul. In her last email to me she said that she loves me, too.

 

That being said, I have hurt her terribly -- and this is not the first time I have done it. I did not have a physical affair, but one in the mind. I solicited sex from strangers on the Internet. But, I never went through with it.

 

She found out about that I had been doing this again last week and asked me to leave for a while. I have been staying with a friend. I immediately contatced a therapist, my priest and a support group. I am committed to doing whatever it takes to fix this.

 

But, two days ago -- in the same email that she told me she loves me -- she also said, "I hope you can be happy with someone... but unfortunately that is not going to be me."

 

I am devestated, I can't keep food down, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate on work. I thought that seperating for a few days was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I was wrong. Those words in her email were worse.

 

I am at rock-bottom and don't know what to do. I plan to continue workign with the support framework I am setting up. I WILL get better and change my ways. But, I don't want to do it without her.

 

I know this is a broad question but, what do I do?

 

Hang in there. Take it minute by minute. That's all you CAN do right now. I wish there was more to say. I've very nearly walked in your shoes. I'm coming out of the fog now.....I'm living on my own and dealing with my own issues now......What you think is absolutely horrendous right now (as in, the way you are feeling and how you think your future will be) will likely get better and you will be able to see the good parts of life.

 

Just take a deep breath and don't look any further than the next minute right now. You WILL come through this and learn a whole lot about yourself in the process.

[BellaBellaBella]

I think I would write my wife a letter, offering her complete transparency and admitting your faults in the marriage and ask her for forgiveness and ask her to work on the marriage with you.

 

I know people who have survived affairs and they have gotten back togather. I would suggest you remove yourself from all dating sites and disable any chat you have. I would also suggest you change all your email address to fresh ones so no skanks can contact you as well as a new cell number.

 

Show her you want this to work and show her how important she is to you

 

www.marriagebuilders.com is a good place to go. Do not do trickle truth with her. Tell her everything and make a clean slate of things.

[What_Next]

First, leave her alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Resist every single temptation you have to run to her, beg, plead, blah blah.

 

Research the 180 (available on this website) and stick to it like glue.

 

You've DESTROYED trust. Rebuild it, but slowly.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

First off, regardless in how your situation turns out, in the end your going to be "ok"!

 

I know this situation has you tied up in knots right now, can't sleep. can't think, can't eat, can't work, ect. ect. ect. These things you mentioned will get better with time.

 

The only part of your story, that I can play "devils advocate" with is by making one statement, and that is "You brought this on yourself"! And now "Only yourself can bring you out of it"!

 

Also I rather agree with forum member (What_Next), with the statement of "leave her alone"! Just let her be right now, give her the space she needs to help herself through all of this. Plus I feel that any contact right now, unless it has anything to do with strict legal matters, I wouldn't talk to her, text her, e-mail her, video conference with her.....NOTHING! Unless that is if you want to keep on reading disturbing e-mail messages, about finding some else, and being happy with that person ect. ect. ect. If you don't want to keep being thrown in the "toilet of life" and having it flush on your head, stop all contact!

 

There is one very big "silver lining" to this whole situation, a "saint of savior" if you will, at least none of those Internet propositions worked out!

 

Regardless of the turn out, in the end, your going to be fine, it all gets better with time!

[FanFan]

 

I know this is a broad question but, what do I do?

 

Fix yourself and leave her along for now. Don't promise her anything. Words means nothing to her. Speak her through your actions.

 

Also, be prepared to accept the fact that she might start dating soon. That's what happened when the trust is gone and the marriage is broken.

[tojaz]

WOW! You really messed up! Forget the 180 or anything else for that matter, and for now forget about her.

 

You need to get to the root of why you did these things, what was missing and what you hoped to acheive (sincerely hoping it wasn't just the obvious). I'm hoping that you have made some headway on this through your therapist and other help you have sought.

 

She has no trust for you right now, and any play you try to make to win her back will be disregarded. Maintain total honesty with her when she asks and work on answering the questions about yourself. Those two things need to be set before you can do anything else towards her.

 

In the future when you have a clearer understanding of whats going on in your head, an invite for her to sit in on an IC session would be a good idea, a good situation to try and explain your actions and it will build trust as the therapist will keep you honest.

 

Not a lot but a place to start, keep posting.

 

TOJAZ

[mwisdom]

Thank you for all the advice. Something that seems to be a common bit of advice is to leave her alone. This is probably the hardest thing I can even consider doing. All I want to do is go to her, hold her and cry. But, I am going to try.

 

I spoke to my priest again last night and he gave me the same advice -- leave her alone. I also joine a support group and they said the same thing.

 

I know others havebeen through this, but it just feels like I am so alone. I miss her terribly and, as I told my priest last night, would cut of an arm if I thought it would help bring her back to me.

 

I have another appointment with my counselor tomorrow. I know this is a long road I have to travel, but I sure do wish it weren't.

[tojaz]

Being with her now and trying to rebuild something that isn't ready to be rebuilt, will just do more damage then good. I wanted to be with her, wanted to hold her, lie next to her, and thats what i tried for in the moment...... I AM DIVORCED my friend. My answers came later after too much damage had been done. Keep that in mind.

TOJAZ

[You Go Girl]

That being said, I have hurt her terribly -- and this is not the first time I have done it. I did not have a physical affair, but one in the mind. I solicited sex from strangers on the Internet. But, I never went through with it.

 

I can be brutal on LS, as another poster correctly pointed out. I won't pussyfoot around like your counselor will, or priest, I won't hold your hand and be understanding.

But if you want to get to the meat of why you do what you do, then let's cut to the chase.

Why do you think you are entitled to this kind of behavior? Because part of you believes you are entitled to it.

So put aside the part of you that is upset, scared, crying, etc., and answer this basic question.

When you are 'pretend' soliciting for sex, you are not upset, scared, or crying, etc.

Your head is in a place that chases this type of thing. What are the feelings you are having when you are soliciting?

Answer that, and we'll be getting somewhere, and much faster than 6 months of counseling is going to do.

[tojaz]

You need to get to the root of why you did these things, what was missing and what you hoped to acheive (sincerely hoping it wasn't just the obvious). I'm hoping that you have made some headway on this through your therapist and other help you have sought.

 

 

I can be brutal on LS, as another poster correctly pointed out. I won't pussyfoot around like your counselor will, or priest, I won't hold your hand and be understanding.

But if you want to get to the meat of why you do what you do, then let's cut to the chase.

Why do you think you are entitled to this kind of behavior? Because part of you believes you are entitled to it.

So put aside the part of you that is upset, scared, crying, etc., and answer this basic question.

When you are 'pretend' soliciting for sex, you are not upset, scared, or crying, etc.

Your head is in a place that chases this type of thing. What are the feelings you are having when you are soliciting?

Answer that, and we'll be getting somewhere, and much faster than 6 months of counseling is going to do.

 

I guess I was being too subtle! What she said.

 

and YGG you are not brutal, i think i can say i've read most of your posts, what you are is honest, and at times blunt and thats what some people need. Theres a time to be sensitive and theres a time to kick someone in the azz, and you have always seemed to know which.

 

TOJAZ

[What_Next]

mwisdom do me a favour, when you read advice here on LS and it is completely opposite to what you want to do, STOP!!! STOP whatever you "think" you need to do. Go back and read the LS posts. Then read them again. Then read them again.

 

There is a lot of collective wisdom on here. Sometimes it might not make sense at the time, but try and slow down.

 

My advice above all else is slow down and stop the spinning wheels. You are a male and as such your instinct is to "fix" things. You cannot fix things right now.

 

Time, and patience. Your actions speak volumes, your words mean little.

[You Go Girl]

I guess I was being too subtle! What she said.

 

and YGG you are not brutal, i think i can say i've read most of your posts, what you are is honest, and at times blunt and thats what some people need. Theres a time to be sensitive and theres a time to kick someone in the azz, and you have always seemed to know which.

 

TOJAZ

 

THanks Tojaz.

I sometimes wonder if I am too blunt, or too forceful, and then we have situations like this one may become--the OP disappears.

 

OP--you say you love her more than anything and she is your life. If that's so, then do the work necessary, and start by not abandoning this thread.

[mwisdom]

THanks Tojaz.

I sometimes wonder if I am too blunt, or too forceful, and then we have situations like this one may become--the OP disappears.

 

OP--you say you love her more than anything and she is your life. If that's so, then do the work necessary, and start by not abandoning this thread.

 

YGG, Tojaz, and all,

 

Thank you again for your advice. I do not think you are being too harsh or blunt. I welcome it -- sometimes that is exactly what I need to get it through my thick skull. I will keep doing the hard work and will not abandon hope -- its all I have to hold on to at the moment.

 

Over the weekend I saw her because she needed me to sign some papers for a property we own together. We met at a park and she arrived nicely dressed and trailing my dog. She said she brought him becasue she knew that I would probably like to see him. It was a thoughtful act on her part.

 

We talked for a while; I apologized for breaking her trust, for hurting her so badly and for not taking responsibility for my actions right away. I told her what I was doing to fix myself -- counseling, talkign with my priest, and support group. I told her I would do WHATEVER she wanted me to do; no questions asked, no hesitation. I also told her I would leave her be, that I would not email her or call her, but that she could contact me anytime for any reason.

 

She said that the door is completely closed for me -- that hurt really bad. All I can do is hope that she will change her mind later.

 

When we left the bank, she let me hug her. After a few minutes I tried to pull away and she hugged me tighter. I don't know what that meant, but I am holding on to hope that, in time, she will let me come home.

 

Thanks again to everyone who has offered advice. It means a lot to me that there are people out there -- perfect strangers -- who are willing to help. I will continue to keep you posted on events as they happen.

[You Go Girl]

Ok, back to the real painful work here, if you don't mind me being so blunt.

 

Please explain the shame connection with the church, the secretive need to be naughty, the urge so strong you were willing to risk everything.

 

I'm not asking to cause you embarrassment or pain. I'm asking for two reasons--one so that you're secret comes out of the closet, which will partially destroy it.

Two, I need this because 'he' wouldn't give me those answers.

You'd be helping both of us, as I'm still in pain from a lack of an honest answer, gaslighted, left hanging for all of eternity, and nary a desire to fix it.

 

And I'm very glad for the things you are doing to figure all this out. Good for you! You're half-way there simply by seeking help.

[tojaz]

THanks Tojaz.

I sometimes wonder if I am too blunt, or too forceful, and then we have situations like this one may become--the OP disappears.

 

No thanks necessary YGG. OPs that run usually do so because they don't like facing the truth that others see. Sometimes that requires some tact, but its up to them to open their eyes.

 

Dont ever be afraid to speak your mind, I've already seen that spoil more then one good hearted woman.

 

Ok, sorry mwisdom, back to work.

 

YGG, Tojaz, and all,

 

Thank you again for your advice. I do not think you are being too harsh or blunt. I welcome it -- sometimes that is exactly what I need to get it through my thick skull. I will keep doing the hard work and will not abandon hope -- its all I have to hold on to at the moment.

 

Over the weekend I saw her because she needed me to sign some papers for a property we own together. We met at a park and she arrived nicely dressed and trailing my dog. She said she brought him becasue she knew that I would probably like to see him. It was a thoughtful act on her part.

 

We talked for a while; I apologized for breaking her trust, for hurting her so badly and for not taking responsibility for my actions right away. I told her what I was doing to fix myself -- counseling, talkign with my priest, and support group. I told her I would do WHATEVER she wanted me to do; no questions asked, no hesitation. I also told her I would leave her be, that I would not email her or call her, but that she could contact me anytime for any reason.

 

She said that the door is completely closed for me -- that hurt really bad. All I can do is hope that she will change her mind later.

 

When we left the bank, she let me hug her. After a few minutes I tried to pull away and she hugged me tighter. I don't know what that meant, but I am holding on to hope that, in time, she will let me come home.

 

Thanks again to everyone who has offered advice. It means a lot to me that there are people out there -- perfect strangers -- who are willing to help. I will continue to keep you posted on events as they happen.

 

Mwisdom, shes obviously going to be upset, but after all that has happened the fact that you both can communicate is a very good thing, but it sounds like that connection is also quite fragile, so dont push it, give her the space she needs to collect her thoughts, she knows where your heart is, and knows where to find her.

 

I'm going to agree with YGG that you need to get to the root of .... Im going to say compulsion, no disrespect intended. Whatever lies at the core, obviously has a very great effect on you, for you to put your marriage in such jeopardy.

 

TOJAZ

[You Go Girl]

WRONG. It are HIS issues, not hers. She sounds like a healty person since she does not accept his behaviour. So there is absolutely nothing she has to work on. Why would a healthy person have to focus on the sick behaviour of someone else?

 

I'm sure she's already been down that road, the previous times. It's co-dependency. She's refusing to be in that enabler role at this point.

[trippi1432]

I'm sure she's already been down that road, the previous times. It's co-dependency. She's refusing to be in that enabler role at this point.

 

I agree YGG - it's also more about closing the door to the behavior, it's up to the other person to work on that behavior. If they can't or will not...it's perfectly healthy for the other person to set a boundary when something hurts them.

 

mswisdom - You are taking the right steps in recognizing the behavior and talking to someone about it. Get that out there and work on it. Let other things happen as they will, but work on you.

[mwisdom]

Ok, back to the real painful work here, if you don't mind me being so blunt.

 

Please explain the shame connection with the church, the secretive need to be naughty, the urge so strong you were willing to risk everything.

 

I'm not asking to cause you embarrassment or pain. I'm asking for two reasons--one so that you're secret comes out of the closet, which will partially destroy it.

Two, I need this because 'he' wouldn't give me those answers.

You'd be helping both of us, as I'm still in pain from a lack of an honest answer, gaslighted, left hanging for all of eternity, and nary a desire to fix it.

 

And I'm very glad for the things you are doing to figure all this out. Good for you! You're half-way there simply by seeking help.

 

Its hard to put a finger on the reason. I have only been in therapy for a week, but in the two sessions we have established that I am, indeed, a sex-addict. We have also concluded that this started long ago when I was a pre-teen. I still do not know the cause but I hope we will get tot he bottom of it soon.

 

Most recently I seem to act out when I am bored, lonely, or feeling neglected. It is not that I am mad at my wife or that she did not keep me happy -- she did. It is more a mind game. Sort of the thrill of the chase. My exact acting out was to place or answer ads on the Internet regarding anonymous sex. I'd get a little buzz or high out of getting answers. The conversation back and forth with these people was titalating and provided a buzz as well. But, when it came down to meeting the people I had corresponded with, I bailed.

 

I don't know if this was of any help to you YGG, but, for me anyway, it was not about physical sex, it was all about the monsters running around in my head.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

mwisdom :

 

I think the only tactic that will work here, is something I told one of my friends about a year ago. After my friend was caught by his now ex-wife engaging in some inappropriate behavior.

 

He was much like in your position, for months and months running around, doing his "dirty little secret" things and in the end was "busted" by his ex-wife.

 

My friend kept going on and on, about how he blew it, he was embarrassed, he ashamed, he couldn't live without his wife, the thought of living without her was unbearable, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't work,.....boo-hoo, boo-hoo and a little more boo-hoo!

 

After about 2-3 weeks of trying to help this guy out, advise, instruction and some story's of my own experiences, I literally had to smack him in the face and tell him "get a grip on yourself"! He did not listen to my advise of "no contact", he didn't listen to me when I told him to leave her alone, he kept promising me that all that was being told to him would be implemented.....yada, yada and some more yada!

 

It all boiled down to some very crasp and stern words from me to him............

 

My words to my friend.....

 

"Your done buddy, you wont start feeling good about yourself until you make peace with the notion that she is gone forever! Once you realize that this isn't about anyone else, other than you and only you, you are doomed! You need to change your ways buddy. You need help, you possibly needs med's, you need to pull you head out of your a** and get on with your life, for you and only for you! People come and go, girlfriends, finance's and wife's and the common friend, but we have to live with ourselves forever, and only in the end do we have only ourselves to count on. If we are not good to ourselves, trust ourselves, like being with ourselves, love ourselves, than how the h*ll can we do that for others?"

 

Granted my friends marriage didn't work out, they went their own separate ways! But my friend told me that during the divorce and there after my words echoed in his head. He began applying what I said and now a year later, he personally told me that it made a huge difference in his life. He told me, that regardless if he has someone or not, that with it just being him, he's ok with it, and it happy with it!

 

I don't know if any of this made sense to anyone! I just felt the need to post what took place between my good friend and myself.

 

Hope this helps, some how!

[Ariadne]

"I hope you can be happy with someone... but unfortunately that is not going to be me."

 

Hey,

 

Sorry about that.

 

But women seldom say these kind of statements and then they change their minds. So don't think that that is set in stone.

 

I'd say just try some more and give it time.

 

Good luck!

[mwisdom]

Today it has been three weeks since she asked me to leave. It has been the most difficult period of time in my entire life.

 

Actually had a pretty good day yesterday, though. Work was challenging and allowed me to forget some of my troubles and concentrate on it. I also had a "date" with my daughter for a movie last night that I was looking forward to.

 

It was only when I got back to where I am staying that things welled up on me again. It seems to be the worst at certain times of the day -- like bedtime and first thing in the morning and, oddly enough, when I am driving somewhere.

 

I am working hard to fix myself, attending group 2-3 times a week and seeing a councilor weekly. I am reading as much as I can on how to reapir what I have broken and trying to take the advice offered in each.

 

The hardest part has been the absolute lack of contact. I really miss seeing and talking to her. But, I have not initiated any contact at ll in nearly two weeks. Nor has she.

[You Go Girl]

Well you're doing the right things--but the question is, why did it take her leaving you ?

A little history here is needed. How many times did she catch you doing this? Over how long a time period, from the first time she caught you, to the most recent?

What was her reaction each time? Did she blow up? Cry? Yell? Did you put into place gaslighting and evasive manuevers, or did you answer her honestly?

Did you make promises and break them? I assume so.

Did you ever come clean as to what you were doing, how often you were doing it?

Do you feel a sense of entitlement?

Do you feel you have to level with her, or do you feel this is a private thing that you don't have to be open and honest about?

Do you feel a thrill from keeping a sexual secret?

Does it feed your ego? How is that rewarding?

Did you go to great lengths to cover up your internet activity?

Did she have to install a keylogger to find out the truth?

Do you use porn also? Does that upset her?

 

What I am doing, by asking these questions, is making your secret no longer a secret, albeit anonymously on the internet. It still must feel to some degree, to answer the above q's, that your secret is a secret no longer. I really believe that that is half the work to stopping your behavior. You can find a lot of support out there, but having others *understanding* is not the path to change. Revealing your secret side is, because revealing the secret destroys it.

The change, and the pain, is in bringing the skeleton out of the closet.

 

One very good sign I see in you is that you appear to be willing to do whatever it takes. I applaud you enormously for this.

Another tough question is the first one--why did it take her leaving you? This is important because it is directly related to your respect level for her, which is what is bruised. You have to not only acknowledge her feelings, but have empathy and even sympathy.

[mwisdom]

I am trying very hard to do the right things. It is very difficult, though, doing them without her. But, I suppose, it is something I will have to get used to as I see no reconciliation in the near future.

 

In reference to your questions, I will try to answer them as I understand things at the moment. Keep in mind, I do not even know why I do the things I do yet. But, with the help of my therapist, I hope to someday.

 

My wife has caught me three times in the past 10 years using the Internet to solicit sex from strangers – couples and single women. I want to reiterate here, however, that I NEVER followed through on any of the solicitations. The most recent time she caught and confronted me she was sitting on the sofa crying when I came home from work. She did not shout or blow up. She spoke through the sobs in an even tone and never raised her voice. Her exact words were, “Because I love you so much, this is so very hard for me to do, but I have to ask you to leave.”

 

It was like getting kicked in the stomach. I collapsed into the love seat and began trying to run damage control. I tried to divert by saying I had been telling her I was feeling lonely and jealous for a while (and this was true). I told her I didn’t want to leave and asked what would happen if I didn’t. She said it would be worse if I stayed. So, after a few more minutes of pleading, I saw that her mind was made up and I left.

 

In the past, when I had been caught, I made promises to stop. I honestly thought I would be able to, but after a while the same urges crept back in to my mind and I started again. Each time I was caught I came clean and told everything. Usually she already knew as she had discovered the emails on her own. For some reason, I never really tried to hide things much. I’d delete some emails and not others. And I never changed my email passwords.

 

I’m not sure what I felt when I was doing my thing, maybe it was and sense of entitlement because I was unhappy in my own mind. The soliciting was a sort of a forbidden pleasure. I got a thrill from putting out an ad and getting answers or from answering someone else’s ad and getting pictures in return. It was as if I was desired by someone else and I guess, perhaps it did find my ego.

 

Porn is also a prevalent part of my problem. My wife did not have an aversion to it – occasionally we watched it together. Sometimes she even initiated watching it. But, still I hid the fact that I looked at it often. I felt dirty for doing it, but I still checked a few favorite sites often.

 

In talking with a few good friends I have come to the conclusion that for some reason I am extremely insecure. I don’t know why, but I am. I don’t know why it took my wife kicking me out to start this recovery – I actually tried it once before but, it did not stick. Maybe it is the loss of everything I love so dearly that will keep me on the path this time. Maybe she knows this too and is doing this to force me to get the help I need. I just hope that when I do become the man I WANT to be, she will take me back.

 

I miss her terribly and love her more than anything in the world. All I want to do is to go home and hold her.

 

Thank you, YGG, for asking these tough questions. You are right in saying that I need to face them. I plan to print your post and my response to take to my counselor with me. Maybe it will help him guide me to the answers I desperately seek.

Edited October 8, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[You Go Girl]

And Thank-you!

I'm crying right now. It doesn't matter that you are not my stbx, what matters is that a man out there who has this problem is trying to do something about it. Mine only shut me down, everytime, without fail. He was arrogant and adamant to the bitter end that it was his right, his entitlement. I know where this came from in him, from his father. Women are to mind their own business type of thinking, in regards to this kind of behavior.

Responding to your post is extremely personal for me. Hopefully not so much that I throw you off your quest. But I believe, or hope at least, that I feel some of the things your wife has felt, and so am helpful in some way, such as that you are taking those questions I posed to your therapy. I am sure that your wife has some of those very same questions, and if you see value in them too, then answering them in your counseling sessions will get to the root of it all.

Thankyou for being a husband that considers his wife's feelings about this matter worthy of consideration. That, was what I was denied, even when I left. The pain from that denial is immense. That you are considering your wife's feelings worthy of respect here, is what brought tears to my eyes. Yes, earlier would have been best for your marriage, but where there is effort, there is hope.

 

I understand this issue is separate from your love for your wife. It is nearly impossible for a wife not to take this type of thing personally, even though it's causes are not personal. Just something to keep reminding yourself. You never associated it with the intimacy with your wife, she always connected the two and took it personally.

It's a boundary issue. Whenever there are sexual boundary issues, the first question is whether your boundaries were crossed as a young boy/man. Don't answer me, but definitely answer that question in therapy asap, if it hasn't been discussed already whether this occured or not.

 

Mine left an incomplete trail of evidence too. Part of you doesn't want to hide, or have to hide, your activity. Part of you wants your wife to see who you are on this level, and accept it. You don't want your sexuality rejected. Neither does your wife want her sexual boundaries rejected. It is also I believe, a cry for help that the partial trail was left. It is a sign that what you really want is true intimacy, but you're unsure of the path to get there. I bolded that because I hope it sinks in and you realize it.

 

Internet sex does something that people don't realize, and people don't take as seriously as they should. It is seen as recreational, when it fact it is damaging to real intimacy. We are all vulnerable beings, and sex being a very vulnerable part of us. We don't realize just how much something like this can affect us. We believe that since we don't actually interact face to face, that it isn't really affecting us. It does, it very much does. It separates sex and intimacy as if they are two different things. In a healthy relationship, they are one. <---This, is where you need to go.

 

I wish I could hug you for doing all the right things.

Edited October 8, 2010 by You Go Girl