Thoughts on fOW making peace with fBS...?

[kuma]

I'm sorry. Please don't give him any more of your time. He's not worthy. ((hugs))

[eamherst14051]

"He's never going to stop pitting us against each other for his own entertainment."

 

That's exactly what he was doing BL. He's a sociopath and a narcissist and should be avoided at all cost!!

[road]

Hmmm. None of this was worth it, but screw you for gloating. Sit here and judge me if you must, but it doesn't change your situation.

 

Gloat?

 

No.

 

Anything I say that was not true?

 

Point it out.

 

Do you think you are the victim still?

 

Do you think you did not deserve all that has happened?

[Owl]

OMG...I'm sorry, but that Lorita post is just too freaking hilarious for words!!!

 

English much???:lmao::lmao::lmao:

[PhoenixRise]

Brokenlady

 

 

I really hope for your sake that you will truly walk away from this "man".

Nothing has changed.

[Dexter Morgan]

In my country, you only have to 'say' that it's 60-40.

 

If you wanted that, or slightly nearer 50-50, and she wouldn't go along, then I see that as the real injury. Kids are not collateral where one person gets to feel better cos they got custody

 

she didn't want custody to feel better....she wanted it for the child support money.

 

she'd let me have my kids half the time or better as long as she is still considered custodial parent and gets her monthly check.

[wheelwright]

she didn't want custody to feel better....she wanted it for the child support money.

 

she'd let me have my kids half the time or better as long as she is still considered custodial parent and gets her monthly check.

 

I feel bad about this for you.

 

A cheater is one thing, but a child using divorcee is quite another.

 

We all draw the line somewhere.

 

I hope your theme tune moves on.

 

Mine too, come to that.

[Brokenlady]

So yesterday DM's daughter locked herself in the bathroom and after his failed attempts, he asked me to talk to her. I said to him that this is his fault for sleeping over with Mommy last weekend (giving her hope for a reconciliation) and then trying to go back to business as usual. I said I hope he realizes that everytime he feels the need to ignore social convention (normal divorced boundaries), he hurts more than just me. (Of course that's just anger talking, I know he'll never really "hear" me.)

 

Anyway, I did talk to her, because I wanted the chance to apologize to her for everything that happened, and my role in it. And I wanted her to have someone listen to her because both of her parents are too damn self-absorbed to bother. It was really cathartic I think for both of us. I am really glad to have had the chance to apologize to her. But I've screwed myself by doing so.

 

Now of course DM wants to patch things up. And I don't want to. Well, I do and I don't. I love him, but I know he's just going to keep hurting me. I know he won't listen to me about anything, because he never has and then I get left to clean up his messes. This is just the latest example. It is so hard to let go, but i know I have to.

 

So this all had a curious effect- as mad as I am at him for myself, I'm really mad at him for his daughter. I know he didn't intend to jerk her around by sleeping over there, but when i specifically tell him he's probably going to have that effect on her whenever he crosses boundaries with the xw, and he ignores it, only to have that exact event happen, it pisses me off. It's maddeningly selfish.

 

I wish I could move to Australia.

[fooled once]

As a mother myself, I can't imagine dragging my children through my own emotional minefield. However, the xW in this case may be so emotionally tapped out that she doesn't know what else to do. I'm not making any excuses for her--but just trying to give a possible explanation of why she acts/says as she does. One possible explanation of many.

 

As for the father filing for primary custody. Wow, that is beyond cruel. This poor woman had her marriage stripped away and now possibly her children. I can't even fathom how awful that must be for her. As a mother BL, can't you have any sympathy for her?

 

There surely must be a better way to handle this dilemma. What about family counseling for them? Yes, she needs help (a lot of it by the sounds of it) but to take her children away? I am speechless by the pure selfishness and cruelty here. I won't say what else I would like to say.

 

I'm not blaming you BL for this situation that the MM (and to some extent the xW) in large part created. But as a mother yourself, can't you understand her distress? You got her husband and "her life" in some ways. Now she will likely think that you will get her children as well.

 

Your MM needs to find a different way to handle the situation such as family counseling.

 

agree

 

Also, BL, you and he as of not that long ago were not together because he was cutting the xW's lawn and attending family dinners. He was sneaking around with you. I remember reading how you were done with his cruel behavior towards you and am literally stunned you are with him again.

 

That said, I think he is disgusting for trying to get custody.

 

Do you SEE any of what is allegedly done? Do you SEE or HEAR her disparage you? Do you see or hear her disparage her son's g/f (and honestly, if the girl isn't good for him, why shouldn't she as a mother say something???)

 

Teens play their parents off each other. My own stepdaughter used to tell her mom that we didn't feed her (and there was no infidelity that lead to their divorce and I wasn't even in the picture until 3 years after they divorced). She told her all kinds of stories AND she told ME all kinds of lies about her mom. My SD wanted "poor SD, poor, poor SD". She manipulated all of us.

 

This exwife isn't dealing well with the divorce, but that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve her KIDS. I am stunned that you are encouraging that kind of crappy behavior from the MM. Then again, he isn't a very good person anyway. I remember all the posts from you about how he treated YOU, how he constantly disrespected you, how he constantly lied to you. Yet here you are, with him.

 

You had an affair. She will always hate you for that and that is her right. You chose to get in between a married couple. Do not expect her to ever think you are her friend or care about you as a person. That is her right because of what your actions did to her.

 

So she isn't handling things the way YOU would. Big deal. her children aren't being abused. They aren't being beaten. She is dealing the BEST she can. Bad enough the MM did what he did to her - not just the affair but the CONSTANT flip flopping ... now he is going after the kids. Great guy

 

ETA: Just read your last post about him sleeping at his ex's house.. :confused: should be shocked, but i am not.

 

What I was shocked to read was how he is sucking you back in and YOU are falling for it.

 

WHAT is there to "love" about this guy BL? Really? What is it? Why can't you tell him to F off and never contact you again!??!?!

 

Please - as much as I know you want to help his daughter - stay away from ALL of them. Either GET IN their life and accept the MM for the f'ed up abusive a-hole that he is or GET OUT of their life. Make a decision. If you choose to stay with him, then you can't complain about him and his flip flopping because YOU chose him.

 

I do WISH YOU SO MUCH peace -- you have always been one of my 'favorites' and I hate hate hate seeing you suffer so much. HE IS NOT WORTH IT. What are you teaching your kids??? HE IS NOT a role model at all for your kids. Best of luck to you.

[Mulberry]

Brokenlady-Im so sorry

 

I started reading this thread and felt like I was finding the help I've been looking for in dealing with my own situation. Lots of good viewpoints and advice were shared, and I zipped through this, page by page, glad to not feel so alone.

 

until 3 pages ago. UGH.

 

I'm so sorry that happened, so glad you drew the line, and just wish you the very best as you move forward.

[OWoman]

Sunday night DM elected to sleep over at xw's house. He doesn't see why this is a problem.

 

BL, if he STILL doesn't get it, what more can you do? Some people are just too broken to fix. All that will happen is you will land up sticking your own fingers together with the superglue. Props to you for trying, and for caring, and for persevering so long.

 

I'm sorry your best efforts have been in vain.

 

(((((hugs)))))

[Brokenlady]

BL, if he STILL doesn't get it, what more can you do? Some people are just too broken to fix. All that will happen is you will land up sticking your own fingers together with the superglue. Props to you for trying, and for caring, and for persevering so long.

 

I'm sorry your best efforts have been in vain.

 

(((((hugs)))))

 

Tried I did. I love that his family is telling me (mother and sister) that I'm overreacting and I have nothing to get upset about because it was all for his daughter. Riiiight. (The one he pulled the rug out from under yet again with this mixed message crap.) Coming from the other poster-children for boundaryless relationships, I'm less than impressed. I'm deleting them both from my contacts.